Prom is on Friday of this week. After a month of planning, it's finally almost here. This week, I'm getting my nails done, my eyebrows done, and then on Friday, my hair done. Lots of pampering and getting ready! My dress is long and blue and I think it looks cute! I'm one of the only ones with a long dress though, so hopefully it looks good compared to everyone's short ones! I'm getting my hair curly and half-up like Emmy Rossum. We're taking pictures in front of our art museum before, then going to a before-party, then the actual dance. We're still figuring out the after party, which is the most confusing. There have been many feuds over prom because our class has to plan it, so I think I can say everyone will be relieved once it's over. I helped plan the music and there was some controversy over that.

I'm going to Adam's junior ring dance and the other guy school's prom. I need to find some dresses! I'm actually really excited for those because I don't have to plan anything...bye bye drama!

I have my fashion show on Sunday after prom for that Pure Fashion thing. It's what we've been practicing for for eight months, so this is kind of a big deal. We got outfits from random stores and boutiques around the city, and I'm wearing two outfits. Adam's getting his huge Eagle Scout award the exact same day at the exact same time, so he can't go. I'm going to his huge family barbeque afterward I think and I'll meet his whole family. I'll have my hair done and make-up done after being in a fashion show, so hopefully I don't look too overdone! I'm just excited to be able to tell people I've done runway before!!

School has gotten stupid and overwhelming. I have my AP test for biology at the beginning of May. We have our last school bio test this week on the day of prom (ew) and then that's it. Then we have to study for that huge test...that's what our entire year has led up to. You get a 5,4,3,2, or 1. I at least want a 3, even though some colleges don't take that. But I'm not planning on majoring in biology, so it doesn't really matter. I just took the ACT Saturday, and I'm really nervous about my score. I don't want to say anything to jinx it, but I REALLY hope I did well.

The only time I have to write in here is during history...funny how that works! Next class when I'm really bored, I'll write again! I'll definitely describe how (hopefully) well the proms went!
 

It's been almost two months...I've really been busy! The stress and overload of junior year has really kicked in and I've just been going nonstop. I've had much more homework, more ACT prep work, more Adam (we've been together for almost three months!), and just the social aspects.

I'm not going as great in school as I was in the beginning, but I'm still trying my hardest. TWO MORE MONTHS! Till I'm a senior!!! How insane is that? I'm excited to have all the privleges and decide on a college, but I love my school! Leaving just seems so weird...I feel so old! I've visited Creighton and University of Tulsa, and I'm definitely in love with University of Tulsa! It's suburban, small, and a gorgeous campus! I'm also going to visit VIllanova, SMU, Dayton, Marquette, and TCU. And probably a lot of other random ones too! The college visits are fun, but trying to get my ACT score up is not a walk in the park.

I've been taking ACT prep courses every week for around two months, and I'm taking the actual test again next weekend. I had a 26, but I really want a 30. I don't think it will happen, but I want it so bad!!!!!! I've had major homework with the class along with school homework, so it's been a load.

I just got off my two week spring break where I pretty much worked, played tennis, and read. It was relaxing and much needed. No more studying, no more worrying about bio...or test grades or college admissions...I loved it.

I've been with Adam for a while and we're really happy. We've definitely gotten pretty far after kissing (I'm not planning on losing my virginity any time soon, don't worry!), but it's fine. I really really like him, and he says he really likes me too. Lately, though, he's seemed kind of annoyed with me, but that was just the past two days. Maybe I've been coming on to strong, I don't know, but I'm just going to lay low for a while. I'm teaching him how to dance on Friday because I invited him to my prom! His school doesn't have a prom, so I think I'm going to his junior ring dance. I'm going to another guy's school's prom though, even though it's not with Adam. It's with my good grade school friend and it's totally just as friends. At first, I was uneasy about it, but Adam is ok with it. I think I can say I'm falling in love with Adam, but that's not for sure. It's early, I know, only three months...but it's a process. And I think about him all the time. Hopefully, it keeps going strong and nothing bad happens. But I never know, do I?

