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Sunday
February 12, 2012
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  >> Book >> Comedy >> ID #1392894  |   Show DetailsPrinter Friendly Page Tell A Friend
World Domination Guide
A selection of Short Stories taken from the other life of Acme
Rated:
13+
by
Avg Rating: (8)
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Entry #603366, added on 08-23-08 @ 11:41 am EDT
   Entry Access Restriction: None.
Occult and its relationship with TyrannyEntry #603366
Ok.

So, I'm bored and the Henchmen are doing a stock inventory. There's no-one in the cells to torture and I've given my Gold Card to The Clown (my second in command). Just to look after, you understand. I check out the DVD selection in the lair and come across my complete collectors editions of Xena: Warrior Princess and Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

Who said that being General Leader In Charge of The Planet was easy?

I decide to save Xena until I'm feeling less 'cerebral' and check out the Buffy episode after that nancy Vampire, Angel, left. It's then that I'm struck with realisation of how very clever Joss Weedon was: Why can't a blond cheerleader be the chosen one? And if that's the case then why the heck can't a curly-headed, hobbit with pale skin and freckles lead his Henchmen to victory?

The Occult - That which is hidden

Therefore if people generally think of a Vampire Slayer as Anthony Hopkins with glasses and a beard then Buffy would be the true champion to fight the occult.

It then stands to reason that if every one assumes that evil dictators have to look like Ming The Merciless (Terry Pratchet's Patrician, etc.,) then a Flash Gordon look-a-like would the real fella to watch. Blows my little efforts out of the water. OR DOES IT?

Ever thought what the real bad guys look like? Yeah I know - your mind flicks instantly to Christopher Walken being in charge of the IRS with Simon Cowel as a side-kick.

The Occult - Manipulating Natural Forces

Look at Earnst Blofeld's cat - that's a familiar, just like a witch or a wizard. Ghengis Kahn had his ponies. Catherine the Great had those too and a scary half-rat/half-drunk man. It seems to be a given that I should follow the rules and have a familiar but I can't really take the shark out on a leash and I fall over animals smaller than my knee. Only being 5'3" I'd just look plain silly with anything larger... Oh, I could have Crystal Cockroach on a clip chain - like ANTM! But then could you imagine throwing your head back in a maniacal laugh and it going in your mouth...ewrgh.


The Occult - Black Arts

I've already discussed the Black Hat theory in other works - but, seriously, check out the wardrobe!

Clothes
Darth Vader - Black plastic (always wondered how sweaty it got in there...)
Ming - Lovely rich red satins with BLACK
The ChildCatcher - Chitty Bang Bang would have been nothing without him

Hair
Darth Vader - None. How evil is that?
Ming - Bald too. Facial hair is a given
Child Catcher - Black, straight and slicked back

I think I need a relaxing agent, or clippers. Will treat myself to a make-over when the Henchmen have finished the inventory.

Until next time. Take care, Acme



** #1289363 Not An Image **



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