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| Under the Radar bababababababababababababababab | | by: | This item requires reviews with ratings.
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| Item Size: 184 Entries
Created: 1:40am on 04-13-2009
Modified: 12:24pm on 03-21-2010 | |
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I will change UtR's Intro Page on the 13th of every month. (**except for holidays**)
 ![another picture mommie [#1576408]
More pix to use whenever needed](http://imgsx.writing.com/main/images/action/display/item_id/1576408.jpg)
Stealthmode Muslim women!
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I've a wagon load of opinions on nearly every subject and I seem to gather enough steam occasionally to instigate a debate if the subject stirs me.
I have super-low tolerance for stupidity, child, senior and animal abusers, smelly old men who come on to any female and last but certainly not least, Criminal Politicians. 
I am a Christian, NOT perfected by any stretch.
Come on in, read, agree, disagree or just shake your head, I welcome your thoughts, all peoples, all nations, always. 
My Blog |
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A forward from my bud in Nevada:
Subject: Fwd: Brazilian Story
The Dept of Defense briefed the president this morning. They told President
Obama that two Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's surprise,
he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in
tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just how many is a Brazilian?"
This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion
or trillion, either.
You know that's funny 
The below is facts not fiction, in a nutshell really, you might be interested.
http://www.prophecynewswatch.com/2010/January28/2813.html
This is a warning -
Don't grumble about not be WARNED regarding the following sensitive subject matter.
I am now 58 and did not know this and I'm wagerin' that MANY of you ladies who are now reading this, didn't either!  I like learning things, especially about my ahem, uh, the Queen and her court!
The following is about our wonderfully and fearfully made bodies. I stumbled on this highly clinical web site and found a debate on the G-spot. Some doctors say it's a myth - there's no such thing, other doctors say that all women don't have them. (I see a poll on the horizon)
Anyhoo, the following excerpt answered my question about the fluid released during our orgasm . . . is not urine but a secretion from some glands we have in the region. I'm empowered now!
Read and educate yourself - send me a private email or what-the-hell, comment right here, nobody will tell!
Once the G-spot is stimulated to the point of swelling, the peeing feeling usually subsides, perhaps giving way to pleasure. For some women, G-spot stimulation triggers the release of fluid from the Skene’s glands in the urethra, usually at orgasm.
Well I KNOW that MANY of you females have been hereby and suitably informed.
 & & 
Cheek  ES for the Ladies and  EE handshakes for the Gents!
YET ANOTHER PSA FROM "Under the Radar" 
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the United States Constitution and something/someone is bound to put the hand brake on. Watchdog groups and Constitutionalists are already drafting the extensive paperwork necessary to combat this Congress' blatant disregard for the will of "We the People".
Like Miss Betty Davis once said in a movie;
"Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night" - Margo
(Bette Davis), All About Eve (1950)
& & & & & & &
What if, on the actual voting day, when the votes are actually counted, they, (the Admin) gets the surprise of their careers. The vote would reflect a sound defeat - how would Obama and Company get the defectors' egg off their faces?
Dang - I would LOVE that change of conscience, right there in the congressional chamber. How would that be? May the spirit of our founders/framers assault the actions of the sitting politicians and shame them into doing the HONEST thing for our country.
Next major legislation will be Immigration - and it WILL PASS
Yes Betty, Americans are anticipating many "bumpy nights".
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of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and the Comforter, the Holy Ghost are my medical team. I'll place my trust in those three to take care of me. 
Might I suggest some active participation in the love letter He left for ALL of us?
I guess more serious curiosity comes to us at a later age if we haven't been instructed in the disciplines of a Christ-centered life from an early age. This discipline must be balanced with outward expressions of love and acceptance, or you'll quite possibly create a socially inept human who never explores his own soul. Tsk! Tsk! - The tragedies we befall upon each other, with a ruthlessness that makes it all sooo creeeeeeepeeeeeee. 
A Spanish-speaking woman simply broke down today in the pharmacy all because I had on the same dress she had given her recently deceased sister, that the hospital
was complicit in her wrongful death. She first said she'd be on the news tonight, to look for her! I'm thinking uh oh at first, then my number was called and I left the reception area.
