Today I ran a 5K in support of the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. My first race ever. It was blooming cold though(42 when I got up, and only 50 at the end of the race). I'm glad I ordered the long sleeved t-shirt! The start was rough, I spent the first couple of minutes walk-jogging because of the HUGE number of people, and a bunch of the walkers were up at the front. Anyway, once everyone spread out a bit I actually enjoyed the run, it was kind of nice to have other runners around, it helps you keep up your pace. And the people cheering on the sidelines really helped. I even sprinted the last block and a half and earned myself some personal cheers from the crowd. And three weeks from now is my 10K! I can't wait!
 

At long last, a public update! I'm sure you guys have just been dying for one, huh? What can I say but that I'm doing well? I've been trying to keep track of not just the foods that I eat but my responses to them. So far nothing has been unmanegable and I haven't done the extreme stay-away-from-any-food-that-might-possibly-be-considered-"bad". In other words, I'm normalizing. I do need to set up another appointment with my psychologist. I had one scheduled but had to cancel because it conflicted with class. Exercise has also been going well. My 5K is 3 weeks away and my 10K is only 6 weeks! I've Last Saturday and today I ran the 10K route, to get into practice. I did much better this week, despite the warmer temperatures. There is one hill that keeps kicking my butt. It's about 2/3 of the way in and its just so dang steep! I did come to the realization that I really need to wear my knee brace at all times, if I want to avoid injury. At my last doctor's appointment I had the knee checked and he said it was just that the joint didn't have enough cushioning fluid which, if it gets worse, I should come and get a shot of some extra "knee juice". It gives a whole new meaning to "juicing".
 

I'm goig to be making some changes to this blog so that I can use it more effectively for my own journey. In the past I know other people have watched this journal to encourage me, and some to encourage themselves. But in the end I need to do this for myself. So a lot of my entries will be private from now on, although I will continue to do regular public entries.

Honestly I haven't been very "good" lately because I've been busy and depressed. Mostly I've slacked off on the food. I've kept up with my gym routine and am in training for my 10K in November, but my eating is just all over the place. But I thought of some things that are non-food and non-exercise related that will make me "feel good" and help me to get out of my slump. When I'm discontented with life I tend to use food to help me "perk up". Logically I know that this doesn't work but its my coping mechanism. So now I'm trying to develop new coping mechanisms. I won't be perfect, but I will be better.

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So yesterday I made the decision to get an extra 20 minutes of sleep instead of staying up to journal. It was a wise decision.

I was a bit sore yesterday from running Tuesday and increasing some weights. Today I ran for 40 minutes again although at one point I got a weird dizzy spell. Thirty seconds of deep breathing made it pass though. My legs are sore though from all the running, stairclimbing, walking, and biking lately. But its good. I'm also getting used to showering at the gym. Its actually kinda nice. I get a fresh clean towel every day, its fast, and the showers are good quality.

Food has been going well. I'm getting used to the earlier dinner time. Yesterday for the first time I was actually hungry for dinner at the earlier time! I'm still on my tortellini kick, but I mixed up the recipe last night.

My self image has taken a bit of a beating lately. I just feel fat...and dumpy. The thing is I can look around me and recognize that perfectly attractive women are in fact heavier than I am. I even get compliments from some of the women in the locker room. I dress well, eat well, and exercise. All those things are supposed to make you feel better, but for some reason I don't. I think in part it has to do with a lack of sleep. I can't figure out why but my apartment has been really warm lately, at least during the night. The last two mornings I woke up and it was cooler outside than in my apartment. And this is with the AC cranked and, a ceiling fan, and another fan. I'm so glad fall is coming. I like to sleep cold so fall will be a great blessing...in a month and a half.
 

Tuesdays used to be my "free day" now it is my busy day. I have class starting at 8:00 in the morning until 5:00 in the afternoon, with less than an hour for lunch. Much of that is lab time, but still I was tired when I got home! So, briefly:

I'm kicking into high gear for my 10K training. I ran for 40 minutes today, at a slow pace, and finished up with stairclimber. I'm more concerned with time than distance right now. I hit 4 miles today, which means I need to add just over 2 miles to finish the race. Its funny to talk about easily running 40 minutes when I was crying after 5 minutes, back when I started running. It makes me feel accomplished. Now, if I could only figure out how to not be a profuse sweater I'd be happy. I don't know how some people manage to actually look good at the gym. I always look like hell!

