Here lies the remains of Emy.

She danced naked in the moonlight as much as the voices in her head deemed proper.

She was struck by lightning and killed while walking her dog, Squirrel, during a storm.

She was survived by Squirrel and human relations.

September 3rd, 1981 - February 4th, 2070

*

Find out how you'll die and at what age:
http://www.thedeathpsychic.com/

http://www.nerdtests.com/ft_dead.php

*

I have had friends come in and out of my life over the years. I try not to think about them too much. There are a few that I can't quite let go of, but after a certain amount of time, I am not sure that I can muster up the courage to say hello.

Despite what people may think of me, I am very shy. I can chitchat fine. I genuinely worry about people's states, so I like to know how they are doing. As I have gotten older though, I see that I am trying less and less to go after people.

Its hard. I fret about how I sound.



"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "Invalid Entry"  by . shadowsinstone . .
 

Sick facts about me:

When I'm sick, I like when my voice gets scratchy. It means that when I sing along with music my voice will give an interesting deep and rough quality to my sound, the sound. That's about the only time I play my music low enough to hear my own voice. Every other time I sing along, I try to make my voice blend in with the more forceful sounds, like a chameleon in a tree.

I tend to get hit on more when I'm sick. Either I don't notice it when I'm healthy or me looking more debilitated is attractive. I really hope its not the latter.

When I start to show signs of sickness, I can't take vitamin C. If I do take it, I get really sick really quickly. I thought I was truly weird until a classmates kid was the same way.

Apart from being deathly ill, I like to be around people when I'm sick. I feel weak therefore I need comfort? I dunno. I'm not too particular who it is, provided I feel comfortable about them.

I like to eat things with tomatoes and tomato-related products in them when I'm sick. Love the burn!

I kinda enjoy the chills I get when I run a fever.

I like chicken broth, but not the meaty bits, noodles and veggies when I'm sick. The broth and nothing but the broth, thank you. (Guess that's out now... oh noes what will I do when I'm sick!)

I like to fall asleep to the sound of fight/battle scenes when I'm sick. Only then though. Perhaps my immune system relates.



"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "red magic and the kiss of death"  by mood indigo .
 

Don't do it... Don't make a Dr. Horrible quote... Ah! I just can't help it...

"And by the way it's not about making money, it's about taking money. Destroying the status quo because the status is not quo. The world is a mess and I just need to rule it."

He can rule my world. Who am I kidding? He already does, hehe.

*

When I was little, I loved looking up at the stars. They where so very glittery and I could use them to create all sorts of images. For me, there was more than your standard dippers aka cups of the Milky Way, Orion using his belt to keep his pants up, and twice reused constellation Cassiopeia by John Cusack (The Sure Thing(1985) and Serendipity(2002) Not that I'm a Cusack fan or anything ). I connected the dots uncovering alien looking plants, animals, and peoples.

With a thermos of cocoa and my telescope (Yep, I was one of those kids), I would lay out on a blanket in the back yard and create and discover. I was sure that one day, I would be able to get into my own personal rocket and woosh! I would be off having an interstellar meet and greet. It never occurred to me that not every creature in the world (and possibly the universe) wasn't friendly. I was 5. I still believed you could run across rainbows and grow up to be a mermaid, provided you wanted it bad enough.

I faked sick so I could watch my first space shuttle launch.

I can remember being so excited. They were so lucky. No fair, I thought. I was camped out in front of the TV. There was practically no distance between me and the screen. I took a sip out of my NASA cup and scooted closer when the announcer talked. There were shots of the astronauts, including a teacher named Christa McAuliffe. I ate an orange slice. They cut to shuttle. I chewed on my fruit.

I flipped over to my stomach and flipped through my magazine with the article about the rest of the Challenger crew: Scobee, Smith, Resnik, Jarvis, McNair, and Onizuka. I traced their outlines with my index finger as I read over the words in the article. I just skipped the ones I didn't know.

"T minus 15 seconds."

I took another sip from my cup and sat up. My legs with twitching with adrenaline.

"T minus 10 seconds."

I widened my eyes so that I could catch everything. I reread the lettering on the screen: "Kennedy Space Center".

"Lift off."

In my memory, I can feel the rumbling of the engine. I can feel getting pushed in to carpeted floor. The talking done by mission control was background. I hoped the camera could follow them all the way up. Lots more clouds out of the back end. Two thin lines of clouds. My eyes scanned over the entire screen. Where'd they go? Get the clouds out of the way.

I don't remember all the words they were saying, but one stood out. Explosion. I started instantly crying. I sprinted into the kitchen where my mom was doing dishes.

"I don't want to be an astronaut anymore!"

"What? Why?"

"They blew up!"

I ran into my room and beneath my pictures of Jupiter and Saturn, I cried into my Strawberry Shortcake pillow.

*

I still love to stare at the heavens, but I do so with tentative awe.



"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "When I grow up . . ."  by Acme .

 

Muurrraoow.

"Hello purr-baby." I reach down and scratch Sara behind the ears.

Muurrraooww. Meh.

"I know Sara-Bear. Tell me all about it."

I talk to my animals. Yes, I know that they don't understand all of what I am saying to them, but neither do most people I talk to. *shrug* At least my animals look adoringly into my eyes, unlike most people. (Thank God, that would be unsettlingly creepy.) Gotta love unconditional love.