I thought about what all she had said, been through and lost and all because of my dress, there was something here for me, but I didn't know what to do. I got my scripts and hurriedly left the building in search of this peroxided Mexican woman with the prettiest aqua colored eyes I've seen in a while.
I saw a bumper moving in reverse that had Jesus stickers on it, I knew before looking that it was she, I tapped lightly on her window and she was on the phone. I indicated that I wished to speak to her if she didn't mind. She motioned for me to please wait a minute, so I did. Tears streaming down one cheek as she wiped the right cheek's tears away.
As she remained seated in the car, I reached slowly through and touched her upper arm lightly and patted her reassuringly that He knows the pain that remains in her heart and He can give her victory over that pain. As I offered up prayers for her breakthrough she was still in talking mode about all the snafus and inconsistencies of life, hers in particular.
I kept up my petition without acknowledging her ill-timed rant. As I concluded, she
was still talking, eyes puffy and face blotchy, mouth contorted into a pitiful scowl but she thanked me and Tam and drove slowly away.
That woman has a tormented soul and I knew it. I hope Pam allows the Jesus she supports on her bumper stickers to give her victory over the chaos and confusion in her own life.
People are in more emotional pain than ever before. More anxiety, personality disorders, nervousness, and the most dangerous one, unresolved anger, scary stuff Readers, just the mechanics for the Hollywood machine - churning out the disaster films, the conspiracy films, doomsday scenarios and prophecies from all manner of men.
So I would suggest to you that there is, without a doubt, money to be made from the ones that proclaim a celestial knowledge of these dark force minions who will at some appointed time, bring even worse conditions to bear. Stick with their particular group and be spared - if you dare
Every action and reaction seems crucial, like an International Chess Game. Except here are no timers on either side. 
Getting right with our Creator is a no-brainer - Look around you, REALLY LOOK AT THOSE AROUND YOU - we're becoming that animal that we said couldn't happen, and it's all so gradual that no one seems to notice any "movement" or that social change has been generated.
Talk about D E N I A L ?
I'm sleepy and want to stop bloggin' now - Have a memorable day ALL DAY tomorrow.
Night-Night,
Sleep Tight 
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Subject: Fwd: FW: artful insults - not new, amusing nonetheless
To: Readers of Under the Radar
Date: Tuesday, August 4, 2009, 4:03 PM (Yeah, you caught me cleaning out my emails.  )
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to four-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said,
"If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." My, my.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
Honesty, sooo refreshing, like real lemonade, made with fresh lemon, real sugar and tap water.
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." -
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
Yeah, sometimes those pearl-type quips slip right past the offending 1.bore 2.boar  (take your pick )
Check out the following free offer for Dunkin' Donuts coffee
http://www.dunkinathome.com/blog-tag.aspx
A whole week has passed - sooo fast.
See ya' 'round the place, maybe.
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Back to catching Readers up with my life such as it is,
Feb. 4th - Tam's 42nd birthday. I got her a pedicure and she danced around all day with pretty toes.
Feb. 5th - I'd had it with these apartments jacking with the hot water for the umpteenth time, so I wrote a simple note which simply read:
When are yall gonna quit messing with our water?
Respectfully Apt. #33
It was cold, very cold in Houston for most of the month, anyway, that day started our chillbumps in earnest as a gas leak had been detected but the gas company could NOT find it. Then the City of Houston found evidence of stolen power from MANY apartments.
The owner was instructing the maintenance men (one in particular) to wire into legitimately paying residents so the power could be spread around the compound. The new word on that is Obamaicity. The back sides of these apartments looked like massive spider webs and our power was hacked into as well. Sheet! and  !
When it was discovered that major power theft had been going on for a LONG time, then it was discovered that the free cable that residents were receiving as part of their rental package had not been paid for by the owners for YEARS!
So the property went into receivership with the manager and maintenance men arrested and put in jail. One maintenance man, brother to Tam's neighbor Rosy, was arrested for having no identification in addition to the theft of power. It was later charged that he resisted arrest, which is a blatant lie, there were witnesses that saw the whole thing as it happened. We believe that because Rory refused to "snitch" about whom all was involved in the joint venture, he is being "rehabilitated" or outright punished for his silence.
