You know, I have come to notice a difference in my life when I am actively seeking God, and when I am not.

When I neglect my quiet times, reading the Word, praying--I find that I am quick to become angry, frustrated, etc. I find myself thinking I am entitled to stuff that I know that I am not. I feel a lot more guilty about stuff that I shouldn't feel guilty about. My priorities fall all askew and I can loose myself in the unimportant things.

Are you shaking your head, wondering if I'm insane and there is no way a lack of closeness to God can make someone feel like that?

I'm serious. I'm not insane.

The more I bounce back and forth, the more I realize the difference in the lifestyles. The more I slide back, the more I realize how important a relationship with God is. My frustration lies in my inability to keep up with my quiet times, my prayers, and reading the Bible. These are all things I WANT to do, very much so, but things I often put on the back burner...even to stupid stuff like playing Solitaire on the computer.

If I know how good it feels to be in close, constant contact with God, why do I not put those priorities first?

I love going to church. Really, it is the highlight of my week most of the time. That being said, the last time I went to church was about two months ago. It is surprising how many different excuses I can come up with not to go. I don't feel good. Hubby is frustrated, so I should watch the girls. I want to spend time with my family (my husband doesn't go to church with me, and I often leave my toddlers home with him). I need to clean. I am too tired. The list goes on...

Let me make one big confession. I am lazy. And when I am in my entitled state, I think that taking care of two kids, a husband, and a house is the biggest burden in the world and I deserve time to myself to do what I want. And what I want is to not have to focus on anything important. As I make these acknowledgements, it is my prayer that God will take these afflictions from me. That He will send a flood of strength and motivation my way.


 

I know, I know. It has been forever. I can't believe how time flies...even when you're not having fun. Not that I wasn't, necessarily, though there has been about a month total of being sick. Ack. That really bites.

Anyway, so what's been up with me since the last time I journaled here? Well...I'm glad you want to know.

In Sept I went to the American Christian Fiction Writers annual conference in Denver, CO. Let me just say...WOW! It was an amazing experience. I was so inspired and encouraged. I attended several informative workshops, met countless authors, editors, and agents. I even got a request for a full ms from Marcher Lord Press. *jumping up and down* Probably the most informative workshop was the one hosted by Donald Maas based on his book, Writing the Breakout Novel. Yay for learning! Of course now I need to apply everything--revise, revise, revise--and get my novel done to send off! Yay again!

Now I'm looking forward...into October. This month, I think is a personal goal. My goal is to develop a more active prayer life. I pray when I'm asked to or before I go to bed. But there are so many other times when I could pray...and don't. I need to remember to lean on God as I would any friend. Right? So...my goal is to search for opportunities throughout my day to pray.

Good luck to the rest of you!
 

Well, it's August. I don't know how time flies. I'm at a complete loss. lol...

I don't know what my August goal should be. I looked up at my goals for the year and realize that half of them aren't even applicable anymore. Hmmm...

In September, I'll be attending my very first writing conference. I'm so excited! The American Christian Fiction Writers conference in Denver, CO is one of the big Christian writing to-dos of the year. I am so blessed to be able to go. What's more I get to talk with and get to know a wide variety of authors, editors, and agents. I am So looking forward to this.

So, I guess my August goal should be to prepare everything for the conference. Pitches, One Sheets, and polish the novels. My ACFW meetings in Aug and Sept are going to be over this stuff as well, so that will help. Here's my problem: I've got to prepare it for TWO novels. I signed up for Editor and Agent appts with people for both IC and DS. However, I won't find out which ones I get until I get there. I know...smart Raregem. Sheesh! lol... I don't even know why I am going to bother taking IC. After the feedback I've gotten, I wonder if I don't need to rewrite it so that it actually takes the proper form of a suspense novel. We'll see what I get from the conference. Yay!

I need to make a list and stay organized! lol... I did accomplish my July goal of setting a routine. It's been working and I've really been getting things done. At least with my writing...now if that organization would just flood over into my cleaning. *sigh* I guess we can't all be perfect. Speaking of which...my mom will be here tomorrow and I can't let her see my house looking like this. I'd better do some cleaning pronto!
 

As the month rolls to an end, I look back in contemplation. I really don't think I've accomplished that much this month. But hten I consider that half of the month was vacation. And then I feel much better.

