Entry #602810, added on 08-19-08 @ 6:15 pm EDT
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It's funny how one act of inconsiderateness (is that a word) can all of a sudden throw you into the past. I work in an office with 8 other women. We all work pretty close together both in proximity and in our line of work as home visitors.
Before I say what happened, let's break down who I work with and a brief description.
Janis- 60s, not assertive, very nice, doesn't make waves
Tearany- 24, pretty nice, assertive, "cute", athletic,blond, mom of 3
Carrol- 61, very assertive, speaks what she has to say, sticks up for the underdog, conservative
Amanda- 34, mom of 3, big partier on the weekends, "attrative", thin, blond and brunette
Annie- 25, mom of 3, attractive, funny, blond, larger build, big gossiper, hates confrontation
Gina- 25, no kids, comes from money, married money. "beautiful", parties on the weekends with Amanda, thin
Lisa- 38, 2 kids, new kid on the block so she follows Annie.
Laura- 27, 2 step kids, comes from money, married money. Very judgemental and snobbish. Very confrontational, rude. "Pretty", thin.
(The "quotes" above are due to the fact that this is a societal impression not my opinion.)
And then there's me.
I am 32, have three kids, and am a big ol dyke. I am not perceived to be one of the "beautiful people" especially in the straight world. I'm 5'5, did not come from money and have worked hard for everything I've got, far from thin. I have hips, boobs, and an ass. In my world, other lesbians think I'm hot or sexy however. I am far from judgemental, nice to those I work with, friendly, helpful, and always there for people. I don't gossip, I don't talk bad about anyone, and I don't relish OR avoid confrontation.
So why am I made to be the outsider? I'm a good person, a good friend, a good wife and mother, and a good person to have on your side.
So here's the deal, they all went out to lunch and I was not invited. When I say all, I mean all. They all left without even so much as telling me what restaurant they were going to. I don't know why. I haven't done anything that would cause me to be left out like that. I have a good time talking to them and typically I go with them when everyone goes out to lunch. They don't invite me out on the weekends and now they outwardly snubbed me. I even asked (once I realized everyone was getting ready to go) where they were going (still not aware that it was everyone who had been invited but me). I got a very vague, "I dunno to get something to eat." It was Tearany's last day so everyone took her out. Everyone but me.
It's not like this is the first time this has happened but today was so blatant that it hurt. Plus to invite everyone but me was ballsy at best.
I'm sick of trying to prove myself. I felt like I was that outcasted kid in high school again. Here is this clique it's no different than Baldwin or Liberty High. I have the jock, the snobs, the follower, the partier, the comedian, and the one rich bitch who everyone falls all over to be like.
I'm not in high school and yes I know that I didn't take the job to make friends. And yes I know that they are petty and immature. And yes I realize they are selfish and self centered.
It doesn't make it hurt less though. It doesn't make my work environment less sucky. |
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