The City of Houston came and publicly issued bright orange violations of city code that numbered 15 on the office door. The residents quickly spotted the offending notices and the buzz started.
Gossip's wake contained mostly misinformation, rumor and plain old lies about why Kaplan Management Company was in the manager's office.
KMC tried many ways and things to restore power and gas service but the City of Houston stepped in and condemned the property for human dwelling. Tam's building was the first to be declared unsuitable due to a camera they sent down the pipes to tell them what was wrong with the plumbing.
Trust me, you don't want to know. The clincher is how long that problem had existed and the owners never addressing or maintaining the property appropriately. They finally emptied the pool (the odor was appalling) and the new mgmt company HAD TO put a fence around it to meet Code.
No heat, no hint or promise of heat either. Misery had come to visit. Ms Maria Gonzales sent out a memo that we would all fill out another application and participate in an apartment inspection on February 15, 2010. This was for the bank so they would lend the money to make the repairs. Not.
Exactly one week later, on my son's 21st birthday, Tom and I signed a lease for a new 2-bedroom apartment. Things can happen so quickly. The management company scouted the immediate area for rental properties that were in our range and gave us three options. That was above the call of duty as far as I was concerned and we did in fact choose one of the three suggested.
It's $30 more per month and we have to pay a flat rate for water of $45, yeah, I felt faint too. The power is paid to the office and is a flat rate of $81 for a 2-bedroom. No matter how cold we keep it, the cost won't exceed $81. That's music to Houstonians ears, 'cause it gets brutally hot and humid here.
Maxer & Mollibeans are adjusting fast to the new surroundings. Mollie has been baby-sitting Max as he occasionally wails and acts like he's having an Alzheimer's moment. She purr-dills and coaxes Max to join her happy hiney and to shut the heck up for awhile, "really Maxster, stop the bellyaching."
A fenced patio to decorate.
Tom gave me the largest bedroom since I have the queen bed. There's walk-in, lighted closets, a dressing room with sink only. Dishwasher, detachable spray nozzle on kitchen faucet. Two pantries, never had that feature before. The fun part is opening the fridge door, it's backwards, so we can barely squeeze the door past our tummies. Why would anyone do that?
Took two days to move everything. George, my widower neighbor, loaned us the use of his little black truck while he was in the hospital recovering from a partial forefinger amputation due to bone infection that set in after separating his dog and another in a fight.
While using his truck the clutch went out and Tom felt sooo bad about it. But as others have offered, clutches don't just give out overnight. Plus Tom had to put two quarts of oil in it. (** sigh **)
Tamra has a room-mate now. A very shy man, her age and very sweet to Tam. This means she'll have at least 200 more dollars every month! Hallelujah!
My son is living here in his own apartment with Lou.
Tiger, the ex-Houstone prison gang member, lost his battle with sclerosis. He passed away March 4th, early morning hour. I was having a bout with my stomach at that very time. When she told me of his death, I didn't see sadness, but rather relief and I rejoiced for her silently.
Irene, her two sons, John and Daniel will pick up the pieces and resume their lives without Lewis in their life. Daniel has taken it very hard, but no harder than any little
boy who has lost his daddy, he's only 10.
I've read recently that the stress producing hormones at hardest at it when;
1 cause, Death
2. Moving household
Yes, I pray for this young woman, and I boldly ask for yours as well.
What you do in secret, God rewards openly.
Thank you for your generous prayers for a stranger.
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. . . and just what have you Readers done all this time???
For starters, I don't do Christmas. Long wonderful story, but for another time.
But it was December 11th, that Cody made an announcement that he was going to be a Dad. He was feigning happiness and I knew it immediately. His red rimmed eyes filled with streaming tears reflected fear and disbelief.
I know my son's face.
I was not happy about it and didn't pretend to be. My heart fell to my ankles and I knew then why she had not found time for the one-on-one that I asked her for weeks prior.
Yes, you ALL know what that talk was to be about. Since it never occurred to either before when they lived together, I wanted to know about birth control. Oh well granny , just a tad too late. 
