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|  | It Hurts When I Stop Talking | | Rated:
18+ | | Started in Jan 2005: 1st pg entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins | | by: Walkinbird>Perfect ![View walkinbird's Portfolio. [Offline / Private]](http://imgs.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/costumicons/ps-icon-regular-40.gif "View walkinbird's Portfolio. [Offline / Private]") ![Email User: walkinbird [Offline / Private]](http://imgs.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/mail-off.gif "Email User: walkinbird [Offline / Private]") | Avg Rating:   (2) |
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| Item Size: 173 Entries
Created: 3:04am on 01-22-2005
Modified: 1:56pm on 08-22-2009 | |
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Entry #533903, added on 09-09-07 @ 2:22 am EDT.
[Entry Access Restriction] None.
Title:
Cathartic Day: Dreams Alive Again
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After wrestling with a frustrating and drawn-out conversation with my husband today, the fact that I'm now focused on creative thoughts and general dreaming is the last thing I would have anticipated as the end result. The discussion was only hard since it felt like one I'd had to have many times before. But, come to realize, maybe I never had any of these logical conversations I was recounting, and they took place in my head only. It was a continuation of a "what I want" from my husband talk, but this time it was punctuated with sobs. I've decided straight-out that on days when I go to the Episcopal church for USDA handouts, having deep conversations is likely to bring out buried emotions. Now I recognize that, and I've warned my husband.
I let myself be set-up for a condemning attitude on such a day. A day in which there is a notice of overdraft protection kicking in, taking half the money in savings. And, at this realization, I know that the other half will be taken as the fee for providing this service. The sole money that was meant for the upcoming week's fuel, and five full days before the next paycheck will deposit. I go to this food bank before I am even aware that the bank account is drained, as our cupboard is so bare I don't know what will be for dinner. The husband has no plan based on these facts, I do not believe he is even paying attention, on that kind of crisis-level, to note these details. He's also the person in the house without a salary.
So, fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your perspective, (as in, whether one wanted to deal in that moment with a detached, angry, sobbing female), we communicated and grew a little. Then I was blessed with a sudden invitation to take our daughter to a one-year old's birthday party. That kind of escape and laying back for five hours after the afternoon's emotional turmoil really did me some good.
Don't ask what it was that suddenly had me remembering the excitement of attending L.A. Con II twenty-three years earlier. I just was doing a little web-research and got some thread of something that led me to looking up information about Hugo Awards. Now, from all that, I'm considering the great adventure of attending another World Con. (If you are not aware, World Con is an annual convention for members of the World Science Fiction Society, those that decide the Hugo Awards.) The 2008 seems an improbable goal, plus it conflicts with something else I've expressed an interest in attending. The 2009, however, fires my imagination, one because it is named, 'Anticipation,' and two, it is being held in Montreal, Quebec. Maybe my two years of high school French can finally do me some good? |
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