Food was also easy today. I have a whole bunch of hard boiled eggs for breakfast which is convenient, but I am already bored. I think I'll need to incorporate some egg sandwhiches. Lunch- tuna sandwhich, carrots, and pretzels. Fruit for snacks, and a little bit of chocolate. I made tortellini soup again for dinner, but also added some shrimp. I also moved dinner time a little earlier so I'm only "mildly hungry" when I sit down to eat instead of "very hungry".

Time for bed!
 

How's this for motivation- I signed up for a 5K AND a 10K. The 5K is with the SOPH team and supports Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. The run is October 14th. The 10K is a mere three weeks later and goes through downtown and the historic district. Right now I can run the 5K if I want to, but I want to be comfortable running the 10K so I'm going to work up to running for a hour at a time, which means I'll need to adjust my workout routine. I think this week I'll just up the amount I run on T/T/S and cut down the amount on stairclimber, but eventually I'll need to change my M/W/F elliptical to running, just to make sure I'm training enough. I've got just under 10 weeks, which would be enough time to train, but I want to not only do it, but do it at a good pace. Plus they have prizes for the top 3 males and females in each age group. Oh yes, and if anyone of your darling people would like to donate to Susan G. Komen in my name go to http://www.birminghamraceforthecure.kintera.org/ If you don't know my name, e-mail me. You know you want to donate!

Food today was fairly easy. I treated myself to some chocolate but didn't go overboard. Actually my biggest "treat" of the day was some tortellini soup I made. It was mostly veggies: corn, tomatoes, brocolli, black beans; but I also had some cheese tortellini in there which had previously been on my "banned" list. Given they were only 4 points for a generous serving I can't imagine why I banned them, but I'm glad they're back! I think I'll put my crock pot to good use and make up a big batch of that soup- it was only 6 points for two gigantic bowl-fulls! All in all I'm very happy with my eating today. I enjoyed my food without binging or overeating. I'm feeling the compulsion to weigh myself, but so far I've resisted. Also a little trick has helped me to avoid the temptation- I proped my scale against the wall. A little thing, but it works! I need to go pack breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and then (try) to get some decent sleep. Despite being exhausted lately I haven't managed to sleep well. I need to get a blackout curtain in my kitchen, and it needs to be autumn! And I need to get a less affectionate cat.
 

I'm back in the game...again. This past week has been tough since I'm trying to adjust to my new schedule, which doesn't leave me a lot of time to journal. I finally got a locker at the gym though, and that should help me to normalize my life. Basically my new schedule is to get up at 5:00, bike to the gym(now that I have a locker), workout, shower and change at the gym, go to my 8am class. I normally like to journal in the mornings but I think that will need to become an evening activity.

Work outs have been good, if a bit pressed for time. With classes starting suddenly the gym is much busier in the mornings. Fortunatly I know half these people will stop coming in a few weeks.

I also had a doctor's appointment last Monday. Have I mentioned that I really like my doctor? He's very competent and nice, and makes good suggestions. Besides the postive comments from his office staff(all of who are very nice), I saw another way this last year has been good for me. They took my blood sugar(as well as cholesterol, triglycerides, etc.). A year ago my fasting blood sugar was 101(normal is 80-120), this year my fasting blood sugar was 82! As for my other numbers they were all merely "passable" last year, and so they called me with the results. I haven't received a call yet, which means they're all in the "good" range. I did talk to my doc about his recommendations for weight loss. His big thing was to not get frustrated with the roller coaster I see and, from his point of view, I was a tremendous sucess, one of the few he's seen. He did say that diet changes are the most important thing to weight loss, but that exercise was what made such a big difference in all my numbers. He had a couple of pointers about not eating too late, stay away from artificial sweeteners, and eating smaller more numerous meals. So, basically, keep on keepin' on.

