She came home. After hell, after a mental breakdown, after realizing it was not what she wanted. I brought my wife home. She attempted suicide after the stress of losing everything she had and for no reason. She almost succeeded. And it was me that they called. I got there in 25 mins flat and when I walked into her hospital room, all I saw was her. I know there were other people there but I couldn't tell you who they were because no one mattered at the point except for my wife. My wife, who was in such pain that she saw it as her only option left. She thought the grass was greener and when she got there and realized that it wasn't, that it wasn't the same as with us, that there was no romantic feelings there she knew (or thought) that she had lost everything. I know that feeling. I know how it is to feel hopeless and desperate for peace. And when I saw her in the hospital, I was sad for her. I was sad that the woman that I love so incredibly much was in such pain that she thought it was her only option.
And this really was a blessing in disguise. I had prayed for her to come home, for her to realize what a mistake she was making and what she was losing. And she did. And during the time of the complete nightmare hell I was in during this very trying time, I overcame. I survived when I thought I wouldn't or couldn't. I was strong. I took care of everything that needed to be. And I finally learned how to love unconditionally and without fail. I gave her the freedom to make the decision and choice on her own. I set her free and my love came back to me. She told me so many times last night that the love I have for her is incredible. That she knows how much I love her and she is so blessed that I didn't give up on her. She told me, "You're supposed to hate me [for this], to write hateful things about me [on fb], but you didn't do that." I didn't do it for a reason. I knew that if I just loved her enough and showed her what it means to truly be loved and accepted unconditionally. I intimately understand what she's going through and what happened. And I forgive her. She came back to her family. It was a week and a half of hell but finally it's over. Finally she understands. Because of my love, finally she understands. It's an incredible feeling knowing that I did the right thing, handled it great, and was able to show her the love that she didn't think she would ever have again. She knows now that my love for her is complete, honest, and forever. She knows that nothing is more important than family. And I showed that to her. I gave that to her. And I have faith that she will never again forget it. I finally feel peace.
 

She's 43- TWELVE years older than Jo
She's ugly
She's diabetic
She's fat
She's manipulative
She's a liar
She's a cheater
She's a felon.

Jo and her aren't even supposed to be AROUND one another! LOL can't wait until this little bit of information comes to light. And it will.

If my words mean ANYTHING:

I curse you, Trina Louise Killgore, with a life of misery and heartbreak. I curse you that every relationship you ever attempt will end with you crumbled, broken, and experiencing the exact same pain you have caused to so many others, including children, TEN FOLD. I use all my energy in these words and release them into the universe so that Karma can begin her permanent job of revenge and what's right. I curse you with all the rage that has built up in me to fuel the karma that is coming your way. I curse the relationship you entered into with MY WIFE, destroying children and everyone in your path, to never survive and to leave any shred of friendship irrepairable and shattered. I curse you to live the rest of your days alone, miserable, and a shell of your former self.
 

Did I really mean so little to her that she can't even text me? No one knows what's going on with her. Why she's doing this. I don't understand. Why can't she just contact me and talk to me? She says she still loves me. She says I'm still her best friend. So why can't she treat me like that? Why can't she just respond to me? I just miss her so much. How do I have a life without her? I miss her so much it physically hurts. I'm sick to my stomach. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I don't have my wife anymore. What am I without her? I threw myself into us. I never once considered leaving her, no matter how difficult things got. No matter what stress came our way. She was my wife, we were a team, we were a family. Anything else could be handled as long as we had each other.
Now, I don't know where she is staying. I don't know how she's getting to work. I don't know if she's with someone else or not. Regardless of her saying that she's not with Trina or anyone else, I don't know if I should believe that or not. I want to believe it. I want to believe it because if there's no one else then that means something else is going on in her head and it can be fixed. Jo has never left anyone without having another door to walk into. And if she did that this time, then there is still hope that she will realize she made a mistake. If she left to be with someone else, then it would take a lot longer for her to realize her mistake and by the time she does, it'll be too late. I love her so much and miss her so horribly. I never wanted to do any of this without her. I never wanted a life without her. Why does what I want not matter at all?? Why doesn't my love for her count for something? How could she just walk out on our family and our life and to do so in a NOTE?? I don't know what to do without her. I just keep praying this is nothing more than a horrible nightmare. I didn't have a warning, I couldn't prepare myself for this, I had complete faith in her that she wouldn't do this. I don't understand and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if she wants it fixed. I don't know what she wants. I don't know what she's doing. I don't know where she is or how she is. How could she do this???
 

