Entry #668029, added on 09-16-09 @ 7:37 pm EDT
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| Quotation Contest - Some Thoughts | Entry #668029 |
The August Quotations contest wasn't one I could participate in, simply because I had no internet at the time. Nonetheless the quote did make me think of a nonfiction story.
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
~Winston Churchill
For a long time in my life I existed, quite simply, to make other people happy. I had no concept of my own happiness. In fact, it wasn't until a year ago that my therapist fatefully asked me one day, "What do you want?" She didn't miss a beat when I looked at her in bewilderment. "What do YOU want?"
I remember being astounded. No one had ever asked me what I wanted before. I was always asking other people. That simple statement opened my mind in a way nothing else ever had. It turned out I had a quick answer for her once I thought about it. In fact, in the weeks and months to come, I would ask myself that question repeatedly as I dealt with situations and began to realize just what that entailed.
Part of that came unexpectedly on Father's Day 2009. My best friend and I had had a major argument. In essence, after living with her and her family for almost a year, she asked me to move out and stated it was because her son's poor behavior was the result of me being there. However, I had grown wiser in the last six months and had come to know her true heart. In fact, I'd spent the last ten years of our relationship defending that relationship even against evidence to the contrary. At that moment I didn't think, I simply acted. That morning I grabbed the essentials I and my daughter needed, loaded her into the car, and made phone calls to local homeless shelters. On that day I decided I would stand up for myself and what I wanted which was to be free of a negative relationship and a horrible situation, even if it meant temporarily going into a situation that was pretty close to horrible in its own way.
There have been times in the last four months when I've doubted. When I've railed at the injustice. When I've wanted to cry and give up. But somehow, in spite of it all, I stood firm by my conviction that leaving that situation was the best thing for my daughter and I. In fact, it destroyed the one friendship I had ever really had. It destroyed a bond that I thought was real and cherished above all others. I haven't spoken to my former best friend since I took all my stuff and moved it into a storage unit a week later. Four months later a part of me still grieves. I grief for the lost innocence. I grieve for the rootlessness I feel in my life. I grieve for the loss of someone who I loved like a sister. Because now, for better or worse, we're enemies. I cannot bend my convictions to accept her behavior and she cannot do it either.
We still attend the same college. I saw her today even. She's still, as far as I know, a member of this site, although I doubt she's very active. I still keep an eye on her blog and twitter page because some part of me longs for what is dead and gone. But I know I'm right and I will stand by that decision for all time. Because now, I know what I want. And standing up for that is worth any price. |
© Copyright 2009 MKeyes gets married 4/28/12 (UN: michellekeyes at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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