Hello my sunny pals,

Do you ever experience growing pains? You know that funny feeling you get when your mind opens up and you try new things? This whole year has been an experience of growth. I started my Internship so unsure of myself. I knew I wanted to be a counselor. I just didn't know what it was going to look like every day.

At my site I had a pretty rough beginning and many times I wanted to leave and quit. I am so proud of myself for not leaving. I am glad that I allowed myself to get used to something new and different. If it wasn't for my school friends and my kids support, I know I would have given up! Having good support is what it's all about.


I think I am gonna love my new life because I know now what it takes to be a professional counselor and I know that I won't ever stop experiencing growing pains.

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

Here and now is where I need to be. I need to be living in the moment. I need to accept myself in this state of change. I have to drop all this nonsense about the future. I have to be happy right now. Right HERE!

I have the life I want. I am living my dreams. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing.

It's a good day!

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

I have to find a way to heal my life. I have another one of those darn colds. It started with a cough and it won't go away! I haven't been getting enough quality sleep. I know that I need to worry less and take better care of myself!

It seems as if I am putting everything before me right now. Not a very smart thing to do. If I don't take care of me, who is going too?

I need a counselor. I need to get back into therapy so I can handle the holidays. I am starting to feel/think some pretty unrealistic thoughts about the holidays and how I am going to handle them. Last night in family therapy Beth told me to not bring "my stuff" into the family and let the holidays play out. Don't over plan or think about it.

It sounds so easy but I am not an easy gal. I do think about it. I am disappointed that Brian's family have changed their holiday plans. I don't know how I am going to feel this year when I don't get out my own holiday decorations. Actually, I am kind of relieved. I don't have time for the fussing of the holidays. I just want to bake some cookies and watch some old movies. I want my family to be happy.

If my family is going to be calm and happy then I have to lead the way. Like I said I need to heal my life!

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

You know I only use that opening life for Christopher. I know he isn't even here anymore but he liked it, so I kept it. Why do we keep some things? Why is it hard to let go of the little stuff?

I like to be a very organized person. I feel if I clear out the clutter then my mind is open. However, I am starting to worry about the things I have to clean out and go through.

A house build on love and trust. Each room decorated with my personality. Each room has pieces of my love. What do I take with me and what do I leave behind?

I already have the important things. I carry the love inside me. So I know it's just the "little stuff" why do I let it bother me?

Maybe someday it won't!

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

I was asked a hard question yesterday..."What do I need?" It was my supervisor making sure I am not over-doing it. She wants me to protect myself. She is concerned that I am taking on too many clients at the end of my Internship. I should be winding down and not seeing new clients.

It sounds like a great plan but I was asked to see a new client and now I am not sure. One part of me is open to the idea and another part of me just wants the next three months to fly by with little work.

Yeah, I know that is not going to happen. I have to stay strong and finish with my head held high. I can do this!!!

I know it.

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello Sunshine,

I was having such a nice day until the phone rang.

My sister called to tell me, my cousin Kitty died last night. She never woke up this morning and she was only in her sixties. I am sad. I am getting this horrible feeling like life is passing so fast. I love all my family but I take such little time to tell them.

I LOVE YOU!

My heart is heavy,

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

What is your idea of the perfect weekend? I am in the process of experiencing one. On Friday I got to hang out with my kids, on Saturday I watched college football and went out that night and now it is Sunday, sunny and I am at a coffee shop studying with more friends. Plus, I am also meeting my girlfriends later for dinner. Yeah this is about as perfect as weekends get.

I have to focus my attention. I have to spend time with my friends to balance my work life and making jewelry is a major stress reliever. Of course, Brian thinks I am using the jewelry as a distraction from studying. He is so sure that my priorities are off target. Just more proof that he has no clue about who I am and what's important to me.

I haven't worked my butt off for the last three years to blow it now. I am so close to my goals, I don't think adding something creative to the mix is going to hurt me. I know I have to pass the state exam. I know that I have to finish school. I know that I am smart. I know that I have to work hard to get what I want. I have learned that the best way to get through all this is to find inner peace.