I'm sitting in history and I tihnk my teacher is getting suspicious. I'll write sooner than in two months!

 

Sorry I haven't posted in over two weeks, I've been so busy! Well, actually, I didn't go to school all last week! Influenza has swept our town and so many people are sick that it's disgusting. I got it so bad that I couldn't go to school or do anything! We had our father daughter dance last Friday, but I left early and I've been sick ever since. I'm getting better now though and all I do is just cough and blow my nose. I'm still getting used to normal activities (like walking) because I literally sat on my couch for seven days flat. My legs hurt from walking yesterday! I'm getting better though because I cannot take anymore couch time!! Or being in my house...ugh!

We had a snow day this Friday, so even though I probably would've gone for half a day, it was good to just get the whole day off. I just chilled in my house (as usual) and didn't go outside, which was a bummer. I was home alone while my parents were out, and all of the sudden, the power went out. It was awful. I was sitting by myself in pitch black and I've never done very well with power outages to begin with. I walked around for 20 minutes in the dark until Elise came over and stayed with me until my parents got home. I love Elise. haha The power came on after 20 minutes though, thank God! It was freaking me out. I worked yesterday for a little while and then Adam came over. We tried to build an igloo, but since all the snow was melting, it didn't work too well. We gave up and went and played mario party and guitar hero. I got guitar hero for my birthday (a month early!)! Yay! But Adam and I had a lot of fun though. We've been going out for almost a month and we haven't kissed yet. I still like him a lot though, so I like how this relationship isn't based on physical stuff, you know? It would be nice to kiss him eventually, though...haha.

Two weekends ago (since I was sick last weekend), we went and saw I Am Legend and went out to dinner. That movie was FREAKY and it scared me. I just sat in a curled up ball and watched some of it through my fingers. It was Adam's second time seeing it, so he knew when the scary stuff was coming up. Sometimes he would tell me, other times he wouldn't. He always is messing with me! haha but I like it...it keeps me on my toes!

I saw the Hannah Montana movie last night with Allison and Emily in 3D! It was so sweet!! I love Hannah Montana even though I'm 16...we were definitely the oldest in the theater! But that doesn't phase me! haha. Then after that, we decided to go to one girl's house because she was having a party. There were just random girls from our grade there playing beer pong, so we left pretty soon. The other girls went to another party, but since my curfew was too close, I just thought it wouldn't be worth it. Allison and Elise tried following everyone else to the party, but the other girls drove too fast and didn't care about keeping the others in track. Nice, huh? So they didn't even go. And the party we were at before, the cops came. Right after we left. We got lucky that time...thank God we thought it was boring!

I have a seven chapter bio test coming up that all my friends took last week. I might want to start studying for that...my bio grade isn't exactly fantastic lately. Seven chapters? It's ridiculous!

I'm going to put some poems up soon because of creative writing class! Hopefully I'll have the time too though...make up work is awful!

Song of the Moment: I Miss You by Miley Cyrus
 

So it's only about a week into 2008, and I already have a boyfriend! haha this was the guy I was hesitant to write about...but now I know that it's not going to crumble within a couple days. I finally found a nice guy that'll respect me (I hope) and not ditch me because he's found someone better (I hope). He goes to the high school my dad went to and my dad LOVES that place. He could not be prouder than he is now of where he went to high school. He helps them a lot and since he's kinda famous, most of the guys know who he is. So supposedly, they've been going up to Adam at school and saying, "you're going out with his daughter?!" I find that funny, but whatever. haha.

