Happy belated Halloween ya group of ravenous candy loving bastards! Hope you enjoyed, I know I did. It was a lot of fun this year compared to the past couple. I went to a friends wedding (congratulations Corey and Alicia!) and spent a lot of the evening with my little brother and his super amazing girlfriend (also another Alisha). I'm not generally the party type, but since I was in good company this year I spent a little time out and about meeting a few new people.

Just as a note to lead into this... I seem to raise a ruckus wherever I go. I'm not saying whether I am a douche bag, or whether I'm not a douche bag, but I'll allow you to decide as I lead into my little story here.

So we show up at this little shindig, somewhere in Louisville, I'm not really sure because I followed my brother. It's a nice little gathering and everyone seems to be having a good time. It turns out I know the girls hosting the Halloween Bash, so I give a few hugs, sit around a bit and take notice of a tall, slender, adorable yet slightly awkward (if you're reading this please try to remember that I think awkward is an adorable quality, I'm a bit awkward myself) young woman.

Now, sadly, I wasn't born with all of the standard social graces so I stumble through the best I know how. I smile... awkwardly lol. Think about approaching her and decide there's no need to rush, after all we'd only just arrived.

Well to make this short story even shorter and to spare the adorable details of a first meeting and get straight to the point...

After a short bit of giving her "shit" as it were she takes a break to go smoke a cigarette outside. I casually make my way to the porch and when she tells me she's only started smoking against two weeks ago I, like a bad ass... or douche bag... rip the cigarette out of her mouth and stomp it out. This leads to a little flirting which is followed directly by a little kissing, which is followed by a little bit more passionate kissing. Yay, everyone loves Halloween and I love making out, and she seemed to be enjoying herself as well, everybody wins!

... or not lol

As it turns out her ex-boyfriend is in attendance at this party and apparently was watching us through the glass doors. My little brother comes outside to let me know because apparently everyone really super likes her ex and I should do what I want but maybe not in sight of the living room lol.

When cute young woman (whose name shall remain annonymous but you know who you are) and I return to the properly heated housing structure, we're greeted by some rather less than pleasant looks. I found the situation funny in its own way, as stated you can judge for yourself whether I'm a douche bag or not. As the situation grows a little less comfortable in the house this cute young girl and I decide to leave the party for a little while, which I don't think helped the situation any.

Anyway, we returned, he was smashed and a bit goofy but completely unwilling to approach me to broach the subject and everyone else was either scolding the cute young woman or giving me admonishing and reproachful looks. At this point I decided, fuck it, I'm not opposed to being judged but I thought everyone should at least understand my perspective on it, and now you shall know as well.

For those of you considering me a douche bag, I think you should consider that I am also a man, and her ex was also a man. As a man it's my job to accept the consequences of my actions and to think about the repercussions that putting myself into certain situations might have. This is my full take on it; if I'm willing to go to a party where I know one of my ex's is (which I won't do because I'm not fucking retarded) I had better be ready for a worst case scenario that she hooks up with another guy, takes him into a bedroom and fucks his brains out(which didn't happen in this situation so no one confuses the cute young girl with a slut, she's not and actually she has a lot of self respect and if you don't think so and happened to have been at this party you can go fuck yourself). I'm sorry that's my take on things, if I do something that could imply pain and suffering, then I have to accept my consequences for those actions.

In the end it was time for me to leave and she was still being lectured and I had made sure everyone knew that neither of us had done anything wrong from my perspective and he really probably shouldn't have come to the party.

I'll end on this note; as I was walking away I heard her telling him something that I'm glad I haven't had to hear in a long time. It went a little something like this, "We, we just have such a good friendship and I don't want to risk losing that, that's why I think it has to be like this." So regardless of whether you think I'm a douche bag or not, I'd rather be a douche bag with the girl than the guy stuck on the other side of that ugly friend line any day, but I'd prefer to just be that slightly offensive guy who happens to be cute and funny and gets the girl than the douche bag if it's possible lol... you decide.
 