One of my most vocal pets is Buster (or Boo for short). He is up there in years and has reverted back to a screw-your-rules-I-have-my-own-rules-human stage. (I seriously think he has some for of Alzheimers. We call it Boo-heimers. Maybe it is more like dementia, though.) Want proof? This has now become part of my typical morning:

I'm asleep. (der.)

I'm awake.

What happened in the second between unconsciousness and alert was that Boo started barking, full on there is an intruder barking. He wants me up so that I can "give give" him some food. I tried once to wait him out. I may be stubborn to high heaven, but Boo takes the cake. 20 minutes later he is still going at it. I gave up. He broke me.

The real kicker to me is that he started this barking alarm clock thing a day after I made the choice to let him do whatever he wants. He doesn't want to go outside. Fine, he can stay in. He wants some of my human food. Alright, he can have a bite. He doesn't want to get brushed. Okay, I'll just let that slide. (He yelps. Its not like it was something he looked forward to.)

It's like he knew. Boo, dog genius. (Who saw that coming?) I'm just glad he doesn't start it before the sun comes up. God still loves me. Yay.

Not only do I have conversations with him about his howling, but I am now trying to convince a small dog named Tinkerbell* to control her inner bark. If she had a tribal name, I imagine it would translate to "small dog who talks much crap" or "small dog who just can't let it go... still not letting it go".

bark/squeak/yap/bark

"It's the wind, Tinkerbell. Look, there is nothing there but inanimate things and plant life."

squeak/bark/yap

"There, no more front door viewing privileges. If you feel overcome with the need to bark, you can go out in the back."

"grrrrr" as she "rrrr" heads to "rrrrr" the back "rrrrr" door.

I haven't told her this, but she kinda sounds like a chicken pre-bakah. I am not sure if that is the corgi or chihuahua in her.

So yeah, I talk to my animals. I used to think it was because they didn't talk back, but that is not really the case. So why do I do it? Perhaps I am just more than a little nuts.


* Tinkerbell: I didn't name her. She was given that name my a woman in her 80's. It was one of the few things she was able to give the dog, who am I to rename her... I call her Small Dog when I can't bring myself to say "Tinkerbell". My sister calls her Stinker-Hell.


"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "Invalid Entry"  by Erika .
 

You,

I know I don't tell you that I love you enough, so... I love you. I don't treat very you well. I don't take care of you as well as I do others. I would be dead if not for your existence. You keep me going. I promise that in future, I will try and do what is in you best interest and not what makes me happy in the moment. As long as you keep breathing, I can keep on keepin' on.

I love you,
Anonymous Friend

p.s. You might want to get to bed soon. You have a busy day tomorrow.

p.p.s. Sorry I drank that coke (I know it stung on the way down) and ate that mac n cheese (which will go straight to your hips).


"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "it's a twin thing"  by spidey is studying .
 

I apologize in advance if I make no sense. I don't know if it is the late hour or just my shock. I have no words. I wish I could swear. I wish I could curse. I am just wordless.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5i8GiVzisI8jNCtCPxNVnVrLG-35gD9...

The above is a link to the news story about a 17 year old boy who escaped torture by his foster... his foster... I can't associate them with anything human. I have read the above article twice from beginning to end and then certain paragraphs more than once. I am not sure who was supposed to have legal care of the boy. I get the impression it was Ramirez and then there was some mix-up (how simple that sounds) when she was jailed for beating the boy.

He fell through the cracks.

Then he goes from her to the couple of... couple of psychotics, who burned, beat, and otherwise tortured a 17 year old boy. Those sick, sick people. He could not have done anything to merit the treatment he received. The woman making posts on Myspace that she's a Girl Scout Troop Leader, that her husband is the best father.

I want to be angry at those people: the father that started abusing, the foster woman that continued the abuse, and the couple of vile beings that had him shackled up.

This can't be real. This is some sort of horrible internet story. It could not have really happened. I can't stop shaking my head and shivering everywhere else. No one can really be this cruel. This is a story. Someone made it up.

I just can't make sense of this. How do you get to that point? How do you think retraining a kid by those kinds of means is okay? Especially when you have 4 kids of your own?!

When I first saw the kid's picture, it didn't register to me that that was the boy. (17, young man I suppose.) How brave he was to escape! How frightened he must have been.

I swear, I will never understand this for as long as I live.



"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "I swear"  by Cappucine .

 

It's midnight at the eve of
summer.
The moon is full but my head
isn't.
I sit here in a muddled puddle
of my own sweat and tears
waiting for inspiration. Divine
or devilish, I don't care
anymore. As far as I know,
muses don't take sides.
Indifferent/Neutral
bastards.

(Take pity on me,
airy creativity hoarders!)
Make me believe in you
...

"Whatcha workin' on?" He asked, leaning against my office chair. "Its kinda late for you to be up. The sun'll be up soon."

"My FtL entry. I thought I had this great idea, but bah." I placed my closed eyes onto the pads of my hands. "It's like it was insta-sucked right out of me."

"Can I read what you've got so far?"

I shifted my body to the left. "Sure..."

"Sounds good to me. Bastards, that's funny."

"Thanks, but don't you think there ought to be more to it than that. I mean..." I sighed. "If it works really hard someday, it might grow up to be a meaty stanza."

He chuckled. "I think you're over thinking it."

"Don't tell me that." I pushed my back into the chair. "I always get told that."

"If you're always getting told it, maybe there's some truth to it." He tilted his head towards me.