The way he asked me out was SUPER cute. We were playing poker with his friends and I was the only girl (again). I had just kicked his butt and screwed him over in Pass the Trash (I love that game!) and he was pretty bitter about it. Not seriously bitter, but you know what I mean. I knew he was going to ask me out because my friends told me he was and we kind of clarified we liked each other earlier, but I didn't know how he was going to do it. So later we were playing spoons, which I talked all the guys into playing, and it was just down to us. He totally faked me out and won! I was so mad and the whole time the guys were begging me to slap him, so I just smacked his back and gave him a five-star. He totally deserved it! haha and it didn't hurt him too much, but he keeps teasing me about it. Then for the last game, he said he wanted to deal and he passed out two cards to everyone. I picked mine up and set them down, not realizing they had stuff written on them. I picked them back up and one had written on it, "will you go out with me?" I started smiling and all the guys knew he was going to do it too. So afterward, I waited for all the guys to leave and said yes to Adam. That was the last time I saw him and that was Saturday night. We haven't kissed yet or done anything and my friends find that hard to believe. They need to get over themselves! I have only hung out with him like twice and I mean come on...

I'm still getting over those guy trust issues. That might take some time.

I wrote in Alex (work,tennis,love guy)'s honesty box on facebook. Honesty box is where you can write something to someone and they won't know who it's from. This took a lot of guts, considering it was coming from me, but I said, "I have loved you for a long time. Now I am moving on." Honesty box lets you message the person back, but you guys can keep messaging back and forth, letting the anonymous person remain anonymous. He messaged me back saying, "2.27?" He got me right on target. I just messaged him back saying, "maybee..." He knows it's me. And somehow I have no problem with him knowing that. He needs to know I'm moving on and that he can't flirt with me anymore because I found someone else now...not just him. That's a string I'm cutting loose.

I've been pretty sick the past week. I keep having headaches and cramps even though my period is over. Sorry if you're a guy reading this, but this really sucks! I was on my period last week, and during swimming, I started having a breathing episode where I couldn't catch my breath. It was so scary that I started hyperventilating halfway through it! I thought I was wheezing and had sports-induced asthma, but my doctor told me otherwise. She told me I'm anemic, which is where I don't have enough iron in my blood and I'm really fatigued and it's harder for me to get oxygen. She told me I lost too much blood from my period! That really freaked me out. I'm on birth control and it's supposed to make your periods lighter, shorter, and less or no cramps, but mine has been the TOTAL opposite. I'm going to the OB/GYN Thursday and complaining about everything. I still have bad headaches and cramps, even though my period is over! It's so cheap! And the whole anemia thing sucks too. I've missed swimming the past two days and I'm missing it Thursday, but I'm going back tomorrow and Friday for practice. At least I'm missing the meets. I haven't gotten any sleep lately for unknown reasons and my head still kills, so we'll see how that goes tomorrow. This sucks!

These past two days at school have seemed like the longest days in the world. I just sit in class, watching the clock, and waiting for it to be over. Then I come home and do nothing. Not having to go to practice is weird because I was so used to it, but I'm not going to complain too much. Maybe it's because I'm looking forward to the weekend too much...I'm playing cards with all the guys and girls on Friday and having them all meet (ahhh) and then I'm working Saturday. Adam insisted on picking me up straight from work and having me leave my car there, but he won't tell me why. He said I had to wear something suitable to walk in and I'd have to wear a blindfold till we got there! haha I'm excited to see what it is. We make fun of each other ALL the time and give each other crap, but he tries to be romantic sometimes. Even if it's just really small gestures. For example, like when I said I was rolling around in bed thinking about stuff until two the past couple of nights, he told me to call him if that ever happened and we could talk if I wanted to. I just thought that was really sweet. I'm excited to hang out with him more. Most of what we do is laugh and I like laughing, let me tell you!

Lots of people at school have mentioned me being in a relationship (because they saw it on facebook) and it just feels weird. It's weird to realize I actually have a boyfriend, maybe because it's just been so long. I had Alex Z. in the summer, then Alex (work,love,etc.) for the last half of the summer and we weren't even official. I'm really excited to get to know him more because I don't know too much about him. I told him I was a writer last night though, and that's a pretty big step for me! He thought it was cool and wanted to read some of my stuff, but I thought it was too soon and told him maybe later. He also drives a truck, which I LOVE because I love country guys, even though he is no where NEAR country. He has red hair, is super sweet, doesn't have an accent, likes I am Legend for some strange reason, and drives a truck. That's about all I know!

