Red Sky At Night For A Sedentary Empress (Book) http://www.Writing.Com/main/books.php/item_id/1568554/action/archive ...which you can find here: [Link To Item #1757727] . Hope you'll join me. [Image #4000] [Image #1531777] Mon, 07 Mar 2011 22:37:56 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/719362 My cat Meika is dying. Mammarian cancer. Rapidly progressing. Not long to live. Medication to manage the pain until we can bring ourselves to euthanize her. Et cetera. M. called me at work to tell me and broke down on his end of the phone. I stood there, frozen, not sure what to say or how to react, but managed to say 'I'm at work. I ...[Read Full Post] Sat, 26 Feb 2011 13:11:39 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/718665 My boss has a tendency to forget what time it is when it's time for me to go home. Like today, she reeled me into her office about five minutes prior to my usual leaving time and got me into a discussion about seating plans and Marge, who apparently had been in earlier squealing on me about something ridiculous. She didn't come right out and sa...[Read Full Post] Wed, 23 Feb 2011 21:40:22 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/718497 What I didn't mention in my last entry was that aside from having a beautiful home, my sister still has an opinion about me and the way my relationship with R. ended. We were seated in 'the parlour', as she refers to it, before a dancing fire, sampling profiteroles on a white, square plate, and we found ourselves talking about long dead ...[Read Full Post] Tue, 22 Feb 2011 22:37:04 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/718408 I visited my sisters this weekend. A three-day weekend, courtesy of 'Family Day' which is actually today, a day meant to encourage people to bond with their families, so I took the suggestion and went with it. Both of them have moved into new homes in the past couple of months, and since I hadn't seen either home, I decided this was the wee...[Read Full Post] Mon, 21 Feb 2011 12:27:53 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/718280 As I put on my coat yesterday to leave work for the day, my boss, whom I shall refer to as Irina, asked if had a couple moments to chat. Now, I'm the sort who likes to bolt as soon as my eight hours are officially up, but I nodded and moved into her office. She made the usual chit-chat before coming to the real reason for asking me in, which was th...[Read Full Post] Wed, 16 Feb 2011 21:39:59 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/717983 We started having 'ethnic family dinner night!' about three weeks ago. The old 'family dinner night' stopped being fun after the fourth go of pizza at the request of the wee one who didn't quite grasp the idea of choosing something different every time so we could experiment. So, I suggested trying out the fare from different countr...[Read Full Post] Sun, 13 Feb 2011 17:07:24 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/717784 ...of alone time. I used to spend so much time alone that I thought I'd never miss it if it were gone. Now, though, I have come to recognize the luxury of the occasional day of solitude. Like that old episode of 'Married With Children' where Al Bundy goes on 'vacation' in his own house and does not speak or acknowledge anyone in ...[Read Full Post] Sat, 05 Feb 2011 11:55:50 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/717263 I love that I have a job that allows for the occasional snow day. Apparently the weather is wicked out there, but looking out the window I only see dry snow flying. I know that the roads must be bad, otherwise everything wouldn't be shut down, but I felt guilty this morning when I called in to work and spoke to the admin. assistant who clearly ha...[Read Full Post] Wed, 02 Feb 2011 09:19:22 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/717038 The joy of Jango. Free internet radio makes me happy. The station I created is my time machine and I am currently somewhere in the late eighties. I am 17, with a smaller waist and thigh-high boots. I have long permed hair and a long black coat. I believe I am something like sexy. Bashful, though, when the boys pay me some mind. I am 17 and shy, ...[Read Full Post] Tue, 01 Feb 2011 22:23:35 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/717016 My cold is going out like a lion. I feel slightly better, but I tend to erupt into hacking fits when I least expect it, and this doesn't exactly go over well with germophobe students. I'm not contagious anymore, though, I think. Also, it's highly likely I caught it from them, in which case, turnabout is fair play. M. has it, though, a...[Read Full Post] Wed, 26 Jan 2011 19:01:43 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/716568 There's a guy who goes to the college and I happen to be his mentor. I was not happy to be assigned him, mainly because he is one of those guys who doesn't think an education matters, who doesn't want to work with computers, who doesn't particularly like taking direction and who has blatantly said he doesn't want a career in w...[Read Full Post] Tue, 25 Jan 2011 22:53:57 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/716495 Maybe it's juvenile, but I am leaving all the dishes on the counter on purpose. He knows where the dishwasher is. He knows it drives me insane that he rarely puts dirty dishes in the dishwasher without being asked. Therefore, they stay where they are, even if it's likely I'm the only one bothered by it. It is minus 20 degrees celsius ou...