It wasn't funny that Japan said goodbye to us in her usual way, with gray skies and rain.

It wasn't funny that wife and I slept only a couple of hours last night making sure that we had everything ready to go.

It was funny that at 11pm the night before we leave, a friend contacts me on Facebook and says we can stop over with them in Singapore--thus starting a mad rush to make new plans outside the airport.

It wasn't funny that as we boarded the final shuttle bus to the terminal that wife realized she'd forgotten her bag on the subway--the bag with all our cash, credit cards and flight tickets--thereby threatening to cancel our vacation and strand us in a city far from home with no means of getting home with three huge suitcases.

Well, actually, that was funny as hell!

It was also funny that, with 45 minutes to board the plane, the subway authorities find her bag, with tickets and nearly $2000 in cash still inside--but the purse with her credit card missing, undoutedly stolen by some extremely dim-witted opportunist.

And I am still giggling that this same woman, who gave me two weeks grief for my mistake of missing two lessons, lost $200 cash and her credit card, and started crying when I told her I loved her.

"How could you love someone who does something like this?" she asked, blinking back tears.

"Because you're human."

And because I'm off the hook for a while, as far as mistakes are concerned.

11pm, Singapore airport. Wife and son sleeping on chairs. I'm loving the sounds of all these languages around me too much to sleep. Next stop: Switzerland, the land of neutrality and home to a couple of karate instructors we know.
 

2 hours until the taxi comes to take us to the bullet train station. 30 mins by train to the airport. Take a plane to Singapore where we will meet an old friend of mine who, coincidentally, texted me last night to find out why I was up so late on Facebook--I hadn't even made the connection that we could meet up, she living in Singapore as she does. So, her husband and her said they would pick us up at the airport and take us on a tour and out for dinner at a park where we can relax, watch the fireworks (National Day in Singapore), and let the kids run around like crazy--so much better than waiting ten hours in that airport. Good people.

But even before that hasty gathering of half-plans, wife and I were already looking at each other and saying, "This is crazy." We've got no money and no jobs. She's got three more semesters of school before she can start working again. This trip is ill-advised and expensive as anything. This is crazy. Fun, in other words.

Next possible blog will be from Switzerland.
 

A couple more days until we get out of Japan for two weeks. Son wakes up in the morning: "Moo ni kai?" Two more sleeps? Yes, two more sleeps and then we hurry to the train station at 6:00am, ride the bullet train for an hour, hustle through to get the 8am flight out of Japan, waste about 10 hours in Singapore airport, and then we are on our way to Switzerland! So confused feelings, between anxiety and happiness. We have no money, marriage on the rocks, but doing this totally unnecessary thing. Not sure why, but the usually reticent wife is all for it. Ashamed to say it's all her money. Credit card company canceled my card the other day; no warning. Something about not handling overseas accounts and my late payments. Argh. I am so totally irresponsible, yes? I need recharging, revitalizing, revamping. Hopefully this trip will do that. Can't imagine it won't. Happy, sort of.
 

The calm broken by the town's siren: 8:15 a.m., August 6th, atomic bombing of Hiroshima.
 

Son is in the room, reading joke book after breakfast. Five minutes until we start our study period together. Wife is at kitchen table putting on makeup. The calm. We reached an understanding last night. Things will continue, with improvements, hopefully. Watching. Wary. Vacation in three days. Slight panic there as we haven't really prepared much for it. Should be interesting. Great to get out of Japan for a while.
 

Thankfully, due to the stress, the busy schedules, the exhaustion and what might very well have been a bit of a cold, neither wife nor I have missed son overly much, but he is returning tonight and we are really looking forward to that with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation. This must be the guilt all parents feel when they realize they have been breathing just a bit easier when the kids are away. Anyway, wife is busy writing a thesis, so I've had to ressucitate an old computer in order to write this blog entry. Boring, isn't it?
 

Son's at three-day summer camp. Sadness, but some relief. Very short entry today. Wife is freaking out about writing reports so she will be on computer all day. Just a quick note, then, and then I have to run away.
 

