Alright, sorry to have checked out so long after the last breakdown. I've been trying to reorganize, recatagorize, and sort things through. Hit some more dumps before getting better.

I'm off to whine a bit more about people in general, since I don't want to be too specific. Although I may end up specific by the time I finish. I am just feeling frustrated because I proposed something at church that leaders have stated is a wonderful thing for our youth. I am already involved in teaching one class, and knowing that there was a desire by at least one of the five students to do something different, offered to add to my workload and teach a second class at the same time (I am periodically smacking myself and asking "what was I thinking?"). I honestly thought that we would have three students interested in this, including the first one. However, it looks like we will only have two - and maybe just one - student who wants to pursue it.

So the things that are bugging me: primarily, that one of those "staunch" families that I thought would be more willing is actually less, and secondarily, well, I can't say but it has to do with the way the leadership is handling the situation. Frankly, I get the feeling they don't want to pursue the second class, but don't want to just say "no" - and I wish they would, and be done with it, if that's what is ultimately going to happen.

I have been really struggling with this, because I have thought this program would be vastly beneficial as I struggled through last year with the "original" class. Let's just say that where some churches have a five hour slot (over multiple days) to teach something, I get one hour to cover it. I am currently still smacking myself for volunteering to add another five hours - plus prep time, so at least 10 hours - to my "to do" list, when I am obviously strapped. *BUT* I really feel like it is a great program, and I know it will really help our youth - especially the one who wants the program and is struggling in other aspects.

After I heard that said "staunch" family was more interested in the original than the new (I use that very loosely), I kind of fell into a funk, but then today I thought, duh. If we were going to divide up 3-new, 2-old, then why not flip it and go 2-new, 3-old? I don't know if the leaders will agree to that, and I don't know what it will take to have them agree - voting? inspiration? something else? I hate not knowing, also bugging me - but I may go that way.

Frankly, what it comes down to is the motivation of five teenagers. I am curious how that will play out.

Also on my "irk" column is the excuse level that people use for all sorts of things. I was speaking to one mom (ie a woman who drives me nuts all over the place), and she was yet again telling me about her life is harder than everyone else's. Knowing nothing about my situation - despite the fact that, as my visiting teacher, she oughta at least know minimums - she said, "I'm sure you've had one or two bad days. My whole year is like that." Yup, that's me, the one or two bad day a lifetime woman. I should, of course, let go, but what do I know. The same woman told me that since my husband goes to church, my life is near-perfect. !!!

<deep breaths> Okay, bedtime. We will see how everything pans out tomorrow, and whether or not next week will wind up being the last week I get to sleep in. Thanks for bearing with my sporadic griping.
 

This is a dh gripe, so men, be warned!

DH has been out of town basically Sun-Sat night for the last 2-3 months. I've been getting more and more stressed out; yesterday, I literally fell apart in church. Now, mind you, I am generally a very private person and pretty much no one realizes that I am seriously going crazy; I *did* try to tell two women (my visiting teachers) that I struggle with post-partum a lot, but they basically blew me off, because they figure, you know, I'm so strong. (Guess I should whine more.) Anyway, point being, for me to fall apart in public (we're talking, I was about to start teaching Sunday School when I burst into tears and fled), means I am really really not doing well.

We won't even talk about dh's crap last night, but we'll just focus on tonight. The point of the stupid bookselling business is to try to supplement the income so that either a) he can be home more or b) we can have enough income to survive a career change without starving. So I ask him if he can watch the kids for an hour while I list some of the 5000 books in my living room. And I get attitude. Poor him, he never gets time alone. (Never mind all that hotel time he gets M-F to decompress.) And it's not even like I asked if I could just come upstairs and do nothing; I wanted to work. So then we are fighting. And guess what he said his BIG problem was?

That I asked him.

But if I just disappear upstairs to work/goof off, you wouldn't believe the crap I get.