[Read Full Post] Sun, 23 Jan 2011 13:10:00 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/716218 *I have another cold and am quite miserable as a result. A long week at work punctuated by a Saturday in which I am beyond tired and have a scratchy, irritated throat. I hate spending my time at home in my room. I have a family and they say they need me. I think they like my cooking which is why they get so sullen when I'm unable to play momm...[Read Full Post] Sat, 22 Jan 2011 18:11:39 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/716168 Oy, the displeasure of ovaries. But, enough about that. I hate making mistakes, but who exactly is a fan of it? That said, I think I'm pretty high up the chart when it comes to hating making mistakes. I am a wannabe-perfectionist. I get high on being right. I can't function for days after being told I did something wrong/stupid. It&#39...[Read Full Post] Tue, 18 Jan 2011 18:35:12 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/715883 I wrote an entry yesterday but for some reason it did not save. Yes, I was disgruntled and yes, since I rarely have the time or energy to write much these days, I thought about crying. Then, I realized that this is just a vanity thing, that most of what I write here isn't exactly life-changing or inspiring, so I may have lost an hour's worth of...[Read Full Post] Sun, 09 Jan 2011 18:26:03 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/715122 I go back to work tomorrow after nearly two weeks off. I can't decide if I feel like I've been off for months or minutes because I seem to have lost the concept of time, but if I were to have another week off, I certainly wouldn't complain. Today, the wee one returned to school and M. let me sleep in while he readied her. I put a pillow ...[Read Full Post] Mon, 03 Jan 2011 16:47:47 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/714636 Nearly every blog/journal I've been reading faithfully for the past few years have seemingly gone into hibernation. Everyone appears to be in the same rut, not wanting to write, to explore or to express. I'm with them, too. I haven't felt much like writing about myself because I've been such a bloody mess lately, with my anxiety and wa...[Read Full Post] Fri, 31 Dec 2010 15:54:45 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/714415 I don't remember what I last wrote about. Sometimes, I read the previous entries over just to see what I babbled about so as to avoid re-babbling, but this time I didn't, so forgive me if I recycle my blather. Two days until Christmas, and no, I am not prepared. I'm doing my best not to sweat it, mostly because I've been sweating eve...[Read Full Post] Thu, 23 Dec 2010 11:32:42 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/714007 Last night was the obligatory work Christmas party. The bosses, who are a couple, invited everyone and their partners/spouses to their home for a dinner, which, lucky for me, is only about five to ten minutes from my front doorstep. I had worried slightly about the possibility of imbibing too much good cheer (also known as too much red wine) and sa...[Read Full Post] Sun, 12 Dec 2010 17:29:38 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713454 I work with this woman whom I shall refer to as 'Marge'. She is a facilitator, like myself, except she will make sure that you know right away that she's the head facilitator, because she likes you to know that I am the low-woman on the totem pole. From day one she has mostly been pleasant, but I've never been able to get used to...[Read Full Post] Tue, 07 Dec 2010 22:02:04 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713176 It's not just me. It's like everyone has been treading water at the bottom of the well, lately. So many dark faces, grey words, empty pages. Is there comfort in this? The possibility of a collective unconscious? Perhaps. Our spirits are sick and we moan together. It spreads silently, but we will rise, won't we? Yesterday, I was ov...[Read Full Post] Mon, 06 Dec 2010 19:23:39 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713131 Rarely do I get an opportunity to write, anymore. With a precocious six-year-old, a partner who works/lives/breathes in the general vicinity, I'm never able to just let it be. Of course, the fact that I've been actively avoiding writing doesn't help much. Primarily due to the ever present anxiety nonsense which I know makes for less than i...[Read Full Post] Sat, 04 Dec 2010 13:18:00 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/713005 I feel almost like myself today. The self I most readily associate with normal. Happy, perhaps. Why? I haven't decided, but I do believe it has something to do with all the reading I've been doing. I have had the same two books out from the library for about five weeks, and every day at lunch I read and re-read the pages that seem the most i...[Read Full Post] Wed, 24 Nov 2010 18:44:10 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/712225 I don't get my sister. Here we are, three years after that whole rigmorole (sic?) when she wouldn't speak to me for various reasons. Those reasons changed many times whenever I tried to hash it out with her, so what the real reason was remains unclear. Anyway, again we are near the holiday season and it looks to be gearing up to another mele...[Read Full Post] Mon, 22 Nov 2010 22:35:06 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/712065 A drizzling, dark Sunday night. Not entirely unpleasant, in that I have all the lights on around me and the room is glowing warmly. The laundry has been put away, plans for dinner have been made. I am not back to my version of normal, yet, but I continue to work at it. I look for silver in every moment, yellow light in the cracks. I also continu...