Okay so for the past month and some change I have been trying to get everything smoothed out with the bills since moving into the new apartment. I have called the cable company regularly to make sure that all was well and good after the transfer. I make a couple small payments when they ask me too and last time I checked I was supposed to be in the clear to just pay my regular monthly balance of 93.19, fine and good right?

Well today I call in to pay the bill and the automated message informs me that I have a bill due for 278 mother fucking dollars! Are you kidding me? Shit, fuck, shit fuck!

I take a short breather and start trying to be connected to a real person so I can resolve this fiasco. At first they're insisting that I owe a month of back billing from when I moved but something about that didn't sound right. I let them know that I paid everything up to date before I moved and even had to fork over another 48.15 in cash to the guy who was installing the cable to bring me current before he was allowed to do the transfer of service.

We continue to speak to each other but the lady is insistent that this is what I actually owe and that I somehow owe almost 3 times my normal bill because of one past due bill? Finally it clicks with me, the lady says the bill is for the first of 31st of August to September 28th... holy shit! I've been living in my new apartment since August 31st, they never did a disconnect order for my old place and are trying to bill me for it! I tell her that there's a mistake and that I had moved and wasn't going to pay for someone else to have cable for the past month because the installation guy had told me he'd put in the disconnect order. She insisted that I was supposed to call to do the DC and if I hadn't then the bill was my responsibility (not that crassly but in prettier words)

Finally I have to insist to speak with a supervisor since I'm clearly getting no where. After some bit of time on hold I am returned to the woman who had been assisting me before being placed on hold. She's figured out that yes, in fact, there had been a DC order placed on August 31st and for some reason they had billed me for the old apartment as well, which left me a balance of 158 dollars and some change... WTF better but still WTF

At this point we continue to discuss what the hell had been going on. Apparently there was a past due balance on my old account and some blah blah blah... but I tried point out that I wasn't allowed to transfer service until I had paid in full, which was why I paid the technician who installed the cable 48.15 to get me up to good. She informs me that for some reason they had applied it to the new account instead of the old one... again I'm getting a little frustrated about being told I'm wrong and liable for payment due to someones error other than my own. Might I add... I have a hard enough time owning my own shit but paying 60 extra bucks for an error I have nothing to do with is a bit hard to swallow. At this point I inform her that I'm cool with paying the 93.18 because I've been told every time I called in the last month that I had to pay X amount of money but then I was good and I wasn't interested in trying to do it again.

I was seriously considering getting rid of my service and getting Dish Network to be honest. I took a big deep breath and told her the whole situation was really leaving a bad taste in my mouth after two months of trying to assure the situation was 100% in the good. I've been with Insight for 3 years and this just seemed a series of horrible mistakes that was leading to me paying an inflated bill. At that point, when I had peacefully resigned to the fact that I would pay this bill and then talk to my roommates about whether we wanted to change service or not she told me that the very best she could do to resolve the issue was to take another 59 dollars off the account and we'd be good and next month my bill would only be 93.19. In the end today I payed 91.69 but it was a headache getting there.

But strangely the message is that freedom only came after I accepted defeat. It's so cool how you can find a metaphor in your daily living like that. Now I'm really glad I wrote this blog, because I might not have realized the lesson to be learned in this little hour long struggle for control.


 

Haha, woot, thanks for everyone who has viewed this, today this blog has hit 300 views! Keep coming back and I'll try to make it interesting for ya ;)
 

So the last couple days have been good, but have had this feeling attached to them. I'm trying not to act out on my defects of character when I am given an opportunity to see them. This has been uncomfortable, these have been my character traits and I'm not sure what to replace them with. Today has been a lot of fun; I carved pumpkins with my younger brother and his girlfriend, watched football, made pumpkin seeds and even had a surprise visit from my mom and dad. The sky was beautiful here and the weather was perfect. Yet somehow the whole day I had an underlying feeling of not being good enough, it was like something nasty was crawling just below the surface.

