The dictionary defines the word SOCIAL as:

1. Pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations: a social club.

2. Seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious.

3. Of, pertaining to, connected with, or suited to polite or fashionable society: a social event.

4. Living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation: People are social beings.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/social

I particularly liked number four. Okay, so what, you ask? Well, the so what is, while I understand the we are in fact social beings I feel like we are losing our grasp on reality, if we ever truly had one, with regard to just what it means to be a social being. Want proof? How about Social Networking?

I find myself somewhat at odds with this not so new term, although, I am chagrin to admit I too am an active participant in this modern day phenomena. I find all too often venues like Twitter, My Space, and others replacing real interaction among many of us. My personal favorite and the only one I’m currently on, thank goodness, is Facebook. I routinely however, turn down invitations for Twitter, Linkedin, and a few more who names escape me at the moment. I know, not a very smart move for a self-employed business man in today’s world of networking and growing one’s business through implied reciprocal obligation instead of old fashioned principles of hard work, consistent quality of product or services and unsurpassed customer service after the sale. I tried to look up definitions to those terms for you but, my dictionary apparently isn’t that old.

While it should have been apparent years ago with the rapid increase in popularity of e-mail and the ability to finally keep in touch without having to put forth the effort to actually write and mail a letter. Not to mention the fact I could now communicate with family and friends with an added layer of anonymity. What I mean is I can send an e-mail from the convenience of my home computer, which I already spend too much time on, without having to actually engage in conversation. I don’t have to pay attention to what the other person might be saying like I would with a phone call, or God forbid an actual face to face encounter. I can even work on the e-mail version of my letter over time if I choose. No need to rush things and take time to sit down and really write an entire letter to my best friend all at once. Heaven forbid!

And talk about easy? Oh, yeah! Click and Send and its done. No messy envelopes to seal, no postage to worry about, and no need to even walk the twenty or so feet to the mailbox. Just stay sitting on my fat (you know what) indefinitely and pat myself on the back for being such a kind, caring man.

What bothers me the most though isn’t the sheer ease that such tools, I use that term ‘tools’ loosely, afford me today. Hell, I’m as busy as the next person and I’m all for taking advantage of modern conveniences. So, no I don’t want to carry in water from the well or heat my home with wood or coal, and I certainly have no interest in making a midnight run the outdoor loo. I’m actually pleased for the most part by the fact I am better able to keep in touch with those I care about who are far away and even some who aren’t so far. At least I’m being made more aware of the little day to day events that make their lives interesting and conversely mine as well. In fact even this blog is a direct result of this advance in technology. Yea! (and no it’s not yay but that’s another blog for another day.)

Why I am bothered so by all of this then, you might ask? In my not so humble opinion, too often these sites and those that use them are missing a major point of what being social implies. Now, anyone who knows me realizes immediately that I have never been humble about much, especially my opinions, hence the reference in the previous sentence. I don’t see this as the time to change that either. So I will tell you what and why.

What’s my number one complaint? In a word, ‘self-respect’, or more appropriately the lack there of. It’s a simple concept and one I believe should be easily grasped by almost everyone, at least everyone literate enough to be reading this for sure. I believe that along with social networking comes social responsibility, actually I prefer the word accountability.

Still, I am constantly amazed by the things I see being posted on Facebook. I have watched entire relationships evolve and then fall apart before my eyes. Admittedly, I see most of this type of unrestrained disclosure occurring among the under thirty crowd. Although, there are the occasional more senior members of my network who seem to have no problem airing their dirtiest laundry in front of anyone who’ll take time to read about it.

I have been privy to acts of infidelity even before the offended other party. Read post after post over several days as couples, friends and others have argued over everything from the utterly ridiculous to serious marital and or business issues. Call me a prude but I don’t find this at all acceptable. In fact I think it’s not only extremely disrespectful but, quite shameful. It’s disrespectful to them, the other party and frankly me.

A little while ago there was a push on Facebook for a dislike button. They already had a “thumbs up” icon to express approval of a particular post, as well as the ability to leave a comment of course. Click the “thumbs up” and your name appears, along with anyone else who has also clicked it, and says “George likes this!” Or “George and 4 others like this.” But, this was to be a “thumbs down” icon, enabling the reader to express dislike at least, disapproval at most, to a post without having to take time to type a comment; again providing us with convenience instead of requiring us to consciously relate. Aren’t we fortunate?

I’ve found a far simpler solution to my dilemma though. Now, when someone starts using this as a forum for their “personal” issues, I simply hide them from my page. If it continues I also have the option of blocking them altogether. Now, I don’t know who on Facebook has the greatest number of friends but, I can say with a fair amount of confidence I am definitely in the running for the greatest number of blocked profiles. And I’m okay with that.

