I am in awe of cross-cultural relationships. I have great admiration for those who make a commitment to build a life together; it takes courage and determination to overcome racial, religious and linguistic differences... not forgetting the possible diversity of each person’s cultural and traditional background. And then there’s the relatives, who view any liaison with someone outside the cultural/racial/religious group as The Ultimate Transgression.

A couple of weekends ago we got the chance to witness first hand the ugly side of a cross cultural relationship. Arthur, one of our friends from our years in Zimbabwe, was over here on business, and on Sunday we arranged to meet him at his hotel. We decided to go to Eko Bar, the most popular pub for Izmir’s ex-pat community. Arthur now lives in England, and had flown over for a week of business.

After parking the car, we strolled down to Eko, which is one block away from the waterfront. We were able to see the sea from our table - it was still warm enough to sit outside. As we arrived Arthur greeted a young girl who’d flown over on the ‘plane with him. We’ll call her Sally - she actually shares her name with a famous British singer. She was with her fiancé, a young Turkish man I’ll call Umut.

Sally was probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She was petite, with long straight ash blonde hair falling over her shoulders. Her blue eyes were so clear they sparkled, and her gaze was confident and direct. Her lovely figure was emphasised in a long, yellow t-shirt dress which reached mid-thigh. Black leggings encased her legs to her calves, and on her feet were a gorgeous pair of diamante sandals. I remember admiring them, because unlike most sandals I admire these did not have a thong between the toes, so I could have worn them. Sally had a lovely accent, and she laughed a lot.

We sat with Arthur all afternoon. As the designated driver I had a few glasses of red wine. Ivan and Arthur drank the local Efes draft beer, before moving onto to whiskey (Ivan) and vodka (Arthur). We ate a late lunch of calamari and prawns with a delicious cheese and potato salad. Sally and Umut sat near us, talking and laughing with each other, sharing the occasional kiss and holding hands. They were a great looking couple, and everyone in the bar was watching them. They were drinking white wine.

Early in the evening they came over and sat with us. Umut was sitting next to me at the head of our table. Sally sat opposite me next to Arthur, and Ivan was on my other side. Umut was impressed with my very limited command of the Turkish language, and when I told him that after three years in his country I should have some knowledge he frowned.

“Sally doesn’t know any Turkish, and we’ve been together 18 months.”

I told him I was sure she’d pick it up once they were married and she was living full time in Izmir. He frowned. His next words sent chills through me.

“I can’t wait until we are married, because when Sally becomes a Muslim I can make her stop smoking and drinking.”

Fortunately Ivan and Arthur were laughing at Sally, and didn’t hear him. Umut is serving in the army on the Iraqi border, one of the most dangerous places in the country - it’s where the Turks are fighting the Kurdish PKK group. I looked at him, and suddenly this exotic, dark haired man didn’t seem terribly romantic. His eyes were almost black. I’m always mindful of the fact that I am a foreigner here, so I chose the path of least resistance.

“I’m sure she’s just celebrating with you, because she is flying back on the 9 pm flight and you’re going back to the border tomorrow.”

“She’s not going back tomorrow,” he said angrily. “She says she doesn’t want me to leave after her, so she is wasting 1,000 lira and buying another ticket. She’s so stupid. She doesn’t care that some people here take two months to earn that kind of money.”

By this time Ivan, Arthur and Sally heard our conversation. Sally told him how much she loved him, and how she wanted to leave Izmir after him. He laughed, but without love or mirth, and told us this proves how stupid and wasteful she was. Embarrassed, I told him she wasn’t stupid, but in love. And love makes us do things that sometimes seem irrational.

We managed to change the subject. As the evening wore on more alcohol was consumed. Umut became more assertive and aggressive, and Sally laughed more. When she leaned over to take his hand he suddenly seized her slim wrist, tightening his grip so he pinched the skin between his thumb and fingers. Her laughter died down, and she drew a breath, catching her lower lip between her teeth as she stared at him.

Arthur and I stared in horror. Ivan reacted immediately: “Hey, don’t treat her like that. Let her go.”

Umut relaxed his grip, and apologised to us. “You should be saying sorry to her,” Ivan said, angrily. “You don’t need to hurt her.”

