she insisted I follow behind, retracing her delicate footsteps
her adult shadow let the child-me bathe only in dim left-over light
never knowing  if I faltered, she rarely glanced over her shoulder
her pace remained unbearably quick, steady and forward
my ten-year-old self tried to imitate an old  man, careful and wise
to please her need to see me as a perfect reflection
In the pool of light she cast ahead...
she told me often how much I failed

I never imagined my own ill-timed flight would bind  me in fright

now, I attempt to cast my own shadows on my passing path
to learn from the emptiness of lonely, ill-spent youth
but I will not allow anyone to walk in the shade behind me 
instead insist on an equal footing as we advance side by side
although I have become that old  man -- careful and  wise --
I do not yet know if I am a worthy guide for my own life
nor if any gentle souls will desire a place
to accompany me into my future

but today, as I reflect on her heaven-bound flight, I am free to try


free to try 
[2012.8.1...a]
 

our conversation ends slowly
his voice has become like mellow wine
our words flow like a river
I feel the inebriation of his sparks
but desire only sounds of wisdom

that is what united us
when I was a boy

now I reach out and let my suffering
caress the decades between us
love is a word I rarely utter
death has pounced on my life
and I grieve for understanding

that is what united us
when I was a boy


when I was a boy
[2012.5.2...b]
 

I waited in yesterday's sunlight
for snow break
this morning it falls patiently, calmly
transforming bleak winter landscapes
into a miracle of purity


first fall
[2012.5.2...a]
 

in an hour the wild bird grapevine
will tweet that on the top floor balcony where the sun does not shine
the feeders are filled...
at the same moment, watching their feathered displays
I will enjoy my noon-time meal  


mealtime
[2012.3.2...a]