Maybe not what I wanted to hear, but sound advice nonetheless. So I've got to figure out a way to monitor my weight loss without obsessing and getting into dangerous food behaviors. Maybe at this point I know too much. Research shows that people who weigh daily are better with their diets. I used to weigh myself 4-5 times a day. That's not a healthy habit. So I'm going for a whole week without weighing and then will weigh myself ONCE a day, in the morning, and that's it. I've decided to cut out artificial sweeteners to the "occasional", and when I do have something like that I must consume calories with it. Artificial sweeteners trigger an insulin release but without any food being present your blood sugar drops really low, which triggers hunger pains.

Another change I made to help my diet and good eating habits was to scrub out my apartment. It had gotten a bit cluttered between finals, weddings, the MCAT, and traveling. When things are disorganized I feel lost and a bit helpless, which makes it more difficult to cook and eat healthy meals. Breakfast and lunch are easy since I bring those with me every day, but dinner is my most difficult challenge food-wise. I think I'll also come up with 6-7 meal options that are easy and fairly thoughtless to cook so that on days that I'm tired I can just pull one and not feel bad. Then, when I'm not tired I can be creative.

The last thing I did was to stop "banning" food. I didn't have an official "ban" list, but essentially I made sure that foods that I thought were "dangerous" were no where near me. Which is okay to a certain extent, but I had seriously limited my food options. This is also not really following the WW regimen since they are "everything in moderation". Back when I would treat myself to french fries once a week I lost more weight, and was happier, than I have been lately where my food was limited to "only good stuff". So anything goes, but in moderation!
 

Ah sleep! It makes a difference, truly it does! I'm still not eating all my points but its nice to feel like this weekend I'll have some play room. I have the MCAT on Saturday(stress!) and then I'm heading home. I'm meeting friends for dinner Saturday night and spending family/friend time on Sunday. I have a doctor's appointment Monday at 1 so I've got to fast from about 8:00 on. *sigh* I always try to schedule my appointments 1st thing in the morning for this very reason.

You know you lead a small life when the following announcement can make you giddy, "Limited Lockers Available". The gym is opening up some lockers next Friday on a first come first serve basis. Since I come before the gym opens I hope to be first served. I'm really really hopeful that I can get one of these lockers, it would help me out so much this semester. I'm going to have to shower at the gym M-F since I have 8am classes, whch is not quite enough time to go home. It'd be nice to have a place to stash shower shoes, tolitries, an extra pair of underwear, etc. Between a locker and towel service showering on campus could actually be a good thing- it won't be necessary to clean why shower at home! So here's hoping!

Oh yeah, and I kick butt at elliptical and weights. Getting to the weights in a timely fashion is really easy this week(no classes) but next week should be interesting. I'm still banking on the fact that most college students are lazy bums and won't wake up before 7am. That way my competition is just grad students and staff. And I'm scary looking in the morning so people stay out of my way.
 

I am so tired! And my quads are sore. But I ran for 29 minutes today and covered 3.05 miles plus stairclimber(103 flights). I was so nasty sweaty! Yesdterday was not bad foodwise. I made sure to have some extra snacks during the day so I actually ate all my points plus my AP. Wohoo! It helped to have that lunch meeting actually because the extra points inherent in deli sandwiches add up quickly. I got a turkey cranberry wrap that was yummy plus some fruit salad and part of a cookie. I was pretty happy. I just need to sleep more!

I'm a bit stressed but I feel "in control" right now, so I'm pretty happy. Happy is good...it makes everything easier.
 

I'm biting the bullet and posting my weight. I nearly cried. This just sucks 3 weeks and I'm back to where I was at the end of April. I know that so long as I stick to WW I'll be back to the 180s in no time, but who knows how long it will take to get back to where I was in July. But enough with negativity. Despite the weight gain I haven't really noticed a change in my clothing size. In fact I've been searching for a new jean skirt to replace the one that is falling off of me because its so big. I was at Banana Republic and then Gap and easily fit into 10s! All of my 14s are very loose, my 12s are comfy to loose and I'm working on buying some 10s. So I think I can safely say that I am no longer a 12/14, but rather a 10/12. Wohoo!

