This was going to be the next part of the Rides rant, but I've decided to rant on something else.

Power Outages.

You know, I've got a lot of patience. A lot. Tons even. So much that many people act as though some of the things I do are absolutely amazing because of how much patience it can take to do them. But I've had it past my total height in frustration over these damn power outages. Never had so much trouble with power outages up in Ohio. I mean what, does the world think I live on a fucking ISLAND or something...?

Shit. Guess I do huh?

So, the thing is, why the hell do we have so many of them? And why are they always so damn advantageous to NO ONE? I mean, I was just dressed, ready to hit the computer for some much needed private time (reading and writing, what were you thinking?) with it and the power goes out.

Now usually, I wouldn't mind too much. Okay, not necessarily usually, but often. But today, I have no idea when I'm going to be going to work, and I was going to look up an old movie I really want to rewatch (if only it was easy to get my hands on) and I wanted to do it before my ride came to pick me up. Rides again, jeeze, at least this one is dependable and I like her and she's not going to ask me for compensation. So anyway, I'm all ready to go do this... and the power goes out.

Let me describe something more to you. Two of the main rooms, no three, are in the dark, always. No windows, no way to see back there unless the lights are on. I'm not like M, I can't see in the dark. She can. I think she's got cat's eyes or something. I have bat ears, she's got cat eyes. What a pair we make. ANYWAY, so I can't go to the bathroom, get breakfast, or even swap books out because all of these things require the ability to see in the dark. And, well, I'm not that good.

I don't mean dark like, there's a bit of light coming out from under the door and eventually your eyes will adjust. Mine don't. And there is a little light from under the door, but that doesn't happen in the kitchen area, and certainly not in the bathroom. The bathroom is a scary place too. Palmetto bugs live there and scuttle around. Don't know what a Palmetto bug is? Imagine an inch to two inch long cockroach, give it wings, long legs, and make it a half inch to inch wide and put it in a dark room with you... scared yet? Those thing FREAK me out. Big time. Oh yeah, did I mention I'm on crutches? So in order to get from room to room, I have to trust I'm not putting my crutch squish down on something that will make me slip and slide.

Power outages. They really suck. So I sit and read, and I turn on the living room lights so I'll know when the power goes on. And an hour or so later, they finally do. By then I'm immersed in Ash and Eiji from Banana Fish and a part of me doesn't want to leave them alone. If only they'd get together. Guess I'm a real sucker for gay relationships. I'm pretty sure they don't in the books. It's gotta happen in my imagination then. But of course, the first thing I've got to do is get my food, then turn on the computer and pray.

Please connect to the internet so I don't have to crutch upstairs and reset it.
 

This is not going to be finished in one go. Just in case anyone was wondering.

On a note, my foot is fractured, in two places. I can't drive, I can't walk, I can't do much but hobble around and drive people crazy because I'm stuck in the office all day, half of the time doing nothing. Nothing meaning not much.

So I have to rely on other people getting me to and from work. This is fine in most cases. M is more than willing to give me rides home, although she isn't as keen on it as she used to be because she's been doing it so long (which I don't blame her for, she misses out on sooooo much sleep.) but she understands that this is just one of the things you have to do for the ones you love. She works 12 hour shifts though, so she can't do it all for me. I have people that work similar shifts as me. So you'd think they'd be more than happy to give me rides in.

Well, it's not like I'm asking for much. What, 3 minutes (total) out of their way. That's 1 & 1/2 minutes to my house and 1 & 1/2 minutes back to the road that will take them to work. Perhaps I'm thinking this is much more difficult than I realize. Perhaps this is A LOT of driving, WAY out of people's way. Perhaps this is crazy for me to ask for a ride and think, "Thank you so much for giving me a ride in two days a week, I really appreciate it." and think that is all that is expected out of me.

I suppose I should have taken cash out of the bank and held a 20 in my hand every time I got a ride in. Because you know I have that kind of money to spend on rides when my doctors bill is anywhere from $80.00 to $120.00 every TWO weeks. And I've had three visits so far. My next one is next tuesday. So I have cash just lying around and I can't think of how to spend it. I should be throwing it at the people who are coming to pick me up. Thank you's and an offer of some form of baked goods couldn't possibly be enough for anyone, right?

tbc...
 

