Entry #637814, added on 02-26-09 @ 2:35 pm EST
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| Miserable, but alive | Entry #637814 |
In general, I feel miserable. Yesterday I threw up twice - and being that I actually started the day by dragging myself through an exercise routine, and that's the most I've thrown up in one day... well, it just doesn't help encourage me to enforce another round... Meanwhile, the weather can't seem to decide whether to snow or not. The only consistent thing is the haze and howling wind. My youngest emptied a whole roll of toliet paper - been a while since she's done that. Obviously, she's bored. Can't blame her. The only thing her mother seems to want to do with her is sleep. My computer insisted on doing windows update and since I collapsed into bed last night instead of turning it off (after throwing up), well, it shut down the computer itself and apparently I've lost all the misc. files that I hadn't named and saved. My midwife hasn't gotten back with me over my due date after I expressed doubt in her Aug 20th date. So, I'm left with a span of three months - my original guess being Oct, the generic online calculator saying Sept and my Midwife thinking Aug 20th. With a family reunion Aug 13th and my sister planning a "wedding" (legally she's been married since last Dec, so this is really just for show) on the 29th of Aug - both of which events I would have to fly to and/or from. And airlines wanting a doctor's letter - some to fly within a month of the due date - and me not having a "doctor", but much prefering a midwife... well, I fell a bit unsettled about my Aug plans. In the emotional state I'm in now, I'm tempted to just e-mail everyone and say, "don't count on me being anywhere", but the reunion is my Husband's family and the only ones he's told is his own folks, who probably think the date is in October so everything is clear... and a week before we found out that we were expecting, we had told everyone that we were planning on coming... But I really don't have to look that far for problems and plans derailed... we've promised to have the house ready for the realtor to show by Monday... and then of course indefinately from then on til the place sells... but I can't even drag myself out of bed to make breakfast for my family and I lug a bowl around all day feeling miserable, forcing myself to eat when I'm sick and nothing looks appealing, meanwhile my three kids terrorize the house... and my youngest always wanting to be held and nursed ... and then by the time I get them in bed, it's getting common that stagger to bed and hope that either my husband will deal with all the stuff left out/on, or I try and deal with the stuff and try to make it to bed before I throw up again...sometimes I get the gumption to nurse my youngest and hold out until she's at least partly asleep, then put her in the crib and hold her hand - or last night, neither of those happened. Instead I just let her climb into bed with me, tolerated a bit of kicking, hairpulling etc. until she finally managed to take over my pillow, kick all the covers off and pass out from exhaustion. Then my Husband moved her to her crib when he got home at 11 or so. I had a rough night last night. Then this morning, he reminded me that we are just passed midterms. Crunch time... the time when students see a little letter by their class that demonstrates that they just aren't getting the class material - and that the teacher knows it. Now, I must point out that my Husband is one of those priceless, studious, A students who is nearly always up-to-date with his homework - and turns in every assignment - but usually ahead of what the teachers even hope for! He reads the textbooks before semesters start. He's like the opposite of me, with all my last minute procrastination... So how does "just after midterms" affect him? Because he's not only one of those star students, but he's a star tutor. In a college where tutoring is provided free of charge, he's really popular. His slots are full and constantly people come begging for help. And if he can, he usually does. Which means that all his night time study time is spent in helping others and then his mornings he must deal with his own school work. In other words, he has no time to help with maintaining the home, keep up with the dishes/meals or other things. It's no surprise and it happens every semester. The difference is that before, I wasn't sick, and we weren't trying to show the house for sale.
Good news? Yes, I guess I have some of that too. First of all, although I hate morning sickness, I treasure the chance to have another child, and I dearly love my children. My oldest is trying hard to help - bringing me food, wanting to help with dishes and even changing diapers of the youngest. One of my friends finished reading Hall of Secrets, loved it and is eagerly waiting for book II. She says her favorite character is Nehea and that she really got a kick out of his line about the others being "butt-bouncing barbarians" because they ride horses. Yep, he's my insult speciallist. She guessed some of Cat's background, which is fine. It means that I have well-supported it and it will be realistic and acceptable to the reader when I bring it out in book II. I'm not overly concerned about people guessing it. Frankly, that friend is far more intrigued by the winged girl. I had my Husband read through my sketchy outline of my new prologue and he said that it had some good potential. So that will hopefully encourage me to move forward on that. It's walking a very fine line of could be confusing because of too much info or not enough or simply be giving too much away. For someone who has read the backstory - which the one friend mentioned above has - it gives a fair amount of info, so I've already decided to hold off letting her read it for as long as possible.
Technically, the Brainstorming Review forum is open, but the one who won the first book review has not yet contacted me. I e-mailed her, inviting her to post the info and story that she wants help with, but have not heard from her at all. Part of me say just open it up for novel help requests anyway until she comes forward, but I certainly wasn't planning on being sick when I set this in motion.
So, ... I guess I take one step at a time...
-Renegade
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