Today is a new day and I am in a better mood than I was yesterday. I had to make one of thoses decsions that makes or breaks your life.

I will start at the begining. I was with out a car for about a month and a half. (It felt longer.) The truck that my husband drives was in the shop. It had something wrong with it. My husband is a soso auto worker, but sometimes he just gets to rapped up in it and starts getting mad about it not working. (The car and his brain.) He thinks he can solve the problem and that is not always the case.

This time I just had enough of him rant and raveing about the truck not working and I called a person whom gets payed for it. I thought I was doing a good thing. At the time my husband thought so too.

The time went on and we were calling and finding out that it was going to take longer and longer for it to be fixed.

Yesterday, I took it in my hands to pay for the truck to get it out. The guy said it was fixed. (I jumped up and down in happiness.) My husband already talked to the guy for payments. It was that I pay a payment to get it out and another in a week.

That is not how it happened. (You have to know that I can not just call my husband anytime I want. He works for Gary Pools and they dig pools all around this area. He does not have a cell phone on his hip. I hate those things.) I called the guy to tell him that I was on my way and he says that I have to pay the whole amount today or I can not have the truck.

We did nothing wrong. I was wondering what went wrong. He says that two other people owe him and he is just not taking payments anymore. I could not believe what was happening. I had to make a decsion without my husband and maybe pay for parts that we did not need. He shorted out two parts just saying it was something and it turned out to be something else.

My husband and I made a pack that one could not make a very big money spending decsion without the other. That we both would know were all the money went together. We never broke that. (It works.)

I did it. I took money out of the bank and payed the man so I could get the truck. I wanted my car back. I was thinking the whole day how my husband was going to take the news. I was worried that he would get mad at me for not waiting until he got home and get the truck the next day.

I wondered what he say. I got the bill and I was hoping I did not do wrong. The bill had parts on there that I knew my husband replaced when he was working on it before the guy got it, but I do not do the auto part life very well.


I will finish tomorrow. I just heard my husband pull in and he loves on this thing more than I do. Plus, it is very late for me and I have three boys to get up a six in the morning. It is 10:15PM and it is time for bed.

SWEET DREAMS AND GOOD NIGHT!!!!!
 

I wonder if anyone out there had ever been so despret that they would do anything to get what they what.

I wonder if you felt like I did today???????????????

I have not had a car in about a month and half. For a busy peoson like me, it is like cutting off one of my arms. I write, I have three boys and go to the school on two days of the week to do school stuff for my kids. I have a mother that I have to take to the doctor any time they say come.


I have to stop now, my husband just walked in the door. I will finish later.
 

Hello,

I have not writen in a long time. I feel sad that I really don't want to anymore. I have been having headaches of all of the world around me. My husband changed jobs again and I forgot to do things in Decemeber that are catching up to me this month. Oh, I feel sad and lonely. I don't and can not talk to my husband anymore and that is just the half of it. I don't have friends that I could talk to. I have people that love to talk about their stuff more than hear about mine.

I figure that with so much on the mind I would just write page after page. I did when I had no one to talk to and the enternet. :(

I wrote all my feelings down, just used different names. I have so much to let out and some thing is not letting me. I wonder if I sat I could type like I am now??

I wonder if the thing that is keeping me from writing is mme??????

I have to go, because it is time for the libarey to close and I just looked over this and I am messing up on the spelling baddddd. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

sad girl is closing.:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
 

Happy Brithday to me on October 13th.

I was born on a monday if anyone is wondering.

I can not believe I will be 28 yrs old.

I fell I lost most of the time to write. I have not been on this site for about a month now. I just lost the will to write. I do not know why. Maybe I just have to much going on right now.


I am going to court with my in-laws for the house that I am living in now. They want to kick us out and sale. My husband was raised there and he is not going nice. the gloves are up, if you know what I mean. :(


I now started quilting like a mad woman. I do blocks all the time now. I live in my sewing room. I feel safe.


I just do not know why I am here to day. I feel I left this part alone toooooo long for my mind.

Since I was raped as a little child, I felt writing was my world away from everything and everyone. I want to have my world back.

Sad :(, but true and writing less:::: Eliesa




 

Today I went to the town that I graduted from. It is called Seguin, Texas. I have not been there since 1997, when I walked across the stage. I needed to get my transtript to get a job doing, teacher work and to go to college. I spent to much time driving around for a guy's house that I really did not know why I was doing it. I guess I was hoping to see the truck that he drove in school at his house or even him. I had a baddddd crush on him. some of his friends said he liked me, but we never got together. I been having dreams about him lately and he is rich and saves me from a life of work to live in the country and have maids do everything. (My dream world.) I have not got him out of my mind and I guess that I could see that he was married or something and all the dreaming would come to an end. I really, really miss him. To tell you the truth I miss him and another from Jouranton, Texas.
I have been in a mood to stay in the past and wonder if things would be different if I got with one of these guys that I wished to be with and they wished to be with me. That I would not be like this, I love my life. I wonder a lot and that worries me if I am doing something wrong?
Any way, I drove so long that it got late and I had to go home, I even got lost for a while. I thought I could find the road he lived on, but no luck. I always wondered if he thought about me? I know I might never find him again. I live under a pen here and I changed my last name when I got married. That does not even count how many times that I moved since then. I am a busy little girl and I may even be moving again.