[Read Full Post] Sun, 14 Nov 2010 19:52:59 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/711378 I don't like to write when I'm a misery. There's nothing original about it, and all it seems to do is feed that lesser part of me, making it bigger, stronger. Strange that the weak in me is stronger than the strength, or something like that. I've been working on myself, though. I have started trying to do what I should be doing, whi...[Read Full Post] Thu, 04 Nov 2010 20:58:53 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/710364 My girl turned six yesterday. I can scarcely believe it. She was in diapers, took formula from a bottle, struggled to say 'mum', only minutes ago it seems. But, today, freshly six, she greeted her friends as they excitedly made their way up our driveway, behaving more grown-up than I'd ever seen before, which, though it makes sense is stil...[Read Full Post] Sat, 23 Oct 2010 19:42:11 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/709132 My therapist is returning my calls. She apparently had some sort of trouble with figuring out my phone number, which, it must be said, is not the first time. Jo is a very patient, lovely and talented woman, but she has trouble with things like phones. This makes things difficult for us as we are exclusively a phone-therapy arrangement. I felt bet...[Read Full Post] Mon, 18 Oct 2010 19:21:27 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/708767 I am presently having my seventh minute of feeling normal. I felt it was worth noting. A few hours ago, the depersonalization took over, making me want to flee. I felt a strong urge to run from this house, to leave this city, to hide somewhere else where the darkness would never find me. Except, it always does. Like I said before, this has been ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 17 Oct 2010 21:04:39 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/708685 Jo hasn't called back. It's a pretty bad predicament when your therapist isn't returning your calls. She may have retired. She may be out-of-town. She may have accidentally erased my message. She's not young, she is getting 'up there'. It's possible she doesn't do much of anything, anymore. She has her own life to...[Read Full Post] Sat, 16 Oct 2010 12:43:44 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/708580 I left a message on my therapist's answering machine. It's been over a year and a half since I spoke to her. In fact, I remember the last conversation we had: she called me for a free appointment and we chatted while I looked out my dining room window, feeling like things were as bad as could be. I had told her I had to stop the appointments...[Read Full Post] Thu, 14 Oct 2010 18:27:28 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/708479 For the first time in the over eight year period I've been in love with M., I couldn't get into it. He rolled toward me, put his arm suggestively around my shoulders, and instead of sinking into him willingly, I lay there, wondering if I had it in me to perform. After twenty minutes of trying, I realized I didn't. I told him it wasn'...[Read Full Post] Sun, 10 Oct 2010 22:18:08 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/708190 Last night, as I was standing under a stream of hot water in the shower in an attempt to wash away a day of stress and anxiety-induced dizziness, I had a thought: I don't think I was done being a kid, yet. I have this whole desperate need for approval going on, not to mention a very distinct inner child who rises up whenever I am hurt or sick, lon...[Read Full Post] Sat, 09 Oct 2010 08:41:42 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/708048 I actually have some time to write, but now that I do, I have nothing to say. I have read that very same sentence countless times in other people's journals, and always I thought 'but of course there is something to say!'. Now, however, I see the dilemma. The trouble is that when I have things I wish to write about, I don't have th...[Read Full Post] Wed, 06 Oct 2010 18:55:35 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/707867 Back to my mother... Last week, my sister called me and asked if I'd spoken to 'your mother', which is how we refer to our mother when she does something stupid/mean, somehow disowning her but allowing that she belongs to someone else just the same. Last Wednesday, she was mine. So, it turns out that she'd been up to her friend's...[Read Full Post] Tue, 05 Oct 2010 21:57:33 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/707799 The wee one has had her baptism, or as she calls it, her 'bap-uh-tize-ment'. It was small, intimate, without all the pomp and ceremony that usually surrounds such an event, because I'm not one for grandeur and neither is M. I was stressed, as usual, because we also had her first horse show in the morning, and it went two hours longer th...[Read Full Post] Tue, 05 Oct 2010 19:00:04 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/707767 The three nephews are sitting around my sister K.'s kitchen table. They are chatting, in the way two five-year-olds and a three-year-old are prone to do, with thread-thin focus and inconsistent enthusiasm. "Hey," nephew Jack suddenly croaks with his old man voice, 'where's your mom today, anyway?" Nephew Shamus, who the que...