One of my defects of character is my need to live in turmoil... well not need... something has to be happening to keep me in conflict either internally or externally for me to feel safe because when I grew up there was very little stability and an abundance of pain. It's a sick thing, but my comfort zone is a very painful place chauck full of chaos. I don't like this and have been working on it for a couple years now, but that doesn't take away the fact that when things are peaceful I am in a state of discomfort, it's as if my spine is actually grinding itself into dust at the base where it meets my tailbone.

That stated, I had various opportunities today to feed into things that could only bring my life chaos and I made decisions that allowed me to not feed them, but in doing so I had to step away from conflict (which I normally run head first into in situations like these). My feelings have been hurt today but I was able to surrender and see things for the way they really are and be okay with the fact that my plans aren't the only plans and when they don't work out I need to let go and find acceptance rather than create turmoil in my spirit over unfulfilled desires.

So despite having a wonderful couple days I have been going to bed feeling... dirty or unclean in this place that sits really close to my heart. Well I thought the best way to get rid of this would be to work on a gratitude list. As I'm coming to a close of the list I realize that a lot of my emotions are coming from the pain of change. It was at the moment I acknowledged that I was grateful for "pain" that a smile spread across my face at the thought of being in pain. I wish I were joking but my body actually tingled with a shiver of ecstasy and I felt much better, but at the same moment my hands broke out into a full blown sweat like they've done since I was a child. At this point I realized that no matter how I've felt today my hands haven't hit their uncontrollable nervous sweating, not when I woke up, not at the meeting, not while spending time with my family carving pumpkins...

What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm physically receiving pleasure from acknowledging emotional turmoil, something I've fought against all day? But at the same time some part of me knows that is so wrong, how can I only be comfortable when my body and spirit aren't in harmony? The last couple of days have been peaceful but not... exciting maybe... I don't know... peace drives me crazy, do I need the self loathing and self imposed misery?

I don't get it, but I'll simply say that trying not to act on character defects or inflict harm on others when you feel like you've been hurt is difficult. For me it is perhaps more difficult to accept that those problems don't have to drive me crazy and that life moves forward and I can move forward with it. Right now I'm still caught up in feeling better because of one simple word, "pain". I cannot give in to the temptation to inflict physical harm on myself and I cannot allow myself to continue to lash myself with the emotional whip.

Just for today, I deserve more than I'm willing to give myself. Just for today, I'm going to remember that I love myself and that no matter what I feel, it will pass if I just give it time. I may not be comfortable when at peace yet, but one day at a time I can move in that direction and as long as I don't get high today I will most certainly have a shot at tomorrow.

God thank you for everything in my life, even the shit I don't understand.
 

Damn, today has been impressively long. I got a facebook account the other day, and apparently that bitch is just like crack cocaine because I was up until 6AM posting videos and photos and stuff that really isn't that important. I fell asleep around 6:30ish and found myself waking up around 10:00 and then hitting snooze until around 10:45. Great way to start a day right?

But honestly it was a beautiful day here in the Louisville area. Perfect blue skies with a reasonable upper 60's temperature all day.

I was blessed enough to go see a friend celebrate one year clean at my home group meeting today, and then I had a great lunch with a big old group of loveable recovering addicts. I spent most of the day with my new buddy who is trying to get clean and just for today he is. Fuck yeah, my dude is working on four days now and that's awesome. The rest of the day he and I hang out, take care of a few responsibilities with him, like calling the place we work so he can see if he still has a job and mailing off the rent. He really stepped up like a trooper today and I'm just gonna keep praying he keeps coming back.

A little later we headed to another meeting which just happened to be another recovering addict celebrating their one year clean. It was an amazing day, spending time at coffee shops, running errands, seeing people I love, helping someone else learn about a new way to live, and getting to see not one but two birthdays in one day! Not much tops days like these for me anymore.

Oh and holy shit; today is a month since I broke off contact with the last girlfriend and I have not slept with (did I really just use a polite term for what I really wanted to say?) or went on a date with anyone since it happened either. This is big stuff for me because I have usually moved on two weeks or less after the relationship into someone elses pants. Just for today I'm gonna keep working on getting to know me better and I'm just gonna smile and wave but keep myself far away from getting any phone numbers for a while. The last thing I need is another crazy woman as you will understand if you read the blog post before this.