Had a fun morning this morning doing homework together. I wanted son to see that I am studying Japanese (albeit not enough) so while he was doing his summer homework, I sat across the table from him and worked on my vocabulary and kanji. He seemed happy, and even corrected me on my penmanship of the phonetic characters. To get him to finish his homework, though, I had to bribe him: I bought him a small toy, which he'll get when he comes home tonight with his mother. Overall, a pleasant day, I hope.

Hot today. Humidity is on the rise as the rainy season recedes. Have to go to night job in an hour. Trying to be productive, but just don't have the energy. Summer is not a good time for productivity here in Yamaguchi.
 

We started the day with breakfast with mom: toast, wieners, grapes, banana, yogurt.

After breakfast, homework: diary entry, picture drawing, silent reading, poetry recital (form memory), addition and subtraction flashcards, counting new buds on the Morning Glory.

Get dressed and then got to park to play frisbee and soccer, only to be interrupted after 15 minutes by the rain.

Then to 7-11 to get the special Pokemon lunchbox (packaged lunch) only to find that they'd discontinued it two days before.

Back home to play a for ten minutes inside, and then to the grocery store to buy a regular packed lunch.

Walk to daycare. First thing you see when you walk in in some kid pointing at your son and shouting "American!" Feel a little mullified when teacher pinches his lips together (hoping for a little pain there). Feel a little horror when another teacher basically smashes the lips together of another bratty kid (still, I can understand the teacher's actions; some of these kids are neglected by their parents and are out of control). Worried if I should leave son here, ask him if he's okay. He says he is. Walk away feeling guilty as hell and needing, just needing, praying, hoping, for a productive day, a better job, a way out of this mess I am in.
 

Asked a couple of my students yesterday to make a list of 10 things they think anyone should know before they decide to live in Japan for an extended period. Please understand that these people are around sixty years-old and have had relatively extensive contact with a large number of foreigners in Japan. Here are their suggestions:

1) Learn the laws and rules specific to Japan (For example, register your bike, even if it is a gift from someone, at the city office so that the police don’t assume you have stolen it, and don’t drink alcohol and ride your bike).
2) Join your community group.
3) Learn the garbage system. (This is an item of such importance that debates in Japan concerning immigration routinely focus on it; it’s more about preserving social harmony than preserving the environment.)
4) Learn Japanese. (Why this was not #1 I will never understand)
5) Don’t have noisy parties, even if your neighbors all say it’s okay; or, if you are going to have a party, make it small and don’t play loud music
6) Don’t worry if Japanese people stare, point fingers and talk about you behind your back; we are an island people, and we are curious.
7) Learn about Japanese food as much as possible.
8) Please understand the differences in attitudes towards tattoos in Japan; do not tell people you have tattoos unless absolutely necessary.
9) Take off your shoes before entering the house.
10) Walk on the right side of the sidewalk.

Now, those are all well and good, but as a long-term resident of Japan, I would like to add these frustration-saving preparations:
1) Be aware that all the shops open at 10am, and, depending on which town you live in, close two or three days a month for cleaning on a weekday.
2) Public hot springs and swimming pools will ask you to cover up your tattoos or refuse you service.
3) Be aware that sometimes cars will drive on the sidewalk for a short distance and that drivers only look in the direction of on-coming traffic before pulling out of an alley or intersection.
4) Eventually someone, somewhere, is going to make a surprised comment that you can use chopsticks. Let it slide.
5) Be aware that Japanese people and the Japanese media like to make broad generalizations about people based on a few bits of information, so that when one foreigner does something incredibly stupid, obtuse, socially-backward, or just plain retarded, all foreigners are assumed to do the same things. So, basically, if you like to do stupid things after drinking, please don’t do them in public. Please.