I'm so excited for this weekend! And for my appointment Thursday so I can finally see what's wrong with me!!

Song of the Moment: Stay Young by Strata
 

My Christmas was pretty good. I worked on Christmas Eve until closing which was at 5:30, then I came home and chilled with my family. I saw my little cousin, Madi, who is SO cute! I got to hang out with Ryan and hear about his new girlfriend and his life, etc. We had lots of good cake and I got a cute sweatshirt...sweet!

Then the next morning, my parents opened their gifts and loved them! I was so happy that I got exactly what they wanted- I was scared that they would hate it or have to return it. I did good this year! I got a claddaugh ring, which is an Irish ring that I love, and just some clothes and other stuff. It was good! My dad and I went walking in the park, a usual on major holidays, and then over to my aunt's house. My family is so eccentric, lemme tell ya...We are the definition of Missouri Southerners. We have the accent sometimes, we go hunting, we're hicks, all that. And I couldn't be prouder.

I've been working like a crazy woman and I'm working New Year's Eve too! Will I ever get a break? They let me take off this whole weekend though (without me even asking!), so I guess they're trying to make me not hate it as much. I got off early today and went shopping though! I got the cutest New Year's Eve outfit and went and chilled with my friends tonight. Today was a good day.

I want to write so badly about a guy, but then again, whenever I think I have a chance, everything just falls down. All the walls I build up of hope and excitement just get crushed because it never works out for me. With anyone. Which really, really sucks. So therefore, to not get my hopes up, I will not write about him.

And that leads us to...
GOALS FOR THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT

1) To keep my grades up and get a higher ACT score and a good SAT score so I can get into good colleges. I'll find out some colleges by this time next year, so hopefully I'll get into the ones I want to! I'm going to have to work really hard, though. Pedal to the metal!

2) To keep in shape. I always say that, but sometimes I feel like I get bigger even though I sometimes don't, but that's just my mentality. I just want to stay the size I am now because I'm happy with it.

3) To get a lot better at tennis. It's an awesome sport and I can use it my whole life! I'd like to get better and make varsity, even though it's not an option for college, but hey, why not?

4) To write more. I say this every year, but since I already won a writing contest, I will try my best to enter more and keep on winning so colleges can look at me.

5) Tell people my feelings more often. I keep a lot of stuff to myself which tends to bite me in the ass, but now I will tell them straight up what I feel (if the time is right).

6) To keep being strong. I stayed pretty strong through everything that happened this year, and I want to keep being that girl that I was. I stayed strong for my family, and if the event comes up once more, I'll be her again.

7) To be published by the time I'm 18. I'm still going for it, even though it seems a little farther out of reach each birthday that passes. But why not? I think I have the abilities.

That's all I can think of for now. I'll be adding more of these later! Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2008 brings good wishes for you all! I hope your New Year's Eve is a good one...like I hope mine will be.

Song of the Moment: One in a Million by Hannah Montana
 

I would put lovestoned, but since it's not returned, I can't really be lovestoned, but lovesick for the other person. I don't know.

It all leads back to Alex. The playing tennis in the rain, fired from our work, recently in jail, ditched me for his girlfriend, Alex. The one who loved me for a while and then I loved him after he got a girlfriend. And I still do. So much.

I've never been in love before and most people say it's impossible to love someone at the young age of 16. I can't begin to tell you how wrong they are. I thought I was in love with a previous boyfriend, but that was just me trying to be the loyal girlfriend that I was. I didn't love him-- I liked him a lot, but it wasn't full on love. Love hurts. It's a really strange feeling at first that's hard to describe. You're unsure at first and think about the person constantly, in good AND bad ways. You find out their flaws and then think of their really good points. You imagine yourself with them when you're not and hope constantly that they feel the same way about you. You feel a connection that you don't normally feel with other people and you know it's special. You hate them one minute for doing something stupid, but love them even more for making that mistake.