So yeah it has been a very long day and I wanted to go to bed earlier than this, but I'm not and I guess 3:00 AM is better than 6:00 AM so I can live with it. I feel blessed to have a job and that my work week starts tomorrow, it has been a very long couple of days, I honestly don't feel like I've stopped since my weekend (the 3 days I'm off a week Mon-Wed) started.

Well mad love my people, I'm gonna tell you all some stories here in a few days, nothing big, just some fun adventures I've had which all felt incredible.

Thanks peeps, peace out A-Town down!
 

So for a while I was dating this girl. Really pretty blond, 21, fun personality, great in the bedroom but as the relationship started there were problems. As it continued they only grew and we just had some irreconcilable differences. But to be honest, no one is better in bed that a crazy bitch and as shallow as it may sound good sex can make a man live with some bad situations (only for so long).

When our time finally expired she wasn't exactly thrilled about it. We kept talking for a while, and yeah doing that too ya dirty pervs ;)

Eventually that wasn't enough for her and I wanted to respect that but she started being really manipulative while trying to get me back. She'd talk shit about how she needed a real man one minute, one who could love her and wasn't a cowardly little boy afraid to give his heart (if you went through the first month we had you probably couldn't love this girl either, at least not in about six months). Then she'd talk about how all she wanted was me and how she'd take me back if I'd only ask. When I wouldn't she'd try to get me jealous of some new guy she was talking too (which didn't bother me much other than the fact I knew why she was saying it).

At some point I got fed up with the bullshit and stopped answering her phone calls. Then she really freaked out. That night she called me like 12 times and left a bunch of messages, some were nice and sweet, some were angry and hostile and then there was the eventual, "well I just wanted you to know I think I'm pregnant" message. To that I say, why the fuck do you wait until we're done and not any point we've talked the entire last week? But I flip out a bit and try to call her back and she cusses me and tells me to fuck off and she'll deal with it on her own. Again I freak but thank God for my friends who had my back through that shit and kept me sane that night.

The next day we talk and she's taken "two tests" and one was positive and one was negative. I tell her to go to the clinic and get a real test done and offer to go with her, almost insisting because I'm not sure I'm buying her story. She insists I can't go but the next day calls to let me know that she isn't pregnant and I dance for joy. That night I hang out with a girl (not a fucking date, but girls don't get that) from work to listen to a local musician. This girl (my ex) calls me at 4AM bitching about why I didn't return her calls and I tell her the truth and boy she freaked out. Hung up on me (which is my biggest pet peeve) and I called her back and she said she'd file a police report on me if I ever called her back.

At this point church I decided that God is good and so is my freedom and since this bitch is threatening that I am 100% done. After a few days of ignoring phone calls and texts she drops the more than fucking crazy bomb on me.

The text went something like this.

"I hope you don't get mad, but I never went to the doctor. I just don't want you to be in mine or the babies life. Since you aren't calling me back we're on the same page that we don't want to talk to each other so let's keep it that way."

WTF...WTF...WTF... bitch have you lost your got'damn mind?

I surrender to deep prayer and settle on calling her mother as the best option. Her mom loves me and knows her daughter has some... "issues". We talk and she says she'll try to get to the bottom of it for me.

Well no word from her or her mom for almost a week but both the mom and I feel like she's not pregnant. Roughly 5AM Sunday September 27th morning she sends a text informing me that she "finally really went to the doctor a few days ago and that she miscarried at 7 weeks and she was sorry."

Okay church that means that she found out she miscarried somewhere between the 23rd - 26th right?

Funny as it may seem I'm pretty sure she was high when she sent that message because a few days later she had apparently forgotten and tried to tell me she had just the miscarriage and found out at the E.R. late the night of the 29th... excuse me bitch you can't miscarry the same baby twice. My mom had three and at 7 weeks they'd have taken it out when she went to the doctor some time between the 23rd and 26th. At this point I was pissed because she had fucked with my emotions way too much and I was exhausted (not to mention I cried for the baby I never knew).