I can't even say what I am wanting to say here, because I am so angry. And so depressed. He doesn't understand that his whole attitude is a big problem-causer in our marriage. He has no respect for me, and he thinks my "job" is easy, and he could do it. Do you know, I read while eating lunch today, and I read one chapter while the kids were napping, and otherwise, I've been working my butt off cleaning the house or listing books. He doesn't even care. He thinks he should automatically get a clean house and a cheerful wife. He told me that his life is horrible because I won't just be happy. (insert some serious profanity)

I keep forgetting that everything is all about him.
 

Dropping a line. I've been thinking, over the last few days, that I need to stop in and blog, but things are ludicrously hectic around here (par for the course, I know). I've been trying to do things like get to bed around 10 (as opposed to 12 or 1), which cuts out on my computer time. I've also been getting up stinking early (and I am not a morning person!) to run. I'll brag about that for a few minutes; I know I mentioned it in the past. I've been meeting with reasonable success...mostly on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I don't know what happens Thurs & Fri, but I seem to have sitter problems on Thurs and then it's too tough to pick it up again on Friday. <shrug> That said, I am up to 3 miles, all running, and it feels good. Last Wednesday, I finally hit my "runners high" point, where I was able to just zone out instead of spending the time mentally griping about the pain, how hard it was, etc. In the next week or two, I think I'll go for 4 miles. I don't know how much beyond that I want to go. I'd like to train for a 5K (3.1 miles), but I need to get up to about 6 miles, and I don't have a route for that yet. A couple of people have also suggested I try running a different route, so I may do that, if nothing else than to have variety. Or maybe a long run. We'll see how that goes.

I'm also having a sitter come over during the day T-Fri next week, from 9-12. I'm going to spend that time busting my backside loading books and sorting books, and hopefully get a ton more listed. That will help with the sales. I'm still kind of blechy about the fact that I have bookstore castoffs, which lends less enthusiasm to the process. But anyway, it will be good to get a lot of work done sans kids.

Alright, well, I'll wrap up. I'll try to write more, but you know how it goes. Incidentally, I am about ready to kick the daylights out of my motorhome. If anyone wants to buy one, please make an offer. Pics are in the 'misc links'. I'm just ready to get rid of it. For some reason, what with high gas prices and a dying economy, the motorhome market isn't working out so well. <sigh>

Oh, I was going to say - I had one of the girls from church over last week and just did NOTHING while she watched the kids. I needed some down time and didn't want to go anywhere. But while she was gone, I wrote a story for the Short Shots contest. It felt good to just write again; it has been awhile. It's a cute little children's story, if you want to stop by:

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Well, I'm having a bookselling slump. I bought two large lot purchases, and they are both somewhat duds. Both because I was too ignorant to ask more detailed questions, and too - what's the word? people pleaser? didn't want to walk away? - to walk away based on the info I had. Lot A was $300 for about 550 books, or about .55 each. It turns out that they were leftovers from a book sale, ie the duds that none of the other dealers wanted. I've had two or three sales from that group, but that's about it. Lot B was a better deal in terms of per-book, but the estimates were off. The seller estimated it at 10,000 books. It was a set # of boxes - 160 - for $300. I've gone through 40 boxes and pulled out about 1000 useable books, so the total is closer to 4000 books. Some of the unusable were just falling apart, or were magazines, but I also have several - five or six so far - boxes of proofs and ARCs. The only place to sell those online that I know of so far is eBay. Out of the 939 books I've gone through so far, 602 are worth the effort of listing, which simply means that I should be able to list them for at least $3.95, or, after fees etc., I should make around $1, minimum. There are a couple of decently priced books in there, so we'll see how that goes, but most of them are in the $10 and under range. The other 487 (I know, 487 + 602 does NOT equal 939, but I don't know where the math error is and don't care quite enough doublecjeck; looks like I just forgot to carry a 1, or carried one too far, LOL) are "penny books", or your regular Danielle Steele, etc that have 25-50 folks listing it for a penny. Mind you, 5000 books for $300 is .06/book, so it's not a horrid price, but it is a lot of work for not a lot of money. And my living room is stacked full of books, LOL.