[Read Full Post] Tue, 28 Sep 2010 22:09:26 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/707225 Just now, four bluejays rested themselves on the eavestrough over my window, having a very lively conversation with one another. I've no idea what they could have been chattering about, possibly making arrangements to head south? Actually, come to think of it, they tend to stay in the area during the winter, so maybe they were talking about what to...[Read Full Post] Sat, 25 Sep 2010 10:52:07 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/706963 My favourite band at the moment is Muse. I have been listening to them all afternoon, with brief interjections of Kasabian and Radiohead. I refuse to be too old to have a favourite band or, at least, a selection of favourites. Too many people I know who are my age have long ago given up on music and film and good wine. The last woman standing in my g...[Read Full Post] Sun, 19 Sep 2010 18:03:31 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/706498 A cool, September Saturday. The lawn is covered in a film of gold, speckled leaves, and the trees are 'sssshhhh'-ing. A good day to stay inside, I think, because in here is a bed, and a keyboard, and people who don't care much what I look like or sound like. I get to be alone, mainly because M. has a flu of some kind mixed with a migraine,...[Read Full Post] Sat, 18 Sep 2010 14:11:14 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/706432 My aunt Lynne, my mother's sister, has consistently been one of the saddest people I've ever known. I don't think her life started that way, but began to take on a more morose tone in her teens. When my grandfather died, she was sixteen, a difficult time for anyone but undoubtedly more difficult when compounded by losing your father. My mo...[Read Full Post] Wed, 15 Sep 2010 23:07:14 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/706192 I'm beginning to think that they don't mess around at work. Nevermind the theory that a smaller school with a tiny staff would be something of a cohesive unit with a management team who wear kid gloves, that simply isn't in the mission statement. Instead, it's a place where if you screw up in a way that leaves little room for fixing, yo...[Read Full Post] Tue, 14 Sep 2010 22:01:14 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/706087 A few weeks ago, my father called me. "I was talkin' to yer Aunt Vera," he started. "Oh yeah? How's she?," I asked while trying to peel potatoes for dinner. "She said that there's this show, something about who you think you are, a show about tracing family roots..." "Yeah, I've seen the American...[Read Full Post] Sun, 12 Sep 2010 11:42:59 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/705853 Yesterday, after a long day at work, I was driving home and listening to the radio. People still do that, listen to the radio, right? I listen to an alternative rock station, which, as it turns out, plays mostly music from the nineties because it would seem alternative rock isn't really as popular today as it used to be. Still, I love the music an...[Read Full Post] Sat, 11 Sep 2010 10:34:04 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/705794 It's like someone let the curtain down and turned off the lights. The weather has turned almost overnight, becoming dark and moody, occasionally asserting itself with a vicious crack of thunder or steady push of howling wind. My yard is littered with yellow poplar leaves, the garden is browning and I have begun to accept that a sweater is necessary...[Read Full Post] Thu, 09 Sep 2010 22:21:06 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/705711 Such a dreary day, this Labour Day. The sky is hanging low, a grey ceiling I could nearly touch, and I feel like I should be wearing socks, except I'm too stubborn to give in to the call of fall. Summer can't be done yet, despite the yellowing leaves on the pear tree and frenzy of squirrels burying the nuts they have been stealing. Summer sure...[Read Full Post] Mon, 06 Sep 2010 20:32:04 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/705473 M.'s birthday is tomorrow and already I'm feeling like I didn't do enough. The thing is, I can't quite relate to the male brain and the things it finds stimulating. I know what we're told men want, but in my experience, a lot of that is just stereotypical blather. Particularly with the man I share my life with, who is no...[Read Full Post] Sat, 04 Sep 2010 11:10:16 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/705333 I may have mentioned that my sister K. was planning a birthday party for me on the weekend. Well, it happened, and it was lovely. Though birthdays sting a little more than they used to, in that I am keenly aware of how I am officially 'not young' anymore, it was a really nice thing to be the centre of attention on a hot, sunny afternoon. There...[Read Full Post] Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:05:06 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/705044 I have made a hair appointment for tomorrow night. I have no real idea as to how I want my hair done, other than I want it to remain longish, and I'd like it to make me look younger. I'm hoping the hairstylist is something of a miracle worker. I'm not much of a risk-taker. I like things to be as I predict them to be, and I like it seaml...[Read Full Post] Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:42:32 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/704644 It is raining, flavouring the air with the colour green and freshly husked corn. Not entirely unpleasant, until the breeze gets under your skin and you begin to feel the start of autumn running through you. Suddenly, you feel a need for a sweater, or a scarf, or a pair of socks to replace the sand-crusted flip-flops. But, not yet. I saw 'Eat,...