June 2005
6/6/05: 234
Week 1: 229!
Week 2: 228
Week 3: 223
July 2005
Week 4: 223
Week 5: 220
Week 6: 220
Week 7: 220
August 2005
Week 8: 220
Week 9: 220
Week 10: 218!
Week 11: 215.5
Week 12: 213
September 2005
Week 13: 213
Week 14: 208.5!
Week 15: 206.5
Week 16: 206.5
October 2005
Week 17: 205.5
Week 18: 203.5
Week 19: 202.5
Week 20: 210
Week 21: 205
November 2005
Week 22: 203.5
Week 23: 201
Week 24: 198.5!
Week 25: 201.5
December 2005
Week 26: 198.5
Week 27: 202.5
Week 28: 200
Week 29: 200
January 2006
Week 30: 199.5
Week 31: 196
Week 32: 193.5
Week 33: 190.5
Week 34: 200.5 (Prednizone induced)
February 2006
Week 35: 199.5
Week 36: 193.5
Week 37: 195
Week 38: 200
March 2006
Week 39: 200
Week 40: 198
Week 41: 196
Week 42: 195.6
April 2006
Week 43: 195.8
Week 44: 194
Week 45: 192.8
Week 46: 190.2
May 2006
Week 47: 189.4
Week 48: 189.8
Week 49: 188.2
Week 50: 189.0
Week 51: 185.6
June 2006
Week 52: 187.2 Exercise Increase
Week 53: 188.0
Week 54: 184.8
Week 55: 184.8
July 2006
Week 56: 184.4
Week 57: 184.4
Week 58: 183.8
Week 59: ?
August 2006
Week 60: ?
Week 61: ?
Week 62: 191.6
Week 63:
Week 64:
 

Damn it. I had a good entry going and my computer restarted. Basically it boiled down to this. I haven't been hungry and have had trouble eating my points this week. This isn't good because running a points defecit will cause my body to freak out and there be a physiological need to binge. *sigh* I just can't win, can I?

I'm also in need of figuring out a new morning schedule. Next semester I have an 8am class every day so I have to work out how I'm going to manage gym time and get clean in time to go to class. I think I'll have to shower at the gym. But today I went to the gym and did elliptical and weights and was awesome!

I do have one worry for today. I'm going to a lunch meeting and have no clue what the menu will be...I'll try and make good choices, but these things are always hit or miss food wise.
 

Yesterday and today I visited the gym for the first time in two and a half weeks. I had a mild ankle sprain which is why I stopped going, but I was only ordered off of the foot for a week. Honestly there is no excuse for my extra week and a half break. I could excuse it with finals and travelling for Josh's wedding, but I had plans to incorporate that into my routine and I just ignored them. But yesterday I did 30 minutes elliptical and weights, and today I ran and did stair climber. Running was a serious challenge though. First off I was tired from want of sleep and second off its been awhile and I've lost some stamina and gained some weight. I jogged for 20 minutes overall instead of the 30 I was aiming for. I'm hoping that some good sleep will make a difference though for Thursday. As for food this week I've got meals planned fairly well. I'm upping the amount of protein I eat earlier in the day in an attempt to "shake up" my system. I shudder to think how much weight I've gained in the last 3 weeks. The sad fact of life is that it was probably 10 pounds and it will take me much longer than 3 weeks to lose those same 10 pounds. How is it that you can gain weight so quickly but it takes forever to lose weight? When I last checked I had only 33 pounds to go, why the heck did I go and ruin that? But I'm picking up the pieces and moving on, right? I can do this...right?
 

I went ahead and bought my next mini-reward as a way to motivate myself. It's the novel The Devil Wears Prada. Hopefully that will motivate me to stay on track and still lose some more before Josh's wedding. Oh, and I did get numerous comments about how great I looked. And Lindsay didn't recognize me for a second. Perhaps the next time I see all these people I'll be at goal! I'm sure one of us will get married in the next year, year and a half. Perhaps it might even be me.
 