So, all that to say that my last two months of book purchases have not been very well going. On top of that, the week before last, I had almost a sale a day, but they have really dropped, and so far we've only had two sales this week, which is further depressing. I'm looking at the big stacks and just feel like throwing my hands up and giving up, if only to get the books out of my living room. My daughter's 7th birthday party (more sniffing) is on Saturday, and my inlaws will be here next week. I cleaned up everything but the book area downstairs, and we are holding the party outside, so it should be okay.

Final reason for the blahs: I keep reading stupid books by these SAHMs. Some of them are good but some are just...not. I read one last night, some LDS fiction by some woman with 6 kids, and wanted to scream. It was a great story but the writing was fairly flat. I actually think she is probably a pretty good writer, but she was trying to do the story of Jesus' "brother" and basically the only thing Jesus said growing up were scriptural passages. So he was a very flat character that we were constantly interacting with, which messed up the whole thing. But I read a couple other LDS stories that make me want to rip my hair out. There are some great LDS writers out there in the actual LDS market (like Jack Weyland) but a lot of them are mediocore, IMO. I know it's prideful, or whatever, but I honestly think I could do better with them, which means I've got a good shot at getting published on the LDS market. But those six-kid writing moms make me want to scream; how do they manage that? Of course, I homeschool, so it's not like I can write while the kids are at school. Maybe in a few years, when they are older. <sigh> Which I don't want to rush.

Now the positive. I've decided to be proactive on a lot of fronts. For instance, I am tired a LOT. Part of it, of course, is being a SAHM to four kids 7 and under, and homeschooling them (ie having them around a LOT). But part of it comes from my horridly unhealthy diet. *SO* I am trying to change that. I'm going through and putting out more fruits and veggies. I've changed breakfast around. Now instead of sugary cereal (for me and the kids) every day, we're having oatmeal, cracked wheat (don't ask), and pancakes, with cereal once or maybe twice a week. I'm trying to do OJ with the dry stuff, and we've been doing fresh squeezed, but that takes a lot of work so we're just doing once or twice a week. (DH got me a power juicer for Christmas, which I wasn't thrilled with but am enjoying more now.) I'm trying more oatmeal cookies, veggies, carrot sticks, and banana muffins for snacks (all of which the kids love but which take more work). I'm cutting back on the soda and trying to do more water.

I've also made arrangements for a babysitter to come over in the mornings while I run. I went out two days this week - Monday and Tuesday - but I made the mistake of telling her I didn't need her this week because dh would be home, and dh left at 4 a.m. Wednesday. Now we're all in Atlantic City, but I wore sandals and left my sneakers at home so no more running this week. That said, I'm going to run again next week, and I am supposed to start up with my neighbor (the babysitter's mom) next week, so I'll have an accountability partner. I was very tired Mon & Tues, but the running forced me to drink more water (thus allowing me to drop the soda), and I enjoyed getting out alone with no one pulling on my pantslegs - I love my kids, but dh has been out of town for the whole week for the last month, leaving Monday and coming home Friday or sometimes Saturday night, and I need a break. I keep saying, it's nice to have some time to think, but on Monday and Tuesday, all I could think of was "Keep....running....get....up....hill...." We have a very big half-mile+ hill in the neighborhood that keeps killing me. I haven't made it all the way up at a run yet. Soon.

So, I'm feeling negative about the bookselling, but I'm taking steps to make me feel better from a physical and mental health standpoint. I'm going to try a 5K road race over the summer, I think, which gives me something to aim at. I have to pick the race, but I'm excited about it. I'm excited about all of the pro-active steps I'm taking. I know things will get better, but I do need to be a bit more active.

For instance, I'm pretty sure that not one of the 3000ish books in my living room will sell if I never list them. So I should do that more, and stop letting the stress keep me from working.
 

Yes, yes, after my fanciful trip to the moon, I have finally returned. No, seriously, I wish I could say I've been super-busy with the book-selling part of the biz. I've just been busy.

Let's see, the quick rundown was: my bro graduated the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend, so we drove down to GA from PA on Tuesday/Wednesday (with a VA stopover), visited on Thursdady and went to graduation, and then drove all the way home on Friday, because I had to be back for my Seminary student's graduation on Sunday (spent Saturday recuperating). Then, dh has been working in Atlantic City NJ for the last several weeks, leaving Monday morning and coming home Fri or Sat night. So the first week of June, the kids and I came with him, which was exhausting. Last week, I had no car (and no excuse), but today we drove back down to Atlantic City to spend a few days on vacation. Nice to have a vacation where the mileage and hotel is reimbursed via the per dieum, even if dh has to work during it (but he has to leave the union jobsite by 3:30, so it's not a full full day).