Actually, with this last two weeks, I've put into motion several things to contribute to a semi-normal routine. The girls have started "school". For an hour a day (usually set up in incraments), we do stuff to build a foundation in reading, writing, math, and basic concepts...oh and art of course!. They have loved every minute of it so far. I am loving it so far. It is great to see how talented my girls are (in this mom's totally unbiased opinion). lol...

Cleaning schedule is sorta, kinda coming along. It'll be more effective when I take this darn laptop up to the office and leave it there! lol... I can waste so much time on it during the day. Sad...

Now if I can just figure out a writing schedule that will satisfy both me...and my husband, we'll be good to go! lol...
 

Here's my latest post on my off site blog on beginnings:

http://faithhopeandsuspense.blogspot.com
 

I am back!

Yes, we can party down now. The Raregem has returned, full throttle. I am full of pep, and spark, and motivation. Yay!

A vacation was just what I needed. I got to spend time with family, get away from everything...it was just wonderful.

Our trip was nice. We got to see both sides of the family. The grandparents got a kick out of the girls, of course. We went to the zoo, played minerature golf, went shopping, and traveled a total of about 34 hours in the truck. Yikes! Fun stuff.

The girls were great during the road trip...much better than I expected. They didn't get too cranky until about 2 hrs before we got home. But what do you expect trying to drive 17 hrs in two days?

During the vacation, hubby and I discussed several things that we'd like to change in our lives and in our daily routine. So my goal for the latter part of July is to do just that...start implementing those changes. Some of them are reinforcing things we'd already decided to do, but slacked off (like not eating fast food or pizza), others are new (like trying to work in an hour of "school time" in a day). Alana is three, she can start learning to write her letters and numbers, stuff like that.

Anyway, it's good to be back. I missed you guys!
 

As many of you already know, I've kind of taken a break from everything this month. I was getting to a real bad place in my life and needed to take a step back and refocus. Things are better...or, well, getting there. I'm not nearly as frustrated and stressed as I was before. Which means less snapping at my husband and the kids. The house is looking good and I'm actually getting some sleep.

However, writing hasn't started back up yet. I realize that finishing DS this month was insane and it's not going to happen. I'm hoping and praying that I'll have the motivation to finish it before the ACFW conference in Sept. Yikes! That's a lot of pressure, but I'm sure I can do it. I KNOW I can, I just have to focus.

Next Monday, we leave for vacation. A cross-country road trip to visit both sets of parents. Everyone is really excited. I know our parents can't wait to see the grandkids. My mom hasn't seen them in over six months, and his parents haven't seen them in...um...over a year? Wow! Crazy stuff.

Well, I'd better get going. Lots to do and I'm not "supposed" to be on WDC. hehehe...
 

This is a really bad month for this goal...but I have to do what I have to do.

My goal is to finish the rough draft of Dividing Spirits.

How far into it am I? 10K

I know, I know...it's going to feel like NaNoWriMo...only worse. I have 80K to write, approximately. I don't know how I"m going to do it...I'm freaking out. No idea how I'm going to make this work in the midst of hubby being gone til the 12th, review frenzy in the YA workshop til the 14th, and vacation starting the 27th. Hmmm...maybe I'll extend the deadline to July 11th and take the novel with me and finish it while at the in-laws. Hmmm...

I may be setting myself up for failure...but, I'm going to be positive about. I CAN do this. I WILL succeed...Frankie, keep me in line. Lisa, please bug the living daylights out of me. Kenga...don't be afraid to drop me a line to see if I'm on track. *gulp* 30 days to write 80K, that's like 3.5K.

Wish me luck!
 

I had a revelation this week. The revelation was both upseting and inspiring. It's kind of personal, so I won't go into it here. But I justed wanted to say that there are going to be some personal changes in my life. Thank you chicochica for letting me talk it out. It helped so much to reach out and talk to someone who not only understood, but really just let me talk.

Anyway, since talking to my friend, something clicked inside and I'm looking forward to some positive changes in my attitude and life. God really does work miracles, no matter how big or small.

This month everything kind of fell to the wayside, but that's going to change. June is a new month and I am excited for all the potential it has. Yay!
 

In my effort to learn more about suspense writing (since that's what I write), and my desire to share what I learn, I've started a new blog.

http://www.faithhopeandsuspense.blogspot.com

Please stop by and let me know what you think!