She left me. I don't understand and I don't know what's going on. Last night, she drops my car off at work with a note telling me that she's sorry but she's not in love with me anymore. She left her wedding ring on the seat. Everything was fine. We were good, we were getting back to where we used to be. I don't know how to do this without her. I have no say in this. She made a life altering decision without discussing it with me. She said she would give us a chance but she didn't. How do I explain this to Ryley and Zach?? I miss her so very much. I've only cried since I found out. I would so much rather hate her and be angry. But I'm not. I'm just sad. So very, very sad. I feel like everything around me is crumbling. I don't want my marriage to end. I don't want her to leave. I want her to come home. I want her to talk to me. I don't understand how she can just fall out of love with me like that. I'm still in love with her. I don't know how to not be in love with her. I'm so scared and so alone. There's not even any prospects for me to pass the time with and make this easier. I barely have any real friends. I'm so lost and alone here. I just hold my phone and wait for her to call or text. Something so that I can just hear from her. But she isn't. She is someplace dealing just fine with the destruction of our life. How can this be so easy for her?? It's 10 days til Zach's birthday! Christmas and Thanksgiving are coming up. How do I do this life without my wife? She was my one true love, my unbreakable bond. Our love was different. Our love was special. I was special. I'm so broken and so scared. How can this be happening???? What am I going to do????
 

As a customer service representative at a call center, I constantly deal with stupid. The type of people that you wonder how they get themselves dressed in the morning. And it's the most frustrating thing in the world to have to put up with bullshit from snobby ass women or ghetto bitches. So I have composed my list of Tips When Ordering Something Online.

1. Don't call and say, "I want this pair of pants. Can you find them for me?" No. Because I can't SEE YOU!

2. Don't spell out a last name like S-M-I-T-H but then get pissy when I have to ask you to spell your first name that you rattle off like it's a common name. It isn't. It's ridiculous.

3. Take the food or whatever it may be out of your mouth before you call me. I don't want to have to decipher your words and listen to you chew.

4. Don't talk to me like I'm stupid. I'm here to do a service for you. I didn't call you. You called me. Show some respect.

5. I always end a call with, "Thanks for calling ______. Have a wonderful day!" You don't have to gush or anything but a simple, "you too" is a hell of a lot nicer than just hanging up the phone. Are you really that busy that you can't use common courtesies.

6. I didn't lose your order. I didn't pack your order. I didn't make or design your clothes.

7. Do not use the phrase, "YOU people."

8. Lighten up. Have a sense of humor. It makes our jobs a lot harder if we can't at least have an enjoyable call. So many people are rude and just a little niceness and friendliness goes a long way.

9. Don't ask me a question and then interrupt me several times before I can even tell you the answer.

10. I don't know what color dress you should get.

11. I don't know what size you should get.

12. Don't ask me what size I wear to try and figure out what size you are. You have no idea what I even look like.

13. Know what you want before you call. There's nothing more tiring than someone who has no idea what they want.

14. Have something better to do with your day than make obscene phone calls to a clothing or travel company. I mean, seriously. Do you think you're original?

15. Read all the guidelines of the promo sales. Quit assuming you can get something for free.

16. Quit telling me how long you've been a customer with the company to use that as a reason why we should give you free shipping, free gifts, or free clothing.

17. Don't put me on hold to answer your call waiting and leave me there for 10 minutes.

18. We are only allowed to be on the phone for a certain amount of time. As much as I would like to hear all about your aunt's cousin's daughter's surgery, I get marked off if I engage in off topic conversation.

19. Don't act annoyed when I have to verify all your information before we can place your order. For God's sake, it's for your own protection and accuracy.


 

I'm going to be sick. Can't I just get one fucking break??? My entire check from Friday is gone. All of it. The bank that I tried to open an account with took the money for money owed on an account with the bank they bought out. The account was from when I was with that fucking bitch and now, as usual, 3 years later I'm still paying for a divorce for a marriage that wasn't even legal to begin with. This is bullshit. I had all the money figured out and we were finally going to be okay. But now, nothing. FUCKED. Completely fucked. I was going to have rent caught up, furniture caught up, Koty's school fees paid, and buy food. But now, rent is still behind as is the furniture and now also the car loan. Koty won't be able to go to WOF and I still can't even pay his fees for FBLA. And we have no food. And no food stamps either because DFS hasn't inputted my info. Naturally the latter is my fault for not turning the paperwork in on time. But it wasn't going to be anything to stress about to have it be a few days late. Now, big stress. No money. No food. No gas for the car. No money to do laundry. Nothing. My stomach is killing me and I'm so tired of living like this. I'm so tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I'm so tired of nothing ever being enough. There's never enough money. There's never enough anything. What the hell are we going to do????
 

