There is something wrong with the world.

On Monday, there was a student riot. 36 students were suspended.

Last Friday, negative cheering made even more students suspended.

And my principal, who is the reason why everything bad in my school happens, is getting promoted to assistant superindendent.

What is wrong with the world?
 

I never knew Shana N. People described her as a nice person, a good person. Did she mean anything to me until now? No.

Shana died yesterday afternoon of a car accident. She was pronounced dead when they found her. Two other passengers were in the car, but they'll be alright.

I feel empty. Death always has a strange effect on me. I feel nothing, not the breeze of the fan or the keys of the laptop. I feel only the numbness and the emptiness that death feels me with.

Food doesn't taste the same. I know the cafeteria food hasn't changed though. My senses have all been dulled by the after effects of death.

Everyone's effected. So many people are grieving, breaking down into sobs. I put on a poker face, a mask, to hide the fact that I'm so empty inside. Everyone feels the tension, the walls that everyone has put up to hide how they really feel. People who didn't even know her, writing letters to her family, and holding back the tears that they want to spill. Death is leaving a dull taste in everyone's mouth.

What really got to me was the smiling face of her school picture, placed everywhere in the school. It mocks me, smiling at me innocently. I want to rip it, burn it, shred it, piss on it. How can it be smiling at me? SHE'S FRIKKING DEAD! How can they show Shana, full of life, happy, when now she is mutilated and deseased? It's a closed casket funeral because her body's been destroyed, ripped apart by her car ramming into a tree.

I don't know why I feel this way. I mean, I never knew her until yesterday. But still, her death is effecting everyone. I swear, no one genuinely smiled to day. Every smile was to mask the hurt the pain. Everyone feels it. Everyone grieves in their own way. And this is mine.

I'm still falling. I'm falling forever, with my lies and masks.

Catch me as I fall...

 

He is an enigma. He is my enigma.

He says it with every move he makes. One day, he's mad at me for not acknowledging his presence, the next he ignores me completely, and is annoyed when I say hi to him.

Life would be so much simpler if I didn't feel anything. It would even be funny. But I do . I think that's the worst part.

Or is it that my friends despise his very being? I mean, I love these girls to death, but can't they understand what he means to me? Can they just realize that just because he's a jock doesn't mean we couldn't up our friendship to the next level? But of course, we'll have to throw that slut of his out of the way...

I'm dragging myself by my heels, killing myself over everything. Someday, I'll lose it all. And the world will bare witness.

Will you help me when I fall?