I got a lot of things to catch. Gotta practice a lot of statistics today, so that I can go to my instructor for a tutorial tomorrow. A little bit of pain is bothering me, but I can get over it I suppose. Gotta read the programming book too. Will write a little children's story for my nephew. Have to practice art and music. Talked a lot with my two little neighbours. Have computer class tomorrow, gotta prepare for it. English homeworks have to be done. It's already 6 PM here now. have to hurry.
 

I am not gonna give up. I keep telling this to myself, just to boost up my confidence. Yesterday was one of those wonderful days without pain, and lots of enjoyment. I got 15 on 20 in an Art presentation, but my maths tutor did not allow the retake. English is alawys fun.

I sang a lot yesterday, my senior friends asked me for a treat, and they always ask for songs(not food). I really liked it cause they sang along too. One of my friends have decorated my palms beautifully with henna. I got 10 on 10 in one of my computer science assignments, where I was asked to create a diamond using asteriks in C++. My efforts finally paid off!

Coding in Microsoft Visual studio C++ is really fun when you can understand how to code. I'm well today, and I'm gonna enjoy every moment. I'll practice coding right after lunch. I'm hungry now. Gotta go eat. Just created a little graphic for WDC. Check it out:

ID: 1616919   (Rated: E) Title: Simple pic  Description: a simple work I did just now By: Humming Bird-very happy:)

 

I am not going to give up, no matter what happens. I did not miss the art exhibition that day, the best paintings got sold on the very first day, for 3000 taka each. Mine got sold for 1500 taka. 1000 is all I need as allowance per month, I still have 500 taka left in my purse.

Also did an art workshop as part of my course yesterday. I enjoy painting a lot, though I don't know whether I'm good at it or not. I can't judge myself, so I leave it for other people to decide. I do creative works just for the fun I get from doing it.

I was being torn apart by constant pain and temporary paralysis(these are part of my life, these are challenges, and I'm willing to accept them.) Today I'm a lot better than before. I'm in the computer lab right now. Did a program using C++ which shows 10 errors. Have to call the teacher assistant, I need her help. She's really sweet. At times I mail my program codes to her, and she helps me out. Thank God I had her, cause my instructor is not always available.

I know I've missed a lot of points in computer class, but I still have my final exam and maybe some quizes left, so I'm gonna try my level best for that. Hope math instructor will accept my test retake application.

I've started helping two of my classmates with English. I enjoy English class a lot, and I like helping people with their problems.

I'm hungry now, gotta go grab my chicken roll, will come back later.
THANK YOU TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO'VE PRAYED FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT YOU'VE SENT MY WAY. I'M SMILING TODAY, ONLY BECAUSE OF YOU.

I love WDC.
 

Footache, temporary paralysis, declining grades, lack of concentation, I'm sunk in a huge pool of tears. It's really hard to keep smiling. I'm getting late for class every day because of the heavy traffic congestion, I'm getting hurt everyday, no matter how careful I am. Just how do I prove to my computer instructor that I really enjoy his subject, that I understand everything he says? Cause my grades don't reflect that.

Last class he asked me to explain my assignment in front of the whole class, but two of the most difficult works for me are 1. Standing for a long time and 2. walking for a long time. But I enjoy doing both of these, as I like accepting challenges that comes my way.

I had to stand for a long time that day, but though I understood, I could not perform properly in the quiz. Don't know what my grade is. And why did I fail to perform well? because standing for a long time caused serious footache, and now I can't walk properly either. I had a feeling that I might fell down while explaining, and if that happened, people would burst out laughing.

I missed my math class test, have to submit an application for a retake. But don't know if my instructor would accept that. Sickness is pulling me down, really down. But I think I can gather the strength to rise up again. I just don't wanna give up, no matter what happens!
 

I worked for the art exhibition today. Helped cut the thread, organize the paintings, and enjoyed it too. But when I gave the computer quiz today, my enthusiasm vanished, I won't get more than 2 out of 10 in it. Have to submit the new assignment.

I am a BBA(Bachelor of business administration) student, and computer science is for the engineering students. I took it cause I just wanted to learn programming properly. But the way I'm loosing points here! I wanted to excel particularly in this class, but I just can't perform here because of the circumstances.

My instructor is quite sweet and helpful, and that is what increases my woes. I don't deserve that sweetness, I really don't! The more I think about it, the more I feel bad. I know Allah Allmighty always tests my patience, and a lot of tears comes my way before an unexpected reward. I just hope I can make my instructor happy in some way, through my grades. But how? I've already lost more than 25 points in some way or other. My instructor knows I'm sincere, he helps me a lot but I just don't deserve those smiles, those encouragement...

Studies is the only field where I can dream big. But this time, my CGPA will be low, very low, I just know that. And why? Either because of the traffic congestion, or the broken car. I just wish I could walk like the other girls of my age, travel by public transport like my other friends do. I wish I could wear those beautiful footwear, the sight of which only makes me sigh!

