 You know Mom, I have done all I can do to try and make you love me or like me but it is not going to happen. You know there's people other than me, I promise, that thinks Jean's soul went directly into you when she passed. I write everything down in journals and one day Chris came over here with you, it was the day Jean passed, of course I am wrong on the date because in my journal the date is Monday, April 24. You told Chris, "I don't want to see those people." It was hard to believe after Tim built things for you to live with us and I carried you because you were to stubborn to learn to use a wheelchair, walker, or a walking stick. I had to put my arms under your arms with your friends telling you, "Diane can't keep going like this, what if she falls?" Your only concern was yourself, no one else. Do you know while you were here that we continuly watched American's Funniest Videos or American's Funniest Pet Videos. Always what you wanted to watch no matter what we wanted to watch. I've done this all my life. When going to visit Jean I had to watch what she wanted to watch and of course, when she died you took over and when I was sick of watching your court tv and just wanted to watch one craft show about making something---you said no. Just news and stuff you can argue about, again, just taking the place of Jean and Grady.
My mental problems date way back. You may say they don't. You'll say, "That doctor's just blaming me with her problems." Well Mom do you remember when I was younger and was so nervous they put me in a special class with the retarded people? Why because I was always so scared, I wasn't that bad of a kid but you'd say even as a young girl, a baby nearly, "If you are going to act like this I'm going to send you to your Daddy's house to live." Do you realized how that traumatized a child? Remember the other day when I reminded you of you carrying me to the basement because I wanted you to stay with me and not going to work? Instead of saying that was wrong, you said, "I showed you, didn't I?" Then Aunt Essie who loved me so much, like maw-maw did, you had to say, she wanted me to get rid of you. Was that something that you just needed to say to me? I know if she did say it after she got to know me she loved me better than anyone and you know what she felt sorry for me. Yes, she would say to me with others around, "Diane has 3 bosses all the time. They won't even let her play with her toys. Why buy them if she can't play with them?" You know why she knew my hurt so bad because I was like her the black sheep of the family even though I wasn't the one who had the children out of wedlock. You couldn't even tell me the truth about not being married to my Father because you wanted to put yourself up there on a pedestal of being someone who never did anything wrong. I had to hear the truth from someone like Chris Farris. What a way to hear! Then Jean got fighting mad and was going to go up there and let him have it and you just stayed silent. That made things okay so you didn't have to tell the truth. I haven't been perfect but I've never claimed to be. I'm sure not the perfect parent but look at what I had to learn from, literly beat one time by three of you for skipping school where I faced risking my life everyday. I kept the fact that I had my lunch money stole everyday so that you wouldn't worry. Did without because I was embrassed; I knew you all would call me a coward. If it hadn't of been for Grady I think you would have beat me to death. The next morning the phone rung and I couldn't walk I had to pull myself to the phone because I couldn't stand up. How proud you were when you got to whip me or tell me off? One time though you called me a liar when you had no idea what I put up with in that neighborhood. maw-maw set you straight though and said you wouldn't so old that she couldn't whip you. You had no idea what we both went through because you were not there. We wanted to move to Carbon Hill to have some peace not for me to marry Freddy. You throw that up in my face enough and you know why maw-maw wanted to move home? She told me she didn't want to die up there she wanted to be at home in Alabama. I had all that thrown in my face and she didn't want Bobbie to know how miserable she was in Detroit but I always did. maw-maw told me things that you think I am such a big mouth and would say but I'll take them to my grave like I promised.
You NEVER EVER believed in gossip. I was always so proud of that and now you are on the phone talking about your best friend's family. How would Bobbie feel if she ever heard what you said? I'm not even writing it out on paper because I don't want her hurt.
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