 

To say it's been some time since last I defiled these pages with my thoughts and words, would be an understatement of epic proportions. I have no decent excuse except to say I’ve been busy living life. Nothing exciting or unusual mind you, just the day to day stuff. Then there’s the fact that I get so sick and tired of the wdc automatic email reminding me how many days its been and to update my blog. I’d like to put the whole system out of ‘my’ misery at this point.

Combining these factors has created some kind of resentful resistance toward blogging as a whole, even as a concept in general. For a time I toyed with the idea of trying to reverse history and eliminate the entire blogging industry from our pathetic no touch social consciousness. But then I realized if I’m too busy, and lazy, to blog, I’m most certainly far too busy, and lazy, to play the part of an evil villain. As the saying goes I decided, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” So here I am again in all my faded glory to ‘TRY” once more and maintain this blog, 'my blog', on a more consistent basis. Time will tell.

One thing is for certain though. If I am to maintain the blog and still be able to continue my incredibly busy life, may I take a moment and remind those who know me, you are sworn to secrecy; I must keep the blogs much shorter than the novellas of the past. (See blog entries: "Invalid Entry" , "Invalid Entry"  and "Invalid Entry" , and "Invalid Entry" )

In that vein I bid you adieu for today and will see you again soon in the ‘Wonderful World of Oz.’ (Assuming I still have any readers that is?!)

 

To know ones self requires letting go of all that we think we are. In truth we only find our true self when we lose ourselves in the emptiness...completely. THAT is a scary thought and so contrary to our egoic nature and it is our fear of this which keeps us lost. Fear drives our search and is the reason we always seem to seek and never find. So easy is it then to give into our fears and reinforce our false belief in separatism rather than take the journey and let go of self. But, we must let go if we are ever to find "us".

I wish all of us, since individually we don't really exist - rather only as the whole, good luck on our respective journeys. May we know we are never alone and then when finally we cease to exist, becoming filled with the emptiness; will knowing ones self no longer be merely conceptual for it will be experiential reality.

"Suffering is not in the fact but, in our perception of the fact," Sri Bhagavan.


Obleo

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Today, I along with several others, received the following email from my eldest. What follows is my reply. I share it in this forum for two reasons…

One-To pay tribute to one of the truly finest men I will ever know and one of my most profound teachers.

Two-To publicly acknowledge and thank the Divine for the incredible blessing all of my children are in my life. I am without a doubt the richest man I know!

How interesting that my son's email came the day after Father's Day, I am truly blessed to have this opportunity to express my feelings for my son!

Thank you God!



My son’s email:

Subject: Hey!!!

I am a participant in an upcoming workshop experience that deals with identifying and utilizing one's talents in the world. This is based on the idea that everyone possesses a combination of talents, interests, passions, strengths, gifts and capabilities that are unique to that individual, and that allows them to make a positive contribution in the world in the form of value (something you may not know is a huge passion of mine!).

As part of this workshop, I have an assignment to find out what my friends, family and circle of influence have observed about my passions, gifts, strengths and talents. I would really appreciate it if you could consider the following question and send me back an answer as soon as possible: "What do you see as my "Soul Purpose"?

My Soul Purpose includes my talents, abilities, and characteristics that describe me, what I'm good at, how I do things, what you count on me for, and anything that impresses you about who I am.

I want this to be quick and easy for you, so please just send me whatever comes to mind. I really appreciate your time doing this- make sure and let me know if there is anything I can do to return the favor.

Thanks, love ya,

Keith


My Reply:

Son,

First let me say I am grateful for this opportunity to express again what I feel is the truth of who you are. I know we’ve already talked at length about this many times and thus, while what I have to offer may not be new, it is I believe worth remembering; especially for and about yourself.

I want to preface my comments by the observation from my own life and search for my Soul’s Purpose that what I enjoy or see as important and profound versus what I’m best at and therefore seems to have the most impact in the lives of others are not always the same. That is sometimes a difficult thing to come to terms with and yet I feel incredibly important if I am honestly seeking to make the greatest impact for humanity’s sake and not to satisfy my own egoic agenda.

That said…what I KNOW I can count on you for is to be absolutely honest with me in all areas of our relationship-“eventually.” Let me explain. We, you and I, often talk of integrity as one of, if not the most important character traits one must possess to live an honest and authentic life. And yet, I have seen many times in our relationship together where “we” have not been completely honest or maybe forthcoming with each other at least “initially.” To our credit, we do eventually come to a point where we end up in an open and honest dialogue about our relationship and the attendant feelings we have for each other and our expectations and desires for the same. I want to emphasize here that my relationship with you is probably still the most authentic relationship I enjoy with anyone. And I truly feel we are getting better all the time at being more integris with ourselves and thus honest with each other sooner. It is a difficult thing to do; especially when one cares so deeply about the other person and the relationship and it is one that so greatly affects many of the fundamental aspects of your life. We both know the reasons people act the way they do with each other, most of which ultimately some down to fear in one form or another. I don’t need to go into all of that here other than to say I feel that most often it comes down to one of two fears…the fear of rejection and /or the fear of offending or hurting someone we care about.

