I've had a great time here. A very comfortable start, and I learned a lot. Now, I'm off to my next venture.
 

It sounded like a wonderful thing to me. No. Actually in the beginning, it didn't. I didn't know what it was, it sounded cryptic, and everyone I knew who was young and into the latest buzz was talking about it.

I ignored it, knowing it had nothing to do with me.

But it did. And it does. And without my knowing, I had discussed in detail the need for exactly such a thing.

But NOW, i'm uneasy. It's so much easier to be transparent here. Nobody really knows me. No body really reads these. Though I find myself sensoring them more and more where i had wanted to be as free as I was when I journaled on paper.

With Facebook, though, i'm connecting with people all over my life. And that's very scary. There are people with whom I have unresolved issues. People that I think don't want to be in touch with me because I remind them of a time they'd rather not acknowledge. While I understand that people are that way, especially those people i'm close to (or was close to), it just feels like rejection and I FEEL bad.

I cannot translate this into "I am not whole with out the acceptance of these three." But i'm not all the way there. I have the tools. I know the knowledge, I guess its just having to grieve relationships lost.

It can feel so lonely being me.
 

Its early a.m. This has been a good.
I'm learning and growing.
I'm in a different place.

This site, wdc, has become much more to me.
Just in the time I've spent these weeks
There's little I cannot do.

I get to play, and write all day,
My work, reviews, and thoughts.
I write. I read. Investigate, what else I can do here
I email authors behind the works,
and now and then a friend.

I go here every waking day.
Much like I went to work.
But like in work back then
I stretch my wings and fly
as far as my imagination can take me.

this is my new work, for here I play all day.
Here, I get to play hard. Do all I want to do:
Read, write, review. Make up new things. Explore the site.
Earn gift points which give me some measure of my interaction with others

And then there's the unexpected.
That I would learn about myself.
The inner parts of me. Its such a self-discovery
I find myself
In
A different place.

This is a place I long to be
With artist who do things different than me
Some I like. Others not so much.
I'm still not sure what to think of the various things I read.

I really go there with the author.
Or I go there when I can.
Sometimes I have to come back
Leave that author in the sand.

It's not a judgment so much as it
is more than I can stand. I'm glad they're part
of the community I am.

I never like when all's the same.
Diversity's my middle name
I keep this very silent though
To distance me from then.

I'm new to this community
and many others then
because I've never socialized
Have hardly had a friend

Except romantic episodes
I've stayed within my life
I venture out now with you all
Freedom is my life.
 

Good morning. Its awesome to be here. I'm just getting my legs under me, so it may take a minute for me to figure out how this all works. I'm on staff now as one of the uniquesfire.com writers and I am excited about that.

I have goals I'm working on. We're going to brainstorm projects later on today, but my goal is to get as close to doing 25 quality reviews in a day. I'm not sure how much time that's going to take. It often takes me a bit to massage my words into easy flowing works of art. That's how I see almost everything.

I'm happy to finally have the freedom to become the writer I've always been.

I think I will look for the newspaper article where I was pictured in the Washington Post as a member of a our neighborhood library's Maryland Crabs, a group of fifth through eighth graders who read books and talked about what they thought of them. I could never find the time to read all the books then. As a matter of fact, it seems I only read a few. I remember feeling badly about that, but I couldn't seem to find books that held my interest.

Here, at least the addition of being able to easily communicate with the author what how I felt as a reader is motivation enough. The auto rewards are an especially nice added adventureI'm also looking forward to increasing the range of material I read.

All in all, I'm excited. I see a lot of potential as a reader and writer on this site. I'm also looking forward to getting reactions to my music through this site. I haven't worked that out yet; my lack of gift points before this has been a hindrance to my awarding auto-review points. Also, since I wanted the widest range of reviews, I had to change the intro in my draft song, High in Savannah to remove the word, "dang" and then I figured I needed to reconsider whether "high" was going to be seen as drug related. I will ask about that when I resubmit it for rating change.

Wow, this entry has taken my almost 40 minutes to write. I'm going to have to get better and faster at this. Its okay though. This is all new to me...all except the writing part, and will get my time management worked out as I go along.

So long, happy people. I'm off to read and review!

 

Where you been? Oh, i've been around. Been working on the first of two secret projects. Wow... that's mysterious. No. not really, but guess it could sound that way. No. Let's have it BE mysterious. It works better that way.

So, I busted out the gift points the other day. I was really proud of myself. And I so enjoyed the experience and learned so much. I learned still more today when I responses to my reviews. That was a blast!

I just love this community even though you guys have no idea who i am right now. Still love it! Home at last. Like being in my own little library ...and the library of others.

Man, I read some really scary sh... the other night. My partner and I read some erotic horror... WON'T be commenting on THAT! I have to say. The piece we read was actually very good. It was well written, and though a little awkward in the beginning with the descriptions of the main character, and near the end with the description of the making of a tool to be used, it was very interesting. Horrifying, but interesting nonetheless.

But I couldn't help but find myself wondering how a person could come up with that story without being really twisted. I'm not meaning to judge, i just have no idea how that happens. In my little possibly-oblivious world, I think only an axe murderer can give graphic descriptions on how to murder with an axe...or someone who has devoted time to thinking about the intimate details of such a thing.

