Wrimo: 48,984 (1,016 left!)

**deep breath**

I see the light.

Through the continuing migraine, I've done over 5,000 words in the last two days plus another 350-word flash fiction story today. Down to the last minute this time, and I could maybe hit 50 before midnight since the words are flowing, but I want to sleep.

I want to sleep for about a week.

I realized tonight what was assisting in/causing the headaches. It's been occurring to me that every time I sit down at the computer, my head gets worse. I finally had to give up yesterday and go do nothing at all but sit and watch mindless television for three hours before I could move enough to go back to writing. Then it started again. I was wondering if I was wrong about it being Wrimo.

Today it was better, though still threatening, and I was sitting at the computer just fine, until I lit my candle to signal it was time to write instead of the other work I was doing.

Only the last several days, I've been using a wonderful lilac-scented candle for inspiration. I love the smell of lilacs. Grandma had them all over her yard. They didn't like me, however. I was very allergic to them. I never on earth expected I would be allergic to a lilac candle, though. When my head got worse after lighting it, I considered that a moment, blew it out, kept working, and my head got better again. So it wasn't just the stress. Maybe it was the combination. Or maybe it was nothing but a "simple" allergy.

Well, so when I take a trip home next month to visit family, I'll be taking that wonderfully-scented candle to someone who can enjoy it without side effects. *sigh* I'll go back to vanilla. That hasn't seemed to bother me before, and it's supposed to make you crave chocolate less.

Wrimo: yesterday's count = 2,869; total = 43,833

My internet decided not to work last night: a power surge or something but luckily when I rebooted the system this morning, it came back on. I was quite thankful for that, as I'm already fighting minor migraines recently. I don't believe they are Wrimo related. I have it down to needing only barely over 2,000 words a day for today and Th and Fr. Very doable. As long as I keep power (knock on wood).

My other issue needs to be dealt with, though -- the one causing the tension. I didn't realize what it was until I was sitting and reading Gilead this morning, with my window open and listening to the breeze play with my wind chimes and seeing it blow white petals from my beloved pear tree. A passage in the book struck me as though a hand had reached out and knocked on my brain and I realized what it was that has me too tense to sleep well.

So today, I will return to my yoga and try to settle the issue and then do some deep-cleaning on my house while I play my music too loud. Cleaning grounds me.

Then, I will return to my writing with a hopefully clearer head and maybe go beyond 2,000.

I have already today written a 299 word story for Resolution Solution. I meant to do more than I have, but it's my fourth for the contest. I am enjoying finding the ability to write such short fiction. I didn't even attempt it last year. I do adore this site.

Wrimo: today's count = 2,051; total = 40,964

So I apparently can't divide even with a calculator! Either no one caught that 12,000 divided by 5 isn't 2,000 or everyone was too nice to say so. Well, anyway ... four more days! What a struggle this has been.

Off to bed.
 

Wrimo: today's count = 4,389; total = 38,913

I'm not sure if it was the garbage tribute and the chuckles I got from the responses, or the candle I remembered to light for inspiration because of the reminder in Sarah 's blog entry, but the words flowed fairly freely today. (How's that for alliteration?)

That leaves me about 12,000 to do in the next 5 days -- 2,000 a day. That's fine, really, because by Saturday night I was so behind I needed 2,500 a day. And what I've done so far was done in 15 days, since there were 7 I did no work on it.

I also managed to get my children's book to a place where I should be able to have a printed copy in my hands by April 14th -- author's day at the school where I torture myself by speaking to 8th grade classes about being a writer. Maybe I'll talk to them about Wrimo and give them my garbage speil. Wouldn't their teachers love that? "Write garbage. Don't edit. It's a good thing. Trust me." Maybe not.

Well, I also bought two new books today. I had to go pick up my daughter from her friend's house and she had to stop at the bookstore to get the next three in her ... uh ... vampire series. Anyway, while I was there, I picked up "Mozart: A Life" for the free bn.com class I'm maybe starting April 7th. Kind of. I imagine I'll drop in now and then but won't really keep up, as I'm doing with the "Gilead" discussion.