What I want to point out is that your unending commitment to personal integrity and honesty that make YOU who YOU are! The dictionary defines the words Integrated, Integral and Integrity with some of the following words and phrases: “of or necessary to a whole, combine into a whole, complete by the addition of parts, wholeness, soundness, moral uprightness, unite, unify, bring or put together, bring or come into equal participation in society, etc, rectitude, decency, honor, entirety and totality” I heard a beautiful definition of integrity a week ago that immediately made me think of you…”To be in integrity is to be fully integrated within ones self.” - Acharya Samadarshini

Keith, it is your complete and absolute passion for adding value and making a difference-a real difference- in the live of all those you come in contact with that I see as the true essence of who you are. I have experienced it personally and as your father watched at times with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart as I have seen you struggle to speak and be your truth and bring forth your compassion for humankind no matter the personal cost. Few of God’s children ever come to know themselves or experience their own passion with such fervor. It is truly your gift, to yourself and to the whole of the Divine. It is through the vastness of your spirit and the unwavering determination to leave the whole of God more complete than you found it that makes you one of the men I admire and desire to emulate the most in my life.

I know too, that often our greatest strengths can be or greatest weaknesses and visa versa. You have shared with me some of the unique spiritual experiences you have had that have let you know beyond human understanding the truth of who and what you are AND most importantly the connectedness of all of us. I believe this to be a primary reason you are so passionate about making a difference, creating value for the whole of us…you have experienced it at its core level.

The one caution I would give you is to not let the egoic mind lure you into the falsehood of self doubt and depression. You ARE a powerful, loving aspect for the Divine and you do have a role to play in assisting all of us to find that same integrity within ourselves. Remember the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step and you are not and never have been nor will be alone in your journey. Let go of expectation, recline into the abyss and your gifts will come forth and your desires will be fulfilled and we all shall be better for it. Fear not your own integrity and how it may affect others “eventually” and be in it “initially” for yourself always. That is love…love of self, love of God and love for all others. Believe in yourself, believe in your God, (they are the same as you well know), and come forth and be counted among the leaders of men. That is fulfilling the measure of your creation…that is living Your Soul’s Purpose.

With all my love forever,

Pops



Obleo

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When I was about thirteen, a friend of mine and I wanted to start a rock band…original huh? We had what we thought was the perfect name, “Organized Confusion.” Cool, I know. I wish I could take credit for the name but I was really just along for the ride…after all, my friend was fifteen and therefore by default the expert and the decision maker. Little did I know at the time the profundity of the proposed name for the band that never materialized; we had two slight issues that we just weren’t able to overcome…neither of us could sing or played any instrument.

But, here I am forty years later and the name or “term” Organized Confusion is still an extremely appropriate way to explain the circumstance of my life and I believe life in general for the masses. Although I now realize the perfection in the confusion and though I may not always see the organization or the order in the chaos; I am somehow experiencing a peace within that I have never experienced before.

I have been thinking for some time about picking up my writing again, especially this blog. Where to start? How to make it more of what I am about on the deepest personal level? I mean isn’t that why we blog in the first place, to have a forum to express our own opinions, our personal beliefs and feelings, without having to justify them or listen to the conflicting opinions of others? Not that we really always listen to others anyway. And even that isn’t necessarily a bad thing; in fact I believe it, listening to our self first about what we believe, is a fundamental part of conscious relating in this existent reality we call life.

Wow! Talk about rambling…I guess I'll try and backtrack a little and make some sense of the “confusion” I just created. First though, I need to do something about this headache I’ve given myself.

Where to begin? I guess it may assist the reader to understand some of my basic “religious philosophy.” In truth I don’t consider myself religious any longer though I was raised Christian. Suffice it to say that though I no longer subscribe to the theology I was raised with. I had many wonderful and very spiritual experiences during the years I was a participating member of my particular sect. I have a great love for that church and especially for the people, most of who are truly trying to live Christed lives. Unfortunately we often confuse Christedness with Jesus Christ as though Christ was his name not his state of being-ness. A state that I believe can be and in very fact is shared by us all; and further has nothing to do with religious teachings or secular dogma and belief systems.

Anyway I digress…if I must have a label I would say I’m a Spiritualist. How is it they put it on those singles web sites…”Spiritual but not religious?” The long and the short of it for me is that my journey, “my life’s path”, if you will, has taken different turn. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am more enlightened than I used to be. It’s just simply that my beliefs have changed, shifted if you prefer. I am on a totally new path, for me at least, and I am feeling more peace and greater clarity than at any time in my life. Notice I didn’t say I have more answers. In fact, it seems the greater clarity I experience the more questions I have come up. Still there is a peace deep within that I have never before experienced. Maybe it’s my age; maybe it’s my willingness to be more accepting and allowing. I’ve mentioned in some of my other writings the older I get, the less black and white things are and the more gray I find in life. There seems to me to be fewer struggles in the gray. There are also fewer definitive answers to the great questions of life, yet at the same time there IS a greater recognition and certainty about who I am, or rather who I am not, and what it is I’m doing here in the first place. Hence, the title of this blog, “Organized Confusion.”

