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By Online Authors
  >> Book >> Emotional >> ID #1523707  |   Show DetailsPrinter Friendly Page Tell A Friend
Shellyville
A nice place to visit but it's even better living here!
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Entry #690706, added on 03-19-10 @ 9:41 am EDT
   Entry Access Restriction: None.
I need to be in love.Entry #690706
Hello my sunny friends,

What do you need in life to be happy?

I need to be In Love.

Yes, that simple feeling of love. Whatever that really means. I need it.

I am a person that craves love. I look at myself and I admire who I am. I love the complexity of my soul. I admire my good and bad qualities. I get the whole picture.

I fell in love with myself for the first time in 2006. I was in a hotel room all by myself. I stepped out of the shower and emerged this woman I had never seen before.

From that moment on...I have been stronger and more accepting of myself.

However, when you learn to love yourself, you measure that love against others as well.

I told Brian that I needed to be in love and he told me I was being selfish.

He said that in a marriage you don't have to be "in-love" that passion falls away and a friendship is enough. (true)

He said our marriage is no better or worse then our friends.  (true)

He said he would like to try but he is burned out by my punishing him and he is not sure he wants to put the effort in, if he feels like I am going to leave.

The whole point of asking him if he loved me was that I am trying to figure that out. I don't just want to be in a marriage with a friend. I have girl friends. I have tons of friends. What I don't have is a lover.

He said he was never my lover. He said he has never had passion for me and I just have to get used to who he is.

Wow, is that a lot to absorb.

You just don't know how hard this is for me.

I understand the vows I made. I said in sickness and health, in richer or poorer. I think I must have missed the part about love falling away and you get stuck with what is left.

I understand that divorce is horrible on kids. I don't want to tear apart the foundation of my children's life. I don't want to be selfish but damn it. I do want to have some kind of love in my life. I need it.

I just have to figure out if my personal love will be enough to keep me going for the rest of my life, or if I'm just asking for serious trouble.

What do you need to be happy?

Love,
Michelle




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