I have remained silent with her since she threatened to call the cops, but when she had the nerve to keep running with the second miscarriage all I wanted to do was forward her the copy of her message from Sunday and tell her to shut the fuck up. But just for today I'm not gonna let myself be petty like that.

And to top it all off, today she sends me a long myspace message letting me know she told her mother she miscarried (only because her mom told her we had talked) and that she was so sorry about the baby and that since we split up she was back to drinking and maybe drugging (I am clean and have been for over 2 years and I was a support for her) but was getting off them again. She said not to feel responsible for it but to that I say, "fuck you, and keep your business to yourself after all the bullshit you've pulled." I want to meet her mom for lunch and show her the text about the miscarriage to break apart her little fucking "pity me" party she's trying to throw. Fuck that as a matter, if she ever was pregnant I want to punch her in the fucking face for using dope and drinking when she thought she was (but at the same time I have to thank her, because raising a child with her would be bad for the baby and I, which you better believe I would eventually have gotten custody of.)

She was the catalyst for my emotional downward spiral tonight. I have had too much shit on my place and I'm stuck trying to deal with my defects of character, of which chasing pussy or getting into reckless relationships (I'm co-dependent, which is a defect which stems from my disease of obsession and compulsion) is at the top of that list. I love cuddling, kissing, making love, making make believe love as the case usually is and to be honest since that girl I've decided I should be done for a while, but it doesn't make it an easy decision.

So after going a little catatonic, using prayer and the fetal position as a release and getting myself back in order I made a fun decision. I shaved my head... well I started to and then my buddy suggested I keep the mohawk for a few days before getting rid of it all. Now I know winter is the wrong time to do it, but who gives a shit and I love toboggans anyway.

For now I'm gonna try not to date, fuck, or get intimate with any females, but if I fail in that endeavor you better believe I'll be venting it here in this blog. To be honest I haven't had sex in 3 weeks or so and that is the longest I've gone in the last almost 3 years. These sabbaticals are bullshit but I have felt for the last six months that if I really dig in here, feel my feelings and deal with some of these issues my growth is gonna be unparalleled.

I'll post the pictures of before and after hair cuts really soon and update them here haha. Enjoy and don't judge me too harshly, ya feel me?

Well I'm going to make this quick so i can go to bed but I do want to let everyone know that I've had a really great week so far.

Let me start with this, Saturday night... well Sundday morning at 5AM my crazy ex finally insists through a text message that she has miscarried our child (which I at that point am not sure she ever carried). I was a little hurt but refused to play into her game and let it be without saying a word to her.

Sunday turned out to be great. Several awesome things happened. I saw my family for our usually monthly birthday celebrations (which included my mothers). I played with the cousins, ate a good meal, hugged everybody, saw my younger brother and had a generally great time. I also had the pleasure of watching the final quarter of the Bengals game on a 65 inch HD tv. Needless to say (snicker snicker) it was awesome and I can't believe the Bengals were able to pull of that kind of a 4th quarter drive.

Monday was also excellent because despite confusion with the ex, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I woke up and had breakfast, hit a nice bit of step work while I was doing it to. From there I went to the tanning bed and made my way to my home group meeting early. I also had the pleasure of chairing the meeting, which is always a nice surprise.

Later that day I spent time with my younger brother and his girl friend by happenstance. I missed my workout but enjoyed a great evening with my younger brother at the pool hall / local open mic night where I met some great people and did my first poetry reading ever! I was nervous and excited but had a smashing good time.

Tuesday I slept a lot based on the principle it was the 8 year anniversary since the coffee shop (Pythias) burned down and Tom passed away in that fateful fire. I didn't do most of what I set out to do but I did have dinner with my mother and her side of the family, which is always a lovely experience. We had a blast and then my brother, his girlfriend and I spent the next few hours together. We actually just sat in a car and had the most wonderful 3 hour late night chat you could imagine. I'm so proud of the man he's grown up to be.