Alex and I started out as flirty friends and I never thought I'd like him more than a friend until I started spending all my time playing tennis with him. He taught me so much and I actually became pretty good, all thanks to him. We bonded a lot and talked about EVERYTHING. I found out a lot about his life, and even though he didn't find out a ton about mine, he still knew who I was and would point out my quirks. I do this thing he calls a "Kaitlin face" and used to make fun of me for it everytime I'd hit a ball out in tennis. I had other reactions and voices too that he would nag me about and he obviously knew me pretty well. He liked me for a long time and finally, I was ready to give in to him and have us be together. I guess I wasn't open enough about it because he said he didn't notice. He said it was his dream for us to be together, but he thought I was too good for him and that it wouldn't work out.

Once he and his girlfriend got together and I told him my feelings for him, he freaked out. He called me 12 times in one night, crying, leaving messages on my phone and pleading for me to call him back. It tore me apart and he is the first guy I've ever really cried about. It stung to see him react to my feelings about the situation. After he got a girlfriend, we began to separate. I started to disappear out of his life and he wasn't really "allowed" to talk to me as much, it seemed like. Fall went to Winter, and tennis was no longer an option. I started swimming, he got a lot of jobs and started being involved with his girlfriend more. I slowly faded out of the picture, and even though we talk now and then, it's not the same.

The worst part is is that he always tries to make it sound like he still loves me, but he has a girlfriend. He'll complain about her to me all the time and say, "she's nothing compared to you," or "you're so gorgeous." You think those would make me feel better, but they make me feel so much worse. It's like he still wants to be with me, but likes her a lot too. I've looked through her myspace pictures before and it used to hurt so bad to see that's who he chose me over. I'm the one that lost.

Since he went to jail (for six hours), his parents kicked him out of the house and he's been living in his girlfriend's basement. I can't say my parents would EVER agree to that, especially since they thought he was sketchy in the first place. I want to say I lucked out in not having to deal with all that, but maybe things would have been different with me. Maybe he wouldn't have gone to jail if I'd been there. Maybe he wouldn't be working all the time if I'd been there. Maybe he'd go to a real college next year if I'd been there. I am the always the would-have/could-have been.

I hate to say it, but he's such an amazing guy. He has made so many mistakes, and even so many against me that I do have a right to hate him if I really wanted to, but he's just awesome. Awesome in a make-you-feel-good, giving long hugs, tackling you in the rain, making faces at you that make you feel loved kind of way. He always told me he loved me, but I never took it as the real love. He told me later that it was, and I believe it. He even wrote me a poem that I just dug up from old myspace messages earlier, and it still makes me cry. He wrote me two and he only sent me this one, and you can tell it's his because of the broken English that he asked me to help fix.

"You make me Feel!"

You make me feel loved,
You make me feel new,
You make me feel special,
With everything you do.

Every time we are together,
It seems like a perfect day
A perfect place!
In a perfect world

It all adds up, your the one
your the one of my dreams
the one of my hopes
your everything to me.

My eyes light up when you enter a room.
I smile when we are together.
No matter how bad things are,
You always make them better.

I love the way you hold me tight.
The way you touch me,
The way you say I love you!
The way you say Goodnight,
I could be with you all night.

I love the way you can make me laugh
For absolutely no reason at all.
The way you smile!
With those pearly stones
I love your smile!

I love how no matter what I do,
You will always be there to catch me when I fall.
No matter how hard!
You'd always be there

That sucker still makes me cry after reading it. I loved the way he wrote me poems, the way he sang to me on the tennis courts in his hot Spanish singing voice, the way he stared at me when I straightened my hair and told me all the guys at my work would be wanting to be on top of me when they saw me, how we call each other 2.27 (because our birthday's are both February 27th), the CD that he burned me that I still listen to all the time, and the fact that he really cared for me. He told me he'd always be there and reassured me I'd always be ok.

I wrote him a poem after it because he inspired me to. It's actually not as good as it could've been, but I tried my best. We played tennis in the rain a lot, so I based it on that. I started working together in May and our birthday's are in February, so that's what that part means. He loved that stanza a lot. He didn't see the last three stanzas though...