I turned to Ivan and quietly told him to back off: “It’s not our fight.”

Only then did I see a couple of small, coined-sized bruises on Sally’s upper arm. But I said nothing. Later Ivan and Arthur said they’d noticed them too.

Sally continued drinking. About an hour after the wrist-grabbing incident she got up to go to the toilet, and was so unsteady on her feet I helped her negotiate her way through the tables and patrons inside the Eko pub. I had to help her sit on the toilet, and waited until she’d finished before leading her back to the table. Everyone was looking at us. Thank goodness I was sober... or maybe not. I felt ashamed.

Sally continued drinking, and when she next got up she tried to come around the table to hug me, and promptly fell over me and Ivan. Umut’s lips tightened, and I told him she’d tripped over the umbrella stand, which was right next to my chair. Sally got up, weaving her way through the tables, staring ahead and smiling at nothing. I stood up to follow her. Then the most embarrassing part of the whole evening happened.

A group of middle-aged Turkish men were sitting at the table next to us, enjoying a few glasses of raki. They’d obviously been watching us, because one on them spoke to me in broken English.

“Excuse me, madam, but don’t you think you should take her home? She is very drunk.”

I wanted to tell him she wasn’t our responsibility, but then what were we doing with her at our table? I suddenly felt ashamed... we were in a foreign country, sitting with a girl who clearly has no idea of how most of the citizens of this country view foreign tourists. Sure, Sally was letting her hair down and having fun with her fiancé and a few friends. But that man underlined and emphasised the differences in our cultures and classes.

I told him her fiancé would take her home as soon as she returned, and hurried after her. Sally was slumped on the floor outside the ladies room, a waiter kneeling beside her trying to help her. I got her into the toilet, helped her wipe her face, and the waiter and I virtually carried her out to a furious Umut. He threw some money on the table to pay for their share of the drinks, and put his arm around Sally to support her. Telling us he loved her, he promised Arthur to invite him and his wife to their wedding. He told Ivan that Ivan should understand he loved Sally, and would always take care of her. They left, Sally staggering along the street to the taxi which would take her and her fiancé home.

We left shortly afterwards. I keep thinking about Sally, whose beauty is so obviously one of the reason Umut loves her. But what about the girl under that beauty? Did he not fall in love with her personality? Her quick mind? Her sense of fun? Her intelligence? Or is she just a trophy? What will happen to her if Umut turns her into his idea of a wife, so she looses the spark and individuality that first attracted him to her?

My youngest nephew married a Muslim girl last year. There are serious issues and problems with her brothers and her mother - my 21 year old nephew converted to Islam in order to marry his 25 year old wife. My nephew currently lives in Sidney while his wife studies for her third university degree in Brisbane. My own family is divided on the marriage, particularly his brothers, who watched the entire relationship unfold, and were on hand when she told my nephew she was due to be married off in an arranged marriage. When Ivan told his Muslim boss of the marriage he was appalled, and asked Ivan: “What virus did your nephew catch?”

I want to believe that love can indeed conquer all... but when I think of Sally and Umut and her blind love for him and his determination to make her his I have to wonder. It may be possible to overcome racial, ethnic, linguistic and some cultural differences. But I don’t know that it can ever flourish when two such different people with such different religions and traditions want to be together, especially when one is as staunchly relgious as Umut.

I hope I am wrong.

 

Robert Byrne’s words have been on my mind a lot this weekend. I’ve been unpacking our winter clothes this weekend; a singularly depressing task. When I packed them away earlier this year I honestly didn’t think I’d be taking them out again while we were here. We had a dream and a plan... sadly Allen Stanford destroyed those hopes a few months before they could become reality.

I don’t mind winter. What I do mind is the layers of clothing one has to wear in order to go anywhere. In our house I can get by in a tracksuit or long sleeved t-shirt. But planning a simple trip to the shops is not that easy. In order to turn on the car so it has a chance to warm up before trying to drive anywhere one has to go outside. And in this house that’s going to take some careful consideration on my part.

I’m a very clumsy person - I’m always knocking things over, tripping over things like carpets and dogs’ tails or knocking into doorways with my arms. I’d love to blame my missing limb, but I’ve been this way since I was born. Unfortunately that missing limb makes me worse. I should take out shares in any company marketing arnica cream, because it really does help minimise bruised body parts.