I rolled my eyes. "Help me or back from whence you came."

"Okay." He raised an eyebrow. "How'd you like me help?"

"Be muse-y?" I gave a big smile.

"What?"

"Emanate creativity and inspiration by playing a lyre and or dancing gracefully." My fingers loosely demonstrated.

He chuckled. "No." While he looked at the computer screen, his skin glowed. "Weren't the muses women though?"

"Goddesses, I think. Oh come on. I'll be inspired. I promise."

"I don't think I qualify." He crossed his arms.

"Sure you do!"

"Are you trying to tell me I'm girly?" He leaned more.

I commenced back peddling. "Well you are kinda androgynous looking..." Don't say pretty. Don't say pretty. "... while still maintaining terribly manly features. Terribly manly."

He chuckled. "You can stop now."

"Very kind of you, thank you."

He nodded.

"Its just so frustrating because it was right there! And then..." I smashed my lips into a straight line.

"Then what?"

"I don't really know," I shrugged.

"Perhaps you need to do something else for a while?"

"Like what?"

I remember feeling his cool hands slide down my arms. He pulled one of my wrists to my lips.

*

I feel tapped and I am no closer to finishing my entry than when I started.

Okay.

"Make me believe in you..."

Bah.



"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "Invalid Entry"  by Pia Veleno .

&

This entry was prompted by "Between The Lines Journal Group"  member Mary The Gypsy - All Grown Up .
 

I never practiced a musical instrument as a child. I did accompany my friend to her violin lessons. I got to play occasionally. I think the instructor was trying to be nice. Come to think of it, I really don't know what I was doing there, haha.

As soon as I can get over my "I'm gonna suck at it" insecurities, I am going to start learning to play the guitar... and learn to read music. This should be interesting. I mix up words. Bring on the notes! I do think that filled in sheet music looks pretty. It is like organized art that I don't understand.

OOO, then we can play in the park, Rika! Or better yet, in private!

Until then, there is always our glorificus singing! hehe.

*

All caught up on Heroes. Now, waiting... I hate waiting...


This entry was prompted by "Between The Lines Journal Group"  member A Writer:Survivor .
 

Assuming that I have lived a past life, here are the lives that I think I lived. (Yes, more than one. Hey, you can't prove that I didn't. And, I'm greedy. )

Scullery maid. Some part of me believe that the rich and famous are put there for a reason.

A nun. I like being alone with God. We are chill like that. I like solid black and white combos and I feel comfortable on my knees.

A cat, because I expect to be obeyed.

A farmer. I like to grow things. I like my fences. Be gone foul sheep!

A politician. I feel like I ought to be very cautious about what I say.

A medium in a traveling circus. I think I can read minds. (You think I'm silly. See, I told you.) This would explain my dislike of clowns but love of circus music and tented structures.

A fish. I love the water and feel insignificant at times.

Blind. Because I can never catch all of my typos!

A sacrifice. Because I feel like they are coming for me. Are you them?

...Gotta go.



This entry was prompted by "Between The Lines Journal Group"  member Mary The Gypsy - All Grown Up .
 

If I were an animal, I would want a big fluffy tail. I would also want whiskers. I'd have to have some pudgy paws and soft ears. Well, that is as much thought as I have given it.

When I was a kid, I used to play on the floor as though I were a dog. I loved visiting with my cousin Corey because he got the game. I remember being at my aunt's playing dogs with Corey and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was on. The priest guy scared the crap out of me. I was sickened to see all the blood.

Corey can still make me laugh with one syllable. I love him for that.

I wouldn't want to be an animal now that I'm an adult. We treat animals horribly and I can't imagine volunteering for that. "Yeah, could I be hunted to extinction, have my home burned down, have my environment poisoned. Thanks."

Wait... What is the difference between them and us again?

*

According to a random animal generator, I must:
Release the sneaky throat-ripping vampire armadillos!

Well, okay... but their sneakiness hasn't been perfected yet. This may come back to bite you in the bum.


This entry was prompted by "Between The Lines Journal Group"  member MOO for President .
 

What is in my head at this very moment-or-two?

I am ready to do another leading entry. Is it the next round yet?

I want the keys to a shiny new Australia.

I think I look silly when I am listening to peppy music on the computer: shoulder shimmying, pooched out lips, spontaneous laughing, passionately mouthing the words, finger dancing, expressive eyebrow raising and lowering

I feel better after making my personal statement.

Feeling so much is exhausting.

When I was a little girl, I thought Tom Petty was my dad. No one told me this, of course. I came to this conclusion all on my own. I seem to be good at that.

I feel guilty that I haven't finished Erika's story yet. But I have more notes.

MaryLou has become one of my favorite FtLers.

I always want to comment people, but I rarely know what to say that doesn't sound like it needs to be deciphered by a dork.

I am such a frick.

I was a quiet child, perhaps that's why I can't shut-up now.

I have a small dog of cuteness. Jealous?

I'm worried that I don't come across as me in this journal/blog/place-of-what-have-you.

I think I scare people.

I want to leave an "I love you" note signed "Anonymous Friend".

It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual.

Listing all the characters in Heroes that are expendable to me. Wow, that's like the entire cast!

I can't stop grinning.



"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "my star don't shine"  by MaryLou .
 

From birth to now I have changed quite a bit. Learned to talk, walk, socialize (appropriately) and control my bodily functions. It has been a busy couple of years, phew. So yeah, I've done some growing.