I am beginning to find peace and order in the chaos. I am letting go and surrendering to the will of the Divine and “TRUSTING” in the perfection and synchronicity of the Universe. Sri Bhagavan says, “The quickest way out of the abyss is to recline.” I truly believe that. I am experiencing greater personal power and self love for probably the first time in my life, the more I simply let go and let God. What I have realized as I peel away the layers of thought is that there really is beauty in the chaos. When I am in the flow of things and not striving for control and trying to compartmentalize to satisfy the ego’s need to reinforce the illusion of separation, I am actually in harmony, “In sync” if you will, with the natural flow of the Universe. The Universe is ever changing, expanding and thus by definition is in a constant state of flux and change. To my ego and my finite human perspective that seems sometimes uncomfortable, “unstable” as was pointed out by a friend; in short chaotic. And yet that is the very the key to true presence and connectedness to God, The Divine. When I just let go and recline into the abyss and flow with whatever comes into my space, allowing myself to trust the Divine and move with the change, the expansion of the Universe, I too expand. The natural results of my personal expansion are increased trust and ultimately love; the true unconditional (expectation-less, is that a word?) love of the Divine. It is in my trusting this ever-changing flux that I am able to find beauty and perfection in the things that don’t seem to make sense in my life, at least not in the present moment. However, my experience has proved that ultimately everything does end up making sense in as much as it always works out for my best good even though I may not understand or see it at the time. The reason being my obvious attachment to fear of things unknown and perceptions based not on what is true and real in the present moment but based on was true or seemed real at some time in the past. One is not the other. Thus trust comes into play and as I allow myself to move into a space of letting go and just looking upon whatever is happening in the moment with wonder and awe I am always pleasantly surprised and never disappointed because I have trusted in the Divine and let go of expectation. That is love; there is beauty, peace and excitement in the anticipation of letting God do whatever It is going to do. It is going to do so anyway. I may as well get myself out of the way and enjoy the ride. After all, according to quantum mechanics, I don’t even exist .

I don’t have to know all the answers or have it all figured out in advance. That’s just something my ego tells me in an effort to control and compartmentalize. All of which just enforces the illusion of separation. I do however, feel a greater connectedness, more of a sense of “Oneness” with all of everything the more I release my attachment to it. Modern physical science has proven that everything is the Universe is still connected and that no matter how hard I try I can’t extricate myself from any of it anyway. And so the key, I believe, is to learn how to consciously relate. Life is after all about relationships. It has been said that I don’t need to be in relationship with anyone or anything to exist and yet, without relationship to someone or something I do not exist at all. The best way I can describe that is to repeat something I heard this weekend…”there can be no center if there is no circumference.”

It is in this vein that I intend to continue with my blog. That was truly my intention to begin with; to share and dialogue about the great questions of life. I submit that these are only the opinions of one aspect of the Divine, me. And they aren’t conclusive nor are they intended as the one defining answer. They are simply the observations and feelings of one man on his journey home. I both encourage and welcome your thoughts and comments as we continue together down the yellow brick road on our journey to see the wizard and ultimately make our way home. Remember, we all go or no one goes! The great news is we know that some have already made it, so I guess we’re all going!!!!

See you on the other side.

Namaste’,

Obleo

In the present moment duality falls away, paradox disappears and Only God Exists!

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I’m not much of a sports enthusiast really. I just never got into them as a kid. There is however one event that, were it to be considered for the Olympics, I have no doubt I would be a gold medalist. Bawling! More commonly known as crying! Yes, I am chagrin to admit I am a world class Bawl Bat! It’s an old expression one doesn’t hear too much these days but, one with which I became extremely familiar as a boy.

I grew up in an era when it was considered in very poor taste for any male beyond about eighteen months of age to cry. Period! It was never considered okay or acceptable for a man to show emotion of any kind that might indicate any level of sensitivity. In fact it seemed to me, the more difficult or emotionally painful the situation or the stronger and deeper the emotion may run; the less acceptable it was. Oh, feelings like anger and such were not only okay but perfectly normal and in fact somewhat expected. Almost like a right of passage into the world of MACHISMO. One might even become somewhat suspect if they didn’t seem to be quite angry or macho enough. Whatever enough was?

From the time they were toddlers the males in my family were told things like…”Be tough, Be a man, Men don’t cry, Only girls and babies cry, Shake it off, Shake hands, Men don’t hug they Shake Hands, Man up and the list goes on and on!”

