What the . . . is that tree pooping out birds!?!

Oh golly, I sure hope not!


 

Bob: What does it take to put you to bed and get you to stay there?

Monkey: Twenty dollars?

Which was really a better answer than mine (duct tape).


 

After I prepared Monkey's pancake, this morning:

Man, you cut fast. I mean . . . woman, you cut fast!




 

Just got this text from Bob:

Dad, Jake leaned over and whispered. I think I need a new girlfriend.

"Oh? Have someone in mind?"

Yes, her name is Frencesca.



Sure . . . I mean, after all, one simply CANNOT go into the first grade with the same old girlfriend.




 

Dhoc-li Llama : Jake, what will it take to get you to be quiet?

Jake: A dollar or two?




 

After helping me figure out how to get the Cuisinart back into the box:

I may not be strong, but I sure am smart!


Can't contradict that one!


 

Monkey to me, after I said something humorous: Are you trying to be funny?

Me: Yes.

Monkey: it's not working.

D'oh!



 

Monkey was yakking about something in the car this evening. At the end he says . . .

You DO realize that was just sarcasm?

Oh yes . . . of COURSE.


 

Jake: can I have some milk?
Dad: sure. (then blows nose)
Jake: that's not milk. That's snot!

That's snot very appetizing!


 

Driving through the neighborhood this morning:

I just LOVE the way that house is built! With the bridge and then the steps.

Such discriminating taste my young one has.


 

Also on the way to camp, quite randomly, Jakie asked the question:

Why do they call it a HO-tel? What does "ho" mean?

Dude, I just don't even know how to answer that one . . .


 

We were talking on the way to school, and the topic of Greece came up. I mentioned that I'd studied there was I was in college, that I took classes there and that I'd lived in an apartment. His reply:

*gasp* You lived in an APARTMENT!?! Then . . . Grandma Kitten lives in an apartment. Is it the same one?

One day, kiddo . . . one day you'll be able to experience the joys of apartment living.


 

Monkey is studying planets in school.

Re: Uranus - Sometimes I call it Eunice.


 

A few months ago, we were telling knock knock jokes. I told the following:
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel!

Monkey and Goldilocks both got a huge kick out of it. The other day, Jakie improved upon the joke:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Little old lady who.
Little old lady who who?
I didn't know you were an owl that could yodel!





 

Mom, I think all of the teachers at the JCC are named "Miss" because it's at the front of all of their names. And I think they're all boys . . . I mean GIRLS and they all have Miss as the first part of their names.

How bizarre . . . must be a prerequisite to working there? *shrugs*




 

Last night Jakie was complaining that his toes were itching . . . so he pulled off his sock.

The problem IS, the bottoms of my toes are all screwed up and ripped!

I guess collapsing into uncontrollable laughter was PROBABLY not the right response.


 

What flavor light sabers do the good guys have?

Dude, I don't think you really wanna taste that!



 

Jakie is coloring a dinosaur picture. He just asked me if he was a good "drawer" & I said yes . . . so he climbed down from his chair, said it is my honor and bowed deeply . . . the turned and bowed in the other direction!!!!


!!!! *wipes tears from eyes*


 

Jakie just pushed open the bathroom door and burst out singing There's no check wipe I'd rather neeeeeed!

I just don't even know what else to say about that one . . .


 

I made Jakie a chocolate cream pie with Nasoya chocolate silken tofu . . . his verdict:

That was ferociously awesome!

Wow . . . glad you liked it, little buddy!