Entry #675820, added on 11-11-09 @ 10:27 pm EST
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I honestly do not understand this. I've been on the oxybutynin or whatever for a week now, and I've gone back to drinking semi-regularly--meaning, instead of the 6-7 cups a day I drink during summer, I'm drinking instead the approximately 4 cups I feel like drinking (I'm just not as thirsty when it's cold). And instead of feeling better (which I knew would not happen), it just seems to be making things worse. I haven't yet returned to letting out a half cup every ten minutes like in the summer, but I honestly believe that's only because I'm not drinking 6-7 cups a day like I was then. If I were, I'm sure it'd be much worse. The thing is, the amount I'm putting out no longer coincides with the amount I'm taking in. I am literally putting out more fluids than I take in, and I do not see how that's possible.
It seems to increase every single day since I've started the medication. The day I started the meds, I let out about 35.5oz (over four cups) that day total. The next day, 39.5oz (almost five cups). Couldn't keep accurate track the next day as I was out. The day after that, 43.5oz (over five cups). The day after that, 45.5oz (over five cups). The day after that, 50.5oz (over six cups). Today, I've put out 57oz (over seven cups) so far--I still have two hours left to midnight when I take the final tally--and what have I drunk all day long? Four large cups (probably around 40oz) yesterday (ALL DAY LONG, starting around 9AM, I do not sit here and guzzle down four cups one right after another), and today, not even three large cups (30oz) yet; even if I count the Activia I drink, that would add a mere 5-something ounces. Whichever way you put it, I still have two hours to go today, and already I've put out over seven cups of fluid when I haven't drunk NEARLY that much, neither yesterday nor today.
How is this physically possible? I've given up thinking it must be water weight, because I no longer seem to lose weight, if anything I always seem bloated or else have put on real weight. I don't understand how my body is doing this. And I'm frustrated that doctors don't seem to take me seriously. I don't want to put up with another three weeks of this if it's just going to get worse and worse every single day. What will the final tally today be? What about tomorrow? Eight cups, nine? When does it ever end? It's starting to act up again (like it ever stops, there are just hours when it isn't quite as bad as other hours, now)--a couple more ounces just in the past 15-20min.--it prefers acting up toward bedtime, now. The one time it decides to start being consistent, and it's around bedtime. Every night I go to bed fully expecting not to get much more than a few hours of sleep; it's bound to happen soon enough. Maybe tonight. I'll probably go back to fasting fluids; screw showing the doctor how it acts up when it's really acting up, this one week alone should be proof enough--letting out over seven cups of fluid when you've only drunk three.
And this is just one of numerous issues. I won't bother getting into the rest right now. Suffice it to say that recently two people, including one I had really hoped still cared about me, got in touch with me, seeming all excited to correspond, yet have already apparently disappeared, yet again; story of my life, if anything I'm f**king forgettable. I've lucked out on sleep (for the most part) so far, but I'm so sick of being sick and it just keeps getting worse. I wish somebody could at least tell me how this is physically possible. And why these people keep getting my hopes up and making me think somebody actually cares when they really don't. I don't understand when or why I became such a forgettable person.
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