Cody has gone back and forth a dozen times, especially when they argue, which is another point of mine. Damn it, they argue TOO MUCH! Their music boxes are wretched and disgusting.
When he gets really mad at her, he wants a paternity test done and his reasons for it I can find no argument for. I really hate that part.
She continues to drain his finances but will inherit $8K by mid-March. I hope my son gets to see some of it. Giving her family $1K, which I truly applaud. I do pray she set aside some for my grandchild.
She and I'll be talking PG topics and he'll try to start talking about his job, we'll both look at him for a precious few seconds and he doesn't read our body language. Then his feelings are hurt because we are not interested in his boring job.  I have asked Lou to be a little more conscious of Cody's feelings of being included. She looked softly at me and promised she would.
Cody is already feeling "left out" with all the attention that Lou is getting. Of course she tells everyone she's pregnant. I was much older when I became pregnant, like 37. Hey, don't roll your eyes , I just busted wide open that I DID (** nuther long wonderful story **)
He's been depressed at times, still taking painkillers and too thin. Language is embarrassing but he's maintained his year+ tenure job. Boss came and got him today (his day off) because he knows what a worker bee Cody is. A blessed beleagured perfectionist. Sometimes his pursuit of perfection drove us all to personal battles but we've survived it, yeah . . . you know why.
GOD is STILL GOOD
Tamra's assault case against David was dismissed. That was a blow but we both had given it to Our Lord and are confident that He can get David better than the State of Texas, any day. So we have not suffered the crushing disappointment that could lead to other maladies. Actually trusting Our Lord with all our troubles has given us peace that can't and hasn't been achieved any other way. I figure 'cause don't no one love us like He does.
Somebody say A M E N
January 3rd - The Texans beat the NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS, I thought I would faint a few times! What a glorious game. That ended our FIRST WINNING SEASON!
Need to get some more things done in our new apartment . . . we'll have to catch up, Readers, I'll go see what you've been doing and maybe you'll have some clever comments this year!
BTW- I asked God to forgive my public blasting of Kenzie   , I even forgave myself, but guess what? I failed to ask her!
Guess what else?
She already had! I sooooooo do not deserve her friendship -
Hey, don't agree so quickly
Yes, I still can be an A-1 derriere aperture.
Check out what the good old Presbyterians are doing lately, at the link below.
Hmmm . . . I'll bet you won't believe it, then again, whom am I kiddin'? I have such a diverse readership that you may consider that news item, trivia.
http://www.prophecynewswatch.com/2010/February19/1953.html
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From the Politico
The night closed with the Gridiron Singers rendition of the 12 Days of Christmas, with gifts bestowed by a certain Ruth Limbaugh rather than the traditional “True Love.”
“On the first day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: A Marxist in a dead tree.
On the second day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Two tea-bag goons.
On the third day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Three hell-no's
On the fourth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Four bawling Becks
On the fifth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Five Sarah swoon-ins
On the sixth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Six health care death squads
On the seventh day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Seven bug-eyed birthers
On the eight day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Eight Cheney boomlets
On the ninth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Nine ACORN busters
On the tenth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Ten thundering mossbacks
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: Eleven loony liberals
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Rush Limbaugh gave to me: twelve flaming liberals, hunted down in the wild and field dressed, medium well-done, seared on the fatty edges—“
And then Palin joined the chorus for the final line:
"Right next to the mashed potatoes," she sang.
Politics - Do you have a Love/Hate relationship with politics? Yeah . . . me too.
![Review Sig - Lion cub [#1568304]
A reviewing sig from Legerdemain](http://imgsx.writing.com/main/images/action/display/item_id/1568304.jpg)
Come read, agree, disagree or just shake your head!
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Why are tiger and a baby seal similar?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
Come read, agree, disagree or just shake your head!
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“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.” -- Mark Twain
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Subject: Fwd: FW: Grim Reaper (from Nevada)
To: It's All in Motion 
Date: Monday, November 23, 2009, 7:10 PM
Subject: Grim Reaper
Dear Mr. Grim Reaper,
So far this year you have taken away my personal favorite dancer and entertainer Michael Jackson, a favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and favorite actress Farrah Fawcett, and my favorite singer Stephen Gatelly Boyzone.(** **)
Just so you know, my favorite politician is Barack Obama.
