February 4, 2006, will forever be etched in my heart as the day we said ‘goodbye’ to mom for the second time.

It’s been just over five months since Mom had to leave us so suddenly, and today my sister and I undertook the bittersweet task of finding new homes for many of her belongings. Bittersweet might seem a strange word to use, but yet it seems so appropriate. Today was a mixture of blessed memories showered with our tears as we sorted through the everyday life and treasures of a beautiful woman we’ve known all of our lives, and called the most beautiful name in the English language...Mom.

Amidst the tears and reflections, Sue and I also shared some laughs as we discovered hidden riches in drawers. “Why did she keep this?” or “Hey, I gave her this, why was it buried in a drawer?” were echoed throughout the day. Sealed, addressed envelopes of greeting cards to people we didn’t know were tucked away, and we are left wondering why they were never mailed.

I coveted a hand-written list of all the important dates in her life...children’s, grandchildren’s, and great-grandchildren’s birthdays, and anniversaries...those special days that she wanted to remember to send a “When you care to send the very best.” This will be lovingly tucked into my family bible. A sheet of paper that when mom was still here would have meant nothing to me now means so much to me.

There’s still much to sort through, but in the manner that Mom lived her life...we’ll do it our way and when we want to.

Thanks, Mom, for the memories...I love you!

 

Like I mentioned in previous post, this day is a blur. Am buying a little time, perhaps, till I have to face writing about Thursday, September 1st.

Of course, I'll write about it...in MY time and MY way. An attitude passed on from mother to daughter.

~Edited~ for misspellings...Yes, Mom, I corrected before you whopped me upside the head with Mr. Webster.
 

Under the scrutiny of Sue, Mom is moved to nursing home. I show up after work and all the hassles are worked out.

Mom is not coherent and moans in pain. Mom never moaned or let on that she was ever in pain in all my years of knowing her. What to do? What to do? Rub her back and ask where she hurts? She denies hurting a couple of times...

Not sure if it was today or tomorrow that Sue and her husband met with hospice.

Wednesday is as much a blur as Tuesday...just more of the same.

Just know that despite the media, there are nursing homes that truly care. Lakeview Village is dedicated to the belief in non-constraints and caring. They lower the beds to floor level and put down mats...no restraining the patients.

Despite their never really knowing or chatting with Mom, they treated her with the utmost dignity. Mom's darling roommate, respected Mom, even though they never had the chance to really meet.
 

Not really remembering Monday, other than Mom is still unresponsive.

I think arrangements were begun to move Mom to nursing home. Yes, I cringed at the thought of a nursing home for Mom...but let me state now that the nursing home Sue suggested treated Mom with the love and dignity she would have received from anyone of her children. Lakeview Village in Lenexa, KS where the doctor, nurses, LPN's and everyone else loved her and cared for her as if she were their own family member.
 

Sunday dawns, and I opt to allow my sister a day alone with Mom. Generous of me since Mom has resided with her for last eight years, huh? Alright, so I opted to sleep in...if any of you haven't noticed by now, I needed that beauty sleep.

Mom is unresponsive and the panic button is pushed. Family is hesitantly called...and then the lunch tray cart echoes throughout the hospital corridors. Mom's ears twitch and her eyes pop open, as she comprehends it's NOT Sue's cooking she'll be savoring. No offense, Sue.

In defense of my sister, she is the only one left amongst our family plus cousins to possess the secret to our staple holiday bread, povatica. I must be kind to her till after the holidays. During our years of growing up, Mom and Aunt Helen were the only ones who could make our holidays complete with povatica. You can buy loaves of povatica, but it'll never be like Mom's, Aunt Helens, or ~ahem~ Sue's.

By sunset Sunday, we knew there was a problem, despite the successful surgery. After eight years, Sue knew Mom.
 

Doc decided to keep Mom overnight so they could take tests in the morning and monitor if any further loss of kidney or heart function. Saturday morning...more good news! Kidney and heart still functioning at 12% and 20%...well, good news to us.

Mom was in relatively good spirits...politely argumentative, so I know she was in good spirits. Again, she slept on and off, but she woke when she heard the food cart rattling down the hallways. Now, my mother could have hosted her own tv culinary program, so for her to perk up at the sound of a hospital food cart told me she needed a life in the aisles of Walmart. Heck, it was the weekend and the hospital cafeteria was closed, so even I was salivating over her food tray. I opted for a bag of fat pretzels and diet coke.

Saturday was my last day to aggravate Mom as only a daughter can. I begged my sister to go home and tend to her family for a few hours, and as Mom's primary caretaker, that's all she took...a few hours.

Did I mention that my sister has already earned her angel wings? Oh, and probably the rest of her family has already, too. Mom was that character in literature that when she was good, she was very, very good, and when she was bad...she was comical.

Anyways, Saturday was uneventful, except that it was MY day with Mom for a few hours. Not to say that I was ever, ever deprived of time with Mom on a one-on-one basis, but this was MY last time alone with Mom. Am sure she is still whispering sweet nothings in Sue's ear for leaving her alone with ME.
 

Friday, August 26, 2005...18 years to-the-date of when Dad passed away, the story begins.

Mom was 85 years old and had, for the most part, endured her nearly 20+ year struggle with diabetes with grace and dignity. Despite the fact that her kidneys now functioned at only 12% of their capacity and her heart at 20% capacity with pacemaker, she was willing to undergo outpatient surgery to champion her ongoing battle.

To possibly encourage bloodflow to her lower legs which were being ravaged by sores and ulcers, she bravely agreed to having stints inserted in her thighs. Without this surgery, the possibility of infection and amputation was becoming a living nightmare; with the surgery, she could suffer total renal failure.

Her dream? To leave the house and once again wander the aisles of Walmart. Such a simple reality for most of us...but to those physically impaired, wandering Wally World does hold an attraction all its own.

As a little background, Mom was blessed to live the past eight years with my sister's family. Although Mom was not always easy to live with, my sister and her husband always dealt with her with love.

Due to diabetes, she also suffered from macular degeneration so had to nearly give up her love of reading and tv. Although, to be honest, she would spend hours perusing the hometown newspaper word-by-word with a magnifying glass and listening to her cherished cooking channels.

That was Mom...nothing as trivial as blindness in one eye, and near blindness in the other was going to stop her from enjoying her newspaper or cable channels. Stubborn? Oh, yes!

I arrived at hospital while Mom was still in surgery (done under a local anesthetic). It was about a 2-1/2 hour surgery out of a possible four hour plus. I still remember my sister, Sue, and I grinning at each other and silently offering a prayer of thanks as the doctor proclaimed the surgery was a success.

Mom slept on and off the remainder of the day but woke long enough to gobble down some ice cream the nurse offered to coat her stomach for the onset of her multitude of evening meds. Even on the worst day, if my sister or brother-in-law even whispered Baskin&Robbins, Mom would crawl to backseat of Camry...no one was going there without her.