[Read Full Post] Sun, 22 Aug 2010 18:38:52 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/704422 It occurred to me today that being a judgmental person on occasion isn't an entirely bad thing. Sometimes, it just doesn't matter how imperfect you may be. Sometimes, a good, sound judgment on your part is warranted. Like with the woman I wrote about in my last entry, the one who lost her kids to Children's Aid because she's basicall...[Read Full Post] Wed, 18 Aug 2010 22:30:33 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/704140 It's my turn to decide dinner for the evening. Not unlike most nights of the week, true, but Saturday nights are 'Family Dinner Nights' around here, and we take turns deciding what the meal will be before all three of us make it together. Tonight, though, M. is all about his Land Rover, so I expect dinner will be prepared, as it usually is,...[Read Full Post] Sat, 14 Aug 2010 18:18:27 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/703914 Where I work, there are some interesting characters. One of these is a young woman I have written about before, a woman who behaves like precocious teenager despite being a mother of three. She bothers me, this long-in-the-tooth Lolita, not because of petty jealousy on my part, but because I am the sort of person who cannot tolerate being lied to, espe...[Read Full Post] Fri, 13 Aug 2010 21:30:06 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/703849 I've been wearing the same ring on my right hand ring finger for about nineteen years. A Claddagh ring, with two hands holding a heart under a crown: friendship, love and loyalty, respectively. R. gave it to me, for my twentieth birthday. I remember that we were sitting in his parent's car, and he pulled the box out from the glove compartment....[Read Full Post] Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:54:50 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/703520 I think the thing that bothers me the most about being someone who routinely caves under the pressure of chronic anxiety is all the wasted time. I have spent literally years worrying, and mulling, and stewing, and loathing. I have spent my youth on it, and a hell of a lot of cash, too. I gave away my education, and any prospect of being what the mains...[Read Full Post] Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:57:51 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/703506 Niagara Falls for our vacation seemed like a good idea as we were planning it. We imagined ourselves holding hands in front of the falls as the mist settled on our cheeks, or walking along the street happily, buzzing with enthusiastic chatter, bellies full from gourmet dining. Cut to the reality of it all, which was an excrutiatingly long drive,...[Read Full Post] Thu, 05 Aug 2010 22:59:36 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/703267 Okay, things have changed on this site again, but I'm not entirely opposed to it. First off, I'm a big fan of fonts. I could play around with fonts all day. Also, I'm a fan of colour, though not necessarily in writing, but when there is a veritable rainbow right in front of you, you dip your pen in. Red is nice. But, I digress. I&#3...[Read Full Post] Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:59:56 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/702733 A month since I've written anything, save my name. I was feeling it, like a phantom limb, throbbing invisibly. I had to come back. I had to start again. What's the deal with this teeny, tiny condensed window? I hate it. I don't like writing in something resembling a Facebook message window. Colour me irked. There have been happeni...[Read Full Post] Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:38:19 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/702472 The more I analyze the new layout of this site, the more I don't care for it. Never a person who deals well with 'strange', I am finding that I have to force myself to look around because the way the portfolios are arranged is kind of driving me nuts. I'm sure there was a reason behind the change, but I'm not feeling it. My dad&#...[Read Full Post] Fri, 25 Jun 2010 22:50:55 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/700109 I slept for nearly twelve hours last night. I remember making my way to my room at about ten last night, and collapsing on my bed, thinking that I'd just 'take a little rest'. M. had murmured something earlier about wanting me, so I thought that a little nap might refresh me to the point where I might actually want to be wanted. Instea...[Read Full Post] Sun, 13 Jun 2010 12:27:16 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/699064 I don't quite get how I can never find time to write anymore. My job requires I work five hours less than I did at my previous place of employment, and I seemed to always find the time back then. Maybe it's because my child requires more now than she did when she was a toddler. Maybe it's because I'm still in the adjustment phase of wo...[Read Full Post] Sat, 12 Jun 2010 11:36:06 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/698985 The other night, my father called after nine-thirty, which, in itself, is kind of weird. Normally, he is unreachable after nine as he tends to fall asleep around that time, but that night he was up and apparently felt the need to talk. It should be mentioned that he has been known to do this when my mother is out, usually at bingo, and this night was...