I have to be at peace with myself. I have to share my talent. I have to have an outlet away from school. Yes, I care for my kids. Yes, I play with my dog and clean house etc etc...You know all those duties that will be with me forever.

I still need to have something that is uniquely me. When I was writing poetry I felt such peace. I haven't been able to write so the next best thing is creating pieces of jewelry. One of a kind creations. I love my jewelry. I love playing with beads. I love that I am finding balance in this crazy time of mine.

Life is good and this is a perfect weekend. I hope you find your inner peace!

Love,
Michelle


 

Hello my sunny pals,

Do you ever feel like your family is hard on you? I stay a decent amount of distance from my family and I like it. I don't share what is going on with me personally. I seem to get along better in life if I don't listen to 9 other opinions.

However, I do on occasion send an email. I wrote to my family about Jackson and all I got back from most of them is that I didn't talk about myself? Really? You really want to know how I am doing? Do I ever receive an email from you? Do you ever pick up the phone and call me?

No, and I understand. I am busy. Your busy...Whatever...

Why, then can't you just accept that I am who I am? I don't have anything to share. I am still in school. I am divorced and living with my ex. I keep busy with my crafts. I stopped writing poetry but will come back to it when I can. I am starting a new life.

I am adjusting to changes that are huge. I am making the best of it.

I am happy!
Love,
Michelle
 

Hello Sunny Pals,

My boy made it home safely from camp. His favorite part was the zip line and hanging out with his classmates. I Love it!!!! Nothing makes me happier when my kids are in a good place.

Wow, do you ever feel like living in the moment is what it's all about?

I am living each moment wide eyed and in awe. I am doing things that I have always wanted to do. I made a huge commitment yesterday with my friend Jennifer. We are opening a craft booth at a craft store. I am going to sell my jewelry and my book and she is going to sell her handmade switch plates. It's a fun little adventure!

I have to seriously get busy making inventory! I am going to work hard and put an awesome display together!

Life rocks!

Love,
Michelle


 

Hello Sunshine,

I love Thursdays! I love knowing I have a day to myself. I might be selfish but I need it. All week I listen. I put myself in other peoples heavy boots and on Thursdays I get to take my shoes off and run wild.

I am meeting Jenn early today and we are going shopping before school. I need a little retail therapy. No, I don't have any money to spend but I dream and pick out all the things I would love to have. It's not as fun as purchasing but it's the next best thing.

I am still on cloud nine over Jackson going to camp. I don't even have the words to describe my pride. It's so deep.

Life is good!
Love,
Michelle
 

Hello Sunshine,

He made it!

My boy is on the bus and on his way to camp! I have no idea what he has planned or what he is going to be doing. I really don't care! All I know is that my boy is going to be gone for a couple nights and Brian is out of town so that leaves me and my girl.

I can't wait to spoil her. I am going to take her out to dinner, maybe even sneak in some shopping or something fun. I am so lucky to be the mom of two wonderful kids. I can't believe how well my life is turning out.

Hard work and change...It's all good!

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

It's my favorite month! I don't like the cold weather that comes with November but I do like Thanksgiving and my birthday. Those make up for the cold and frosty mornings.

I have some small plans with my gal pals. I wish I had more dates lined up. I want to fill-up every day this month with something special.

I am so excited for Jax. He is going to 5th grade camp. He said he never would go but having a new male teacher this year is helping. He has decided it won't be so bad after all. It's going to be cold and yucky out but I will make sure he has the right clothes to wear and that he packs extras. I am just amazed at how far he is moving right now. How he seems to be adjusting to change. He is getting it.

I am so proud of him.

Life is good!
Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

I wish you a very Happy Halloween. May all your candy be sweet and your tricks be funny!

Have a safe and fun day!

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello Sunshine,

I am taking my girl to the movies today. It's going to be so nice to get out and do something with Savanna. Of course, I have all my normal chores today but we are taking a small break to have some fun.

