Entry #674962, added on 11-05-09 @ 11:29 pm EST
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| 1859 words today, mostly dialogue | Entry #674962 |
At the end of the song, Braden was thronged. His adoring fans loved him even more, despite the fact that he couldn’t sing or dance. The crowd insisted that he do more, but Braden gave the mic back to Reg and went to the kitchen with Matt and Josh. Josh had picked his girl-de-jour, a bubbly little thing in uber-tight clothing named Samantha.
Bobble-Head Jesus were covering a Spanish song. It was some kind of pop-rap-salsa mix. Reg impressed the chicas with his adept Spanish.
Matt was scratching his head and laughing to the ‘un dos tres’ lyrics. “What is this?” he asked.
The others tried to place it. Certainly familiar, but unknown.
“Rico… Suave…” Reg crooned.
Braden said “It’s ‘Rico Suave’.”
Matt laughed and they punched it out. “But,” Matt said, “Who’s it by?”
Nobody knew. Out came the iPhones and Blackberries as everybody in the kitchen scrambled to be the first to figure out who brought us the hit “Rico Suave”, or at least figure it out before Bobble-Head Jesus finished spitting it out.
Zachary, their host, was first – “It’s a dude called…” he struggled with the Spanish pronunciation – “Gerardo.”
“Never heard of him,” Matt said, and Braden shook his head.
Josh, still fiddling with his Blackberry, said “Must be some kinda Spain dude or something.”
“Says here he’s from Ecuador,” Zachary said. He showed the screen to the girl who was still attached to him, who it seemed was called Ashley, and she giggled.
“Oh-my-effen-GOD,” Ashley squealed.
Zachary showed the picture around. Gerardo was wearing tight jeans, a glittery white ball cap, and nothing else. He looked like a skinny version of a rapper with a diamond embedded in a tooth.
“Says here,” Zachary went on, “the dude became an uber-rich studio dude.”
“Hm,” said Braden, and everybody gave a nod of approval.
Matt said, “One-hit wonder.”
Bobble-Head Jesus launched into their next song, a very dramatic cover of “Nothing Else Matters.”
Josh said, “What would happen if a band covered all the one-hit wonder songs?”
“They’d become rich and famous,” Braden said. “Hundred-hit wonders.”
The conversation went on, and so did Braden’s brain, but in a different direction. If a band covered all the one-hit wonder songs, they’d become rich and famous. One-hit wonder songs were all hits. If you were a band, and you covered them all, you’d have all hits. Nothing but hits. Of course, there’s more to being a rich and famous band than just having hit songs. You have to have good looks, too. Hit songs and good looks. Braden believed he’d just stumbled upon an idea of a lifetime.
The conversation and the party went on, but Braden waited with impatience for a moment to get his best friends alone and serious enough to convince them that they wanted to start a band and have a hundred hits.
Finally, the time was right. Things were winding down. Josh had disappeared for a reasonable amount of time with his catch of the day, and the rest of the girls had given up trying to get Matt to disappear with them. Zachary and Ashley were making a nominal gesture to tidy up, by dunking random cups and cans into the open kitchen garbage. The hired help would take care of everything in the morning.
There was some wicker furniture around the terrace pool, and that’s where Braden led the guys, with a mickey of Crown Royal as a lure.
“Dudes,” Braden said. He was using his this-is-the-most-awesome-idea-ever voice.
The guys leaned forward, to get their shot glasses filled and listen to Braden’s awesome idea.
“This is the most awesome idea ever,” he said. His this-is-the-most-awesome-idea-ever voice was deep, low, resonant, and accompanied by an uber-serious deep-into-your-eyes pierce with his flame blue eyes.
Josh was so excited about the upcoming awesome idea that his fingers were starting to shake. The shot glass tinkled against his brand-new gold high-school ring. He clenched his fist tighter around the glass.
“Remember what you said about if a band covered all the one-hit wonder songs, Dude?” Braden said. It was always best, when convincing others to join in a cockamamie scheme, to make them think it was their idea in the first place.
Josh slowly nodded. He didn’t really remember saying anything about a band covering all the one-hit wonder songs; he didn’t even remember talking about bands or songs. He was pretty drunk, and a lot had happened to him that night already.
Braden nodded too, to let Josh know that somewhere he had to remember. “That got me thinking. What if a band covered all the one-hit wonder songs? All those songs are hits, right?”
The guys nodded.
Braden filled the shot glasses. “If a band covered all the one-hit wonder songs, then all their songs would be hits.”
He raised his glass, and the guys followed his lead. They clinked and drinked.
“And,” Braden went on, “What do you need to make it big in the music industry?”
Matt said, “Jimi Hendrix’s guitar?”
Braden looked at him very serious. “I’m being serious, dude,” he said.
Matt nodded and waited for Braden to go on.
Braden put the Crown Royal on the glass-topped wicker table, along with his shot glass, and went on. “A lot of hit songs, and really good looks.”
Matt snorted. “I don’t think that’s all you need, dude,” he said.
“Oh yeah?” Braden said, still looking serious. “Look at MTV. What do you see there? A bunch of exceptionally good-looking people with hit songs that someone else wrote for them.”
Matt said, “I don’t think Snoop Doggy Dogg is all that good looking.”
