Help!!! I can't breathe through my nose. I think two nose-holes aren't enough for the baby and me. My mouth's constantly open now, and my lips are dry and cracked. Pretty.

Week 39 and I'm starting to feel impatient. I'm constantly seducing my husband for sex cause I heard it induces labor. Well guess what, we've had plenty, and it's still not working!

Maybe it's the dry lips y'all.
 

I can't wait for summer to be over. I'm just sooooo sick of smelly people! In the bus, at the subway, at work. I swear, it's like Canadians forgot the place called "bathroom" and the word "shower". Hello, I don't care if you don't shower in the winter cause I can't friggin smell you, but please, summer is a different time. To shower is essential. C'mon, it's like 10 degrees hotter in the Philippines all year round and you don't find anyone smelling that bad.

And it certainly doesn't help that I'm pregnant. One time I sprayed perfume all over me at the bus cause there was this guy that was holding his arm up and whoa, let's just say that that was just plain horrible. Then there's this guy Eric at work, and I love him and everything, but everytime he says "Hey, Christine, what's up?" all i can think about is Oh my God I want to puke. And don't think that i'ts because I'm pregnant and I'm sensitive to a lot of smells. Everyone at work can smell him, too. (But nobody has enough guts to tell him to his face.)

It's just bleh.
 

Ten whole weeks and my shorts are now a pain to wear. I don't button my work pants anymore and sometimes I don't zip it up either. Aside from the occasional crankiness and the fits of fatigue, I'm doing pretty good. No vomiting, no dizziness, and thankfully no more constipation The only thing that annoys me sometimes is that I run to the bathroom to pee like, every half hour. Earlier this day I was on a 40 minute car ride and I almost peed on the seats Good thing I managed to hold it in, though, because it was my bosses' car.

Anyway, today's Friday, and that's fabulous! I'm off for three whole days, and Monday I'm going to see my OBGYN for the first time. She's someone with a last name of Grygowsky, and I don't know why, but somehow that scares me I don't know, I'm just imagining KGB.

I'm feeling pretty amazing right now. I'm full, which is good, since it seems like I'm always hungry. I've been craving Jollibee, a fast-food back home, and was so annoyed since I can't get it here. Well, earlier today my manager dragged me to Jollitops, an imitation over at Bathurst and Wilson but the long trip was soooo worth it. We both devoured the food we ordered and we were both so happy and satisfied when we returned to work. My manager's pregnant, too

Gotta cut this short, I really have to go pee!
 

There was a time when all I thought about was where to go that day, how to be able to get out of a lame class, or what to wear that Saturday night. Now what I mostly think about is this: In a few months time I'm going to be a mommy.

There are so many frickin questions. Will my husband be here by the time I deliver? Is spotting actually normal? Why is my stomach so big when I haven't even reached my 3rd month yet? How will I be able to stop my craving for fast food? Why can't my doctor refer me to an OB/GYN now, as in right NOW? I have so many questions! And the biggest one of them is: Will I be able to handle this all?

The only thing that keeps me sane is my faith and trust on God. If I can't trust myself, I'll trust Him. And little by little, He's teaching me how to just let go of all the fears, the doubts, the worries. And let me tell you they used to be plenty.

Now I'm just pissed because Maricor is getting so obnoxious about my baby's name. She's so against Abigail. Just because it's the name of her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend! And she said because all Abigails were flirts. She even told me that I was too unimaginative!

I'm really pissed. I hope she realizes that it's not her call at all.

PS
I just went through the Merit Badge Shop and found out that there really aren't any new badges since I became almost nonexistent in this site. SM and SMistress should've really considered my Coolness MB suggestion.
 

Plus 35 and I feel like my head's about to crack open. The humidity is horrid. Dust is everywhere and marching ants are all over the place.

And I'm getting married tomorrow! Boy, I really do need some saving, don't I?
 

The apartment is so dirty. The bathroom is on the verge of filthy and I hate it. I'll have to clean it up tomorrow. Then I have to get stuff straightened out because we're leaving in 3 days. 3 long days. At least I don't have to work.

It's glorious; thinking that I don't have to smell like coffee for two whole months. I definitely won't miss the smell, the people, well, maybe. Not the usual bout of annoying customers, I'm talking about the people I work with. They're not perfect, but compared to other workplaces I've heard from other people, it's a whole lot better. And it doesn't matter that I only get paid 9.75 an hour, 10.75 at most. It's a blessing to be able to call your workplace a second home, your coworkers a second family. And I can.