This is it for now, I am thinking about crying thinking about all of what I have done. BYE>
 

I have not been writing like I want to. I spent all of last week wanting to write and finding myself writing nothing. I just stare at the paper like it is another person and nothing to say. :( I know what the problem is, I am worried that I have to move, because things are not working out like we hoped. I may move to another town and I really hate having to do to my kids like my mother did to me. We moved all of the time. I was in ten different schools in high school alone. I don't have most of the things you learn in school, because I move to a school that is ahead of the last one and then I miss step three. I get step one, two, and four. That is not fun. I had to work harder than anyone in my class. I hoped to not do it to my kids. I fear they will fall behind in the other school. The other town is a step ahead than they are in now.
I know I sound foolish, but I hate having to see them go through what I did. I just want them to feel secure in life. I still feel lost some times and my writing shows it a lot. I just don't know if I will ever get over it. :(
I have to go and get home. My husband reminded me that tonight is weight night and I do not want to be late.:)
 

friday, I found out that I did this journal thing wrong and I had to fix it. I did not get to write here that day and I finally got it fixed. I had a long weekend with the kids home and I do not get them to school until tomorrow here in Texas. I want to pull my hair out, because they are getting in every thing they can. Even things they know is wrong. I finally took down my christmas tree down saturday. I know it is late, but I did not put it up until the day before eve. I was lazy and did not know what I was going to decortate this year. I put it off until the last minute.
Right now, we are trying to buy the acres and house we live in. I am finding this very hard to do with a friend, even that is a friend that is been with you through everything. This really put the strane on everything. My husband and I have bad credit to buy the house on 25 acres. (I know we could go and get a smaller peiece, but that is out of the question. This house was build by his grandfather that is dead now.)
Our friend (lets call him, Aiden), said he would try his credit and get the place for us. Well, it happened and his name will be on the loan for the place. His family and friends are saying he is getting in over his head. They say that we are going to leave him with the payments and land he did not want in the first place. They say that we are getting more out of him than we need to. I say that these people are the ones that did not give him a place to stay when he had no job. Aiden's own mother got ten thousand dollars from him and to this day says he owes her for things that he never had the chance to enjoy. He has to pay rent at his mom's house just to stay there. I know when my kids get grown, I will not do that. They will have to help pay bills, but no extra money to me.
I am hating the way my husband is acting. He has never told me what to do and know he is laying the law down on me. He told me not to use the garage unless my car is broke. I started using the garage when I got my car. I had my spot and now I do not have anyplace to park. I guess I have to park with the cows or in the yard itself. I am hurt by what is happening. This is the time we should be thinking how we are going to get thing fixed on the place. It will be another month and the house and 25 acres are ours.
 

I am in a rut with myself. I want to say something to my friend about the way he is acting like a child to his new girlfriend. She fits him, i know that sounds very rude. I watch them like they are made for eachother. I could be wrong on his part, but she can not sit still with him in another room. She goes and tries to please him in every way she can. She is answering him without him saying a word. They just have to be in the same room and he thinks it, she answers. I do that all the time with my husband. He says things like, "Please knock before you enter." OR "I don't understand how you do that without me knowing." I find him looking for something and he is upset, because he can not find it. I just walk in and find what he is looking for and give it to him. we never say a word to eachother.*teal* IF THAT IS NOT SOUL-MATES, THEN TELL ME WHAT IS.
Well, I got to go. I have three kids and a husband to spend time with before I hit my typewriter for the night. The End.
 

Yesterday, I lost a baby bird. It was sick and had a broken leg, but i could not kill it. I was going to make it a house pet if it lived. I had a bury it last night and i feel like I lost on of my kids. I know you may think I am one of those weird people that thinks any pet is a child. I don't dress them up or anything like that. I buy them special stuff, just for them and I watch them grow up. I even watch them leave when I sell them. I grow attached to them and that happens when you name something and feed it since it came out of the egg. It thinks you are it's mother and you feel like you are. I even feel something for every animal I have, but there is a line i draw. I make sure it does not get crossed. It is the line of babying and dressing them like kids of clowns in suits. I may write a story for chilldren based on cocktiels, but I will never treat my birds like they are other than cocktiels. The End.
 

I am on day three af having this at my fingertips and I have only done this much. I know I can write more than this. Now, I have a dog that is going to have her first litter of puppies and the last time this happened, I was alone in the country and had no idea what to do. I did okay, but lost five puppies out of eight. That is wrong and I am worried about this time. I am going to have her in the house this time. Last time was out on the front porch and that was cold for me. I fell alseep on the porch watching her have the pups. I also have four cocktiels to raise, because their parents were not doing their job. I have one set that has two babies and they are doing fine, even when they are out of season. If I get all the babies to grow up right and they turn out great. It will make 14 birds that I will have before the winter is over. I need to think of which ones I want to sell. I take care of all of them like they are my children. They all have special things that they bring to the household. I have a hard time giving up my kids-birds. Later for now, got to make supper.
The End.
 

I am trying to do this, but I just do not know what to write. I am tired and have no energy. The End.