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Entry #399839, added on 01-16-06 @ 4:16 pm EST.
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Title:
burn ban
We've been under a burn ban for what seems like a month or more here in Central Texas. No outside fires of any kind are permitted around here. No trash burning, no campfires, no nothing. The vegetation is so dry that everyone is really starting to get scared. I don't think we have had a drop of rain in six weeks. Maybe more.
marv fits in her capri pants
Thank goodness it isn't hot. It's supposed to be winter here. Has been for a almost a full month, but we really only had one or two freezing mornings this year. I'm starting to wonder if we're just going to skip winter weather all together and start heading for spring! That wouldn't surpise me much, now that I think of about it. No rain, and no cold weather except for that little two day freeze that we had back in November. It's so dry that motorists are warned not to pull off of the highway into the grass. Heat from the engine, or sparks from catalytic converters can start grass fires very quickly this way.
Smokers have to change their habits, too. Better not toss that cigarette butt out the window now, or you'll have five cars pull up next to you at the light. They will get out of their cars and pull you out of yours, and proceed to beat the holy hell out of you until you see the error of your evil ways.
marv is so hot in her capri pants that she can't sit in the grass.
In other news, the family picked up a line from That 70's Show. It's the catch-phrase that Kelso and Eric and Donna and the gang use when they are sticking it to each other, rubbing it in each other's faces... out of love. They do it 'cause they like each other, but it's really hateful sounding.
It's like getting "told" or being "schooled". It's called, getting "burned". Marv swears that they used to do it back when she was in school. Like when Pierre was bragging and boasting about having the last shot of coconut rum on New Year's Eve. He was all dangling it in front of our faces and taunting us with the last shot, when he dropped it and it spilled on the floor and he never got a chance to drink it.
THAT was a burn on him. A true burn, and it served him right for taunting us with it in the first place.
When the flaming mouse jumped out of the trash barrel where the guy had thrown him, and ran right back into the guys house and burned it to the ground, that was a burn, too.
The problem in our house is that "everything" has turned into a burn, and it's just wrong. A true burn has to be sneaky, it has to catch everyone by surprise, and be a little embarrassing or humilating. It can't be something as simple as a contradiction or a mere difference of opinion. Like if Marv was saying that the new American Idol show will be aired on Wednesday, and I merely correct her to say that it's on Tuesday, that's not a burn. Although, Stephanie, at this point would say, "Ohhh burrrrn," and Zach and I would look at her funny and say, "that's not a burn."
marv's capri pants are on fire and they are burning her ass.
It's been fun but it's getting out of hand, and the line is blurred so much that everything is a burn and nothing is a burn, and the whole family is tired of hearing, "Ohhhhhh burrrrrrrn!" But, the fun part of it for me is, I so very rarely burn any of them, that when I do, it's always a good one, and it's always a REAL true BURN, not one of those lame, burn wannabes.
So, yeah, did I mention there's a burn ban here in Central Texas?
Driving down the highway, everything is brown and grey, and dirty yellow. The wind blows and you can see it picking up dust and dirt from under the dead grass and brush. It bring to mind scenes from the Dust Bowl of the 1930's, Grapes of Wrath, the Great Depression. Everything is monochromatic shades of brown and earth tones, hardly any green or color anywhere, except of course for the bright red glowing of marv's capri pants, which by the way, didn't fit her a year ago...
and now they do.
Zoo 
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