One thing that hasn't changed all that much is my taste in music. I still heart Tom Petty. Sometimes I just need to hear the gypsy call my name. I still do my dreaming and my scheming in my room. When I am depressed, I believe that bridges are meant for burning. I carry the reminders of every glove that laid me down or cut me. I can't make anyone love me if they don't. I honestly think that they tried to find some good for you and me. It's going to be a good morning, Starshine.

((Get all that Rika? hehe. ))


*

A survey-ish-thing about your un-grown-up you:

What did your bedroom look like?
-- Which one? Well the earliest one I can remember was the LA one. When you walked into the bed room, my bed was against the wall on the far left side and it was dressed in Strawberry Shortcake linens. I had a circular multicolored rug on the floor. One window. Furniture pressed up to the walls. Everything neatly put away.

What pets did you have?
-- First was my Australian Shepard named Ishtar.

What did your bike look like?
-- It was pink (Shush.) and had pink and white streamers coming out the handle bar. Oh, and a white basket on the front.

What was your favorite Halloween costume?
-- Rainbow Brite. I was so cool.

What was your favorite cereal?
-- I preferred oatmeal. Still do.

Who was your favorite band?
-- Fleetwood Mac.

What was your favorite cartoon?
-- Care Bears and Duck Tales.

Who was your best friend?
-- Chica

Do you stay in touch?
-- Yeah, I am going to her wedding in March.

What was your first CD/ tape for us old 30 year olds?
-- Tom Petty "Full Moon Fever". And it was a tape, haha.

What could you "not do" that drove you nuts?
-- Talk back.

What did you get in big trouble for?
-- Talking back.

What was your first car?
-- Mazda 89 hatchback. That car could last a nuclear blast.

When was your cerfew?
-- It was never a set thing.

Who did you go to prom with and who asked who out?
-- I went camping with my family.

What did your dress look like?
-- If I had gone, I would have worn something flowy.

What was your favorite toy on the playground?
-- Well, it wasn't the metal slide that got to one million degrees in the summer.

Where you spanked as a child? If yes, why?
-- Yes. Biting, running across the busy street,and being stubborn.



"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "Oh, What a Funny Growth."  by JessiokaFroka .
 

Introduction Attempt Number Four:
I'm 5'7'' and a half. Growing up, I wanted to be 5'8''. No, I'm not bitter about it at all. I wish I were healthier, but I am working on it. Two steps forward; one step back. That still leaves me in the positive. (Yay.) All my favorite songs of the moment are by Bowling For Soup. I'm struggling to find a comfortable balance between productive artist and responsible citizen. When I'm thirsty, I always want water. I celebrated Thanksgiving this year vegetarian style. I reflexively apologize for all things. To fall asleep easily, I have to run a fan. One of my first words was "fuck". (Not truck, like my mom tried to convince me it was at the time.) I believe what people tell me because I don't see/care why they would lie to me. I only feel comfortable lying to yahoo chat room people and only when I've been drinking. After thinking about it, I think I posted the lead I did because I was trying not to talk about myself. I've felt too exposed in the past.

*

Introduction Attempt Number Three:
I'm friendly, especially to people in scary masks. I spook easily, but I'm not easily intimidated. Take offs in planes scare me frozen and mute; I'm good after that. I like to cook, clean, and be barefoot. Me hypothetically being pregnant worries me. Role reversal: I ready meals and bed for my mom. I do things out of my comfort zone (and with little to no regard for consequences) to make my friends and family laugh. I test out dialogue from my head in conversations with friends, family, and strangers. (So, everyone.) I can orgasm by listening to certain music. I'm only willing to eat certain meat. I have fetishes that contradict my morals and values. I want to learn guitar, but I am afraid I'm not coordinated enough and don't have anything musically to say. If I don't know what something or a word is, I ask, sometimes making people uncomfortable. I don't get race related jokes. I will/have asked the tellers why it is the joke is funny. I always feel like I have to defend everything I do from... *shrug* You? Me? Nobody? Everybody?

*

Introduction Attempt Number Two:
I have a hard time convincing myself to do things I don't think I'll be perfect at. I read everything in a literal way first. I listen to poetry and music with my eyes closed. (Jenn says it looks like I'm praying.) Prior to high school, I was planning to go into the convent. (Nevermind that I wasn't Catholic.) I feel relaxed when I'm reading naked and with the window open. I now can't stand the name Bella. I like my smooth skin, it reminds me of my grandma. I like that my eyes change, ranging in greens and yellows. Two of my toes are slightly webbed together. I grab fist-fulls of my hair and firmly, slowly pull when I want to calm down. I am irrationally afraid of birds and clowns- not clown behavior though. I used to feel pretty looking gothy, now I feel pretty in layers. I stop for people that look like they are in distress. I'm afraid to get to closed to people. I want my family (dead and alive) to be proud of me. Don't hold as much in as I used to, as a result, I cry more easily and often. I was with Mikey when he died, my lips pressed to his forehead as he...

*

Introduction Attempt Number One:
I can't think about personal with out thinking of my family. I can't think about family without thinking of Matt, Matty.