On a side note, if you're ever in Louisville KY this season, try to find Highland Coffee and get a warm cup of their Chai Cider (so amazing it gives me goosebumps).

On a second side note Tuesday my crazy ex sent me another text insisting that she just miscarried the baby in the ER the night before and tried everything in her power to get me to talk to her again. I'm sorry but you can't miscarry the same baby on two different occasions (the original text received Sunday morning had said she'd gone to the doctor 'several days before' and found out she'd miscarried, so we're talking about two miscarriages in one week, that's a lot of dead baby (this is only funny because she really tried to act like she had miscarried and basically what she did was divulge that she was never pregnant at all, which my friends suspected all along))

Today was yet another wonderful although less productive day. I went and saw my father and his girlfriend to celebrate her birthday (my life has been full of celebrations hasn't it). From there I spent some time with a writer friend of mine that I haven't seen in too long and ended up going to the Comedy Caravan to watch one amazing comedian and one relatively okay comedian do some very funny and enlightening standup.

And tomorrow should bode well. I'm doing another poetry reading and hopefully hitting on a cute keyboardest/singer who runs the open mic I'll be reading at. So wish me luck and sweet dreams cause I'll take as much of both as I can get.


 

Holy shit you guys. The last time I posted in this son of a bitch was a year and seven months ago... damn!

Well I'm trying to come back. I'm trying to keep women from being an unhealthy distraction again. I'm working on working on me, which is a confusing pleasure and pain of an endeavor. But the joy is that if I do this I have a more fulfilling and healthy life.

The next few months should be interesting and if I'm feeling frisky I'll let y'all know what' gone on since I've been gone.

Later lovers! Booyah!
 

Well I have been gone for a long time, or at least it would feel that way. I bought my nice and shiny premium upgrade and then ran away for two months. What's that all about?

There have been things going on, not a lot of terribly important ones but there have been some that are worth mentioning. Good news is I'm still clean, sober and attending NA meetings regularly. I've been in the program over 11 months now and although I had some issues with alcohol during my early recovery I am about five days away from six months without any drugs, even the liquid one :)

Oh, something exciting is that my area started a new Midnight Meeting called Dope Sux! It's a great meeting and it happens every Friday and Saturday, much needed and finally gives a 23 year old like me something to do on his weekends :)

That brings me to another exciting note, the 16th was my birthday! Woot, that's right I just celebrated my first clean birthday since I was 14 years old. It was really great, I went to the midnight meeting and spent the beginning of my birthday with friends in recovery. When I got home my sweetie was waiting for me (she's so beautiful) and then I went to sleep. The next morning we went to breakfast with my biological father, went to the animal shelter to look at puppies during the afternoon, stopped by the apartment for a little afternoon delight and then went bowling and out to eat with my mom and the worlds best step dad. Later that night she suprised me with the best birthday gift ever (other than the bunny rabit she bought me in January). Since I'm a gentleman I'm not going into details though.

Oh and I went back to the gym for the first time in five months yesterday. It was fun, I did some cardio with my little brother who is trying to quit smoking. Then we hit a few weights and caught a great meeting. Really good day yesterday, I'm still a little sore but that let's me know I was doing something.

Well I gotta get stuff ready, I have a busy day today so I'll catch everybody on the flip side, until then, stay safe.
 

Damn. Well before I started this blog I took a vacation to Disney World. If you've never been you should really go at least once. This year was a blast. My brothers and I had a great time. Now it's true that when you're 22, 19, and 17 Disney World isn't the same as it was way back when. That doesn't mean it isn't a great time.

As three handsome and charismatic brothers we didn't have to wait in a single line longer than 5 minutes while at any of the four majorly magic parks. Disney now has these things called "Fastpasses" and you get one per two hours with your admission ticket. This reserves you a place in line at a given time. Yay no wait time for one ride. Kinda sucks because that means you've gotta go wait 70 minutes to ride "The Rockin Roller Coaster" while you wait for your time to ride "The Tower of Terror". The Brothers Grimm (as I shall call our trio) didn't see this as a problem but more a fun and interesting challenge.

