I'd been working in the lab with some kidnapped Russian scientists when Sergi came up to me looking worried.

"It's the Planet Crusher 3000, sire. We've been let down by the distributer and he says we can't have all the smuggled African blood diamonds that we ordered. Even on overtime, we won't make the blasting window that we threatened Luxembourg with. Sorry."

So, I'm a little tense when I reach my lair and I'm thinking what a total ninny I'll look on the world stage when the suicide capitol of the universe is still being miserable next Saturday. I feed the shark, pet the cat, even leer at a captive princess but nothing helps. Sinking into my Lazyboy with a beer I surf cable.

I love the AbLounger. Look how well honed those guys are. Oh-my-gosh, that's after 14 days! Un-believable. Think how the Henchmen will look in a fortnight. Check out these guns, James Bond! Fingers fly over the phone pad, credit card at the ready...

"Yes, I'd love to upgrade to the Gold option....Really, and this is a one time offer on the P&P....huh, huh....No, thank you!"

Easy. Oh, it's the Miracle Mop. Got one last month. I'll surf again...

GEMS TV!!!!! Diamond worries are a thing of the past.

"So, no matter what I order it's only one P&P and you can guarantee delivery by Thursday?....Perfect....No, I won't need the complimentary jewelry box - gonna get Luxembourg..... Thanks, Sandra.... You have a nice day too!"