My brother Matt made it to Thanksgiving dinner on time, which is more than I can say for myself. He is moving back into town. Yay. His spirits were up. He's separated from the now-exposed-as-a-psycho-ex. He is getting a business degree. I am so proud of him; I am worried about/for him. Am I a worry wort? Oh most definitely. But I don't think that I'm overstepping the line between concern and freaking out when I say that my brother needs to see a doctor. On second thought, I am totally going past that line. In fact, I am pacing over the line so much that it is becoming nonexistent.

Hair clean? Yes and styled.
Dirt under the nails? No more than normal for a guy in his early 20's.
Mood? Happy. Attentive. Bright eyes.

Appetite? Hoongree. Piled high plate, gone. Healthy size of pumpkin pie, devoured quickly.

So why am I about to unfasten my heart from my chest? It's his weight.

My brother has always been thin. Tall and thin. In his teens, he could've been described as lanky. I am not reaching when I say that he looks gaunt now. To exhaust the point, he looked extremely thin and bony; haggard and drawn, as from great hunger, weariness, or torture; emaciated (definition of gaunt on dictionary.com). Had his skin contained the shadows and picking marks, I would have questioned him about his weight right then and there, though not in front the rest of the family. He assumes that I have limited my worries to drug use for the reason he is so thin.

I don't know what to do. Confront him? When I saw him around my birthday (like two months ago), he said he was seeing a doctor and that the doc had him on a special high calorie diet. Well doc, its been enough time. I'm afraid to bring it up. I don't want him to run.

If its not drugs, if he is clean like he says he is (like he seems to be), then he's sick.

"He could have cancer," my mom said.

"It could be an number of things," I said. "It could be aids."

I could tell by her reaction she had not considered that. If he was using the harder things, it could so easily happen. Yes, I realize that I may be overreacting, especially because you haven't seen him. He doesn't seem to have any muscle mass. When I hugged him and he wasn't expecting it, he lost his balance to the point he almost fell over. I remember half carrying, half walking his dad for another round of chemo.

Its just not right. Damn it! He's only 23.

All I can do is pray that he will talk to me. Not just dismiss it like he has in the past.

I had to call Paul about Mikey, I can't do it about our brother.

God, I don't know what to do.

I can't believe I'm praying that its drugs.

It's not just stress. In my gut, I know it's not just stress.

I don't want to lose my little brother. I especially don't want to lose him because I couldn't find the strength to bring up that there is a fucking elephant in the room.

But God, what if he runs and then we don't hear from him for like 2 years.

It all feels worse. Knowing. Not knowing.

God, I can't handle this. You can't have him too. We need him.

I can't breathe. I think I'm going to be sick.

Oh Matty, what's happened. Fuck.

God just tell me I'm overreacting, blubbering for no good reason. God, I don't want to scare him. I just want him healthy. I'd bargain with you, but fool me once...

God, I'll do anything, please. Just make it nothing. Make it nothing please. You're holding my brother's life hostage goddamnit.

What did I do that was wrong? I'll fix it or never do it again. I promise. Just make Matty all better. Please.

Please.


*

I'm done.


"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "Personal Statement"  by grim .

 

Dear Santa,

I got everything I wanted for Christmas on Thanksgiving. I got one more holiday with the ones I hold dear. If you see fit to give me the same present again, that would make too happy for words.

Keep flyin',
Emy

P.s. Sorry about the cracks about you breaking and entering when I was little.

*

I got to spend the holiday with family. It dawned on me as we where sitting there listening to the laughing and loving that last year's Thanksgiving was very, very different. My aunt was in the hospital and we weren't sure she was going to make a full recovery. She being the glue that keeps us all together, it was hard to muster energy to give a crap about turkey and stuffing.

This year, my aunt is mostly all better. She can live on her own now, take care of most the things that she needs to. She provided us with Thanksgiving dinner. =D

She is blunt, but never cruel. I admire her so very much.

*

My younger brother by two years Paul almost made me an aunt. From the text our brother Matt got, Paul was kinda looking forward to being a father. Honestly, I was thrilled. Auntie Mel, nice ring, right?

Well, like I said. Almost an aunt.

It turns out that this girl isn't pregnant, which is a relief because it turns out he met this girl like two months ago at his birthday. She was a random hook up. Yeah. Gaw, if she had been, my brother would have proposed. I know him. He likes to do the "right" thing. Babies are not reasons to get married or stay married.

Paul seems okay with the fact that he isn't a dad... yet.

So, I am back to being just Mel... for now.

*

While at Thanksgiving dinner, my sister sent me a text saying that it seemed to her like Matt (our brother, younger than me and Paul but older than her) was trying to one-up her. I had noticed that he was trying to top her. If she had a family owned yogurt shop near her that made awesome yogurty-things, than so did he and he had a funny story about it too.

That is the kinda thing that gets under her skin. I think it is partly because it takes away from attention to her and it makes her feel like she is in competition mode, where she is very frequently at home. I think that was one of the motivations she had for having me work on her. She wanted her time. Time she is used to getting because Matt usually isn't there.

He was one-upping me as well, but he took more of a relaxed approach. Either he is not in competition with me or my non-competitiveness was very evident last night. When he was, it didn't bother me at all. He needed it. He needed to show me he was good, still good, good as our sister - the golden child. So if you ask me, that was why my brother was being a s.t.a.n..

I've known my sister since she was 4 years old. We were not always close, but I would like to think that we are close now, now that we have matured some and are willing to accept certain personality quirks in one another. I know her nonverbal communication very well and during Thanksgiving it read: I'm keeping away from Matt.