But back to this house...

To get to my car I have to walk down twelve ceramic-tiled stairs, only two of which are covered. We’ve been getting a bit of rain at night, so in the morning those steps are wet. While the tiles have a matte finish they do get slippery, and are treacherous for me. With my propensity for crashing into things I’m already wondering what they’ll be like next month, when the temperature here really starts to dive. Don’t get me started on snow - I love the stuff, but thinking about it melting and refreezing on those tiles makes me break out in a very cold sweat.

I’m also getting nervous thinking about going into Yakkakoy. Because we live in the mountains north of Izmir we’re already much colder than Bornova and the city centre. I remember driving with Denis and Denise last year around this area after the first snow fall (December 21) and the roads didn’t take long to ice up. In fact, the highway to Manisa was closed for two or three mornings in a row last year because the roads iced up so quickly. There’s a steep hill we have to drive up to get to Yakkakoy, so I guess the minute it snows I’ll be driving along the winding but flat road to Ulucak - if I have to go out. More planning required on my part to minimise my road presence.

Needless to say I can find beauty in winter, especially in this part of the world. Coming from Africa we don’t get snow, so for me the first snow is always spectacular... as will be the sight of snow resting in the branches of the pine trees all around our complex. I love putting my foot into freshly fallen snow, watching my shoeprint form and hearing that crunching noise as the icicles compact. I love to see the trail of footprints left by my dogs as they wander over the carpet of snow, and watching them catch snowballs I throw at them. The snow sticks to Jabba’s black fur, and he carefully and methodically takes it off when he moves off the lawn. The snow also compacts between his toes and turns into lumps of ice. I’ve watched him carefully remove and eat those “ice cubes”, often putting his entire foot into his mouth.

Then there’s those lovely fires... messy to clean up but well worth the effort for the roasted chestnuts... and the lovely dancing flames.... not forgetting the crackling sound as it burns. I bought my first chestnuts on Friday, but I doubt I’m be chucking them onto the fire for a few weeks. Those will be cooked in the oven - I love chestnuts too!

I guess this means I winter!!!

Today I girded my loins , and took a drive to Bornova. It’s the first time I’ve been out of the house since returning from Zimbabwe on Sunday evening. Not that I have cabin fever or anything... the first reason was to do some shopping, and the second was to get Kit washed.

I’ve been munching my way through the tins in my pantry, something that’s easy to do when the house is home to me and the two dogs. My poor husband is right now on his way back home from Amsterdam - his carbon footprint for this year is massive, particularly for the last six weeks. Before we flew to Zim he was in India for a few days helping design a processing line. The day after he returned we flew to Zim via London and Johannesburg. On Monday afternoon he flew to Amsterdam for a meeting with tobacco people from all over the world. He arrives home at 1 am tonight - one hour after midnight! I reckon he’s going to be sleeping all weekend.

So today I thought I’d better go shopping - I love cooking, and will spend tomorrow making a few soups to freeze, spaghetti bolognaise (also to freeze) and chicken casserole (to freeze). I also found a nice brinjel pate recipe in my “Slim-u-Slim” recipe book... because we both need to diet.

Kit (my car is named after the “Knightrider” car because it drives on its own) was so dirty I had to rinse the windows just so I could see where I was going. This was perhaps not such a good idea, because everyone could see who had left their car to get into such a bad state. I managed to drive on the WRONG side of the road all the way to Bornova Kipa - in Zimbabwe we drive on the right hand side of the road, just like England and Australia; Turkey, like mainland Europe and the USA drives on the left. After leaving Kit in the trusty hands of the manual carwash (four men to wash one tiny Citroen Saxo) I headed into Kipa.

Ninety minutes later I emerged shaking. Having secured all the items on my shopping list I was now 390 Lira (US$270) poorer. Although the supermarket trolley was full there was NO alcohol (which is very expensive here) and no dog food (also expensive). The real shocker was the price of meat. When I left here lamb chops cost around 24 Lira/kilogram. Today I paid 29 Lira/kilogram - in just three weeks? Minced beef has also gone up by around 15 percent, and I couldn’t find any decent fresh fish. Milk has also increased in price - one litre of milk is 1.85 Lira - up from 1.50 three weeks ago. Flour has also gone up in price. At least chicken is still cheap.

