Got a later start today, hey it's Saturday, so I slept in an extra half hour. Sue me......lol
It was hotter today, thats a good thing fat melts faster in the heat. I am doing okay, I was thinking of heading for Papa Bear, but I realized I didn't have enough water with me. Never ever walk in the desert without water...bad.....very bad. I ran out on the way home a couple a days ago but I survived, only cause I was chewing Juicy Fruit.
My body is starting to like this thing I am doing, it is feeling pretty good while doing the walk. I still have a tough time with my right arch but that is understandable seeing how the ankle is held together with 6 screws.....So if anyone thinks I might have a screw loose, could be true, lets hope not though, I really don't want to have surgery ever again....
I am grateful at the moment for the fibro, cause of it I really don't have any excrutiating pain, but in about 4 hours I will need to go lie down and be comatose for awhile, seems to be the pattern. I get the clear head and energy from the walk than the fibro kicks in and I am down for the count, Sleeping better when I fall asleep that is, that is still a problem, my brain doesn't know when to shut up.
Kinda like now....lol

A double dose for today, after my walk, I took a bike ride to the store for some sprite. I was good, no chips, no ice cream or any other of my favorite friday night snacks. boohoo...But I am determined to get back to life. The endorphins and other natural drugs are starting to kick in. NOT lasting very long but I am feeling a little better physically today than I have in the last couple of days. I cried myself to sleep last night, I was thinking about my parents and how no matter what I weighed I was FAT! In High School I wore a size 13, I am 5'71/2" and weighed about 150 lbs. I did not look fat, but I believed them, that and the fact that I was the only one in the crowd who didn't have a boyfriend.(well not exactly, but thats not a story for here) . After high school I gained a shitload of weight and was about 225, than a few years later I dropped down to 130 NOW I was too skinny and I better start eating I didn't look healthy, according to my parents. UGH! So I guess that is why I have never really had a good body image. To be honest I don't even really see myself. I feel the effects of being fat but I don't see it. Well until last thursday when I saw a picture of me and my buds, than it was like oh shit here we go again..
Anyways.....

Okay so I dragged ass today. But thats okay, I tore it up on the way to mama bear and than lost all my energy on the way home. Cost me an extra 10 minutes but no harm no foul. The point right now is that I just do it, wow I am a nike commercial, someone shoot me.

Today was harder, I didn't want to get out of bed, I layed there for so long I thought just go back to sleep. But I kicked my ass out of our bed got dressed , leisurely drank my coffee and forced myself out the door for day 4.

Sweat can be stimulating....hey get your mind out of the gutter. By the time I am half way through Diagon Alley, ( yes it is a reference to Harry Potter) Check out the map and you can see where the route takes a turn at a diagonal and why we gave it that name. Also it is magical, like I am entering a whole new realm of my reality. When I hit that spot my spirit takes over and I am a warrior on a mission.

I can feel the sweat forming on my temples, dripping between my breasts, and running down my shoulder blades. It feels so good to sweat, knowing that every drop means the fat is melting...MELTING I say.{e;bigsmile} When I get home I have to peel my socks off my feet, stinky but and my shorts look like I peed myself.

Well I am off to figure out my day... see you tommorrow..

12 down and 988 to go
 

Day three, and though I did it in 45 minutes, I felt as if I was wearing lead shoes. THis really sucks, I have just started this new way of life and already I want to scream and pull my hair out. I knew it would be like this, I know that the first two weeks are the most difficult, I will not start getting the extra energy and feeling the benefits until I have done this for two weeks. Today the back of my knees hurt, OUCH.
But, hey its my own fault. I let this happen to me. I ate the candy drank the soda and had extra cheese on the double burger, I am the one who bought pints of ben & jerry's and loved every fucking second of it. So I get to deal with this. I get to give up all that yummy stuff and go back to only eating GOD food. Which means for the next two weeks not only will I be in pain from the walks I will be pissed off from lack of fun food. Oh well I want a better me so I will do what it takes. Sacrifice is good for the soul....yeah I gotta keep telling myself that.

UGh! I did not want to get out of bed this morning. Muscle spasms all night long. Not the tormenting cramping wake you up type, but the tingley annoying ones that make you want to bite off the limb.
So before I even left my bedroom this morning I got myself dressed in my sweats and such, had a cup of coffee and was out the door by 7:43 a.m. HOORAY! My arches still don't like me much but they will get over it, it's the intial climb that gets them, by the time I reach little bear they have pretty much warmed up and stopped yelling at me. They have a gruff voice. Phil aka man, 3 miles in 40 minutes is a good rate for sweating and working the fat off. He got that info from his doctor back in the day when he stilll saw docs. I got home at 8:29, so I am doing good for my second day.
I hurt but I feel good. I gues I like pain, I must I live with it on a daily basis. For anyone who doesn't know me, I live with Fibromyalgia, a fancy word for pain. Write more on my next day.

Today I walked to Mama bear. She is a mile and a half from my home. I hurt. The arches of my feet do not like me right now, they have been stretched to the limit. It will take two weeks for me to form this new habit of mine. Walking back to health. I have done it before, I can do it again.
I am giving myself a year to loose a hundred pounds. But to be honest I will be happy to loose 70. 200 punds looks good and I can do my life. 170 I look sexy and do not like being stared at by the dogs of the world.

As I continue I will tell you more about me and my struggle or lack there of with my weight issues, the emotions the pain and my background. Perhaps I can finally heal from the past and let go of all the excess baggage.