Well, to say I was an absolute disappointment to the senior male figures in my life would be a huge understatement. The two most senior were my father and my maternal grandfather. They were two men who not only never did get along but if the truth were told hated each other until death they did part. So here was Dad who thought my Grandfather was an arrogant, ignorant old…well I can’t say that here and keep the content of this blog appropriate for the masses. Then there was Grandpa whom I idolized, who thought my father was a worthless, no good…well lets just say neither of them had a limited vocabulary when describing or referring to the other. And the only thing, THE ONLY THING I ever knew them to agree on was that “I” was a bawl bat! A baby, a boob, a GIRL!

While both my grandfather and father are long since deceased, I don’t think I ever measured up in the macho department as far as either of them was concerned, except maybe one time.

Part of having been raised this way meant NEVER did either of them tell my they loved me, were proud of me or the like. Anything you did or accomplished was expected. After all you’re a man, or at least a reasonable facsimile. Thus no display of genuine affection was to be expected. Nor would it have been allowed, not only not allowed, but truly not tolerated. And that meant giving or receiving.

The situation proved particularly difficult for me because, for reasons I hope to have genetic scientists someday explain, I have always seemed to be deeply emotional. That includes the harsher more macho emotions like anger and the softer more sensitive emotions exhibited by the females in my family. I don’t know why, it just is and I have pretty much come to terms with it. I realized long ago it really has no bearing on my masculinity. At least that is what my dlicate male ego chooses to believe.

That brings me to the one time I think I may have actually reached one of them and touched them on an emotional level. Well not me actually but my eldest child, my son Keith. I had long since decided that the day would come when I was old that I would want to see my children and have them give me a hug and a kiss and hear them tell me they loved me. It gets lonely sometimes when you’re an old man sitting on the porch chewing peanuts with no teeth and thinking about days long past. So I decided then and there my sons would never have to question whether or not I loved them. Nor would they have to feel ashamed for showing their love or receiving mine. So I began hugging and kissing my son from day one and we continue to do so today. Keith is now thirty years old and never do we see each other, in private or public, that we don’t give each other a hug and kiss hello and goodbye. So it is with all three of my sons. None of us would have it any other way.

This brings me back to Grandpa. When Keith was about fourteen months old my grandfather tried to get Keith to “shake hands” when he came over to give him a hug and kiss goodbye. Actually, Grandpa just gently pushed him back a step or two offered his hand and said, “Here shake. Men shake hands they don’t hug.” Keith began to offer his hand in return. To which I replied, “Grandpa, I have taught my son it’s okay to hug and kiss the men in his life like you and I. I don’t want him to ever wonder if he is loved by me, his grandfathers or you his great-grandfather. I would prefer it if he wants to give you a hug and or kiss, that he be allowed to do so. If you are uncomfortable with giving him one in return I understand. But, Grandpa, he’s not a man, he’s a little boy and he doesn’t understand why it’s okay to love Grandma but not you.” Then I held my breath.

To the utter amazement of all present, Grandpa reached down and picked Keith up and said, “I think that makes perfect sense to me.” He then proceeded to give Keith a huge bear hug and several very tender kisses. Now this was no small victory for me. Mind you my grandfather was the ultimate man’s man. You may remember my blog entry titled “How to win a boxing match.”

All went well from then on until one day about two years later. We were at my Grandpa’s house visiting when my Uncle Mike, Grandpa’s second of two sons showed up with his wife Marion and several of their twelve children; including a couple of his sons. We were just preparing to leave when Uncle Mike and Aunt Marion arrived. As was par for the course I told Keith and his sister Audra to tell Grandma and Grandpa Goodbye. True to form they went to their great-grandparents and began to give them a ‘hug and a kiss” goodbye. All was well until Keith went to hug and kiss Grandpa. Obviously embarrassed by such an unacceptable display of affection in front of his son, Grandpa pushed Keith back and said, “What are you doing. Men don’t hug and kiss. Men shake hands…here shake.” He then offered his hand to Keith for only the second time in my young son’s life. Keith was stunned! So were my wife, my daughter, myself and even Grandma. Keith just stood there looking back and forth between my grandfather and me, not knowing what to do. His lip began to quiver and he began to cry and go to his mother.

Other than Keith crying there was an awkward silence in the room. Finally my uncle asked what Keith was crying about. At that point I lost it inside. I kept my cool outwardly but inside I was furious. In a very firm, no bulls**t tone I talked to my Grandpa like I never would have dared before nor did I ever talk to him that way again. I said to him in terms I KNEW he’d understand, “YOU sir are an ignorant, mean, cold hearted ba***rd. You don’t deserve the love and affection of my son nor shall you have it anymore. Never again will you be embarrassed by your eldest great-grandchild because never again will my family or I step foot in your home.” At which point I directed my attention to my son, telling him that, “Grandpa is just a mean old man and I’m sorry I ever told you to kiss him. He doesn’t deserve your hugs and kisses. Come on Dad will give you loves and we’ll go home now.” Sounds melodramatic and probably is but, I learned that too from my Grandpa.