I have theories on this. She and I need to have a talk this weekend. In her own time, she is going to have to talk to our brother, but I don't think they should right now. I don't think that she could not sound lectury and Matt is too sensitive right now. But, they are going to need to.

Matt had to unload on Paul. Lauren will need to do the same. All in good time.

*

My sister sent me a text earlier:

"you are my favorite sissay in the world ((I am also her only sissay, but lets keep going shall we.)) and i love you very much!"

Aw.


"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "Invalid Entry"  by kittiana.
 

Yes, but why?

I dunno why. More educated minds than mine are trying to figure out how the human mind works and if they don't know, I haven't a friggin clue. I suppose what I am driving at is that I don't know why I've remembered one thing longer than others, why I haven't managed to forget it, really. In all honesty, it depends on the day what I can actually remember, like see in my head. For me, memories tend to be slightly intangible and more in the realm of feeling.

Today, the farthest back I can go is...

*closes eyes*
*tilts back head*

I'm 4 or 5 and I am laying on my stomach in my grandma's craft room listen to my book on tape, "The Elephant Child" with Jack Nicholson narrating. I'm tired of reading the words so I rest my head on my forearms, falling asleep to the sound of breathy sarcasm.

That's all I got.


This entry was prompted by "Between The Lines Journal Group"  member A Writer:Survivor
 

Online quiz: You are 74.2% drunk. You are currently drunk enough to be classified as indestructable. You can attempt to do anything you wish with the certainty that no harm will come to you. You also currently have an encyclopaedic knowledge of all subjects and everyone around you will find your explanations of everything fascinating. Go on, try it.

***

fruit: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
fruit: sweet heart
fruit: h r u

i_lie: hi
i_lie: you are still shirtless

fruit: miss u lot
fruit: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fruit: i fora
fruit: forget honey
fruit: can i see u today babe

i_lie: no, i have no pic and no cam, just like before

***

hockey: hi

i_lie: hey

hockey: asl

i_lie: 27 f sd

hockey: are u drunk

i_lie: hehe, yeah

hockey: shit
hockey: then u could be lik 15

i_lie: i could, but im not

hockey: but ur drunk
hockey: prove it

i_lie: what? tjat im drunk?
i_lie: or that i am not 15. i remember the horrific styles of the 80s

hockey: no that your not 15

i_lie: ask me something only a 27 year old would know

hockey: show me a picture

i_lie: can't. have no pic andno cam

hockey: myspace?

i_lie: it is set to private. i don't like strangers

hockey: oh cmon

i_lie: oh come on what?

hockey: let me see

i_lie: nope

hockey: meanie

i_lie: i don't know you. i am not about showingmyself to people i don't know
i_lie: sorry
i_lie: you could be a stlaker or something
i_lie: what are you planningon showing me?

hockey: naked picks of me
hockey: j/k

i_lie: i can't handle seeing any more naked guys tonight

hockey: hahha
hockey: im normal i swear

i_lie: you are the only one. what's it like?

hockey: lol
hockey: normal job
hockey: normal guy
hockey: normal activities
hockey: normal fun

i_lie: wow... you are one of a kind

hockey: in here maybe
hockey: so u wont show me

i_lie: i can't show you, i don't know you
i_lie: i could show you a pic, but it wont be of me

hockey: lol

i_lie: sorry to disappoint

hockey: ahh
hockey: watevers

i_lie: okie

***

joe: nice name

i_lie: thank you
i_lie: yours seems fun too

joe: yw
joe: 30,m italian here U

i_lie: 28, f, american mutt

joe: nice

i_lie: i think so

joe: pic cam or mic
joe: where in california u at

i_lie: sd

joe: im in the 760 area
joe: im 5 ft 8 blk hair and brn eyes italian 190 lbs with one piercing below the waist U

i_lie: no, i am a technological catastrophe

joe: ok lol
joe: what u look like

i_lie: 5'7'' blonde hair, green eyes, german based mutt, 283, no piercings

joe: nice
joe: my girl is also a big girl

i_lie: wahoo.

joe: lol

i_lie: i like her already

joe: wanna view my pics?

i_lie: if they don't have your penis them, yes

joe: ok damn lol

i_lie: that would kill my buzz

joe: y
joe: lol

i_lie: i am not all that into random penises when i am having fun without them

joe: ok lol
joe: i have a great penis my girl says lol

i_lie: i don't want to see it. i will take her word for it

joe: ok ill show a face pic

i_lie: okie
i_lie: you look friendly

joe: i am lol

i_lie: i knew it

joe: i got a big sausage too lol jk

i_lie: i am sure that keeps you happy

joe: somewhat

i_lie what makes you unhappy?

joe: not having some sex lol

i_lie: well, that sounds like something you need to talk to your girl about

joe: i love sex on the side

i_lie: does she know you like your sex on the side?

joe: nope

i_lie: oy, that is going to be an awkward conversation

joe: y

i_lie: well, shen she finds out. i don't think she's gonna be happy about it

joe: probably not
joe: so look at my pics k

i_lie: not if they have your penis in them

***

onthe: [mentioned something about enjoying drinking and being on the job]

i_lie: work for the government?

onthe: why do you ask?

i_lie: occupational hazard. i just thought it would be funny...

onthe: LMAO! I am not used to anyone with actual wit and humor on here!!
onthe: OK, Lie down on the couch nd tell your uncle Joey all about it!