Is this not the case. Please writers of erotic horror, help me out. Well, i mean with understanding, ...from a distance, though. It was funny. I was actually scared by the thought that the writer might know who i was and that s/he was some creepy soul, putting his/her fiendish little thought anonymously on the web, and then suddenly, I understood (or THOUGHT i understood) why there are as many as 2600 users logged in at 4:30am! Oh no! I belong to a community of sexual heretics! It was a fleeting fear, for some how, I found some strange comfort in the fact that this may actually be what the first amendment is all about. I was both relieved for the freedom and frightened of it as well.

And yes, I understood once again, what makes people choose narrow-mindedness because fear can really take you there if you don't get a grip on yourself.
 

I had a lot of different opinions about how I wanted to approach reviewing. When I left here, it was to go listen to you talk to me. I did that. It was nice.

Because it was in written form, though, and because one WRITES reviews, I couldn't just concentrate on "listening," but also on what was helpful to say about the experience I was having sharing someone else's experience through their writing.

Like that there. That is p-poor writing. really. i know it. just like i know i'm supposed to capitalize eyes and start sentences with capital letters. But its hard, you know. For me, it is. And, I am a dyed-in-the-wool finicky-ass writer who used to be so the stickler for grammar and form and all that.

What are we supposed to do now that we live in an age of 160 characters or less. I am a talker. I have (as i'm sure you've seen) a LOT of stuff to say. I try to keep it to a minimum, but I'm bipolar and live just at the edge of mania MOST of the time. I did that long before they called it bipolar. (I noticed the other day, that my mood swings used to happen over a year. Like, age 14: Good year! Age 15: BAD ONE!!! Crying in the basement, scared to go to college, all that b.s. I don't know. I'm rambling.

Anyway, I have to learn to review honestly, concisely, and well. Maybe, one day, I'll look back at this and say, wow. remember when I was struggling with those issues there.

We can hope.
Naw, we know.
 

I don't really know if this is what this is "supposed" to be like. Yeah, like there are supposed to's. I was reading the Dryer and the Rope. I think I listed it under the wrong blog. Who knows. 15 years ago, I didn't know anything about the internet and couldn't grasp the concept of a "chat room." A what? Now, I'm "blogging," and still trying to get it right.

Anyway,the reviews. I learned a lot. Ya know, I guess the problem I'm having (that damn dog upstairs is barking), is that I see a blog like this -- what goes on inside my head, as sort of stream of consciousness. Everybody needs it, but NOBODY should read it. Yeah, I know. So why do I have it here as my main blog. Just like the drop down part. Helps me remember to keep it short. ...not that it looks like its helping, does it.
 

You know I missed you right? I better get off this "phone." My mother might read this! Ya know, that's what I struggle with. When does being me and being true to myself become secondary to the concept I have of what it means to "honor your father and mother?" I think, "Does waiting until after she dies" (sorry. ...but she will. die, you know) suddenly give me the space to be who I am?

And I wonder, "how is that really any different than just tryin' na "do it behind her back?'" Not "it," but living my life--some way she doesn't approve--behind her back. But I'm over 18 and ask nothing of her.

Those things done in secret will still be revealed openly, so I ain' gettin "away" with it anyway. Anyway, (and Ima tell it) Nope. EP's calling. gotta go.
 

I lost 2.2 pounds today. I finally got off that 191.6 and made it to 189.4.

Wow. They say fish is brain food. I mean food for your brain. I'm eating some right now. I'm having Tilapia and eggs. Domballa Ewido. Don't know. It just came to mind. Don't even know how to spell it correctly. Anyway, I do go on don't eye.
 

When I was little...my father came down the stairs while i was playing in the basement, and I was walking back and forth on the green bench Granddaddy had made for Mommie, and I was preaching. Yeah, even then chile. And I was reading the bible to them and telling them that we wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with powers and principalities and SPIRITUAL WICKENDNESS in high places. And I noted to my dolls -- which inCLUDED Robin, the rough-looking boyish-looking doll that nobody seemed to like. she didn't fit doll kind of appeal. she was just there. You couldn't really comb her hair. I used to part it on the side. it was straight, but it was well i can't describe it, but my hair gets that way when I cut it too close.

I do that sometimes when I start to feel crazy. Its like there is too much hair on my head and I have to get the clippers and cut it right then. Off. Cut it off. There...

But you think you're relieved. Nope. Shouldn't be. Wait til someone else sees your hair. I'm thinking, "Whew!" Thank God for THAT!. Now, I don't have that Sh on my head ANY more!" Then here you come. "Ohhh my God. What did you do to your hair? You cut it... Oh, baby. What happened."

Yeah, its like that.

Anyway, now I don't remember what I noted to my dolls.

Oh. Oh yeah, I noted to my dolls that this was NOT spiritual "weakness," as some say, but wickedness. That means the wickedness, not fantasaical wickedness, wickedness like the stuff that has always been done, but that is now being brought to light about how we take advantage of one another and how scheming the rulers of darkness are, and there's a war going on. We are not wrestling with the PEOPLE that are doing those awful things, it is wickedness in the spirit world. So you tell me is there more than one?