[Read Full Post] Sun, 06 Jun 2010 13:25:41 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/698324 The thing I like about physically moving and challenging myself is the sensation of coming down afterward. This morning, I decided to take on the backyard with the lawnmower, after which I planted a poppy in my garden and weed-whacked the edges of the yard, and right now I feel almost blissful. This must be why they say that exercise is good for a pers...[Read Full Post] Sun, 30 May 2010 15:52:36 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/697714 I love long weekends, but then, I don't know many who don't. Sleeping in, eating the kinds of food tied to good memories, leaving the dishes on the counter just because. It's okay, this lazing about thing. If only it didn't give me so much time to think. The last few days have been trying for me in the anxiety department, and wi...[Read Full Post] Mon, 24 May 2010 12:27:45 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/697133 The holiday weekend hath arrived. Not a moment too soon. M. plays cello in the next room and the wee one sleeps across the hall. I have my computer back, freshly fixed and reconnected after some kind of virus snaked through via a music sharing site. I know, I shouldn't have been using the site, but I've learned my lesson. The good news is ...[Read Full Post] Fri, 21 May 2010 22:53:41 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/696948 M. thought he saw 'the ghost' again. A little girl, wearing dark pajamas with a light print, taller than our wee one and seemingly transparent. He reached out to her to give her a hug, thinking it was Kitty Kat, only to have his arms slice through the air without making contact. A ghost, he said. He is trying to tell himself it's nothing ...[Read Full Post] Wed, 12 May 2010 20:42:46 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/695991 Thanks to my new schedule, I cannot seem to sleep past seven-thirty in the morning. In fact, now that I rise at half past six, getting up after seven is technically sleeping in. I can't quite get over this, since it used to be that willingly rising before ten was a bit of a workout. Things change. It is Mother's Day, and it is cold and wet ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 09 May 2010 09:50:29 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/695659 Oddly enough, the laptop is finicky when not being used in M's studio/office. It lost the signal completely at the beginning of the week, and has since been hooked up in M's other universe until my computer is fixed, so I can't journal as much as I'd like, mostly because he's always in here. Right now, however, Transformers 2 is on....[Read Full Post] Wed, 05 May 2010 20:59:56 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/695318 I officially start my job on Monday. As I type, I feel okay with this, but for the last week or so, whenever I wake from sleeping, I notice that my jaw is clenched. I take this to mean that I am gearing up for the anxiety in my sleep. But, what am I to do? My student services director took me into her office yesterday to tell me 'not to become o...[Read Full Post] Sat, 01 May 2010 10:14:34 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/694858 Ummm...I'm not sure about the new portfolio layout on WDC. I'm not one for change under the best of circumstances, but to suddenly find things in my world of comfort discombobulated is kind of annoying. Moving on. Just for the record, I also prefer my PC to this laptop. I am sitting in a chair, my arms pinned to the sides, trying to typ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 25 Apr 2010 10:47:47 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/694177 I'm still processing. I am employed. I got a full-time job with benefits and five weeks a year of paid vacation. I didn't even interview for it, it was just given to me. I keep thinking it's all a mistake. Turns out that the director at the business college was so impressed with me over the last two weeks that he and the stude...[Read Full Post] Sat, 24 Apr 2010 10:40:09 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/694106 My sister K. called today and told me about how, when visiting with our other sister's neighbours during an unofficial street party, it was revealed that said neighbourhood is actually 'The Swinger Capital of the World'. How one would go about the research for this I do not know, and I'm fairly certain there are other neighbourhoods out ...[Read Full Post] Sat, 17 Apr 2010 17:30:26 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/693478 I left school early, due to the cold I knew was coming on last night. Aches and pains are extremely disruptive to thinking, so, as I had four extra hours logged this week, I decided to leave. When I actually get a job, though, the ability to leave when I feel 'icky' is going to be gone. I am not looking forward to that. There's this gir...[Read Full Post] Fri, 16 Apr 2010 17:01:00 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/693367 My computer crashed the other day. Crashed, as in, stopped working, inexplicably. M. and I gutted it, looked for something to explain it all, and when I admitted that my beloved computer was no less than eight years old, M. laughed and expressed disbelief. I assured him that it was true, and he laughed at me more when I whined and moaned about how it ...[Read Full Post] Thu, 15 Apr 2010 22:18:37 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/693290 Last week was a bit of a blur. First, I started my placement on Tuesday morning, and while it is normally slightly chaotic after a long weekend, what with students clamouring to write exams and begin new programs, this particular Tuesday was also the day on which we learned that a student actually died on Good Friday. When I was told her name, it meant...