Lord Allmighty, why me? Just what sin did I commit? Why am I not getting any chance to try this time? I had a CGPA of 3.25 out of 4 last semester, wanted to take it up to 3.75 this time. But how? When I know I'll get either a C or a D in computer science, the subject I wanted to learn so much!

I'd prefer to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, instead of living like this!
 

My car was in the garage from last thursday. As a result, I couldn't come to university. I'm not allowed to travel without the car.

I've missed 5 statistics classes in a row. Missed computer class, couldn't show my homework to my instructor, and already have two zeros. If the total number is 100, and I get a zero out of 20(because I've missed two quizes). How can I dream of an A+(when I know that 90 or above gives an A+, 85 to 89 gives an A -, 70 to 88 gives a B+)

I had a dream of getting in the merit list since the begining of this semester. But if I get a C or below in computer science(which is obvious because I've missed so many things), merit list? Huh! Maybe I don't have a right to either smile, or dream!

Even today, when the car got out of garage(freshly painted and all), another huge car hit ours, and again, our car got smashed. Which means I'll have to miss two more classes. Well, the owner of this culprit car will pay for our repair, but will that bring my lesson back? NO!

Sum total - 0 on 20 in computer science
0 on 10 in statistics
Miss the art exhibition scheduled tomorrow - and miss another 10 points. Huh! Me in the merit list? No way!
 

I was trapped in the lift for about 40 minutes some days ago. When the door was finally opened, I had to jump down and got hurt- and as a result - footache again. Sometimes I really feel like chopping that leg down with an axe. I did not CHOOSE to be a premature baby, I did not WISH to walk with a stick, I did not ASK for the blood circulation problems. Sometimes the pain can be so severe that I just can't figure out what to do. I was fine for the first 12 years, then from 13 onwards, this constant pain, swelled foot, sleepless nights, painkillers, sleeping pills...

But then maybe my life really has a purpose. I know I was born with a short left foot with twisted blood vessels(all these happened because of the life saving injection I recieved at birth.) My father and mother, agreed to let me live, though for my relatives I'm nothing but a living corpse. I'm glad to get such supportive parents and siblings, and now a sweet sis in law. And on top of that, I've got two little bundles of joy(my nephew and niece) to live for.

I'm always reminded that all the babies born on the 4th of April 1984, in Holly Family Hospital, had birth problems. One by one all of them passed away within hours, except for me. Doctors used to call me a miracle baby.

And most importantly, I don't need medicines anymore. Whenever waves of pain sweep through my body, I begin either singing or painting. My physiotherapists encouraged me to do this. They've read about music therapy as part of their course, and I've applied that on myself.

Life's not a bed of roses but I've learnt to make it so. Life is a challenge, and I'm gonna face it. Hope Allah Allmighty will give me the strength!
 

I'm really enjoying life nowadays. It is true that the stupid footache sometimes gets on my nerves. But I guess I can enjoy life now, cause I'm trying to convert pain into strength. Got a 10 on 10 in statistics quiz today. The only thing I ask for from Allah Allmighty, is strength. No matter how much pain I get, I must not break down,

Met an old friend in university today. Also met another Bengali here in WDC. She writes well, check her outmellow pearl .

I love giving gifts. And I'm giving gifts to everyone these days. My mid terms are going on. Already gave 2 exams. Pray for me
 

We are celebrating our biggest religious festival, Eid-ul-Fitr, today. After a long month of fasting dawn to dusk, (I'm not allowed to fast as I have dehydration, and have to take medicines at times). The month of Ramadan(fasting month) have a lot of religious significance. Prayers are easily granted in that month, and Muslims automatically keep themselves away from evil in that month.

Eid means happiness. It brings a lot of joy for us. Well, I like wearing new dresses and ornaments for eid. Right now, I'm wearing a pink shalwar- kameez (traditional dress with trousers). A pink beaded necklace, with matching bracelet, and some bangles(I love glass bangles) in one hand. I've also decorated my left palm with mehedi(henna).

I'm eating a lot today. My mom prepared so many mouth watering dishes, someone come share my food. I've built a new c-note shop here today, for the simply positive group. Check it out:

ID: 1601478   (Rated: E) Title: C notes for Simply Positive  Description: C notes for simply positive group By: Humming Bird-very happy:)

iKïyå§ama gave me such a lovely blog banner. Isn't it sweet? I've always loved her work, and pay frequent visits to her port.

It's so hot, I'm melting. Gotta go have some vanilla ice cream now. Don't have to study today. But I have my mid term exams from the 4th of next month. Everyone pray for me.

And Eid Mubarak(Happy Eid) to you all.

 

I had been trying to create a simple program (get two integers from the user, add them and get their average) in Visual Studio C++. Finally, after about 2 hours, success knocked at my door. Yahoo!

I've got four interesting subjects in my course curriculum this semester:
Probability and statistics

Business English

Art and Aesthetics
And
Introduction to Computer Science - which is why I have to sit in front of the computer for hours, just to practice c++.