My check got fucked up. I have no money until [maybe] Tuesday when I was supposed to get paid yesterday. Everything was going to be okay financially and now everything is going to be behind. Not to mention that we have NO food with the exception of a pkg of hot dogs that a friend gave us and I think there may be a few fish filets in the freezer. Regardless, I have nothing at all to eat or drink all day while I'm stuck at work. I'm fucking starving. And then to just top of my already growing depression, Jo was pretty much an asshole last night. She wanted to go to her friend's house which I was disappointed about (because I had just gotten home) but told her to go ahead. Well she didn't love my tone and decided, "Forget it. I just won't go." She was being a martyr. I didn't care if she went and didn't even show my inner disappointment. I was half asleep when I answered her. I told her I didn't care if she want but that wasn't good enough. She wants to say how she doesn't have friends but then it's going to be that she blames it on me, as though I'm keeping her from having friends. Which I'm not. She doesn't say anything about me going to Renee's, I don't have any right to say anything to her about going to Amanda's or wherever. I don't love that she wants to go to Amanda's (whom she once had an affair with) at 11:30 at night (because Amanda works night shift) to drink or whatever. I don't ever leave that late and when I go to Renee's to smoke and watch TV, I'm never gone longer than a couple of hours. The last time she went to Amanda's she got extremely drunk, fucked up a couple cars, and didn't get home until 4:30 in the morning. So you'll excuse me if I'm a little wary or freaked about her going over there that late at night. That was not a good night at all.
But that's not why she was an asshole. Every since THE MISTAKE happened, we have really been working on communicating and being kinder. At least I have. I was upset that she was being a martyr and wouldn't just go on to Amandas and thereby not end up resenting me and she just got really pissy and told me to drop it, that she's not going over there, and that we don't need to continue to talk about it. She had that asshole attitude of "whatever", wouldn't roll over and put her arms around me although she made me cry (Thanks, PMS). She kept her back to me and just went to sleep. She sent me a text this morning about "I'm an asshole. I love you. Please forgive me."

I always do.

But let's just say the situation is reversed. Would she have readily forgiven me? Bipolar disorder aside, I try very, very hard. I do everything I can do. I've felt really happy and calm every since last weekend when everything finally came to a head and she got her closure. But now... I just feel sad. I'm not giving up or anything. I just feel sad. I don't want it to be like this. I feel like she's not really trying and I know I am. I'm sure everything will be fine once I get home, it always is. But it isn't stopping me from being upset now. And to make it better I'm stuck at work for ten 1/2 hrs until 7:00 tonight. And then I get to work 4 hours tomorrow on my day off as well. I hate my job, it's making me crazy. This is just not a good day.
 

What makes a parent? Giving birth? Getting someone pregnant? Obviously most people know that this isn't what makes you a parent. Apparently, my ex husband missed that class in Life 101.

I have three kids that are 15, 12, and 9- all boys. I am married to my beautiful wife, have a steady job, a college education, and a nice place to live. I make very little money, fix hot dogs for dinner when I'm tired, and lock myself in my room somedays just for some quiet for a couple of hours. I have never claimed to be a perfect parent. There are some days when I don't even feel like a GOOD parent. But the boys' father is 38, lives with his parents, is unemployed, has no driver's license, is a HS dropout, and pays NO child support. And even when he's working I only receive it when they garnish his wages.

It's frustrating beyond belief to me. I feel like I've given him so many opportunities to stand up a be a good father. I tell him how the kids are at school, any issues, anything medical and still he remains the same as he's been the past 20 years I've known him. He's a self proclaimed redneck who believes that having a beer at 16 is no big deal, bringing your kids to parties when they're small just so you can drink, and having lunch at 1:00pm is late enough that dinner isn't necessary. Now he is refusing to give our youngest child, Zach his medication when he spends the (every other) weekend with him. Zach was initially diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6. Three years later, he was "unofficially" (because of his age) diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a fact that I had secretly known for a long time about him and was sincerely hoping I was wrong, being bipolar myself and knowing the struggles with it.

James ("dad") doesn't believe in things like ADHD, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder (the dx my middle son was given 6 years ago), or basically any diagnoses. Depression is for lazy people who just want to feel sorry for themselves. Alcoholism is a made up disease. And Nascar is the greatest thing ever invented. This coming from someone who was raised by an alcoholic father and insane mother and lived with his schizophrenic sister. But it's all made up. When I informed him that not giving Zach his medication is medical neglect he told me that giving him medication he doesn't need is medical abuse and an excuse for poor parenting.