As I walked by the new paperbacks section, another jumped out at me: "Ireland" by Frank Delaney. I don't very often just grab a book I see and buy it, but I had to at least look at this one. Delaney is from Ireland and it's a historical novel. I love historicals. Still skeptical, I opened it and read the first line, and decided I wanted to read it.

Now, I'm in the middle of three different books right now , so it's going to take some will power to put this one on hold until I finish a couple of the others. (I almost never read more than one at a time.) I look forward to it, though. I suppose I need to be more disciplined about keeping my early morning hours for reading, as I keep telling myself I will. My husband told me to take a break when he called fairly early and I said I was working. So maybe I will.

Hmmm ... I think the new brand of ginseng I got recently is working better than the other.

What I didn't do today is catch up on blogs. Think I'll go drop in on a couple now.

Wrimo: 34,190

Wrimo is a test of valor, I believe.

The biggest obstacle, other than real time issues such as work and family and those pesky daily chores that are a necessity, is conquering fear. It's a hard thing to let yourself write complete garbage. And let's face it, if you're writing 50,000 words in 31 days, it's not going to be award-winning material. Heck, it won't even be suitable for Oprah's pick. Quite simply, it's going to be garbage. (And if any of you are doing this and it doesn't come out to be garbage, I wanna read it!)

I have two Nanowrimo novel beginnings sitting in my Word files that are still in first draft form. I cringe to go back and read them and am not brave enough to do that often. Eventually, they will be edited, and then edited a couple of more times, until they become hopefully not garbage. I can tell you they will not be posted on the site in the shape they are in now! Well, I did start posting one of them, but I'm fairly sure it is now private.

Anyway, it is a test of courage to be able to write a bunch of garbage day after day and not throw up your hands and say "Yikes! Why did I ever think I could write?" If I had a dime for every time I've thought that.... Okay, forgive the cliche, but I'm in first draft (garbage) mode. At least I don't worry about having to edit my blog. It is what it is.

And so, my first draft is what it is. And it's okay. It's there. It's written. And they are my words, as horrible as they are.

Learning to allow yourself to write garbage so you can move on from there is the lesson of Wrimo. I don't imagine Beethoven ever tried to publish a first draft of his symphonies. Maybe Mozart did, but there are exceptions to every rule. Oops, another cliche.

I think I'm having more trouble with this one because it is a complete rewrite of something I've already written. (I think it's less garbage than the first, but still....) It was easier to do when I started with a clean slate and didn't try to edit. I'm doing that too much this time although I know editing is not supposed to be allowed during Wrimo. I need to just let it be garbage as it is meant to be and let the creative process flow...

Since my garbage is flowing well tonight, I'm going back to it. I hope to catch up on a few blogs and emails tomorrow.

Wrimo: 32,839

When your employer emails you asking to send her her own new address that she sent you earlier and you laugh about it for ten minutes, is that a sign of fatigue?

I caught up slightly yesterday with over 3,000 words, but today I have just over a thousand. *sigh* I might make myself do a few more before bed, but it would be easier if I hadn't had to start the very early day by driving my son to school when he missed the bus. I'm tired and would rather sleep.

My boss emailed this morning saying she was proud of my work ethic. Well, okay, so I'll do a few more words tonight instead of blowing that out of the water! Tomorrow is Saturday -- no 6:20 am alarm.

I hope everyone else doing Wrimo is ahead of me. Oh well, I thrive under pressure (never mind the gray that's rapidly spreading).

Wrimo: 27,768

A 2,500 year old sarcophagus was found in Cyprus.

Not big news? Maybe not, since there have to be many undiscovered sarcophagi in that region. However, how many of them have color illustrations of Homer's epics inside? Talk about the longevity of stories.

They believe it must be the tomb of a warrior because of the specific illustrations buried with the body: Ulysses defeating the Cyclops, and a battle between the Greeks and Trojans.

What an incredible way to let people know about your life. It has me thinking about which famous story illustration I would use to try to depict who I am. Maybe Jo of Little Women/Little Men? Who would you choose for your own illustration?

I did an in and out earlier that relates to this:

258897

If You Could Be A Character From A Novel  [13+] If you could be a character from a novel which one would it be? by Andrea

Wrimo: 25,957

Well, I hit the half-way point and now I only have to average 2,400 words a day for the next 10 days to make 50. Only, lol.