[Read Full Post] Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:12:26 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/692996 Again, with the weather. I've never been able to wear a summer dress on Easter weekend, ever. I've never worn sandals or sat in the backyard reading. This weather is...extraordinary. Eleven degrees above the previous record for highest temperature. I'm not complaining, mind you. It's delicious. I love the feel of my feet on gra...[Read Full Post] Sat, 03 Apr 2010 11:42:47 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/692157 A Good Friday that smells of green earth and lavender. I'm in love with it. I woke up to the caws of crows and the metallic shrieks of bluejays, all announcing the end of the dark season. It was a pleasure to hear, despite having no choice in it, as I had slept last night with the windows opened wide. I heard the chatter of faceless, nameless a...[Read Full Post] Fri, 02 Apr 2010 14:55:54 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/692075 I went ahead and accepted the placement position. I knew I would, knew it wasn't an option, but somehow it still felt like I was actually making a choice. It was the same feeling I used to get when I would 'make the decision' to get up and go to work, like it weren't a conclusion already foregone. It's like I think I'm doing ev...[Read Full Post] Tue, 30 Mar 2010 23:21:37 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/691861 A few hours after yesterday's entry, I was sitting at my desk, flipping through my book (Alice Munro, 'Too Much Happiness'), and thinking how nice it was that the smoker opposite me had left and been replaced by someone who clearly enjoys fabric softener. I was surrounded by that comforting smell, like laundry flapping on the line on a sum...[Read Full Post] Tue, 30 Mar 2010 10:24:56 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/691796 I woke up early this morning, showered and began to both calm and motivate myself at the same time. A job interview loomed before me, and I wanted to win it but knew it was going to take some fancy thinking on my part. I need to be focused on something other than what I'm feeling, I thought, I need to make them think I'm the only candidate wort...[Read Full Post] Mon, 29 Mar 2010 10:32:01 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/691652 When I was a kid, I got to try piano lessons (which I got bored with and quit) and baton twirling lessons (which lasted about a year, and I never actually learned how to throw and catch), and because my rather short track record for extra curricular activities was a disappointment to my parents, neither of my sisters got to try anything. They're sti...[Read Full Post] Mon, 29 Mar 2010 10:33:18 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/691566 Yesterday at school, the Scottish woman who has begun to sit with us during our break started to talk about how there are seemingly no available men these days. The conversation began on a light note, with everyone giggling and making tired jokes about the lack of good men predicament, but then it went in a different direction. Scottish Lady, who is ac...[Read Full Post] Fri, 26 Mar 2010 00:07:14 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/691364 I have noticed that the people who seem the most irate about obese people are those who were once obese themselves. Maybe it's all the frustration at having spent months, possibly years, changing their own eating and exercise habits, or maybe it's because they're really hungry, but it must be said that former fatties are likely the least tol...[Read Full Post] Thu, 25 Mar 2010 21:28:25 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/691357 M. has a friend who is a Lakota native in New Mexico. He has one of those impossibly cool native names, too, and makes art out of leather. His main job, apparently, is wrangling cows and breaking horses, or something like that, and I have to say I find it all so interesting, because even though my best friend is part Ojibwe, she doesn't exactly kno...[Read Full Post] Tue, 23 Mar 2010 21:21:34 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/691161 It's the last day of my March break. It's like I'm back in 1984, dreading school. I find this kind of amusing. I went job-hunting last week with C. from school. She's more shy than I, and because she doesn't drive, I thought it might be helpful if I offered to drive her around to submit resumes to places she isn't close to. ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 21 Mar 2010 13:07:34 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/690920 The weather this past week has been surprising and luscious. I can't remember any other St. Patrick's day in my lifetime where people were sitting on patios, drinking bottle-necked beer while wearing short-sleeved shirts that had sayings like 'Who's Your Paddy?'. I spent the day at my sister P.'s house, and we took the kids fo...[Read Full Post] Sat, 20 Mar 2010 12:20:07 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/690810 I can't explain these moods I find myself in from time to time. It's probably impatience mixed with sour grapes, but whatever the case, I'm oh-so-foul. Could be the lack of sugar in my system. M. has been responsible for all the groceries over the last few days, and this means that he has been buying food I can only barely tolerate becau...