They even threw a surprise bridal shower for me. It was so funny cause I was so frickin clueless. I have the thing on video and I'm taking it back to the Philippines. I'm gonna show it to my sister and R, they'll laugh their butts off.

3 more days and I'll be saying good bye to the cold. Surprisingly winter had been OK for me. They say that this winter's the worst in years, and I'm glad I experienced the worst so that next year I'll face winter and just scoff. Ha! Except if the winter next year's gonna be worse than this one, God forbid.

3 more days and it's gonna be like minus 5 to plus 30. Hope I can deal. heh!


 

Pictures are going through my head right now and I don't know where to begin. Living in this country for almost a year changed me... and I believe, in a good way. I know that I can still be a real grouch sometimes but that's not what I'm talking about. My eyes have been opened to so many things... I've seen so much stuff and it only brings me to one conclusion... that so many people desperately need God. And always, it's either they don't know about it or they just choose to ignore or reject the FACT.

There are those that are honestly clueless about these things. And I'm not kidding. I was surprised when someone honestly didn't know what Jesus Christ did for him at the cross, two thousand years ago. But when properly explained, he instantly accepted God and trusted his life to Him. People need God. Whether we accept it or not, we do. And it's awesome to see so many people come to the realization that without Jesus, they are nothing. Nothing. Just constantly existing in this world, day in, day out, going through the norm, never knowing what their purpose is. Maybe searching. But searching in all the wrong places. They take temporary comfort through drugs, alcohol, all the things that this world has to offer. But they know, deep down, that it doesn't fill the void. That feeling of emptiness that just won't go away, no matter how hard you try to fill it up.

I was looking through the internet at this site called Multiply and I saw one of my friends here at Canada post pictures of him and his newly found friends partying and drinking. We were just talking the other night and he was telling me how he just wanted to have some fun. I told him about my faith, and I didn't want to be a hypocrite so I told him about my life back home and how I used to do all those things, too. Then I told him that I came to this one big realization: what's the point? What's the point in doing all of that? You go to a party, get drunk, have fun for a couple of hours, and then what? You go home and as the alcohol wears off that feeling of emptiness is back again. And some people are just too stubborn to admit that the situation will only get worse. You don't go out and start drinking one night without wanting to do it again. And before you know it, you're down in a hole so deep, that even your closest friends and family won't be able to help you climb it out. Sometimes, even your so-called "friends" are the ones that kicked you so deep into that hole anyway.

My heart is so gratified about the fact that whatever it is we might have done, God is still there for us, ready to help us out and to give us brand new lives. Lives with meaning, with TRUE happiness, with real purpose. We don't merely exist anymore, but with God in our lives then we really start to live. We can experience the life that He truly wants for us– a life full of peace, joy, and love... if we would just come to Him and surrender everything. And I do mean everything.

If you've tried everything, everyone, and every solution you or anyone else has ever thought of.. and still things doesn't work– then I challenge you to try God. You've got nothing to lose. Just everything else to gain.
 

Look at what GG very happy gave me today!

Ookay. So apparently Laurie turned yellow -Lauriemariepea -, goofy-to-goodness Paul -pauluk- is back, and Gabby -YW ~ Back from Hawaii - has been back for quite some time now, I was just too brain dead that I didn't knew until, like, yesterday.

Nah, forget it, I'm not gonna apologize for it like I used to do, and, forget it, I'm not saying that I missed all of you (again) and (even though I do). I'm just here because I felt like writing, so yeah, you're reading from good ole Pencils again.

I haven't written anything, and by that I mean poems, short stories, and novels, ever since I arrived in this country. Maybe it's the cold that snapped the inspiration () but there's something about being in your own true home that gives you tons of it. So I am happy to report that I am going back to the Philippines next year, in four months actually, to be specific. I'm taking a two-month vacation and getting hitched within that time, too. Actually, the whole family's going back, so it ought to be really fun.

The husband-to-be is still Ramon, boy, is that guy lucky. One winter more to bear and then it's back to my hot, hot home! And my hot, hot guy.




Does anybody know what happened to Deb? I clicked on her blog just now and saw that her username doesn't exist anymore. What's going on?