Well upon hearing me talk to HIS father this way, let alone my Grandfather, Mike was up and out of his chair and ready to clean my clock. He would have too, had not Grandpa snapped, “Mike sit down and keep your mouth shut!” Now, everyone was REALLY STUNNED!!! Then without missing a beat Grandpa looked me in the eye and said, “You’re right, I am.” He then reached for Keith and said come here son, to which Keith looked questioningly at me. I nodded and he went to his great-grandfather. My Grandpa then showed me he absolutely knew what it really took to be a man’s man as he picked up my son and began to gently wipe away his tears with his old handkerchief. As he dabbed a Keith’s eyes he spoke so softly to him I almost couldn’t hear. He pulled him close and said, “Grandpa’s sorry. Can you forgive me for being such a stupid old man? I love you son and I’d give you a hug and a kiss any time, any where.” After which he proceeded to hug him tightly for the longest time as he covered my son’s head and face with his big burley kisses.

From that day on until his death, my grandfather always was good to his word with my sons. But only my sons mind you, after all as far as everyone else was concerned, “Men shake hands.” However, my sons and I knew as did Grandpa…”Real men would rather give each other a hug and a kiss over a handshake any day of the week!”

The point of all of this is I’m still far too emotional for my own good but now I have company in my sons. While all them are very comfortable kissing and hugging their “Pops” as they call me; a name started by my oldest and now used by all three boys. (My daughter has her own pet name for Dad but that’s another story for another blog.) Following in my footsteps they are also not ashamed to cry, although none of them are as quick to being a “bawl bat” as am I.

Recently when sharing my feelings about some of the poetry here on WDC with my friend Destinydances, I mentioned that I cried when I read a particular piece. Actually this happens to me often…what I can say but that there are some extremely talented writers on this site. She laughed and told me to remind her never to sit between myself and Candle maker with Inspirations at a chick-flick. I asked if he was a crier, too. To which she gave a BIG THUMBS UP as she forwarded a blog entry of his talking about manly men who cry. As they say, "Misery loves company." And so my esteem for Candle maker shot up a ton on the spot! And I would like to point out to Destiny that, with all due respect, neither Candle maker nor myself remember inviting her to the movies. In fact we’re saving the seat between us for a case of tissues. I don’t even like going to chick-flicks with most women I know. Its really embarrassing coming out of the theatre after a good crying jag and the woman you're with hasn’t shed a tear. Isn't that right, Parris? Go figure?!


I, Obleo
There is no point!

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What follows is a"prayer" of sorts I came across last year at about this time on the Internet. I must apologize to its author for not writing down their name or the title of the piece. I can't even tell you how or where I found it. It was another of the many serendipitous events The Divine has brought about in my life and it has had a profound affect on my life since first I drank in the words you are about to read.

I came across it again today in much the same way as I was cleaning out some old files on my computer. Once again it touched the very recesses of my being as I drank deeply each line and the meaning they held for me. It is a prayer of every desire I could ever have for my life and yours. So to the author I offer my most humble gratitude and say to them and all of Us...God Bless our hearts!

The Prayer-

Alone, in the presence of others, I walk through the waking dream of life. Others see me. At the first sight of recognition, they turn away; for they have forgotten. Together, through the waking dream of Life, we journey. May the clarity of my vision guide your life in grace, for I am a part of you. May my action remind you of your God within, my action is your action. May my breath become the breath that fills your body with life. May my soul become the food with which to nourish and quicken you. May the words from my mouth find a place of truth within your heart. Let my tears become water to your lips. Allow my love to heal your body of the pain of life. In your most healed state, may you remember your most precious gift; your divine nature. Through our time together, may you know yourself. In that knowing, may you find your true home, your God within.




 

This past week a wonderful friend of mine, who is a very accomplished artist in her own rite, came by to visit. It was her first time to my new apartment. As I was showing her around the place she saw my art stuff in the corner of the spare bedroom; just the week prior I had de-junked the room and was getting ready to turn it into a home office/studio someday maybe room. Naturally we started talking art, well actually SHE talked art- I talked wanna be, and I ended up showing her some of what little drawing I had actually done. Mind you I have a fantastic nude of a man and a woman lying entwined in each others arms that she drew in pen and ink, hanging in my living room. It’s amazing! I did say she was quite accomplished didn’t I?

True to form she was very gracious and seemed somewhat impressed with one piece in particular and we talked about the things that both did and didn’t work with that particular drawing. Overall she liked the piece and encouraged me to finish it. I was thrilled!