Friday and Saturday of my trip was actually better than I thought it would be. I made good food choices and didn't feel deprived. I even went running Saturday morning. Its amazing the difference a drop in humidity, temperature, and flat running ground can do for you. At home I am TIRED after 40 minutes of running. Sweat dripping, trying to catch my breath, just beat up. In Chicago I ran for 50 minutes with no problem, walked a few minutes, and then ran for a little while longer. I felt good, not too tired, and the breeze kept the sweating to a minimum. I runnig along Lake Michigan too, its just so beautiful! Of course this is summer and not winter... Things did fall apart a bit on Sunday. I was honestly too tired emotionally and physically to make good decisions. *sigh* I am such an emotional eater. At least yesterday my major binge food was watermelon. Its got points, buts its also got lots of water.
 

Man, why couldn't today be my weigh-in day? 183 baby. Ah, well, at least I know I weighed 183. I ran my little heart out this morning...literally. For one of every five minutes I ran I upped my pace from 6.0 to 6.5 mph. While this is helping me to increase my speed by putting me (temporarily) into the anerobic zone it also meant that I nearly killed myself from lack of oxygen. I had about 8 minutes of running left and could NOT catch my breath, so I stopped for about 45 seconds and just breathed. I was then able to finish my time just as I planned, and even kept the last sprint in there. I upped my stairclimber to level 11 today too. So needless to say, I'm a bit sore!

I'm also going to include my plan of attack for this weekend. I figure writing it down ahead of time will help me stick to it.

Friday:
Breakfast- like normal. Milk, egg, multi-grain English Muffin.
Snack- bring grapes/apple
Lunch- Chicago. If with others simply do portion control, if I can catch my own I'll go for high veggie content with some protein, to keep my appetite in check.
Snack- pretzels from home
Dinner- rehersal dinner catered by Pizza Capri. If the salad is not pre-tossed I'll load up on that. If it is pre-tossed I'll only have a little bit. Depending on what is served I can either have some thin crust pizza, or a little bit of pasta(non-creamy sauce). If they have tiramisu I can have a couple tablespoons.
Bachelorette "party"- We're going to a coffee house so I'm getting a skim sugar-free vanilla latte.

Saturday:
Running on the lakeshore!!!! Yay!
Breakfast: I'm bringing some almonds since they're good for an after-run recharge. Hopefully Laurel(my host) will have some low-fat or fat-free dairy and some fruit. If not I may just pop over to one of the coffee shops near her and get a skim sugar-free vanilla latte(hey, its my mini-vacation!)
Snack-probably won't happen since I'm guessing breakfast will be later than usual.
Lunch-I'm going to try to meet up with Lindsay and Jess, but I probably won't have a chance to. Whatever the case there are a ton of light lunch places and the attack is the same as Friday- vegetables and protein.
Reception- If I recognize it as prepackaged I don't want it. Greek food is fair game, but I won't stuff myself. And I get a slice of wedding cake! If champagne or wine is served- 1 glass.
Dinner- it will probably be with out of town friends. See if I can split something with someone. If not order an appetizer or something equally small.

Sunday:
Breakfast: There's a Cafe I can get some eggs, toast, fruit, etc. at the airport.
Lunch- back at home, eat like normal (pita, hummus, fresh cucumber, tomato, etc)
Dinner- whatever my DAILY points allow!
 

Well kiss my grits! I finally lost this week! Only a small loss, 0.6 lbs, but it is HUGE to me because it OFFICIALLY marks my 50+ lb loss, to the tune of 50.2 lbs. I have been hoping for this day for so very long! Now I just have to survive Erin's wedding!