 

It rained so hard yesterday that the roads flooded, water above the tires, and some of the roads closed. That was cool; son and I drove slow. listening to Phish or Pokemon music, taking our time, running errands. We did homework in the morning after breakfast, watched a bit of TV. In the afternoon, he went with his mother to get some teeth pulled--and it didn't hurt. Adult teeth were impatient to come in, and so the dentist had to pull the obstinate baby teeth still lodged in place. So strange to me that it didn't hurt. We had dinner with mother (after lots of arguments between her and I, because I forgot to eat a piece of bread or buy a strap for a plastic bottle), and then I taught a lesson. My work in another town was canceled by the rain, because the trains weren't running. Son is selfish and spoiled, though: we went to a bookstore to look around, and I said he could have a book if he found one; but after 45 minutes of looking, he still hadn't chosen, so I said we had to go. Boy, did he let me have it! I said nothing to him all the way home. He railed at mother; she locked him on the balcony for a couple of minutes so he could think about what he did--luckily the rain had paused at this time. Yet, by the time we went to be at 9pm, the rain was falling hard again, the world beyond the curtains sounding like the memory or video of static on a TV.
 

It's like someone's picked up a river and is pouring it over the town--that's the rain today. Son and I will be home alone for the morning, and then he will go to jidoo club (something like daycare) and I will go to work. He has a dentists appointment today at 3pm, and they might be pulling out a couple of his baby teeth to make way for this new one; a bit of tension there as the new one coming in further back along the gum than usual. In the morning we will have breakfast, do our work/homework together, go shopping, and have lunch. I am looking forward to this.

Yesterday morning we went to the big park in this town and searched for bugs and stuff--found lots of spiders and cicadas, many types of mushrooms, three snakes curled up in a mud puddle, and a whole bunch of ducks which son fed a mushroom (hope that duck doesn't die).

Stress levels are still high, nonetheless, as wife tries to make sure he is doing his homework perfectly. She criticizes and pushes him, whereas I, lacking either the skill or knowledge to judge his performance, accept and praise. This is the heavy week of university tests for her; がんばって！

I am falling a bit behind in my business; will catch up this morning. Will work with son so that he can see what I do for a living; hopefully, though, I will finish the business work soon and do some writing so that he can see what I do for happiness. So far, the vacation has not been as stressful as I'd feared, but it is so different from what I grew up with in America.

And now the river has turned to an ocean.
 

We had a great day yesterday! IN the morning we did homework, but soon after that we went to the beach, swam, played, came home. I went to work for a few hours (love having my own schedule), and then I picked him up from his grandparents', went to the video store, electronics shops, 100 yen shop. We ate dinner and then went to the park to play with fireworks. Bath and then a little TV. It was great. Yes, there was a downside, but the jury is still out on that. We had a good day. たのしかった！
 

The first day of summer vacation. Things are going well. No big fights recently, but I do have the nagging worry that son thinks I'm a bit of a loser because I can't speak and can't read or write well, and so cannot help him so much on his homework. If only he could see me in English! I want him to be proud of me, but...
 

I went to son's school yesterday to pick him up. It was the last day before the start of the summer vacation. Parents (98% mothers) had to attend speech by the principal.

We sat in metal chairs and listened patiently as the principal thanked us for coming and went over the highlights of the past four months, and encouraged us, as best he could, not to let slip our duties to push our children to complete the summer homework. Nothing new there. He then introduced another speaker, a nervously smiling man in glasses.

He introduced himself as a member of the LDP, currently the ruling party of the Japanese government. He talked for a long time about how things used to be for children and how surprised he was at the way things were these days. He related an annecdote about how he'd visit a relative and seen how, when their child "demanded" some money to go out, they handed over 80,000 yen ($800). This, of course, caused everyone in the room, myself excluded, to murmur in astonishment. He went on the warn us against such spoiling of children. He also urged us to make sure that children greet others (aisatsu), as that is the only thing that distinguishes men from animals--I wanted to differ, but what could I say? I don't have the Japanese skill for such an encounter, and even if I did, I think the poor man would've had a heart attack at being so openly confronted. I really did get the idea, from the way everyone patiently sat their and feigned to listen, that politicians and public speakers in Japan are rarely engaged, disputed, confronted. They really need it, because some of the things they say really are outlandish--for example, animals, just like humans, do greet each other. Basically, the guy was just urging everyone to tow the line, stay the course, change nothing. I got the distinct impression that he was well aware that his party was facing its first significant lose of power in fifty years, and he was there to show people "the face," remind them that someone was in power.

We then went to the classroom and listened to another lecture from the teacher about the difficulties that students had had in the previous couple months, including their seeming lack of concern about personal property.