What are you doing for fun today?

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

Do you like payday? I know I am going to LOVE it!

I can't wait to see a paycheck with my name on it. To actually see hours worked and how many taxes are being pulled out. I don't care what goes into a 401k plan, I just want a paycheck!!

It has been over 13 years that I have had a paycheck. I am ready to get paid for half of what I am worth. No paycheck could ever pay me what my true value is. I am a priceless person and I know it.

I just want to make enough to live on. To have a place to live and cover my bills. I got my first installment today from Friend of the Court. It is not much but it feels like millions. It is awesome to know that finally I am going to have some funds to support my kids.

Life is good!
Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny friends,

My plans aren't going to work out. I guess I am not going to NJ in the summer! I know I am going to have to come up with some other great plan to get away. I don't want to be around town in August. Heck, I don't even want to be around town now. lol

I know were I want to go...
I know how I could get there...
I wonder if I can make it happen?

Positive thoughts bring positive actions....let's see what develops...

Love,
Michelle


 

Hello my sunny pals,

Do you ever lack motivation?

I seem to be lacking massive amounts right now. I know I have things to accomplish. I know I have to keep active and stay involved in my own life, but right now I feel like taking a three month nap.

You know wake up just in time to get a job and move out.

All this waiting for life to happen is getting old.

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello Sunshine,

Do you feel loved? Are you cared for? Do you get what you want out of life? I am not always on top of my game, but recently I have been doing a better job of self-care and that includes spending time writing.

Along time ago, long before I kept a blog, I kept a journal. I loved it. I loved writing every day. I liked the inner dialog I spent with myself. I also liked that I could say just about anything. I didn't have to worry about spelling and I sure as hell didn't care about anyone reading it.

I wonder at times why I still keep a blog and not a personal journal. I mean I do keep several journals. I have one in almost every room in my house and I carry one in my purse.

Something changed. I changed when I started sharing my words here. Writing.com made me realize that I could share my thoughts out loud. That no matter what kind of criticism I received it still didn't stop me from believing I had something important to say. That my thoughts could reach others. That I wasn't alone.

As long as I can, I will keep a public blog because it keeps me balanced. It improves my self-care and it allows me to share, and maybe just maybe I will get back in touch with the poet I truly am.

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello Sunshine,

Do you like Monday's? I like getting my week started so if it has to be Monday's I am okay with it. I guess any day would be fine.

It's funny that I had to go to school with Jackson this morning. I wanted to talk to his teacher but he has the day off. Oh well. I will catch him through email.
Imagine our parents trying to catch a teacher through email? I don't think so.
My parents barely came to teacher conferences. I am pretty sure they would have found a way not to have Internet. My parents were not involved in my education and it can explain why I don't feel like I had a very good one. I was passed on personality and not brains.

I think because of that I have a hard time pushing my kids to over-work in school. I want them to do well but I am not crazy about 6 hours of homework after school. I think if they were suppose to learn it, they have 8 hours in school. I am old fashioned when it comes to this topic.

I am sticking with old fashioned and not lazy. lol
I just think that childhood goes really fast and I want my kids to have some fun. I don't remember homework until I got into High School. Now they give homework in first grade. Too early!!

Oh well, I have to get busy. I have to de-flea the house. Come up with some kind of dinner for tonight and go to a meeting at my Internship. Oh and I have to finish laundry and get some exercise. Yeah, who has time to run down a teacher?

Love,
Michelle
 

Hello my sunny pals,

What do you want to know?

I am feeling better. My dog has fleas. Brian is in a grumpy mood and Jackson won't do his homework.

Sometimes I find parenting and being a mom a pain in the butt. I don't care if it's not sweet to say. I believe it. I think that mom's have the hardest job in the world. I thinking "growing" and "teaching" another human being is hard work!

Parenting is not for wimps.

I best get busy and start teaching Jackson the magic of doing his homework. I just have to go outside and find him!

Love,
Michelle

What's new with you?