June 2005
6/6/05: 234
Week 1: 229!
Week 2: 228
Week 3: 223
July 2005
Week 4: 223
Week 5: 220
Week 6: 220
Week 7: 220
August 2005
Week 8: 220
Week 9: 220
Week 10: 218!
Week 11: 215.5
Week 12: 213
September 2005
Week 13: 213
Week 14: 208.5!
Week 15: 206.5
Week 16: 206.5
October 2005
Week 17: 205.5
Week 18: 203.5
Week 19: 202.5
Week 20: 210
Week 21: 205
November 2005
Week 22: 203.5
Week 23: 201
Week 24: 198.5!
Week 25: 201.5
December 2005
Week 26: 198.5
Week 27: 202.5
Week 28: 200
Week 29: 200
January 2006
Week 30: 199.5
Week 31: 196
Week 32: 193.5
Week 33: 190.5
Week 34: 200.5 (Prednizone induced)
February 2006
Week 35: 199.5
Week 36: 193.5
Week 37: 195
Week 38: 200
March 2006
Week 39: 200
Week 40: 198
Week 41: 196
Week 42: 195.6
April 2006
Week 43: 195.8
Week 44: 194
Week 45: 192.8
Week 46: 190.2
May 2006
Week 47: 189.4
Week 48: 189.8
Week 49: 188.2
Week 50: 189.0
Week 51: 185.6
June 2006
Week 52: 187.2 Exercise Increase
Week 53: 188.0
Week 54: 184.8
Week 55: 184.8
July 2006
Week 56: 184.4
Week 57: 184.4
Week 58: 183.8
 

I'm not sure what's going on with my body. The last two days I've taken serious afternoon naps, despite getting good amounts of sleep at night. On Monday I fell asleep in my papasan for just under two hours and today I fell asleep for about two and a half hours on the bed. And honestly I feel like I could go back to bed right now. I'm not sick and I don't have mono(I've had it before). I could have gotten more sleep Saturday and Sunday night so I'm hoping that I'm just trying to catch up from that. But it worries me that I've done this two days in a row.
 

I hate weddings and all the crap that goes with them. And by crap I mean food. You have your engagment parties, your bridal showers, your rehersal dinner, and then of course the wedding itself. I had a bridal shower this past Sunday for Rachel and then on Friday I have to go to Erin's rehersal dinner, and Saturday is Erin's wedding. Oh, and because I'll be traveling I'll be at the mercies of the traveling gods. I think I'm going to bring a couple of apples with me. My flight on Friday is at 7 am(no workout time! ), so breakfast and morning snack won't be a problem. But lunch is trickier because at that point I will meet up with old friends and we'll innevitably go out. I may just have to plan on buying a salad somewhere for lunch if I can, just to make sure I get enough veggies. As for Saturday...I'm going to bring my running gear with me so I can run on the lakeshore(yay!!!!!!!). So at least I'll earn some APs. Since I'm bringing fruit I will have that to munch if need be, and I know I can get sugar-free skim lattes at the many coffee shops around, so that gives me some dairy. The wedding is at 2 and I don't have to be there early so I should have time for a light lunch, but I'm not sure where or what I'll be able to pick up. As for the reception I know there will be cake and Greek food. This isn't going to be hugely extravagant though so I think a lot of the food will come from the frozen food section of Sam's. I am making the bold statement now- if I recognize it as prepackaged I won't eat it! That will cut down my options and probably mean I stick only to the fruit tray and Erin's mother's homemade spinach thingies that are oh-so-delicious and not able to be passed up by anyone.
 

So I'm going to do something either incredibly cool, or incredibly stupid. I'm going to do a 10K. It's not until November 4th though, so don't get too excited. I just decided that I need to feel like I'm training FOR something, so that's it. I think I'll enter in a few 5Ks between now and then. I also found a local running group. They charge a membership fee, so I'm not joining, but they post info on local races for free.
 

Ugh. There is no heat quite like the South in the summer. I have spent a good amount of time in various regions of the country, and let me tell you, the South wins hands down for having the most miserable summers. At 6 AM this morning it was still 80 degrees and so humid the air was solid. So I ran for 42 minutes, but I did stop for a few minutes midway though. I was just so hot, there was no breeze, and sweating wasn't helping to cool me down because of the humidity.

After my shower I held my own fashion show. I tried on all the dresses from my closet so I could see how they fit. I looked good. I had to buy new bras because my old ones were too big in the ribcage. Speaking of too big in the ribcage I had my fitting for my bridesmaid dress on Thursday. They have to take up two, that's right two, inches in the bodice. And I'm also calling myself officially a size 12. I've tried on tons of clothes lately and the size 12s are always the ones that fit, and they fit with a little wiggle room. And that's down from busting out of my 16s. Now, I just have to get tons of stuff done today so I can drive for 4-5 hours EACH WAY tomorrow to go to a calorie laden bridal shower. I'll be packing my lunch.