Thank you,
I'm afraid what started out so much fun Wednesday night, with my ex-husband playin' '60s music while we prepared some TG dishes, turned into an intestinal attack that lasted 24+ agonizing hours
I was dancing around acting' silly, singing with my air mike. The prepping is less
boring when music is playing and you're in a silly mood. I had been working
since 10:00am/ish, not drinking water or anything for that matter, had not eaten either
and at 11:00 pm ish my back revolted along with my disorder which I tried to keep in the confines of excessive gas, but NO, after three solid hours of no sleep, trying to
will away the inevitable attack, I started the violent vomiting. It was downhill from
there.
Tom was so GOOD. Thursday he answered all phone calls and knocks at the door. He fixed and took Tam's plate to her and I had to hear about how good it all was. The smell nauseated me so he finished all the stuff I started Wed. nite.
It's all over but the soreness now and the promise to myself that I have to lose
this weight or realistically reap the consequences, which ain't good in my case.
Casey's friend Chase came today and visited with us for a coupla hours, brought in his new 12-string guitar and played for us. He's renting a studio downtown with 3 other guys and he's found the world of recording now and is deeply fascinated with it. I sent him home with a food pack for him and his girl.
Patrick called TG Day, neighbors all called and offered prayers for my speedy recovery. I never realized how my neighbors care about my state-of-being, it WAS warm and fuzzy. A gay couple we've known for years, Frank and Ray called to wish their TG sentiments, received a TG Day card from my pen-pal in Del Valle, Texas, so all in all, it was a GOOD holiday in spite of my stupidity. 
I plan to eat the fruit of our labor tonight for the first time. We've been dishing it out, so I want to get a plate before it totally disappears.
Another compliment-laden, quick, non-cook, salad/dessert.
My Mom called it 5-cup salad so she could remember all the ingredients. I have since seen it in print and called Honeymoon Salad. I always double it so there's enough, cause once your guests get a taste of it, they'll be going back and showing no shame as they scrape down the sides of the bowl.
Doubled: Fruit drained
2 c. /pint sour cream
2 c. crushed pineapple or tidbits
2 c. mandarin oranges
2 c. miniature marshmallows cut in half (I know, but it's worth it )
2 c. sweetened coconut
Throw all ingredients in bowl, mix well, cover and refrigerate. Stir well before serving. The halved marshmallows and the coconut absorb the fruit moisture and sweeten it beautifully.
You'll be glad you served this winner!
Think I've talked myself into some rite now.
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Subject: Truth . . . from a man the media has never been able to throw dirt on . . amazing!!
Date: 11/19/09 - A Nevada email forward:
SUCH GREAT WORDS OF WISDOM & PRAYER
Billy Graham's Prayer For Our Nation
Billy Graham HAS A GOOD VIEW OF WHAT'S HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY!
"Heavenly Father, we come before You today to ask Your forgiveness and to seek Your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.
We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics . . . we have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!"
<<< <<< <  > >>> >>>
Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program. "The Rest of the Story," before he died and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called 'One nation under God . . ."
Think about this: If you forward this prayer to everyone on your e-mail list, in less than 30 days it would be heard by the world. (It's worth a try!)
"One Nation Under God . . . "
Subject: FW: My New Truck (Email forward from Nevada)
I bought a new Ford Ranger and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him.
I yelled, 'Ass Hole!'
Immediately the radio responded with;
"Ladies and Gentlemen, The President of The United States"
Damn, I love this truck . . .
AND AND
One Nation Under God
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Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.
Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.'
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead but it was old.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' ordered Nancy.
Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
'My goodness, what happened to you?' asks confused Nancy.
The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of Scotch whiskey, the wife cooked me a great meal and the daughter made love to me.'
'What on earth did you say?' asks the bewildered Nancy.
'I just knocked on the door and when answered, I said to them: 'I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur and I've just killed the old cow.'
I'd despise being as popular as she is!
From a Nevada email forward:
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
>>> >>> >>> > < <<< <<< <<<
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the Rummage Sale. . .