I’ve no idea what’s going on here, but right now Zimbabwe is cheaper than Turkey, and that’s the price of imported products! In fact Zimbabwe’s beef is a third of the price of this place, and that despite Mugabe’s followers virtually wiping out the entire beef industry over the past nine years! By the time I reached shiny clean Kit I felt better, and was able to drive home with the knowledge that I’ve bought a week’s worth of meat and vegetables, and two to three weeks worth of other groceries.

Autumn has come to Izmir, but it’s not obvious driving along the roads to my house. I live in a tiny village called Yakkakoy, on the highway between Izmir and a city called Manisa. The area is densely forested, with silvery olive trees and dark green pine trees lining the roads, farms and restaurants en route to my home in Professolori Sitesi. It’s a pretty drive, although one has to be careful of the humans, tractors, humans, horses, humans, sheep and humans who wander around the area without much thought or concern for the cars belting down the road at speeds that would make Michael Schumacher or Jenson Button envious.

I don’t speed, not because I don’t want to but because as a foreigner the last thing I want or need is to be involved in any incident concerning the police. I found myself looking out for the little foal grazing with his mother on the farm just before the “welcome to Yakkakoy” sign, and the donkeys outside the derelict barns on the other side of the road. I waved at the people stationed outside each restaurant whose sole purpose is to wave at drivers to encourage them to come and dine at their “restoran”. I drove around the tiny cemetery, admiring the restoration work that began just before we went to Africa. The little marble turbans atop each tombstone are now shiny white, the dull grey dirt scrubbed off each one. They’re still tipping over; to be expected after a century in the ground I guess.

Like all villages in Turkey, Yakkakoy centres around a massive mosque. During Ramazan the mosque was given a facelift, so now the massive round building is even more visible, its towering minaret pointing straight up into the sky. In times gone by the Imam was supposed to climb up the minaret and call people to prayer. Then the minarets were not very tall, but thanks to technology they’ve grown taller than the actual mosque. The Iman delivers his summons to the faithful from ground level, singing into a microphone that transmits his voice through loudspeakers at the top of the minaret. Part of the facelift was to cover the building in tiny white mosaic tiles, with the occasional green tile giving a speckled effect. Green is the colour of Islam. At the top of the mosque the name “Allah” is pasted in green tiles. Yakkakoy is apparently and old Greek village, so most of the houses and building are somewhat shabby. The contrast with the opulence of the brilliant, gleaming mosque is sobering, as is the sight of the men sitting outside the coffee shop, sipping strong aromatic coffee, smoking and chatting. The only woman I usually see is the wife of the owner of the small shop where I buy bread and bottled water. She never wears a headscarf.

My thoughts were interrupted when a sheep leapt out onto the road in front of my car. I stopped, amazed as it trotted off down the side road, to be followed by six or seven more animals. What was surprising was that they’d climbed down some steep stairs to reach the road, and were hurrying across it to reach a water trough at the end of the side street. Sheep? In the middle of the village? On the main road? Only in Turkey!

After allowing the sheep to cross the road I encountered a beautiful, jewel-coloured rooster, surrounded by four rather drab little hens. They clucked furiously as I cruised past them. I noticed a pretty grey and white cat on the wall opposite, cleaning his paws carefully and paying scant attention to the handsome rooster and his harem.

That’s as close as we get to natural wildlife in Turkey - horses, donkeys, cows, sheep, chickens, dogs and cats. I can always go to the zoo downtown, but after experiencing elephants, hippo, zebra, giraffe, lions etc in the wild (where they should be) I’ll stick with the selection available at Yakkakoy!

 

During the three weeks I’ve just spent in Zimbabwe I saw more friends and family during those three weeks than I have during the three years I’ve been in Turkey. The thrill of catching up with everyone was enhanced by the positive changes I saw in my homeland.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have returned home three times this year, previous visits being undertaken in February and July. Zimbabwe’s unity government was formed shortly before the first visit, after restrictions on trading in foreign currency were lifted. Sugar, cooking oil and maize meal were some of the products displayed openly on supermarket shelves. Previously these items were only available on the black market, or sold directly to customers out of sight of public eyes. By July both imported and locally produced ranges of many products were available, and the prices had stabilised.