I did, though, get a few other things out of my hair today so maybe the words will start to come more easily. If you don't see me around much, figure they aren't. Still determined.

 

Wrimo: 23,848

It's been a rather interesting day. I received permission to use lyrics for one of my favorite songs at the end of my novel. The songwriter is such a sweetie and emailed the lyrics to be sure I had them right, wishing me luck. He has a song in the new movie ... I can't say the name of it at the moment! It's the one with the guy still living at home -- a romantic comedy that looks cute. He also has one in "Slither" but I don't do horrors. Anyway, if you watch either one and see Simon Steadman's name in the music credits, point it out to whomever is sitting beside you.

I was finishing up the formatting today, getting ready to send it in, and realized that it will be two pages more than Infinity shows they allow. So I emailed and asked if it would be a problem. I got an answer immediately that it would be fine. *deep breath* I've already cut out about 13,000 words! I think it's down as far as I want to cut it! (now, if I could just stick them in Wrimo, lol)

I also received an email from a friend I've been out of touch with and wondering about saying she hopes we can catch up real soon.

And, within about a half an hour of each other, I got an email from a friend sending a photo of a new kitten she adopted and then one from my mom saying they had to put their dog to sleep. He was such a sweet dog -- a lab mix they rescued when his chain got caught on their car's tire (while parked in the drive). He had been abused, but was such a loving dog for them, grateful to find people who would be nice to him.

I haven't done any writing. I'm still trying to make myself do that before I go to bed. I still don't know why I dont wanna do this right now.

Wrimo: 22,490

I spent too much time this morning playing with trying to make a gif. I wanted to use the gorgeous photos I took of my ornamental pear tree and make a revolving gif that faded from one pic to the next to use here. After not really a horrible amount of time, but enough that I could have written another 1,000 words or so, I did it! I got the timing right and used all 8 photos and it's gorgeous. But ... the file is much too big to upload onto the site.

Not easily discouraged, I made a second version, reducing the size of each photo and making fewer frames ... and it was still too big. One more try took it down to using only three of my photos in a small size that barely shows the pictures. It works! It uploaded fine, but it's tiny. Well, so I didn't put it here but I did put it in my guest book. *shrug* So I learned something new today, anyway. I think I'll load the original version into my personal website and put it on myspace. Why should only WDC members have to suffer through my tree fetish?

I need to learn Flash. The files are much smaller and they can do so much more. I did start learning it but got distracted. Maybe eventually I'll get back to it. Not during Wrimo month, though, not that I'm getting very far with it, but I'm not quite out of the running yet.

Generally, I can do 1,000 words in an hour's time. That's what I averaged during Novembers Wrimo. This time, I'm struggling with the words and I'm not sure why. I know the story. I just have to get it down. So I'm rather annoyed that it's taking about twice the time I expected that it should. On the other hand, I've done three flash fiction stories this month so far and they are coming easily. I think after March I need to change my focus a bit and let my brain refresh.

I did get quite the compliment from susanL for yesterday's entry. She said I was inspiring her to get back to her writing. I'm glad, as she's such a fine writer. Maybe next month's refocus should be to check into other ports more than I have been and get re-inspired myself.

After reading the latest email from Storymaster, I did go to check the other books WDC members have listed in the new "published" section. Actually, I was checking the bios, as I'm trying to write mine again. One of them said that the author had no plans to publish the second book of a series unless sales for the first picked up speed. Hmmm... I guess I see the financial aspect of such a decision, but with free publishing being available, I have to wonder at the logic of it.

Does the author not believe in her own writing unless sales go well? Sales have more to do with marketing, in most cases, than with anything else. That's not always true -- there are many books that are published long before they are ready. I think, though, that sales shouldn't be the main decision as to whether to publish again. Maybe the author should concentrate on the "why" of low sales instead.

Oh, I love the half-full story PlannerDan posted as a comment yesterday! Go read it.

Wrimo: 19,831

So, I had to change my handle today, just for laughs. It's funny, really, how a price drop in what someone is trying to sell your book for can be taken personally. That was my first thought, though I blush to admit it. It is nearly three years old by now ... wow, it doesn't seem like it's been that long ... so it's reasonable to try to sell off the one or two they have left in stock. Not to mention, that I've done so little promoting.