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands. (**you KNOW this was a HIT **)
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. IN our community, D.A. not OF 
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help . . . Naw, this didn't pass the proofreaders, did it?
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Miss Charlene Mason sang, 'I will not pass this way again,'
giving obvious pleasure to all in the congregation. Oh yeah!
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
This is TOO funny -
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. I KNOW that's right
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The evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. A lesson on how to slip a comment into the text
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. I think this is referred to as "dark humor".
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. All together now, "Tee hee hee".
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Church office ladies must have other things on their mind.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. Think I'll go with the meditation group.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a Hymn Worship in the park across from the Church; Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. Awww yes, more of the good stuff.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B S. is done. Can't make this stuff up!
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Pastor would appreciate the Ladies of the congregation lending him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. . . . and charge admission!
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door. Okey-dokey then.
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Our eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
How could they?  Fire the proofreader!
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Hmmm . . . wait for it, . . .
WAIT, just a sec
I suppose that's why he's the Ass. Minister . . .
}
I could NOT resist , it was a ripe *chair-reeeeeee! ING without breathing.
*cherry, Southern Style!
Pass these around your office, neighborhood or family reunions. You'll provoke a bunch of giggles and guffaws.
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What's the difference between the Houston Zoo and the White House?
The Zoo has an African Lion. . .
The White House has a Lyin' African . . . you can laugh, I won't tell. |
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I pray that someone on Obama's Foreign Protocol Committee would give him a head's up that bowing is not done by;
The President of the United States of America
Why is he doing that? Think someone told him to bow to the Emperor of Japan? If he's on his own bowing, where does he believe that will get him? Does the thought ever cross his mind that Americans abhor this act?
Is this an Islamic behavior? Showing submission by bowing? Irks me good. So yes, it does bother me that I don't understand the purpose/reason for praying for our elected leaders. I guess others, on a different Christian level than myself, will have to approach His throne, I just can't.
I like my President patriotic, strong and fair-minded, intelligent, educated, empathetic, morally upright (**no murders, prostitutes or ill-gotten gains**), physically tall, robust with an appealing music-box. That's it.
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CRAP --- I keep doing that! So sorry Readers. Funny how even when I miss a day's entry, my stats tell me, people are still . Kewl.
 * * * T H A N K Y O U * * *
Hope this works; 4.5 blog lines tall. 
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091112/ap_on_bi_ge/us_fed_overdraft_fees;_ylt=Alr.d...
Comes out to just one line when transformed on the page entry. Strange?
Wish someone would comment on the question posed regarding "Do you know all the current czars?"
#13 / 4th  . I remain by the language.
I don't believe this could be Googled. 
Yesterday afternoon was GB's first day back from emergency surgery. He brought up a topic that I had noticed a week ago, when the massacre happened, but no one and I mean NO ONE had mentioned it until Glenn did. I was surprised he did, but glad he did, because it validated my thoughts on this President that I do not like at all. Rephrase: I don't believe he's qualified plus he's too radical for most Americans now ,
(**perfect time for "I told ya' so" but I'll refrain **) and we're all, across the political spectrum, seeing and hearing what this man really thinks.
Hip-hop Barack had to give a coupla' shout outs and a monologue on Native American reparations before he ever mentioned the massacre at Ft. Hood. Even then, as Glenn said, the mention of it came on the tail end of another sentence.
What? Where's the Commander-in-Chief's slick, smooth-oratory reassurances that even though this happened on his watch that all order would be, or has been restored?
ANSWER THAT
His response was very revealing to me - the longer he spoke I kept thinking WHEN is he going to address Ft. Hood? He kept talking, I kept wondering. He kept ON talking, yeah, just like Glenn said, there was a gut feeling to his lack of response that bothered me the most. True colors are emerging. I KNEW they would, like Nanny used to say, "your sins will find you out girlie! Sure 'nuff they will."
That old lady scared the sheet out of me during my childhood, but I've discovered that she was right about a lot of stuff. Shame she was so witchy.
Projects covering my bed-top, always prioritizing and reducing the stack.
Tonight is Esther Night and I haven't done my homework again.
Hallelujah for His Mercy!
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