What was that challenge you may ask? We'll you'll have to save that question for another time because I'm here to talk about money problems.

The point of bringing up vacation is that it means I took time off work. I got back last Sunday and then I found out I wasn't on the schedule. I was cool with that and accepted I was getting some extra time off, no big deal. When I went to work today I looked at the schedule and I'm off this weekend as well. Then I talked to my manager and she informed me she's got me off the schedule for the week after that. I'm a waiter okay. I need some income. Yeah I payed all my December bills in Novemeber but this is leaving me in a tricky situation for January. I mean I can go and pick up shifts but this is the Holidays people, no body really wants to give up their shifts.

So yeah it's not a crisis I'll figure something out. I always do but I just wanted to rant about it a little, get it out of my system ya know?

Take care and wish me luck.
 

Ahhh yes... today was great but tonight was a bump in my road. Before I jump into the story of tonight I think it would be best to give you some back story (and finally a little information about who I am and where I've been the past year).

Okay so I'll be really honest, this one isn't going to have anything to do with letting you all get to know me any better. This is a short and simple blog entry. If you find out anything about me in this it'll be that I'm a gloating bastard . No foolin, I'm almost exclusively putting out this blog update to gloat about the fact that I've upgraded my account.

Just to be clear I'm not downing on anyone who is working with the basic membership (except that I am clearly superior with my Premium Upgrade). I mean if that's all the creativity you have and you don't need any extra space, well congrats you just saved a few bucks.

Hey and Upgraded Members I definately not saying the Upgraded Package is a bad one. Actually I'll be honest, it's quite good (except not quite as good as my Premium Package). I mean 250 items is a whole lot of room for creativity no doubt, but you're still missing a few minor perks (which I really love).

Oh and to those of us who choose premium, doesn't it feel nice? The Premium Package is so wonderful it gives me the warm and fuzzies. I love my port surf and obviously the costumicons will always make me smile. Heck I'm using that cute fuzzy friend of nature the Squirrel as mine for the time being. But what about the added benefits of photo albums? How could you not feel great knowing you can create a WDC hosted website whenever you feel like taking the time? There are some very nice perks to being Premium I'll say. Hey and at only $100 for a full year with the upgrade and save package you can't go wrong.

I know a lot of people are thinking, "but Gregor, that's $100!" Yeah that's $100 a year. You do realize that factors down to almost .25 cents a day? I can find a quarter every day if I have to, ya know. I mean heck that's less than $10 a month. Even when I was a kid I could have afforded that much out of my allowance.

Honestly this has been a bit of braggadocio but my real point is to show everyone that Premium paid for by the year is honestly the best way to go. I know there are some youngsters on here but hey that makes a great use of Christmas money or if your parents aren't tight wads a great stand-alone present.

Oh and for the casual drinker or the everyday addict or abuser, just think about how much you spend in one day to get your given fix vs. a whole year of writing pleasure. This site is one of the most rewarding things you creative little junkies could ever have in your life (other than a program) so hop on the band wagon now and upgrade to Premium today!

Alright once again I've stayed up too late. It's almost 3:00 AM and I am exhausted. The night was rough and I really just wanted to gloat and promote about the One Year Premium Membership. Take my advice, it's worth the money. For me the investment assures that by the end of this year I'll have a larger body of new poetry and a small collection of short stories. What could it mean for you?
 

Okay so the other day I promised I would give you all some background info on what's been up with me this year and a little about who I am. Instead I gave you the rundown of what I do before bed, a poop joke or two and strangely enough a philosphical analogy about cleaning a shower. Well it's late and this is entry number two. Once again I'm not giving you exactly what I had promised. This may or may not deal with the current year, I don't have a filter so we're about to find out.