During this visit I tried to find ingredients for recipes I’ve only begun using during my six years away from Zimbabwe. I’m not sure if I ever came across them before 2003, so perhaps they were present, but not noticed by me because I didn’t use them. There was not one single item on my list I didn’t find - from capers to salmon fillets, every single item was available. And not too badly priced, when compared to Turkish till slips.

I ate out frequently; four visits to both Deli-icious and Cafe Med at Borrowdale, a further four visits to Coimbra for the best garlic sauce in the entire world (the chicken is pretty outstanding too) and three meals at the lovely restaurant at Golden Stairs nursery with my mum and mother in law. I cannot remember the name at the moment - blame jet lag!

While shopping and wining and dining in Zimbabwe are perhaps the best they’ve been in the last 15 to 20 years they are not a way to measure the country’s climb out of the abyss caused by Mugabe’s disastrous policies. One needs to look to other signs, and while they’re not as obvious as the two kilograms I managed to gain through socialising with friends and family they are there.

I asked my gynaecologist if she thought the health sector was improving. She confirmed it was, explaining that the last few years have been very difficult, but from her point of view there are real signs of improvement. Perhaps the increased number of affordable private medical aid schemes now available confirms the country’s health sector is moving out of intensive care. I had blood tests, and the equipment used for my pelvic scan and mammogram was very modern - not at all what I was expecting. My own doctor said the same thing, and I left both their rooms feeling a lot more confident than when I entered.

We had about five power cuts during our holiday, far less than what we’ve experienced in the past. And none was longer than three hours - previously we’ve run our generator for up to eight hours per day to keep fridges running during 24 and 36 hour power cuts.

The country’s largest cellphone operator - Econet - released a new range of numbers while we were there. Connectivity is excellent - far better than it’s been during the last few years. Much as I loathe advertising billboards I now see them as an indication of confidence in Zimbabwe’s economy and her future. Econet’s billboards are large, bold and full of promise. I have to love them.

Refuse removal seems to have started in my home suburb Mount Pleasant, and is certainly a bit more regular than it has been for the last few years. Hearing the refuse workmen’s shouts as they hang out of the filthy yellow refuse truck on Monday morning made me so happy I momentarily forgot my hangover/s.

Cabling is being laid along the roads in the eastern suburbs of Harare. I don’t know if these are for electricity or telephones, but the sight of workmen digging trenches to lay the cabling is encouraging. So too was the development of Econet’s new “Dongle”, which allows users 24/7 email/internet access for US$25/month after an initial payment of US$200 for the “Dongle”. Sadly I was unable to secure one because the scheme is apparently so popular it was oversubscribed. Latest news is that Econet is considering launching a branded notebook... again, signs of progress! Add to this the removal recently of customs tariffs on cellular telephones and computer equipment and the telecommunications industry in Zimbabwe is looking up!

But there are still problems. The last ten years have left Ziimbabwe so wounded these significant first steps are tentative and very small. Education at government schools is a mess, with serious shortage of school materials and teachers. Unemployment is still over 90%. Land invasions continue, with one of our friends from Chegutu desperately trying to find a place for his family and the exotic parrots he breeds as Mugabe’s followers evict him from the remaining two acres surrounding his farmhouse. The seizure of many of the remaining farms was and is ongoing.

Mugabe still clings to power, his determination fuelled perhaps by the recent revelation that less that less than ten percent of the electorate would vote for him if elections were held at this time. He is undoubtedly a major obstacle to democracy in Zimbabwe; his refusal to lift restrictions on the media and to swear in Roy Bennett as the Deputy Minister of Agriculture are just two examples of the octogenarian’s stubborn nature.

Despite the negatives hope is slowly emerging in Zimbabwe. Change will be slow - for almost 30 years Mugabe and his government have treated Zimbabwe and her people with a callous disregard for all but their own personal gain. I take great comfort from the changes I saw and the way most people are trying to look forward to a better future.

I just wish it didn’t have to take so long.