Wow. Really?

I didn't diagnose Zach. I didn't prescribe his medication. I didn't even request that he be given medication. I left it in the (TWO) doctor's hands to do what they are trained to do. His dx came from observation by the doctors, reports from me, and reports from the school. He refuses to be educated by facts and knowledge and his only response is, "Well, he doesn't act that way when he's with ME." Of course he doesn't. Let's entertain the notion that his statement is true. He sees him 4 days a month. Zach doesn't attend school when he's with him. But the truth is, that statement (he makes) is a lie. The boys tell me how Zach is there. But James just sees it as Zach is being "bad" or "hyper" or "mouthy". I do not believe that medication solves everything nor do I believe that because you take medication it gives you an excuse to act like an ass. It takes personal work coupled with the medication to combat and fight these disorders in some people. Zach is one of those people. But how do I make James see this? How do I make him understand that Zach needs to take the medication prescribed to him? He wouldn't deny him cough medicine or Tylenol for a headache but something that will help regulate his system and balance the chemicals in his body is out of the question for him.

There are some days that I really hate that I have to share my kids with him. Today is one of those days.
 

It's always said that God won't give you more than you can handle. I realize that God must think I'm strong enough to handle all the shit that gets thrown at me but at times I'm not so sure about that. I've survived the mistake my wife made but I sure didn't think I would. We will be stronger because of it. It made me realize how precious she really is to me. I had taken her for granted that bad moods and all she would be there. And granted my bad moods are baaaad being bipolar. I take my meds but sometimes those man made chemicals don't always help me. As much as I want them to. I love her so very much and am waiting for the day that she tells me she is still in love with me. She still tells me how much she loves me but I want the specific words that she is still in love with me.
Now the issue that I have is trying to trust her and not hold anything against her. I had my affair very early on and she never once held it against me. The situation here is different but I owe her one. She is worthy of trust and I have to put my faith in her that nothing like this will happen again. But I'm scared. I'm more than scared. It was such a horrible, horrible week. So emotional. Such turmoil and desperation. I was broken. And now everything her phone buzzes with a text message, everytime she takes the phone into the bathroom or somewhere with her, everytime her phone is laying face down- I have a mini panic attack. I can't handle it a second time. It was the worst emotional turmoil that I've had in a long time. And the first time ever with her. I really had complete trust and faith in her. Cheating (because of both of our past history pre-us) was discussed in length at the beginning of our relationship and marriage. She promised this would never happen and it did. Granted she hadn't slept with her but I don't know that it would have made a giant difference. Maybe it would've. Glad I didn't have to find out.
How do I trust her now? How do I not have secret panic attacks when her phone goes off? It's only been a week now since I found out and it was all a whirlwind. Everyone is back in their own relationships and marriages where they belong. But is she pining for her? Does she miss her? Does she feel empty without her? Does she really mean it when she tells me she loves me? We had such a strong connection and I don't want to lose that. I can feel us getting back to normal but what if it's only what I want to see and not what's real? I'm just so scared and don't want anything like that to happen again. I don't want to misstep. I don't want to fuck things up. I don't want her to feel so bad that she wants to find love through someone else because I wasn't giving her enough, at least not the way she saw it. And I will never profess to be innocent. I know why people cheat. I know it's not all one sided. And so I'm doing everything on my end to hope that it doesn't happen again. That she knows every day how much I love and treasure her. I want her to be happy. I want to be happy. I want us the way we were back when we got together and got married. She is my everything and I would be and was lost without her.
 

I would rather die than go through this. I am so in love with her and love her so much. How could she do this? How could she just throw away our marriage and our love over that fucking cunt. Now she wants to be with me and work things out. How do we work anything out or work on us when her heart isn't with me. I knew she was cheating. I knew she had feelings for that bitch. And I know that her heart isn't here. Just her body. Her heart is with that homewrecking whore. I want so much to die. I want it with every fiber in my soul to just go wherever home is and be with Dad. I can't do this. I can't be second choice. How do I survive without her? How do I do this??? Doesn't she realize what she's doing to me? Doesn't she care? How could I really truly be that bad of a person? What did I do?? How do I deserve this? It's been ME that was there for her. ME that she married. ME that she swore her life and our future to. ME that she has kids with. All I do is cry. I'm shattered. I just want to die. Accidents happen every day and I'm praying to God that the next "accident" happens to me. Just get me out of here. Make this go away.