Braden sat back. “Well, talent’s another way to go. But what I’m saying is, we-“ he waved his hands around at them- “are good-looking people. We are well liked among our peers. We have what it takes.”
The guys looked unconvinced.
“Do you really think so, Dude?” Josh asked.
Braden leaned toward him. “Yes, I do. Look at you. You get any girl you want. Look at Matt. Every girl in the school wants him, even though he’s gay. And look at me. I’m a terrible singer, but they loved me tonight.”
“That’s because they already love you,” Matt said. “And your song was funny.”
“I’m a natural performer,” Braden said. “Besides, you guys always wanted to start a band.”
Matt snorted. “That was in junior high!” He said. “When my dad bought me that guitar. Now I want to leave the guitar under my bed, go on our round-the-world gap-year trip, and then start uni. You too, right Josh?”
Josh looked at Matt. “I don’t have a guitar,” he said.
“No,” Braden said. “You don’t. You have a kick-ass set of keyboards. And you have talent and ambition. Just think of all the hot chicks you’d get if you were part of a famous band!”
Josh thought of it. Groupies!
Matt was still scoffing and shaking his head. “What about you? You can’t play an instrument, you can’t sing, you can’t dance; all you can do is stand there and look good.”
Braden nodded his head. “And that’s all I need to do. Look at Britney Spears.”
“She can sing and dance,” Matt said.
“She can lip-sync and shake her ass,” Braden corrected. “Look at Justin Timberlake. Look at Taylor Swift, and Jason Darulo, and the freaking Backstreet Boys! Besides, my uncle Razz can get us a publicist. That’s what you need, good looks, hit songs, and a publicist.”
Josh was sold. Matt was incredulous but warming to the idea.
“Let’s say,” Braden suggested, “we put a band together, we try a few shows and stuff, and see what happens.”
“We need drums,” Matt said.
Braden turned to Josh. “Dude, that keyboard of yours has drums, don’t it?”
Josh nodded.
“No,” Matt said. “We need proper drums. If we’re going to do this based on our looks, we need to look like a band. And a band has drums.”
He had a good point.
Who did they know who could play drums? All the good drummers at school were already in bands, real bands that did gigs and stuff, and wrote their own music, like Bobble-Head Jesus.
Josh said, “Couldn’t we put out like a want ad or something?”
“You ‘avin a laugh?” Matt asked. “Wanted – drummer.”
“Wanted,” Braden said, “Good-looking drummer.”
“Preferably with talent, cuz we ain’t got none,” Matt laughed.
“That’s not true,” Braden said. “You two have talent. I’ll get a singing coach or something. I’m sure I can learn the basics real quick. By the time we have a drummer, I’ll be able to sing.”
“What song should we cover?” Josh asked.
“That Gerardo one,” Braden suggested.
Matt shook his head. “You can’t learn Spanish and how to sing at the same time. Let’s start with something in English, crude American English.”
“How about that Sexy Bitch song?” Josh said. “I love that song.”
Braden looked Josh directly in the eyes so he would listen. “It has to be a one-hit wonder song, dude,” he said. “That’s the whole idea. To cover all the one-hit wonder songs. Like you said.”
“That song’s a hit,” Josh said.
“Yeah,” Braden said, “But Akon and David Guetta both have lots of hits. So neither of them are one-hit wonders.”
“Oh,” Josh said. His brain went back to the drawing board.
Meanwhile, Matt had consulted the all-knowing internet on his Blackberry again.
“I got a list, here,” he said. He started reading the biggest one-hit wonder songs. “The Macarena.”
Braden shuddered and Josh started doing Macarena motions, incorrectly. “Chicks dig that song,” Josh said.
“Spanish,” Braden reminded him.
“Oh, yeah,” Josh said.
Matt went on. “Tainted Love.”
Braden and Josh both said, “Oooh.”
“Come on, Eileen.”
“Come on, what?”
Matt started singing. “Come on, Eileen, oh, da da da dah…”
Braden nodded cheekily. “Yeah, I can see why that song was a hit. What, is this the top one-hit wonder gay songs from the eighties or what?”
Matt said, “Let’s see here. Yeah, pretty much. Well, we got Eamon, ‘f*** It, I Don’t Want You Back’. And ‘Monster Mash.’ All the good ones have already been covered.”
Braden said, “Can you find a list of one-hit wonder cool songs?”
Matt clicked buttons for a few moments.
“’Groove is in the Heart’,” he said.
“What?” Braden asked.
Josh said, “That’s a girl song.” He started singing in falsetto: “Groove is in the he-a-art!”
“’Blue’?” Matt read.
“What?” Braden asked.
Josh sang, “I’m blue, daba dee, daba die…”
Matt said, “People still remember that song. I reckon we’d best stick with obscure oldies. Bring back something nobody’s heard for, like, forever.”
“Like what?” Braden asked.
“I don’t know,” Matt said. “I’ve never heard of most of these. ‘Tainted Love’?”
Josh shook his head. “It’s been covered. Marilyn Manson.”
“Damn,” Braden said. “I liked that one.”
“We need to listen to these songs,” Matt said.
“Yeah,” Braden agreed, and Josh nodded. “Let’s meet at my house tomorrow. I’ll call my uncle Razz. We’ll go through some of those lists with Limewire. And we’ll, uh, post an add for a drummer.”
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