Additionally, I have a new friend, "L", who is an absolutely beautiful woman both inside and out. I had already been kicking myself for not following through four plus years ago because I really would like to draw her. She has a classic timeless beauty that the world deserves to have preserved for all to see and enjoy. She’s an amazing lady!

The drawing I’m referring to is a portrait or more accurately the beginnings, so I thought, of a portrait of my granddaughter Shandel. One day when I was feeling particularly creative and shall we say artistic, I decided to try one more time to capture Shandel’s essence with pencil and paper. I had tried numerous times prior to then, using a variety of photographs as pseudo models. To say the results were anything less than laughable would be an understatement of epic proportions. They were all however a labor of love.

What has made this blog so incredible for me though, is the awareness I had just yesterday about this particular drawing. As I stated, I had made many attempts to capture my granddaughters sweet personality on paper. I had tried every method I had learned from the few books I did open and study; as well did I seek guidance from my eldest son who is a magnificent portrait artist in his own rite. He works mostly with Prisma’s, (a special colored pencil), and chalk. He has won many a blue ribbon in contests and showings for his portraits since his first as a senior in high school.

I have gridded, I have drawn upside down, and I have gridded upside down. I measured thickness, length, distance, etc. and on and on; all to no avail.

This particular day as I sat down to once again “try” and capture Shandel, I said a little prayer in my heart. I just simply asked God to please help me draw her in such a way that I would be able to see in the drawing the wonder she is to me. I proceeded to prepare my paper and get out my pencils and my grid and began to do what I had always done. As I laid the grid on the paper and reached for my pencil, something inside told me to stop. It was as if a voice inside was saying, “Just stop and let go of what you think you know and simply draw. Draw her like you drew as a child if you want to truly capture her.”

I stopped. With great uncertainty I put away my grid and the myriad of pencils. Then picking up a single pencil, my favorite, I simply began drawing. Freehand! "Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I’m doing this," I thought. Carefully at first I started with the outline of her head. Then something shifted and I just let go. After blocking in the head and hair, I immediately moved to her eyes. Everyone knows the essence of a person is in their eyes. I am sure many a talented artist has felt the frustration of spending hours on a drawing only to have their piece end up with a generic soul for failure to capture what lay hidden within the subject’s eyes. I had felt this frustration many, many times myself.

But, this time was different. This time I wasn’t focused on the grid or the proper technique or even on capturing her essence. No I was just thinking of Shandel and everything she means to me. I was thinking of the indescribable love and joy she has brought into my heart since the moment of her birth. I was there by the way, when she was born, in the delivery room. It was amazing!

I thought of how I’d sing her to sleep as a newborn with “The Christmas Song,” you know it…”chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”. She loved it and I loved singing it to her. I thought of how blessed my life had been to be able to have her and her mother living with me and to watch her growing up. I was thinking about everything; everything Shandel that is and nothing about art. It was glorious!

Then all of a sudden I was called away, something else needed my attention for a minute. I don’t even remember what it was. I do know I didn’t make it back to my drawing that day. In fact I didn’t get back to it for several days. By the time I did finally make it back I allowed myself to forget about simply drawing, from my heart space. I went right into my ego as I started to work on her mouth. I was so pleased with what I had done so far I now had all the confidence I needed to finish and it would be perfect. I forgot all about my prayer a few days earlier. I forgot all about being Shandel’s Pappy. I forgot all about what really mattered. I was being an artist.

Needless to say, try as I might I just couldn’t get the mouth to look right. I erased and began again about five or six times. Finally, I threw down my pencil and left the room angry and frustrated. “How could I have come so close and yet still be so far from where I need to be. I’ll never capture her the way she should be”, I told myself.

I haven’t drawn anything since that day. Until two days ago. That’s when I started to draw my friend’s lips. They are one of her best features. Thus, true to form I started to be the artist again as I began a “Study” of L's lips. I would draw them again and again; from every possible angle until I could do so perfectly almost from memory.

After I finished the first rendering and was admiring my work, I thought, “Not bad for not having drawn at all for two years.” It was then I began thinking of my unfinished drawing of Shandel. In that moment I remembered my prayer, I remembered thinking only of the love I felt for this wonderful child and all the love she had brought into my heart and my life. I remembered simply drawing.

That’s when I knew, absolutely knew that God had given me a gift that day over two years ago when he called me away from my labor of love. I just didn’t realize it until now. You see the drawing is not at all unfinished; it was complete that day. The minute I laid down my pencil to take care of whatever it was that needed my attention was the very minute I had finished drawing my very first portrait. It was complete. Why? Because I had captured the essence of her soul as I had simply drawn her eyes. I just drew and forgot all about being an artist. I was just Pappy, Shandel’s Pappy and it was enough.