[Read Full Post] Mon, 15 Mar 2010 16:41:00 EDT http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/690355 Yes, I like to hear ghost stories, and yes, I love reading them, too. This does not mean I'm a believer. In fact, what I'm usually looking for when reading about this subject matter is evidence that what I'm reading isn't utter crap. I like to read stories with dates and names. I like photographs that 'experts' cannot explai...[Read Full Post] Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:50:58 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/690016 Who knew Jeff Bridges was a hippie? The Oscars are my Superbowl Sunday. I wait anxiously all day, planning my snacks and bathroom strategy, and I start watching when the red carpet is unrolled right until the closing credits. It's a six-hour investment. I cannot explain it other than to say it's my 'thing', but I know I'm not al...[Read Full Post] Mon, 08 Mar 2010 19:27:16 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/689664 I've been ready for good news for some time, now. Little whispers of it; in the soft sway of the late winter wind which hints at the end of the cold season, in the purply-peach sunset that comes long after I've come home and settled in. This winter has not been typical in the sense that we have hardly had any snow. There has been only one se...[Read Full Post] Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:36:19 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/689272 A conversation with my mother always has the potential for quick ignition. Tempers, tears, threats and insults. They come alive with her, as though my words are laced with accelerant and her tongue, a match ripped across asphalt. Trouble. Normally, I know when it's coming, I can feel it even from all her miles away, but today I wasn't ready f...[Read Full Post] Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:09:53 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/689256 I cannot convey how much I love my child in words. It astounds me how much I could love someone, especially since I never had those maternal longings when I was younger. I wanted children, yes, but not in the desperate way that so many other women appear to. I never got excited over looking at baby clothes, and I could barely tolerate listening to my ...[Read Full Post] Tue, 02 Mar 2010 10:44:06 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/689100 I have a problem with emails. The thing is, I am always grateful to get them, but I am not always great at responding to them or deleting them. As a result, when I checked my WDC inbox this morning, I was stunned to see that I had about 300 emails languishing there, some of which were unread and caked with the dust of the past two years. I could not...[Read Full Post] Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:49:59 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/689001 A few entries back I wrote about how I wasn't going to watch the Olympics. I said that I thought it was a political event rather than one which celebrates true athleticism, or something to that effect, and I meant it at the time, still do to some degree. But, things happen. Like Joannie Rochette, for instance. How can one not be inspired by this ...[Read Full Post] Sun, 28 Feb 2010 22:55:44 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/688955 I took a collection of Sylvia Plath poems to school with me the other day, but couldn't get through them. Every word was a little suicide and I found it hard to see beyond that. Over the past couple weeks, there has been suicide after suicide, another life done before nature intended a finish. It seeps into my skin and poisons my blood. It distor...[Read Full Post] Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:57:02 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/688919 Since I have so much time at school, after skimming through my course book and rummaging through job postings on the job board (perpetually coming up empty), I tend to chat in the student lounge with my friend C. who is usually happy to have a distraction from her work. We bring our granola bars and water with us and stake a claim at the table that can&...[Read Full Post] Tue, 23 Feb 2010 22:55:25 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/688471 I have read about six books in the last two weeks which is something of a record for me. When I'm at home, I get distracted, but at school, once I've read whichever chapter in my textbook I allow myself to read, I dive into my bag for the paperback I've brought along for company and for however many hours of uninterrupted time I have, I lose...[Read Full Post] Mon, 22 Feb 2010 09:40:25 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/688281 M. is baking a pumpkin pie. I haven't decided if this means hell has officially frozen over, or if I suffered brain damage while trying to do raven pose this morning. I made a lemon pie yesterday, 'sans' meringue, and the entire thing was devoured in a three-hour period, so today I decided I wasn't going to bake the pumpkin one I&#3...[Read Full Post] Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:15:19 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/688232 My sister found out that she's having a girl, allegedly. Cue the happy tears and the decorating frenzy. She actually became hysterical with happiness when she found out because, as she says, she's going to have the 'perfect family' that she's always dreamed of. I'm glad about it, but I'd have been just as happy if she wer...[Read Full Post] Sat, 12 Feb 2011 15:45:45 EST http://www.Writing.Com/main/books/entry_id/687475