Your laugh rolls the thunder out of my sky
Your smile lights up my day
You don’t realize you’re the kind of guy
Who turns skies of February into May

You light up my life with all you do
I just want to be closer to you
It’s harder said than done
Don’t you know you’re my sun?

Hugs become longer than before
You hold me close to keep out of the rain
I always find myself coming back for more
They’re feelings I cannot explain

Your eyes strike upon my face
Crisp and sharp as lightning
I start to fall out of grace
My lungs begin tightening

I haven't finished it. Will I ever? I don't really know. The Alex chapter in my life might be over, or it might not be. Who knows? I'll just leave it unfinished until whenever I think is right. I just miss him so much and it still burns to think about him, but I realize that I need to move on. It's been four months of this, and it's time for it to end. This new year coming is going to have a new chapter in store (I hope) and it needs to wean me off of my first love. I'll never forget him though...he'll always be in my heart. And I'll remember his poems forever.

 

Exams are over! I don't even want to think on how I did on them or anything that has to do with school...I'm done for three weeks! Oh and that theology exam I BSed? 96. Haha! I don't want to think on how I did on AP Bio though...that was pretty difficult.

I've been to swimming everyday this week and I missed today for my dad's toy drive, and I'm glad I did! I heard it was the hardest practice of the SEASON! I got super lucky. I've worked hard all week and I've been eating SO much crap and I feel so gross! I just ate this really good cheesecake today, and I had ice cream and orange chicken yesterday! ahhh! Ever since I've gone on my healthy food spree, I only feel good after eating healthy food! Junk food now makes me less energetic and I can feel the side effects...ugh! Not good!

Tonight, my friend Mary had a scavenger hunt for her birthday party and my team DOMINATED. We were team Jamie Lynn Spears and wore "baby mama" hats the whole time! It was really funny. Then I went and hung out with her and her neighbors and I went to grade school with one and I talked to him for a while.

It is decided that I am hopeless with boys. They will only be my friends and a relationship will just never work. IT SUCKS. I want a boy for Christmas. Honestly. I don't care if we're not boyfriend/girlfriend, I just want someone to like. Someone to daydream about and get inspiration for my Nicholas Sparks-like stories. Someone who doesn't treat me like a jerk or is weird, aka, CRAIG. He still hasn't talked and it makes me sooo mad...I'm thinking of messaging him on Christmas and saying, "It's been a while...but Merry Christmas." But I don't know if that'd be too weird. Santa, please give me a really nice boy for Christmas. Thanks.

I finished shopping for my parent's gifts yesterday, but I still need to add some finishing touches. On Christmas Eve, we always have both sides of our family over (which are both relatively small), but this year, we're having way more people than usual! My cousin had a baby and her boyfriend and her are coming, along with other random family members I probably haven't seen for a while. I'm excited! But that means lots of cleaning on Monday morning...awesome! And I still need to find a Christmas outfit too!

I'm working at 8 tomorrow morning and then 7 on Sunday morning! It's going to be a MAD HOUSE the entire day and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm already tired now and I'll only have around seven hours of sleep by then, so that'll be awesome too. SWEET. I'll be making good money though I believe, so that better pay off.

I was thinking the other day on how I started my blog at the beginning of the year last year and I wrote down my goals for the year. In my next blog or two, I'm going to find that and pull it up and see if I accomplished them. Then I'll make another list of New Years Resolutions for 2008! I'm excited to see what I wanted to accomplish! 2008 better be a lot better than 2007! I'll do a recap later, which I'm also anticipating.

Song of the Moment: Come On by Ben Jelen
 

Christmas exams have been forced upon us, and luckily before Christmas break. Some schools have them after and I'm finding it hard enough to study now, but after an entire three week break? Impossible. I took Theology and history today. I barely studied for theology and for the stuff I didn't know, I basically just BSed it and wrote stuff that I used to study when I was little. I studied for history a lot because I haven't done so hot on most of my tests and it was the easiest thing ever! I should study more often!