Right then I went back and looked at the drawing again and saw what I already knew in my heart. So I am taking my drawing of my sweet little Shandel and I am going to clean off the dirt and dust of the past two plus years and have it framed. I even have a special place to hang it. Right next to a beautiful pen and ink of a man and woman lying together lovingly entwined in each other arms. I think I’ll make it a wall exclusively for art that conveys all the wonderful different kinds of love I have experienced in my life. I can hardly wait to add the drawing of my friend L. My life has surely been blessed.

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A Window to the Soul
by I, Obleo

Oft’ to my love I whispered,
As within my arms she’d lie
This my wish, that but for a moment
God would let her, see her through my eyes.

While true, the wish I had back then
Through Divine Love I’ve now been shown
‘Twas not a gift meant just for us
But one that all the world should know

For deep within the heart of God
There together, all souls reside
Would then all those I meet along my path, Oh God
See their magnificence, reflected in Thine eyes

I, Obleo
There is no point!

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Today is a special blog for me. Okay so they’re all special to me! After all it is “my” blog and “my” opinion, I mean isn’t that why we blog? To have a free forum to say whatever we choose with no one to tell us we are wrong or don’t know what we’re talking about…at least to some degree. Where else can I pontificate with such carefree abandon and get away with it. If someone doesn’t like it or disagrees, they simple don’t read it and go to the next one and the next one and so on until they find one they like or start their own. In the mean time I keep my delicate male ego intact.

However, today is different for me because of the subject matter. In fact I knew I would be writing this yesterday and it has taken me all day today to be able to keep the tears out of my eyes long enough to write what’s in my heart.

Maybe this is where I should pause and thank Bob, Candlemaker , for being such an excellent example of a manly man who cries. Thanks Bob, me too!

You see this is about my very special and only grandchild, Shandel. (I hope my sons and daughter caught the “ONLY” in that last sentence.) Shandel will be ten this coming November. My former spouse and I had the wonderful privilege to have her live with us pretty much since birth. My former spouse still does. Maybe I should have sued my daughter for joint custody, lol.

As I’m sure most grandparents would agree there are few things sweeter in life than ones own grandchildren. It’s kind of like God’s way of saying here’s a bonus gift for sticking it out. Calm down kids, I’m not saying you weren’t and aren’t wonderful too. But, let’s face it, parenting isn’t always easy and it damn sure doesn’t come with a manual; though I’m not sure it would make a difference if it did.

So here’s the thing…about four years ago, before I really started writing I decided I want to be an artist. Lessons were too expensive at the time so I began the arduous task of teaching myself. Besides, I don’t do well with structure, never have. The problem is I wasn’t interested in just any old art, no I was very specific. Yeah, I wanted to become a portrait artist; more to the pint a portrait artist that worked exclusively in pencil or graphite.

The problem with all of this was that not unlike the many momentary obsessions I’ve had through the years, I spent a small fortune on art EVERYTHING! There were of course pencils, lots of them and of every brand imaginable because I had to find out which ones “fit” me best. There were all kinds of drawing aids, drawing boards, drawing tables, drawing lamps, as well as elaborate pencil boxes and on and on. Then there were the art books, tons and tons of books! Before you ask…NO I haven’t even looked at most of them let alone studied them. You see patience has never been a virtue that has interested me much; in fact I find it a rather boring trait. So I just bought everything I could possibly ever need and then set most of it aside, (who has time for instruction anyway), and began drawing.

And, like most of my other “former” passions”…fly fishing, woodworking, archery to name just a couple…I was bored and on to something else before I wore out so much as a single pencil.

To be continued…

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I, Obleo
There is no point!

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It’s Monday morning and I am sitting at my computer contemplating the events of this past two days. I should write something for my blog I think but, what to write remains a mystery. What could I say that would be of benefit to anyone who might read it other than me?

With this thought I am reminded this is usually the case with most of what I write anyway so what’s different today? Writing, for me it seems often ends up being a narcissistic act of self indulgence.

Yet, always when pontificating though pen and ink, (or silicon and whatever and however this computer/internet stuff works. I don’t get it and life's too short for me to care, so long as it does work), I always in my mind feel as though I am speaking to someone other than myself and there is a responsibility to leave that person with something more than they came with. Talk about arrogance.

I wonder if those who really might read what I write see me as self absorbed and self important. I’m really not. If anything the truth is it's easier for me to write if I can carry on the conversation, mentally at least, with someone or something. Otherwise my mind may as well just shut down. If the only one to converse with is me it would be a very short conversation indeed. I’ve been talking to myself my whole life, (now that was profound). Quite frankly I’m beginning to bore me. After all, I already know everything I’m going to say and what my answer will be. Okay, so once in a while I may surprise myself and catch me off guard but after fifty-plus years that doesn’t’ happen near as often as it used to.

I just realized I have no clue where this is going. It surely isn’t what I had in mind when it started. Maybe I've lost that now,too.

Okay, so now I’m bored. I’m just going to end here and leave you with these thoughts…”Just because you’re paranoid it doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.” And, “It is possible to miss someone you’ve never met.”