Many people hate work. I'll just start there. I don't blame them. Going to a place you really hate and working your ass off for little compensation when you could be making memories with people or places that are waaaay more interesting is something that I feel myself sometimes. I mean like today. I had to work, and my shift is 8:30am to 4:30pm. And it's raining. All day. Like yesterday. And this is alright, because I had to do inventory and print out a few things and such, and it's alright to have slow days. Except that we had 5 people on the clock by 11am. So I'm working and thinking, there's tons of things that can be done but no one, NO ONE, wants to work.

I work for a company that rents powerboats and golf carts to people staying at South Seas Island Resort. Look it up. Never mind, I did it. http://www.southseas.com/ So when the weather is terrible, no boats are going to be leaving our docks. Even people who get their rental for free and come out whenever they want and have spent over 20 years on these waters aren't going to be taking out boats. So that's how bad the weather is. Just rainy and yucky.

So really, there's not much to do for 5 people. And I'm thinking, I want to go home. And all I can think is... well... why not? Call to the boss, she says send 3 people home, and I say, "Can I go?" And I'm thinking, please say yes. And she does. So I go.

Is it acceptable to feel slightly guilty over it? I guess it's really not that big of a deal. I mean I didn't get to leave early yesterday when everyone else went. But a part of me is so ingrained in work that I think "Oh shit, what if something happens?" And it's never something that makes sense to be worried about, or even there's nothing specific, I just worry. I'm not in charge there. I'm in charge when the boss isn't around. So I'm like the second in charge. Third if you're really technical, although the owner of the company is over on the other side of the state and rarely comes to our neck of the woods so I don't think he counts. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't worry about things, but I do.

And then I think, "What if I've done something wrong? What if I've fucked something up so badly that I'm going to get into trouble over it?" Now you're probably thinking this is a silly thing to worry about. I mean there are clear cut rules and definitions to what needs to be done, right?

But no, that's not true. It's a small company and the rules change all the times. Not the big ones, just the small ones. And our boss is really relaxed since I've started, but I keep thinking when I do something wrong that she's really disappointed in me and I hate that feeling. I know it's not reasonable, and I know she's been really proud of me over the months. It's something that I can't explain in a normal fashion. It's just something like that. I sometimes make decisions and I worry about the validity of them. And then I worry about whether or not I should be worrying about worrying.

I'm a mess.

So, under these circumstances, you'd think I hated work too, right? Except that I don't. I really like work, in fact I rather love it there. It is a beautiful place and I adore the scenery. I like the work, when I'm not injured, and I like most of the people. I really do.

Why do I sound like Im trying to convince myself? Oh well.
 

While I don't dislike rain, or thunderstorms either, I really hate them since I've become crutch bound. Or even, I only hate them when I have to crutch through them. I've seriously considered taking my rain jacket with me to work, but honestly, it's too much trouble. I want to take as little as I have to since I have to either put it over my back or hold it in my hands while I crutch. And wood. I hate outside wood now. It soaks up the rain and becomes very slippery so it's really easy for me to fall down on it when I crutch. Perhaps it's only really me that has these problems, but I have them all the time now and it's a real pain. I'm consistently afraid I'm going to fall and hurt my foot even more. And then I get this fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel all nervous and shit. I hate it.

Am I the only one that thinks along these lines? Maybe, but you know, I have to. I'm stuck for at least another week and a half completely relying on crutches to get around, and although it sucks, I have to deal with it. So these strange things keep coming into my mind.

I hope it rains at work today. Mainly because I want a fairly quiet day, and I'm not sure I'm honestly going to get it. And I'm running late. Go figure.
 

Well, I expect so anyway. I've been thinking about the whole blog thing for quite some time. I've been thinking that maybe I should create one, just to see, you know? Just to write things down when I think of them, as I want to. So I've decided I will.

Who knows, maybe I'll be tired of it in a day or so. I was never good with diary's or journals or anything. But also, this is something new. Somewhere digital where I can store my thoughts and feelings and not have to worry about refinding the damn paper when I want to read it.

This is going to be personal, it's going to be something that I write in when ever I want to about whatever I want to, so I could end up swearing. I've left the rating at 13+ for now. If I get worse, I'll up the rating. I think it's 13+. *shrug* *sigh* Not very motivated today am I?

I think I'll leave it to this for now. For some reason I'm exhausted already, and I haven't even made it to work yet. Go figure.