Entry #290537, added on 05-15-04 @ 1:47 am EDT
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| My-15: The Other Man | Entry #290537 |
I’m going to back up about eight years now. That’s about how long ago I became acquainted with another man. We’ve had our ups and downs, but this guy has stayed with me through my denials, rejections and fits of rage. He’s quite an amazing fellow - rich beyond compare, strong, loyal, a true genius and most of all, patient and loving. Why he ever wanted anything to do with me is beyond my comprehension. I had given him plenty of reasons to flee, and yet he remained a constant in my life.
Gradually, his influences began affecting my daily life. Attitudes, beliefs and priorities began changing inside me. My conscience was something I listened to. And then the praying began. Soon that wasn’t enough. Meditation allowed me to block out worldly distractions and focus even further on the relationship. It intensified to such a degree, I couldn’t even get through one day without talking to him. Soon, my existence began to revolve around the moments I could steal away just to be with him. My family noticed the changes, although I tried to maintain some sort of balance. Things that previously seemed unimportant became paramount; things that were once priorities, dissolved from my life. Nature caught my attention in a big way. In fact, I found various elements of nature to be extensions and gentle reminders of the purity of the relationship. Things like trees, birds, sunrise, sunset and the stars were an essential part of my emotional well being. The eyes of young children reflected life’s innocence and the wisdom of the elderly captured my curiosity.
It didn’t take long for me to re-evaluate my life to provide a permanent place for his presence. The changes were indeed life-altering. Not just for me, but everyone my life touched. I walked away from the only existence I’d known for well over twenty years just so I could breath. I packed up my family, disconnected from my career and moved to a place that revealed the splendor of the stars every night. It was the closest I could get to his home. And for a while, we were pacified. But then I wanted even more of his time.
Just when I thought I couldn’t endure the separation, relief came and the writing began. At first, it was a release - a way to pour my thoughts onto the page and document my deepest feelings. After a while, I began practicing a technique that combined the meditative state with a thought process I call Trance Writing. Countless days and unending nights of focused thought brought forth written words which tapped directly into the meditations. Sometimes the words flowed from my fingertips from unknown places. Other times, I knew exactly where they were coming from - HIM.
I was consumed with HIS love and had to have more. And HE always provided as much love as I was willing to accept. I still find much of my life inadequately qualified for HIS love. But, still HE remains patient and understanding. My LORD: the other man in my LIFE.
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