"If I ask them who's this is," she said, holding up a surgical mask, "they just say, brusquely, 'I don't know.' We really need to work on this. Also, students have been having a hard time keeping up with their mathematics homework, so I strongly encourage you parents..." She went over a list of about twenty items we, the parents, needed to do every day of the vacation to make sure our children "kept up".

"Don't you think it's too much homework?" I asked another parent after the meeting was over.

"Definitely, but what can you do?"

What can you do? is such a common expression here, such a expression of an absence of personal agency.

Well, I think, why don't you get organized and complain, offer some solutions, push them through? Oh yes, I know the reason: You're too dang busy keeping up, keeping in line, keeping your head down, just trying to stay safe and secure in your future. Yes, I know the reason; it nags at me every day. How did I end up in this nightmare kingdom of Middle-Class?
 

A mixed day: bad morning, bad start. Son wouldn't wake, wouldn't eat, yelled at me about not being able to watch TV. But today is only a half-day of school. I will pick him up early and we will have a few hours of free time in which to do whatever we want. Tomorrow is also a half-day, and then we have Summer vacation. Too much homework, of course, but at least there's a dim bright spot.

He yells at me a lot these days; I have to keep telling him that he is a child, and his parents are adults, so he can't yell at us. He doesn't buy it, I think.
 

There has never been anyone like me: wrapped up in language, a student of post-structuralist philosophies and quantum physics, product of a post-modern creative writing program, living in another country and language that is so different at its philosophical roots.

There has never been anyone like me: discard of many fathers; white trash; former friend of thieves, drug-dealers and socio-paths.

There has never been anyone like me: father of son, desperate to hold on, happy moments stolen again and again, lacking words, alone, friendless in a foreign land, tired beyond reckoning, trapped in a job where empty communication is my trade, smile, bow, smile again, unique in a culture striving for sameness.

I am a beautiful little snowflake falling.
 

Stress is the reason I haven't written any blog entries for several days. Stress is the reason our household melted down into scaling river of recriminations, accusations and name-calling. Stress is the reason I considered packing my bags, grabbing son, and saying to h*ll with this country and it's over-emphasis on schedule, stricture, success and "keeping up with Jonses" attitudes that work their way into every facet of daily life.

Summer vacation was supposed to be a time to relax. Yes, in Japan, it's only one month, but I planned on playing like crazy with son in that month, the forget all the stress and shocks we'd undergone in that first few months of school. Nope. He's expected to get up every day at 6:30am to do exercise with the other kids, and he's a list of about 15 task he has to complete every day, plus lots of homework, plus a science project. HE'S IN THE FIRST GRADE! He should be playing, being a kid, exploring and having fun.

You know, I get it. I really do. This will teach him discipline and prepare him for the stresses and strains of later educational curricula. This will maximize his learning potential. This will keep parents involved in their children's intellectual lives. I get it. I get it. But I hate it. I really do. And so do so many other parents I've talked to. But this is the way it's always been, and there's no helping that in Japan. "Japan has to stay competitive," some say, "and since we don't have any mineral resources, our mental resources remain our only means of standing out in the world." But it is no wonder to me that the suicide rate is so high in a land overflowing with such beauty and abundance. It is not wonder to me, now, why people rarely smile. I rarely smile now. I am tired. They've taken my time with son and turned it into school work.
 

Last night, son wrote some homework for me to finish. I could barely read his writing and I couldn't understand the instructions. I tried. I got everything wrong, and he got angry about that. I tried to explain that I couldn't understand the instructions, but he couldn't believe it. "Are you stupid?" he asked. What could I say? How can I get him to understand that it's not okay to say that to me? "I am your Japanese teacher, papa. You will try harder."
 

So, whenever I don't understand what he's saying, or whenever he feels I don't understand, or whenever I don't agree with him, he calls me stupid, baka, ahou. I lose patience with this quick because I can't explain what's going on, and I smack him on top of the head. I know it is bad of me. I know that it is not the best way. But I can't say to him some complex, calm, understanding words. I don't have them. When I do try to explain, he gets frustrated; he can't understand. He calls me stupid again.