i_lie: well uncle joey
i_lie: i was abducted last night

onthe: By aliens?
onthe: Tht anal probe thing ain't so bad!! I was abducted also!!

i_lie: yeah but w/o lube, that is just cruel

onthe: Now, that's a fact!
onthe: Did the tall green look just like George Clooney?

i_lie: no, more like robin williams

onthe: UggghHH
onthe: Theu broke with with the Pamela Anderson clone!!!

i_lie: ack. double ack
i_lie: given this some thought, have you?

onthe: OK enough small talk! Let's get down to bidness!!!
onthe: actually, she is a skank, I should have said Brooke Burke.
onthe: Jennifer Connely

i_lie: say whoever you want to man, hehe
i_lie: it doesn't nother me

onthe: are u drunk?

i_lie: hehe yeah

onthe: so u r lying!
onthe: how old r u?

i_lie: 32

onthe: nice!

i_lie: i don't lie about my drinking

onthe: I have a cam, I would love to see you!

i_lie: well, close you eyes
i_lie: i have no cam

onthe: OK!
onthe: Then, All I can offer is a fantastic view of my nakedness! You up for it?

i_lie: hahaha no thank you. i have seen nakedness before

onthe: not mine!! LOL!
onthe: I am artistic, talented!!
onthe: the cinematic value will be awesome!
onthe: Oscar worthy!
onthe: You ready for a glimpse?

i_lie: no, i don't think i can, you handle it

onthe: OK dokee!!

i_lie: =D

onthe: u sure not one little peek?

i_lie: i am so very sure, thank you

***

roger: hi

i_lie: hi

roger: How are you,

i_lie: good you?

roger: what?
roger: good bye

i_lie: bye?

roger: i was being nice and your a frick

i_lie: i am not a frick... whatever that is... at least i don't think i am

***

alex: hi

i_lie: hello

alex: whats up

i_lie: not a lot

alex: what are you doin

i_lie: drinkign and chatting

alex: koo
alex: whats you drinking on

i_lie: whisky

alex: srtong i like that

i_lie: im liking it

alex: 4 real
alex: what else that you doin

i_lie: just chatting at the moment
i_lie: i am probably going to get proposed to again

alex: maried

i_lie: no, but there is this indian guy that wants to marry me

alex: 4 real ((NO, FOR FAKE.))
alex: are you gonna ,aried him
alex: maried

i_lie: no

alex: koo

i_lie: coocoocashoo

alex: whats lol

i_lie: not a beatles fan i take it

alex: oh so you have a pic

i_lie: no, i don't

alex: oh
alex: 2 bad

i_lie: im okay with it

alex: tru that

i_lie: =D

alex: you wanna see me

i_lie: you. not your penis

alex: my dick

i_lie: i don't care if you call it the little rocket that could, i don't want to see it

alex: i dont want 2 show you my dick
alex: my face

i_lie: well, then i am okay with that

alex: tell me the tru ok about how i look

i_lie: i don't think i could be not truthful at this point

alex: please

i_lie: ok
i_lie: you look like are are staring down the camera... lke goging to kick its butt

alex: but how i look

i_lie: you look fine. normal. healthy.

alex: koo

i_lie: coocoocachoo

alex: you sure you dont want 2 see my dick

i_lie: i am so very positive about that. but thank you for offering again.

alex: koo

i_lie: can i call you dove?

alex: sure
alex: so what are you doin
alex: 2 night

i_lie: drinking and chatting.... i live such the posh life

alex: koo

i_lie: yes dovie, koo

alex: you have some big tits

i_lie: yes. they are so big they hurt ((BRING ON THE SARCASM))

alex: 4 real

i_lie: why would i lie?

alex: are they dd big ((DOESN'T CARE ABOUT MY MOTIVES FOR LYING))

i_lie: at least. i tape them

alex: well you wanna see something

i_lie: is it your cock?

alex: no

i_lie: what are you showingme then?

alex: you mait like it
alex: you ther


***AFTER ORIGINAL POST EDIT***

Drunk and chatting, fun. Drunk and editing, not so much. I didn't have time to post the best one with the others.

MYSTER: wassup

i_lie: drinking andchatting, you?

MYSTER: wish to have voice chat
MYSTER: ??

i_lie: i am not capable of voice chat,haha

MYSTER: why?
MYSTER: i like drunk...
MYSTER: can i call?

i_lie: ? drunk is turn on for you?

MYSTER: yeap
MYSTER: that low sexy moans
MYSTER: while a girl is drunk
MYSTER: ummmm i love that

i_lie: wow... i never thought drunk was that attractive in a person

MYSTER: so can i call?

i_lie: no, sorry

MYSTER: you got your cam?

i_lie: nope. i am technologically challenged ((THAT'S WHY I LIKE GEEKS =D))

MYSTER: HARD AND JUICY COCK ON CAM!

i_lie: are you a bot?

MYSTER: i am not

i_lie: that sounds very bot like

MYSTER: lolzzz ((B/C THE "ZZZ" MAKE IT ALL BETTER.))
MYSTER: may be
*BUZZ*
MYSTER: ??

i_lie: don't buzz me
i_lie: maybe what?

MYSTER: it sounds
MYSTER: anyways tel
MYSTER: am really getting horny
MYSTER: and drunk woman is my perfect combination

i_lie: i am sure yahoo chat is full of my kind

MYSTER: but i need you
*BUZZ*
MYSTER: hey?

i_lie: why the buzz, dude?

