My 26th Birthday is tomorrow. I don't really expect much from family or friends, but my grandma is making me dinner tonight. What I really want for my birthday is a really sweet boyfriend...what I have is the first day of work. lol I'll accept that paycheck!!
 

I live in North West Texas for a number of reasons and I will readily admit that the lack of snow was not a grand factor in my move here 3 years ago. However, I loved that about this area. Today I fought snow flurries while walking across town and couldn't help but feel gypped about the loss of my nice semi-warm winter. BAH!
 

At the beginning of each year you hear great slogans like, "New Year, New You!" and everyone is hurriedly making resolutions that they swear they'll keep this year. My new year, unfortunately, seems to be going in exactly the same direction the old year was heading. I get yelled at, emotionally pummeled, and treated like garbage or a servant 99% of the time. I haven't found a job yet, I'm still single and match.com has done nothing to help that situation. Originally the profile said I was 45 so I got a lot of winks from men in their 50s...when they fixed it to say my actual age, 25, I stopped getting noticed all together. So I'm poor, jobless, manless, friendless, and spend my days getting belittled by my mother...who is so afraid of the world that she obsesses about every little random thing, asks questions about people on the side of the road having car trouble (oh do they have a flat tire? Do they really? Wow...obviously the tire is off so something happened...) and is easily the most judgmental person I have ever met. Luckily, she bought the house next door to mine so I get to see them all day every day.

On top of all of that lovely baggage, I am trying a new diet and exercise program only I'm not exactly sure what diet and exercise program will work best for me. So I'm just kind of trying to make sure I do some sort of exercise every day and cut back on junk food.
 

I got to thinking last night, while doped up on my pain pill, and realized that two years ago I was left by my boyfriend (who was cheating on me) and I did a drug bender. I got off that relatively quickly (about 2 months) and proceeded on to dating someone who has now left me twice to get engaged to another woman. He still tells me he loves me all the time and is one of my best friends. I really though I had it made with this last one. He was amazing, made plans with me for next year, and buying a house, and being a family forever...and left without a word. I haven't seen or heard anything from him in over two months. He never broke up with me or told me why he left, not even a text or e-mail. The last thing he said to me was "Baby I love you I'll be home and see you as soon as I can..." SO you can see how I might get a bit melancholy at this point.

However, I have not gone on a bender, I have not lost myself to sorrow or beer or pot or whatever else I could have done. And I have not made a whore of myself either, something else I'm quite good at. So I suppose all in all things are ok. I've written NaNo and kept strong with my friends. And I've had one that left me a long time ago come back. He was my husband's best friend and now refuses to speak to him because of what he did to me before the divorce. He tells me all the time how he loves me and I'm wonderful, and sometimes I almost let myself believe him.

Maybe I should write a book about the soap opera of my life ;)
 

National Novel Writing Month is intense, insane, and somewhat icky. I wrote constantly, in my head, on notepads, on notecards, on napkins, and eventually, on the computer. I finished last Saturday, quickly followed by my best writing buddy Jenn. The competition between the two of us was laughable at time, but pushed us through well. I actually finished my entire novel (it's a bit over 53k workds I believe) but she is still working on hers. I wrote a young adults book, she is writing an intense adult novel and I am very proud of her.

For those of you who are doing NaNo this year, Good Luck and Way to Go! Putting yourself out there and being such a self starter is difficult. For those of you who didn't do NaNo this year...There's always next year!

WRITE ON!
 

I feel like every time I get a chance to be happy something messes it up and I'm broken just a little more. The man I thought I loved refuses to see me at all, even as friends (we were never really anything more than that and I know that but he thinks I think that we were together or something...men are morons); the guy I really really liked from church, who has been hitting on me and acting like he really liked me for months ran into me at Wal Mart last night and was forced to introduce me to his girlfriend and her kids; another guy(21) who was begging me to come see him in the next town over told me how much he liked me and how beautiful I was etc. slept with me Thursday night and is now dating a 15 yr. old (almost 16...as if that helps) that I mentor and that he met through me (by the way he said that he wouldn't date anyone that young...moron), they hooked up Friday afternoon after he kissed me goodbye and told me how much he would miss me while I was at the store. Last but certainly not least, my friends ex-boyfriend and baby daddy has been asking me to have sex with him because he's horny and why don't we just go for it? We're friends right....just don't tell her cus thats more to fight about....grrr
 

My boss bought a necklace from me and had me set up an area with my handcrafted jewelry by the checkout counter at the diner. I set it up yesterday and right before we closed for the night a lady asked me who made them. I told her I did and she replied that the jewelry was beautiful and that she was buying for the season for her RV park's gift shop. She wants me to bring some jewelry out there!!
 

Last Night at work my co-worker/good friend and I were absolutely swamped, and neither of us were in a good mood or felt up to being at work. I am stiff, sore, still don't feel good, and up several hours earlier than I would like so that I can sit in In School Suspension (ISS) with one student. Last night our mantras were "I'm not a Bitch! I'm not a Bitch" (play on I'm not a Witch...from Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail) and "We work for money, money pays bills, bills get taken care of...we move" and "I am Peaceful, I am Calm, I am Peaceful, I am CALM!"

Today I think I have found the perfect quote for us..."Sometimes things can go right only by first going very wrong." - Edward Tenner

So...maybe us hurting, being tired, being sick, dealing with gripy customers and bosses, and love trouble (well, I'm in love and he's running away and her new boyfriend is being a jerk) maybe that's all going to get better soon. Maybe...just maybe
 

Well, I fell head over heels and he's leaving. He found a place and job 5 1/2 hours away and is pulling away from me completely. I hope he can be happy there, and find whatever it is he thinks he needs. I love him, I miss him, and I need him; but I need him to be happy and if that is away from me then so be it. Thankfully I never told him that I feel that strongly for him, although I did tell him that I wanted to spend as much time as possible before he left. I guess that was enough...he was running away before but I still got to see him. Now he's not only running away to a new life, he's pulled completely away from me.
 

My little sister has recently become handfasted and is planning her wedding. That was happiness in itself, that she finally found someone to accept and love her for herself and that she could love him the same. Then, last night on my birthday, I spoke with my big sister. She had a handfasting of her own last night and is planning to move to Canada with her love. That was surprising, but I'm glad she's happy (and I like him). After that I spoke with my best friend. Here is where the greatest surprise conspired. Douglas never wanted marriage, kids, or even love (well, of course he wanted love but not as much as most of us). He is now moving in with his girlfriend, who has three kids that already call him dad, and is talking about getting married in a few years.

For myself, I'm happy for my family and we're all happy at the same time which is incredibly weird....its never happened before...lol. I am falling head over heels for a man that I'm not even officially dating yet, but that I think could have serious potential. I just hope he feels the same...