That is the travel perspective. Then there is the "other" perspective. Right after Memorial Day, I made a bulk purchase of books - we are estimating about 5000. So I have been sorting, pricing, listing, and selling those suckers. Okay, so far I've only sold one of them. (I also made another bulk purchase at the beginning of May, only about 500 books, which is what occupied my earlier time; I managed to finish listing those just before I bought the next batch.)

On a humorous side note, several of the books are "penny books" - you would be amazed at how many books sell for 1c, and you basically make a profit only on the shipping, and that's something like 25c max - so they are not worth the effort of listing and selling (and sometimes those suckers can take a loss). So when I went to GA, I took about 75 or so books from the first book sale to a used bookstore I frequent down there and traded them for credit. I got about as much in trade credit as I paid for the whole lot - actually, I think I got a little more! They keep the credit on file on the computer (no slips of paper to worry about) and it never expires, so I can make trips whenever I get to Atlanta. For the rest of them, though, I am thinking about holding a book yard sale at the end of the summer. Right now, I have about 500 penny books, and I've only gone through about 20% of my 5k of books (yes, I know, an obscene number of worthless books, but several good ones thrown in there).

So that has been my adventures of late. On a less joyous note, I left my laptop and the baby bed at home for this trip to NJ, so I'm on dh's laptop and wondering what we are going to do with the baby at bedtime (which is really, really soon!).
 

This day rocks! After a week of no - none - zilch -zero sales, I made 3 THREE sales today, with a total profit of $39. Sold one $29.99 book, one $19.99 books, and one $4.99 book. (Profit = selling price - initial payment - FEES which will *kill* you!) Before today, the most expensive book sold was $9.99, and the biggest transaction was $15 for a bunch of "firewood" I really didn't expect to sell. So I sold my two most expensive books today!

Tomorrow (5/9) is my birthday, so I'll be off site. Other than, you know, checking my email with the hopes that the universe will conspire to make my b-day an even better day than today! (I can hope, right?) Hope everyone has an awesome day!

 

I'm on a hiatus, but I thought I'd let you know. I think I mentioned earlier that I'm one of the judges for the monthly WDC contest, so I'm trying to get all the judging done for it. I'm only about halfway through. Add to that the fact that, today I and um, at least one (out of four) of our kids are sick, and blech. (I'm not sure how many, sad as it is, because dh has been taking care of them. I'm trying not to breathe on them, and laying in bed all day, eating toast.) Oh, yes, and since this month is prime bookbuying time, I am working myself to death trying to acquire inventory. The goal is to have 1000 books by the end of May. Some days I think I'll make it, some days I don't. The going rumor is that 1000 books averages 1 sale/day, which is where I'd like to get to. But I'm also worn out - I was so tired yesterday - which is probably a big part of the reason I got sick today; not all of it, though, since I'm suffering from a stomach virus. Ugh.

Okay, gotta get some toast, just wanted to give you the head's up.
 

I'm not going to expand, just going to do the whole writing-out-of-the-funk thing. I was trying to help someone today, and it turned around and bit me in the backside. I don't want to go into the how or why, except to say I was trying to be helpful and apparently I wasn't. Actually, that is not true. I still feel like I said what needed to be said, and that I did it in a tactful and loving way. I hope that I made her think about it. She may never talk to me again, and she may never come to church again, but that is her decision.