Still, the advantage of using a POD company is that it doesn't ever go out of print. They will hold it forever (however long that happens to be) in their computer database to be available any time someone gets curious and decides to read it.

Anyway, when I was taking a women's literature class a few years ago, it talked a bit about reclamation -- pulling negative words used against one's "group" and turning them around to make them positives. Hence, my handle. It's a half-empty/half-full type of thing. It could be seen as either "only $9.72?" or as "yes, they think I'm worth the chance of spending that hard-earned $9.72 on!"

I'm a half-full type person. As long as it's not in the $2 discount bin somewhere, I'm fine with it. And as long as I don't get returns with comments saying it's trash and not worth the time to read! *ducking*

Well ... I've been reading Gilead recently and next to that....

Very few authors can stand up to Marilynne Robinson, in my opinion. She's amazing. Gilead is only her second novel (she does a lot of non-fiction) and I keep hoping she will do more. Even though I'm behind my word count for Wrimo, I've been dropping in on the online discussion group for the novel because I want to hear other thoughts. A few are saying they can't get into it or stay with it because it's slow. Well, yes, it's slow. It's one of those you have to take your time with and think about and savor and reread passages because it is gorgeous writing mixed with such deep thoughts. It's such enviable writing that it makes me feel like a hack. But then, it makes lots of published authors look like hacks, so it's all okay.

I'm rambling tonight. I haven't done any writing today because "real" life got in the way, but now I'm ready to get back to it. Journaling is such a wonderful thing.

A televangelist gets a $13 Million advance for his self-book, publishers are bidding millions of dollars for Greenspan's memoirs (and he will likely use a ghostwriter), and Amazon lowered the asking price for my novel.

On the up side, I finished my major editing last night! I should say at 1:00 this morning before I crashed. The other half is that I'm sinking fast with Wrimo ... no new word count. So I have about 37K to do in the next two weeks. Hmm...

Also this week, I was offered the chance to go on an east coast tour with singer/songer Anny Celsi ( http://www.myspace.com/annycelsi ). Of course, I can't leave my kids to go, but I'm honored by the offer and she is helping with music research, as she also produces her own music. If you like folk rock, check her out.

Have to go pay bills now and I'm hoping nothing is late.

I wake up to the radio. In between trying to ignore it and stay asleep, I generally get whatever I need to know about current events either from the morning talk show or from reading blogs here.

Yesterday they were talking about the largest money makers in music entertainment for last year. I can tell you that it woke me up and my first thought was that I have to put this in my journal.

Of course the classic acts such as Elton John and Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones were up there in the top five money earners. No surprise there. What got me was the number one spot. Now, I'm not a U2 fan, though their music doesn't bother me. I don't see that it's as big a deal as people make it to be, though. There is so much talk about how Bono is such a wonderful humanitarian and does so much good with his fund-raising efforts. I don't know, every time I see his face, I think what a conceited *** he looks like. That is always my thought. I could be wrong. I've never met him, but I tend to be pretty perceptive about people.

Have you guessed yet that U2 was the top money maker? They took in $250 million last year! They went on to say that most of the money made by musicians now is from touring, which means that the top earners are, in general, the acts demanding the highest ticket prices. I don't know, does this not sound very humitarian to anyone else? Great, he fund-raises, but then he gouges his fans by asking prices so exhorbitant that only the well-to-do can afford to go listen to the music he feels is actually worth asking that kind of money for. I have to think a lot of his "humanitarian" efforts are a marketing ploy. Again, this is only my opinion, but we still have free speech here until extremist liberals decide we don't anymore.

Another thing they mentioned is that this price-gouging for concerts started with one of America's most vocal spokespeople for the "underdog" -- Barbra Streisand. I used to be a huge fan of her music. I love her voice, but I will no longer buy anything she does because of what she has become. The hypocrisy in being "liberal" and "for the underdog" and then gouging fans in this way turns me off. What people don't see is that this is the norm now instead of the deviance from the norm. The "underdog" liberals in this country are now wealthier and more powerful than the "for-the-rich" conservatives. The roles are reversing, but the rhetoric isn't.