I love to learn languages. I can write and speak Bangla and English, I can understand and speak Hindi too . But computer languages can be so sensitive! Just one missing semicolon in a program, can create a lot of errors. Still, learning something new is good. I like it. Our instructor is also very nice.

Math - is always a phobia for me. I just started learning statistics, enjoy it.

English is my all time favorite. So is my mother tongue, Bangla. I enjoy every moment of English class learning how to communicate, as our course is all about Business communication.

Art is my passion. I can spend hours painting pictures, so I just can't figure out how time passes away in art class. We also have other things beside painting here. We'll go on an excursion soon, perhaps I'll write in my blog about it.

Have painted about 4 different poses of Buddha. According to our art instructor, the first Bengali paintings focused on Buddha, so I have to learn that too.

Having lots of fun lately.

I've reopened my raffle:

ID: 1291778   (Rated: E) Title: Try your luck-Charity Raffle REOPENED!  Description: A raffle to support various charity groups By: Humming Bird-very happy:)

check it out!
 

I love my university! I love extra curricular activities! I love studies and teachers. Have achieved a gpa of 3.25 on 4 in my first semester. Hope to achieve more this time!
 

I was busy giving admission tests for universities. Had lots of fun, met a few new people, saw some of my old known people too. The test on the 28th was not as good as it was supposed to be. I had set my heart on that test, worked a lot for it. Had hit a sixer in the English sections, but could not do that well in the General Knowledge section. The gk questions were pretty tough.

So maybe, I will not get into the institution I've always dreamt of. Well, anyway, it's far from my home, and a risky place too.

On the other hand, the other test I took on the 29th was much better.We were asked to write a little paragraph on pollution, correct 5 little incorrect sentences, 10 common general knowledge questions, one translarion. We were also told to design a dress for men or women (as it is a fashion designing institute), and draw a bicycle. Well, I'm not so good at drawing bicycles, the others were good. So, can just keep my fingers crossed. Footache is driving me nuts again, WHY ME?????
 

Unlike my other friends, I could not get admission to an university yet. I don't mind it that much cause it is better late than never. My A level result is not so bad, but I still have to search for a good university. I always like my visits here. Am reading a beautiful book, Lioness, by Nell Brien. I also like writing. Maybe I'll send something to the newspaper soon. I'll write a poem for here too.
 

going to the mall, looking after kids, studying...and obviously, keeping in touch with friends.
 

Despite my regular physical battles,I'm enjoying life in my own way. I'm discovering new works for myself everywhere. Who said being at home isn't fun? Yes, I know many girls of my age spend most of their time outside home for studies and stuff.

It's not that I don't want to do the same, but I know my limits very well. Maybe I'm an anomaly. Sometimes, some of my own attitudes seem very bizarre to me. But as soon as I notice any bad change in me, I try to rectify myself. I'm not an angel, but it's always good to be positive about everything.
 

We celebrated one of our biggest religious festivals, Eid ul Fitr on the 2nd of october. For me, it usually means distributing love, recieving and giving blessings(I'm an aunt now, gotta bless people!).

Eid also means loads of food, , new clothes, lots of drama, telefilm and music on TV. It also means playing my keyboard more than usual. I could visit some of my elderly relatives that day. Moreover, I could be with one of my four best friends on that day. I live very far away from my friends, and have some personal problems too. Can't visit my friends often even if I want to.

So, my only way of communicating with friends, is telephone and net. I have some duties towards my family and friends, which I never want to ignore. My friend's mom was sick, and I like her whole family, so I wanted to spend some time with them. My wish is fulfilled and I'm really happy about it.
 

Mahmud passed away, dropping from a bamboo bridge into a fierce river. He couldn't swim. Now I just have his memories with me.
 

Miss you, bro, but surely know
within hearts, our bindings grow!

Those of you who've read my poem know of these two lines. I'll tell you the story behind it today."Worlds apart" .

It was the 30th of september, 1993. Me, my brother Mahmud, and my parents went to spend a vacation at our village home that september. We really had a grand time. My brother, who was 17 back then, and I was 9. He was my best friend. At that time he was the only one who used to spend a major part of his day with me, the others were busy with studies and other stuff usually.

My brother was supposed to go to the USA, his flight was on the 5th of october. So, my mom just wanted to make him familiar with urban life, but he did not want to go to the village. "What if I die, Ma?" he used to say. But Mom just laughed his words off.

...rest later.


 

no net, so wdc means cybercafe.
 

Too hot here, I'm boiling. Yesterday, my friend came with two university admission books for me, so I really need to study a lot now. My August secret pal gave me a lot of surprises recently. Cnotes, reviews, gps...thanks a lot SP. Those of you who don't know, I'm a Bengali living in Bangladesh, and English is my passion. I have studied in English medium schools, and that's how my English improved day by day. I also like reading English Classics, and Newspapers too. Some of my writing got published in local English Newspapers. Hope more will get published soon.

{c}