What I said, that was so offensive, was that I didn't think she was happy. I still don't think that. She insists that she is, that she has just had some bad days, but I don't think she is truly happy. I didn't mean that like, you are screwing up your life or you are a lousy mom, which is probably how she took it. I meant that like, I am worried about you. Frankly, if she thinks she is happy, I think she is deluding herself. She is in a holding pattern - she said so herself - she thinks that one day a husband will drop out of the sky and take care of her and her four kids and make everything perfect. I was trying to help her see that she needs to make some changes and then things will fall into place. But apparently I did that wrong. I should have remembered that this is someone who doesn't want help; she wants unconditional love. But how do you not help someone you care about? She is below poverty level, on welfare, struggling financially, and yet last year she had a job opp making 2.5 xs as much money (a whopping $17/hr) working a set 40 hours in the day (as opposed to the night shift she frequently works) and all she had to do was one thing...and she didn't do it. I did everything in my power to help her achieve this, but had to realize that ultimately, it is up to her.

It is depressing to realize that she probably won't come to church at all (not, frankly, that she came often anyway), and to know that *I* was the breaking point. I honestly don't believe I was being critical or judgemental, I was only trying to help her see that people care and worry about her, and so I don't think I did anything wrong other than maybe trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. But still, it is painful.

Maybe the situation will improve. As someone pointed out, she just had a baby (I was visiting her in the hospital, so this is very literal). That's all I have to hope for. <sigh>
 

This is the story of my life.

My husband just told me that he knows how hard it is to stay home with four kids all day. No, I said, you do not. You've never done it. He says, I did it last Saturday, when you had something for church and didn't get home until 4:45. (As a side note, the house was trashed and dinner wasn't even a dream.)

You've never done it day in and day out, I said. Mind you, he left last week on Monday and got home at noon on Saturday. He has never had to deal with the kids by himself that long.

And this is the crap I get back...
Most people say it would be harder to do something one day than do it every day.

Physical violence crossed my mind.

I smiled, said, you are probably right, and left the room. Then he wonders why I tell him that he is selfish and self-centered. Because, yeah, sure, it is way harder to lay on the couch until noon, do nothing, clean nothing, feed nothing, let the kids run around in PJs, take a nap, then have your wife come home and make dinner than it is to get up, clean up, shop, make meals, homeschool, skip adult conversation, take the kids to their activities, and do it every day for six days while your husband is gone.

If I didn't think the house would implode, I would totally take off and get a job, and let him stay home. (Plus, frankly, I don't think the kids would survive - or him.)
 

Finally got Excel to work on this computer (my laptop is still virused and is desperately awaiting for DH to wipe and reload it, ha ha ha). Thus far, since starting, I have spent $153 on books. After shipping and packaging costs (and excluding gas costs), I have made (hold your breath)...$7.74 on the 7 books I have sold (went negative on that one I told you about that got over-feed). So I am thus far $145.26 in the hole. Not great...but not bad in terms of start-up costs, I suppose.

I'm hitting a book sale tomorrow on my way FAR OUT to pick up a freecycle bed for someone from church. Not sure how big it will be, since further research reveals they have a sale literally every month, but what the heck, right? You never know til you try, and maybe they have a ton of books to support said sale, plus it isn't well advertised. I also have a sitter coming over on Saturday...gag...at 6 a.m. I am heading down to a booksale with 75-80 THOUSAND books. That should give me some good searching! I have prepped a list of "most favorite" books with a high used resale value ($10+) so I know to snatch them up if I see them. We'll see how THAT goes. I also prepped a list of several ongoing library sales in the area to hit, so I can maximize the trip. We'll see how well that goes. I am also trying to find a sitter - wanna volunteer? - for Wednesday at 9 a.m. For some reason, dh doesn't want to stay home an extra 2 hours. Wimp. Maybe after I post finds from this sale, we will suddenly be rolling in the money... ha ha ha.

Earlier Kåre Enga en Costa Rica listed all the reasons why this was good for me. Ha ha, I'm organized! I am only organized when I sit down and type out my plans to be organized; I am not quite so good on the followthrough. I am still learning from my mistakes, which is good, and this is definitely flexible (although not as flexible as I'd like, what with those 6 a.m. babysitters! I felt so bad calling and asking them to come over so early!). It is nice to have all those books (I've found lots of books I'd like to read!) and I love walking into my used-to-be-personal-library-now-an-office and smelling all the books (weird, huh?).

Now, I just have to figure out how to make more than $7.74 a month! I dunno why dh isn't more excited!