On Monday, I have AP Biology and Spanish. AP Bio is basically just an automatic failure, so finding the inspiration for studying for it is really hard. I know I'm going to bomb it, so what's the point? Spanish won't be so bad and I'm not too worried about it. I want to do well, but I'm definitely spending more of my time studying for bio. We have a "study day" on Tuesday, which is something new my school is trying this year. We're taking a day between exams and seeing if we get better grades. Considering my final two exams are math and English, I think I can just chill on Tuesday. We have swim practice EVERYday over Christmas break (besides Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!)! How ridiculous is that! I'm going to take off a majority of the days, I decided, because I need time to spend with my family and not being in a stupid pool over my own break.

I just went and saw the play, Wicked, and it was PHENOMENAL (sp?). Every single person in that cast had an amazing voice and the dancers were just as good. I didn't want to expect too much out of it because I was really obsessed with Rent, and it wasn't good performed live. One of the singers (who was one of my favorite characters) SUCKED, so that ruined the experience for me. Wicked was absolutely amazing!

It's supposed to snow five or six inches tonight, and guess who's working tomorrow? Me. Guess who'll have to do carts? Me. That'll be SWEET. I'm so excited to rangle huge heaps of metal in the freezing cold into a crowded store. Yes!

Craig hasn't talked to me since the dance and it's really pissing me off. I thanked him for taking me and all that, but to just stop talking to your date all together is really rude. I liked him too which pisses me off even more. I thought about texting him, but all my friends tell me not to because they say I'm better than him. I don't know though...I just hate when people are mad at me. I don't want him to be angry at me for doing something (even though I have no idea what it is). I IMed him earlier and he didn't respond. Maybe his computer wasn't working, maybe he was ignoring me. Whatever it was, it hurt. I'm sick of him just throwing me away after a dance. He used to text me every day, multiple times, and talk to me online. He was super busy this week, but I think he found time to talk to some other people. Why not me?

There's a really cute new guy working in the new store they put in my grocery store. I shouldn't get my hopes up though...with the luck I've been having with guys lately, I'd probably scare him away.

Song of the Moment: Love Stoned by Justin Timberlake
 

This week has officially been awful. Last night was hell. I was expecting so much of it because of how horrible everything was going, and it turned out worse than I expected. Worse than I ever thought it would be. I'm still pretty upset over it. I don't know if I should be, but I am.

My best friend, Elise, brought a guy she didn't want to bring, but all my other friends forced her. I really didn't want her to because I know there would be drama going on, and of course it happened. He's crazy for our other friend and he doesn't try to hide it. He danced with Elise at first and all seemed to be going well, but then he went and danced with our other friend, and she was flirting with him like crazy. She ditched her date for him. And then at the afterparty, another guy came and they hooked up in front of Elise's date AND her date. Confusing, no? It was horrible. I felt so bad for Elise and she was so upset. I wanted to kill her date for being such an asshole.

Craig was such a gentleman and was being so nice to me. I really like him and I'm just going to admit it now. Even though he ditched me for most of last night. I was getting upset because he just kept wandering off and going to hang out with his other friends. I just kept on apologizing, saying we could go dance with his friends too. He would just say it's ok and that'd be fine. But he just kept wandering off. My friend, Elizabeth's, date who goes to his school assured me it wasn't just me. He told me he does that to all his dates at those dances and that I shouldn't take it personally. I didn't want to take it personally, but I did. I really do like him and it hurt that he kept leaving.

The worst part is that on the way to afterparty, he and his friends stopped in a parking lot to smoke. Smoking is disgusting. I will never be ok with smoking. Ever. He just said he did it once a week and it was ok, but it's NOT ok! It's such a dumb thing to do! Ugh!! Me and the other guys dates just sat in their cars, waiting for them. It was so lame! The guys kept talking to me and were like, "heyyy Kaitlin! what's up??" I basically just glared at them and kept playing with Craig's iPhone. Smoking is a HUGE turn-off. Wow.