Remember how I told you in the intro I would try to make the first entry about who I am and what's been going on? Well here we are at my first blog insert a mere six hours after being created. First I think everyone should know, I'm tired! This isn't, oh I'm a little tired or oh I'd like a nap tired, this is, if I go lay down for 15 more minutes until the snooze goes off I'm not waking up til 2pm, tired.

Why am I tired? Haha, the answer to that one is simple. I created this blog at 4AM this morning

Allow me to ask a simple question and you don't have to answer out loud, just think about it okay. If I wrote the intro at 4AM and it's 10AM now, how much sleep did I get? I know I just got somebody with this one. Someone just declared the answer to be 6 hours of sleep for good old Gregor, right? Just cause I was done with writing.com at 4AM doesn't mean I was a smart little heathen and passed out. There's always nightly hygiene, like brushing your teeth, taking out the contacts, washing your face, and maybe even take a shower. Sometimes (and this is one of those times where ya get to know me a little better than you ever wanted) I like to drop the Cosby's off at the pool while reading a nice book about writing techniques or character development.

Okay so now that you know more about my bowels than you should it's pretty obvious I probably didn't go to bed until between 4:30-5:00AM (I know you're saying, that's a long time to brush your teeth, take out contacts and drop a duece, but remember the book! I'll sit on the John til my legs go numb)(ewww... I thinks a little TMI(too much information))(Did I mention that I like explaining the obvious and pointing out the blatantly understood?)

Here's the really funny part. At around 5AM I was compelled (I don't know by what, it could have been God or my Guardian Angel or just universal guidance) to do something I've never done in the past. That's right at 5AM I had what has assuredly been a life changing event. *Drum rolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll* I cleaned my shower! Yeah at 5AM I compulsively scrubbed the grime from my shower. I spent 15 minutes of my life making my bathroom a better place to live. Is anyone asking how could this have been a life changing event? Did most of you already discredit that line as pure and simple humor? Well you're partially right, it was intended in humor, sorta. Can anyone see the metaphor behind cleaning your own shower and then in the larger sense the metaphor as it ties into the process of making clean your own body?

If we're missing a few dots here let's fill em in, because now I'm getting mildly philosphical (it's like winning a cookie for sitting through the part about my colon).

So if we examine the cleaning of my own shower at a very odd time of night, what might you suspect this could mean in a round about way? Now to get this you need to think non-linearly and be able to process both on the macro and microcosmic levels. That said hopefully you've come to your own conclusion, after all finding things for ourselves is the truest fulfilment of our human nature.

Now I'm going to reveal my own opinion on it for those who are still thinking, "Gregor, it's a shower... so what could it possibily have to say about anything." Those of you who came to a conclusion, mine's not right or wrong it's just mine, much like yours. With that in mind, here I go.

I can change the world at any moment I choose to take action. Don't go gettin all uppity about one person can't change the world, remember this is a macro, micro examination. The realitiy is that I can change the reality of my world and surroundings at any time I choose. By changing my world, even something as small as scrubbing a shower, I have changed a part of the world as a whole (albiet a very tiny part) and isn't a whole only equal to it's parts? No matter how small or large your actions are you change the world every day. Make your actions kind and give of yourself with love, it's the only chance we've got to make this planet a better place

Now for the larger metaphor. I'm just gonna kinda go write (get the pun on words there?) into this one. The act of cleaning the body. What could this mean in the parabolic sense. I could not clean the shower until I had first cleansed myself, remember that. For me this is an eye opening examination. Until I first examine myself (behavior, thoughts, feelings, etc.) and make clean the things which would make me live a life based on pride and greed, then I cannot change the world for the better. Not the world at large and especially not my own. In those mindsets I may acquire wealth, prestige, or possessions but could I ever acquire the fruit which feeds the soul?

And that's just a little food for thought for everyone that stuck with me past the adolescent poopie jokes. I'm a good mix of 6 and 60 age wise some have said. Just to tie everything back into the beginning and further into the introduction, this really didn't have much to do with who I am or where I've been this year did it? That's okay there's plenty of time for that later.