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Tuesday
February 14, 2012
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By Online Authors
  >> Book >> Emotional >> ID #1523707  |   Show DetailsPrinter Friendly Page Tell A Friend
Shellyville
A nice place to visit but it's even better living here!
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Entry #689093, added on 03-02-10 @ 9:03 am EST
   Entry Access Restriction: None.
Shelly is Back!Entry #689093
Hello my sunny friends,

I'm bringing Shelly back!

I need ShellySunshine to bring me back to life!  When I opened my account here, 3 years ago I used the handle ShellySunshine.

I was hiding behind the handle. I was anything but Sunshine. I wasn't even Shelly. I was just a woman in a broken place. I was in the darkest emotional pain.

I was lost. I was losing my marriage. I was losing Jackson to mental illness. I was unsure of my place in the world. I was in deep water. I needed sunlight and I pretended to be it.

I played a wicked game with ShellySunshine. I often pretended I was more then I was. I acted out in defiance of my marriage. I acted solo.

I have learned some valuable lessons in the last couple of years. Lessons that I am still continuing to figure out and understand.

I need ShellySunshine again. I need to fake it until I believe it. I need her to bring me the sunshine that my soul is craving. I need the positive energy she fed my heart. I need her creative soul to hide behind while I learn to forgive mine.

In a marriage of 21 years, I never expected to fall in-love with another man, or have an emotional affair. I believed that I married my soul mate. I believed I had everything, until it all fell apart. I had an affair in my heart. Now I don't know how to put that behind me and move on.

Brian has no idea. He is sure that we are as happy now, as we were on day one. He sees me every day. He likes what he sees and is content that I am doing what I say I am doing.  I don't want him to know my pain, so I keep it from him.  Perhaps, because I have learned that I can't trust him with my pain.

We learn to get what we want out of life. We either live honestly or make mistakes. I made a mistake. I know it and have to live with it.

I am willing to live with this. I have no choice. I know that my heart needed something it wasn't getting.  I will always be a passionate woman. I will always be more than looks. I will be complex, emotional and smart.

I am an Idealist. I want to discover the truth in life! How decisions and actions affect people. My success is measured from within.

I am ShellySunhine!


© Copyright 2010 ShellySunshine (UN: michelleklear at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
ShellySunshine has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
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