MYSTER: am sorry
MYSTER: but m norny
MYSTER: horny*
MYSTER: i am hard
MYSTER: atleast respond me

i_lie: with what?

MYSTER: was watching a porn
MYSTER: but need a girl to loook at me
MYSTER: and turn her on

i_lie: are there no other girls?

MYSTER: umm no ((LUCKY ME.))

i_lie: what makes you think i want to

MYSTER: because you drunk

i_lie: oh... well, i suppose that makes sense

MYSTER: and ofcourse i have ability to turn you on

i_lie: really? where did you get this ability?

MYSTER: dont waste time lets get started

i_lie: well, i think you can start without me. i have to go

MYSTER: [HE PRESSED THE CALL BUTTON]

i_lie: did you meanto press that?

MYSTER: lets voice please
MYSTER: ??

i_lie: ummmm i am not up for that level of commitment,sorry

MYSTER: can i just hear you
MYSTER: for few sec.?

i_lie: i sound like... jasmine from aladdin

MYSTER: hey dnt joke na ((WHO'S JOKING?))
MYSTER: lemme please
MYSTER: ?

i_lie: that is the best i can do. i am not trying to dick you around, i swear



My lead entry for "Follow the Leader: Journal Edition " .
 

Bush is a lame duck. Don't believe me? Read what wikipedia has to say on it.

People scare me. Specifically, stalkers scare the ever loving crap out of me. The watching. The plotting. The hiding that they do.

More than heights, germs, and drowning. Those, they can be avoided to a certain degree. But people, they are everywhere. They can change from nice to mean as fast as you can take a breath.

I think Weird Al gets it.



Do I Creep You Out?
by Weird Al
I know that you don't know me very well
We've barely met, but I can surely tell
No one will ever love you like I do

I like to feel the warm spot on your chair
Sometimes I drool and usually I stare
My precious one
I saved that gum that you threw in the garbage

You're the one I dream about
But the only question with me now is
Do I creep you out?

Everytime I shake your hand now
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Do I creep you out?

Call you every night and hang up, whoa, up
Gonna carve your name in my leg
In my leg

Something I should ask about
Can I sniff the pit stains on your blouse?
And do I creep you
Do I creep you out?

Your restraining order's out
Still the only question with me now (oh, the only question)
Is do I creep you out? (is do I creep you out?)

Know exactly where you live now
Followed you from work back to your house
(Followed you from work back to your house)
Well, do I creep you out?
Do I creep you out?


This entry was prompted by "Between The Lines Journal Group"  member Elisa, Stik 15K
 

What effect does driving have on me?

Well, it stresses me out for one thing. From when I start it up until I cut the engine, I am thinking about gas. If I go faster, how much more will that eat up? How much smog is my car sending out into the atmosphere? Don't hit me, don't hit me? Don't brake down?

In order to not be so tense behind the wheel, I play loud music to sing along to. It helps to keep my mind off of my worries, my somewhat irrational worries. I might have a snowball's chance at hellish relaxation if those motorcycle riding fiends didn't feel like testing their mortality every time there is a little traffic. What if I hit one of them?

I'm doomed.

***

Favorite Weird Al songs of the moment: Since You've Been Gone and She Drives Like Crazy.


This entry was prompted by "Between The Lines Journal Group"  member Elisa, Stik 15K
 

What is something I would probably deserve?

For starters, I too would probably deserve that punishment for laughing in the theater at the melodrama on the silver screen. =D Personally, I think the film deserved all the laughing it got, to be fair. I also agree that it was better than the book. Of course to be fair, it is impossible to be worse. As much as I complain, I am glad I went. I really needed a good laugh. I deserve to have a good laugh. We all do.

I do find it hard to fathom that the writer of the Twilight screenplay is one of the writers on Dexter. My Dexter. I credit Melissa Rosenberg with all the intentionally humorous dialog. The dialog taken from the book was... funny in another way.

So in the end, I guess it doesn't matter to me how or why I'm laughing so long as I am laughing. Perhaps because of this, I take the laughs where I can get them and lucky for me, I come by them easily. The other day I was taking a trip to Costco and I read the frame surrounding the license plate of the car in front of me. "Boxers are beautiful," it stated.

Inner monologue: "I guess they can be beautiful depending on the print and the type of fabric... Oh wait. Boxers! I never really thought they were 'beautiful'. They look better when they are not getting beat up or beating someone else up... No... No. Boxers. The dog. Oh. Well of course they are beautiful. They are fluffy."

Another instance of just-for-me-funny was when I was in CO. Erika and I were taking a trip to Trinidad. We had music for the drive. One of the songs was "What a Good Boy" by the Barenaked Ladies (I think). I was singing along, most likely loudly, not really paying much attention what was coming out of my mouth as I scanned the countryside. Toward the end of the song, I ran out of breath on a word and stopped singing.

"Half a step," Erika said.

Excitedly, I started to look more closely at the fields, searching from the half of a step. "What?" I almost asked 'Where?' (or did I?).

"You were half a step away from that note. It's a hard note to reach."

"Oh..." I laughed in my head.

I hope that these moments will give you a well deserved laugh. =D



****Edit****
Erika is right. It was "Break Your Heart". hehe. It is attention to detail like this that will make me Dictator someday.


"Follow the Leader: Journal Edition "  lead entry "I'd probably deserve it."  by Jenn .