Entry #652959, added on 06-03-09 @ 5:52 pm EDT
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| The end of friendship | Entry #652959 |
I think it's really funny what happens when friendships end. Especially given my situation with my (former) best friend.
She and I were hellishly close. Beyond close. People used to joke that we came together, like a packaged deal. Invite one, invite both. But they also used to wonder how she and I could ever be friends. We're beyond opposite, but what we do have in common is stubbornness, strength of will, and a strong belief in our own moral system.
The problem is--and everyone who knows the two of us sees it--that I am a very serious person. Perhaps I take life too seriously and I certainly am guilty of taking myself too seriously most of the time, but seriousness is a part of my genetic make-up, I suppose. As a consequence of such seriousness, I am extraordinarily loyal, steadfast, responsible, reliable, etc. I am that person that you can turn to, say "I really need...." and it'll be done. Maybe not the most creative person--my creative outlet is my writing--but someone whom you can rely on to get the job done correctly.
I am also very much of the mind that you put other peoples' comfort before your own. Not at the expense of your own, mind you, unless it's like the case of giving up your seat for someone who obviously needs it more than you, but I was definitely raised to think that you are to be considerate of other people and think of their needs at least in collusion with your own. And to respect someone's time, someone's feelings, and someone's talents.
Some might say that I am the quintessential beta personality, but that is far from true. I am very much a leader. Really, if you want something done correctly and well and ON TIME, I am definitely the person you want to be running your project. Am I the creative leader, coming up with ideas? No, probably not. But am I the person who will realize that person's idea? Definitely. I'm not trying to write a resume for myself, here, just to paint a picture. I am reliable. Am I the life of the party? No. I'm not some...wallflower or anything, but I can only truly come to life, so to speak, if I'm comfortable in a situation. And large parties, clubs, etc. are not comfort situations for me.
I hope that works. That kinda friend that you might not invite to the rave (I'd run away if I went, probably), but definitely the person you want if you're having a get-together with friends and need someone to keep people entertained (I'm told I'm funny)...and definitely the person you want as your friend if you're ever stranded by the side of the road at 3am because your car broke down. Dependable, you know?
My former best friend doesn't take life seriously at all. Some might say that she doesn't take it seriously enough and is, as a consequence, flighty and unreliable. You tell her to be somewhere at 2, she'll consider being there by 3 or 4 because she has to make sure her hair is perfect and she has the right shade of lip gloss on. I can understand wanting to look good to go somewhere nice--I'm not going to go out wearing cut-offs and a ratty t-shirt--but putting on make-up and a perfectly matching outfit to go to the movies? I mean, if you've got time to do it, go right ahead...no one cares if you're over-dressed, but she'd often do this at the expense of people waiting for her. And 99% of the time, that person involved me. And I'd defend her to the people who wanted to leave, even though I was beyond angry myself. I just figured it was part of being who she was. That being on time was like asking the sun to come up in the west.
Vivian had a tendency of wanting to be the center of everyone's attention all the time. She was the kind of person who was the life of the party, even when the party was, say, a birthday party for someone else. She had no notion that she needed to stay in the background and let someone else have their day. And she could never stand to acknowledge that someone might be better at something than her. When I met her, Vivian was the darling of everyone's heart--the singer, the artist, the wonderful rapier fighter, etc--and she loved it. She loved everyone's attention and praise and thrived upon it. For their part, people didn't ask her to do anything really important to them because she might or might not do it.
That's not to say that she didn't take stuff seriously. She did. She took her art seriously. Vivian is a wonderful artist. Problem is, I've never seen her draw anything but anime, so I can't judge her ability or her range. She was especially good at clothing. And especially at fancy, bows and lace froofy clothing. She kind of wouldn't draw anything else. If someone asked her to design something simple for them, she'd find any way possible to add a bow or a piece of lace. Basically, Vivian had to be the center of attention, from her clothes to her designs to her sewing. Problem was, while she is very good at the planning, she is horrible at the execution. Ask her to make one of her designs and it comes out looking like a Halloween costume...like one of those cheap ones you can buy at the local costume shop. She'd acknowledge it herself, but she also told me that she was convinced people were trying to sabotage her by convincing her to buy sub par fabrics and use inappropriate techniques.
The biggest problem I had with Vivian is her treatment of men. I am basically one of the guys myself, so I canNOT reconcile women who use women as their personal bankroll and then don't give them anything in return. Vivian always said it was because she was Colombian and men always pay for the women, but...for real? Unless she planned on marrying a Colombian man, how could she expect that? What if she asked him out? Is he supposed to pay for her then, too, just for agreeing to go out with her? Yes. At that didn't only extend to dating. Even going out with friends, Vivian had no problem letting people pay for her...showing no intention of paying them back or even thanking them. Drinks, food, movies, what have you. She seemed almost to expect it and showed no qualms with it.
Basically, everything had to be her way all the time or else she would throw a fit. She was a consummate diva to the Nth degree. And, for five years--even when people asked why the hell I would put up with it--I put up with it. I would deal with it when she got pissy with me because I wanted to hang out with other friends. When she got mad that I wouldn't call her and seemed to have dropped her from my life (I lived almost 100 miles away at the time), I made an effort to call her more even though I hate talking on the phone and run out of stuff to say in about 5 minutes. Everything she wanted, she got. And when I asked her to do stuff--memorize this song so we can perform, please don't show up late, please don't slam on the brakes when you stop because it gives me a headache--she never seemed to do it.
And then, on top of it, she thinks the friendship is over because *I* am selfish and always demanding that she change when I make no effort to change myself. No, I don't change. She is right. I will change behaviors, but not who I am. And did I ask that she not do certain things around me? Yeah. But I only did it when her behaviors were upsetting other people. And I never asked her to change herself. I never took the attention from her...ok, rarely took the attention from her. I am smarter than she is, so when the situation required smarts, I got the attention. And I am a trained musician who actually stuck with it as opposed to quit when it got too hard (sorry...a little bitter), but still.
So yes, I think it's funny. She has convinced the people who know me only marginally that I am the evil bitch (mostly because I am very quiet and almost cold when I first meet people) and I seem to have gotten the people who know us both equally. And she's started getting very bitchy with them because they don't exclude me from things like she wants them to (she's said this to people when I wasn't there) and is starting to piss them off with her diva attitude. So, basically, she losing other friendships by dumping me instead of the other way around. I might not be their darling, but she certainly isn't it anymore.
So, moral of the story: Don't try and fuck over former friends. It comes back to bite you in the ass. |
© Copyright 2009 Quaddy (UN: rainangel at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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