... "Can you spare half a million dollars please?"

Why yes, I can spare half a million dollars worth of advice, right now!

ShellySunshine asks: "How do you keep a secret from coming out? If only half the room knows the secret and everyone is talking about the same issue?"

Secrets aren't just a ladies deodorant, and are only fun when you know them. Keeping them from getting out can be difficult, especially when those in the know are chatting about it so dangerously around the unknowers. There are only two things that can take a persons mind off of a secret: sex & violence. So, in the situation you've described I say either flash or punch your way to keeping that secret where it belongs. Try doing both at once, then the room will completely drop the secret subject. You're welcome.

Ariana asks: "If a company is purchased in a hostile takeover, what happens to the remaining shares that weren't purchased?"

Those shares become non-performing assets that count against the company in their fourth quarter reports and micro-economically tariffized into double-downed 401k Roth, IMF balanced spread sheets against the 15% rebated interest rates. So buy them up while you have time!!! You're welcome.

Noa נעה asks: "[W]hat should I get the Palestinian girl in my economics class for 'Holiday', since we are evidently having some kind of 'Holiday gift exchange'?"

That's a tough one. Because not only do you have to pick an appropriate gift, but you have to pick a politically sensitive one as well. I was thinking about this over a pipe and brandy in front of my fireplace, when it hit me. This Palestinian friend of yours is a girl and girls like the same thing the world over. So, get her a gift card to Victoria's Secret and a bottle of fake tan. That's what I get all my lady friends, and they never call back because they're too busy enjoying these gifts. No Victoria's Secret in Tel Aviv? Just ask around NYC while you're there, hundreds of kind men will line up to help you find one. You're welcome!

NOVAcatmando asks: "Is it possible to transport water from the moon?"

Yes! In fact it's easy. You fly a rocket ship to the moon and use a space drill, then you collect the water in space clouds and float them over the Earth where it becomes moon rain! The moon rain is then collected in buckets and used on Slip-n-Slides! I do science good. You're welcome!

Scarlett asks: "How much do toy boys cost these days?"

Hmmm, that's a tough one... what did Mariah Carey and Demi Moore pay for theirs? It depends on the quality I take it. Be sure to find one with papers and all its shots, that's a good place to start. And if you're looking at an import, be double sure it's not a knock-off! You're welcome!

Phew! All this advising has got me beat! Looks like another day of not doing homework! Today is the GREAT AMERICAN SMOKE OUT which I take it means that we are all supposed to pick up the habit! So get to smoking America!