Saira's house for the afterparty was really boring and we just kind of sat around. Craig got bored and he left to go to another girl's house and kind of asked me if I wanted to go, but didn't really. Elizabeth and her date went to that too, and I was thinking about it, but I just decided to chill at Saira's. It was so awfully boring because there was a lot of drama with Saira and her dad and I felt so bad for her. I called Liz to go to another girl's house to sleep over. That other group of girls just made me so happy. They didn't have all that stupid drama going on and they were so comforting. I loved going over there and being with them and just pigging out. I ate so much dark chocolate it was ridiculous! So Liz picked me up at 1 from Saira's and took me to Marti's house. I love those girls-- they have my back! Love. That's when my night actually started to get fun.

Remember Alex? That guy I'm in love with (or was?)? My tennis buddy and my best friend from Schnucks? He went to jail. At 19. And the best part is that I didn't find out from him, but his facebook status. How awful can that get? He always says we're still best friends, but I haven't talked to him in ages. He's so busy with his girlfriend who takes up his entire life that he doesn't have time to call me. It really hurts that he didn't even have the time to call me and tell me that happened to him, but I had to find out from facebook. This isn't the first time that's happened, either. I haven't even gotten a hold of him yet to find out why he even went to jail, but I'm going to kick his ass either way. I still think about him all the time...it's official he was the first guy I've been in love with. I think. I don't know if I still love him, just because I haven't talked to him or seen him in so long, but there'll always be something there. It just broke my heart to know he went to jail and didn't even try telling me. And it pisses me off even more to know he did something so stupid to get in there in the first place.

I'm ready for Monday. This week has just sucked so incredibly bad and it needs to be over with RIGHT NOW. I'm so sick of all this drama and shit! It's so unnessescary! I'm ready for Christmas break. Our exams start on Friday, so hopefully that'll be quick and painless.

Song of the Moment: Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
 

I came home early today from school. Since I threw up yesterday while I was swimming, I thought it was just my nerves from the race. But I still feel sick to my stomach and it takes me a while to eat. I get nauseous really easily too. And my head hurts. Awesome! I missed swim practice today and we have a meet tomorrow, but I'm going to call my coach and ask him if it's ok if I don't swim, because that whole butterfly experience was the worst one of my entire life.

It's starting to snow! Welcome, winter! I've been waiting such a long time for it because we had a mild fall which was nice, but bring on the snow! Bring on the snow DAYS! A lot of people are really hoping for one tomorrow, as am I, but it seems kind of like a long shot. And I don't want our winter formal to get cancelled!

So for our winter formal, I'm getting my hair curled (the usual) and I'm wearing a green satin dress that goes to my knees with spaghetti straps. I'll put pictures up- I hope I look okay! I'm putting on make-up (which I never do!) and hopefully I do a good job with that too, haha. My theory for never wearing make-up is that I don't want to look bad without it. Like if you look at a picture of Eva Longoria without make-up, she looks like a totally different person. That's what I never want to happen to me; I want to look good without having to put on mascara and eyeliner everyday.

I'm really excited to be going with Craig. The girls at school who are in his play told me about him and that he's a nerd, which he clearly is. They said he's really nice and sweet and preppy, so it's good other people approve! haha even though Harleen clearly doesn't...but oh well. I really like hanging out with him and talking to him though...

You know that essay contest I talked about in the previous entry? I think I got first place! I heard another girl in my class won $500, and I was pretty sure I got like honorable mention or last place and didn't get much money at all. It didn't say what place I got, but I got $750! And I think that's the most they gave! My theology teacher wasn't sure about what I was talking about at first, but then he got the letter they faxed to the principal, and it said I won the most! He got all excited and kept congratulating me every time he saw me in the hall. It was so cool! The award ceremony is on Wednesday right after school and my mom is coming with me. That'd be so sweet to get first! I'm happy I placed, even! Yay for the only good thing this week!

Is there any dance I can do for snow? If there is, I need to be doing it right now!

Song of the Moment: Clumsy by Fergie