I won't watch awards shows any longer. I don't watch Idol (except I watched Bo at the end of season last year because his views sound very indie to me -- I'm afraid the industry will pull that out of him) or any of those "contest" shows that are more political than anything going on in Washington. That whole industry is so much more degenerate than anything our actual leaders are doing, and then they have the nerve to talk down about our government.

They rant about conservatives supporting big business, but is there any business that's bigger or more influential than the entertainment business? No, I think there isn't, and believe me, they are getting the tax breaks they fuss about the "wealthy businessmen" getting. Why is everyone completely overlooking that fact? The pure hypocrisy of it is sickening. How many tax breaks are Bono and Streisand getting while they are fussing about it? How much of what they earn of their own money is going to the charities they are fund-raising for? I imagine not anywhere near the percentage they are trying to get from the same people who they are gouging at concerts.

Yes, I buy a lot of cds. I admit to that. I believe in supporting artists, although I know the company is getting too much of the profit. I am, however, trying to support indie artists. Go to myspace.com to find them. There are tons of talented musicians there working hard to promote themselves.

While you're at it, go check out this item:

935478

The Day the Towers Fell  [ASR] A summary of experiences on the day that the Twin Towers fell by PlannerDan

At this moment: Editing -- 612/644; Wrimo -- 13,157

A real entry will come tomorrow; the one I meant to post today. Next month, I hope to get back to entries worth reading.
 

An early post today because I've been reading through the blog of a new poster to mine and she gave a link to a color personality test! I love color theory, being both into art and psychology, and had to go take it.

Thanks to love_is_sacred for the link. Go check out her new blog!

At this moment: Editing -- 564/644 (I did Wrimo today instead); Wrimo -- 10,820

My brain is fried. No real post. I can't even handle having music on right now because it's one thing too much.

I've been trying to help a couple of people deal with different issues today and I have two sick kids and my restorer who was supposed to finish today called out sick ... and all I wanna do today is write creatively, which means my brain has been in daydream mode. I managed to get 3,000 words in somewhere in between all that, so I feel successful, anyway. Although, I'm terribly behind in blogs. *sigh*

Tomorrow's a new day.

At this moment: Editing -- 564/644; Wrimo -- still 7,886

Well, it was a gorgeous day today! About 76, with sun! "Ask and you shall receive." My windows were all wide open and I was filled with wonderful energy.

I didn't get anything done with Wrimo, but I woke up with an inspiration for something else I've been considering off and on for a while. Since I'm into music and supporting indie bands/musicians, I would love to try to do some interviews for my site. I haven't been sure, though, what to ask. So, a new port item came about:

1080259

Questions for a Musician  [13+] What would you ask a musician if you had the chance? by Voxxylady

At this moment: Editing -- 535/645; Wrimo -- 7,886


Her first real experience with religion came at age thirteen when she and her mother and siblings were invited to a church by a wonderful lady who remained important not only in their church lives, but in their everyday lives. The minister was a tall, thin man with bright white hair and a gorgeous, welcoming smile. His wife was rather short, plump, and her smile was as genuine and as warm. She was her Sunday School teacher.

This was where she met one of her best friends. She and D were in different schools but the same grade, and they clicked from the beginning. It became a strong bond and if she did anything outside her family, it was with D and usually the church youth group. They went to see Petra together, a Christian rock group that played in their music collection alongside the "regular" pop groups. They sang in choir together. They went through different boyfriends/interests together. And, they met their future husbands together.

D introduced her future husband to her, setting them up over the phone. They went together, out of state, when they were both twenty, to go visit the men who were at the time, D's fiance and her budding relationship.

She was D's maid of honor.

Before she got married, though, within a few months' time, D had taken to telling untruths about her to mutual friends of their husbands, and to the new minister at their church. She could see a degrading look from the man who had heard about her before they had even met. She still wonders exactly what was said. Either way, she didn't have this man perform the ceremony. She called her beloved minister back to join her and her fiance into marriage.

Still unsure why the sudden loss of trust in the friendship occurred, she has been wary of friendships, of trusting outside her family. Now she is watching two of her friends split in much the same way. It is a frightening undertaking, beginning to trust someone new. With one small blow, the lengthy process is quickly destroyed.

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