Today - today today today!!! I'm super hyper, super happy, and I can't seem to shut up, so brace yourself.

This happiness stems from a simple full night of sleep (9 hours), and possibly from the fact that I no longer like anyone and thus, no longer have anything to worry about, and feel FREE!!! Free to be me! I don't have to love anyone anymore, so I can go back to loving the world and loving myself! That one full night of sleep worked wonders for me, it really, really did. It was magical. Previously, I only got four hours of sleep... and the night before that, only 5... and the night before that, only 5 again... and all that sleep deprivation added up, so that on Wednesday, I was so tired that I felt physically sick. My limbs were shaking in exhaustion, and as I was walking, I felt like it was a real possibility that I might fall asleep while walking, hit my head, get a concussion, and die in my sleep. By the end of the day, I'd managed to make it through, but I felt all feverish and achy, and my head hurt. I thought, great: tired, hungry, cold, hormonal, AND sick. When my class ended for the night at 9, I went to the dining hall, ate, then went directly home, got ready for bed, and went to sleep. I didn't do any reading, but I felt like the sleep was much more important. And indeed, IT WAS.

I woke up, refreshed, NOT sick, and ready to face my day. I had considered skipping class to sleep more, but ended up deciding to go at the last minute - I ran there, but I arrived in timely fashion. I also considered skipping kayaking, just because it's physically exhausting and I was tired, still. But I went. I thought I would regret it because the swells were supposed to be huge - more 8 footers, with a wide period, the nasty kind - but it turns out that the waves were more choppy, and they hadn't yet turned into the huge wages they had threatened to become. We paddled into the fog, saw 4 otters - two were snuggling, so cute! - and then came back to the harbor, just as the waves were beginning to get big. We sat at the mouth of the harbor for a while watching the waves break by the jetty. A couple of guys had driven their van out to check on the lighthouse, but it wasn't such a good idea - the bigger waves hit the jetty, and the water jettisoned up in a wash of spray, all the way over to crash into the men and their van. They weren't expecting it, and we watched in amusement as they tried to hide behind the lighthouse so as not to get soaked again. Meanwhile, their car was periodically engulfed by the water splashing over the rocks. Then the men ran to their car and drove away. Later, we saw them laughing about it, and wringing out their clothes. Then we had a little fun on the way back by taking a sneaky route through the harbor. Our instructor told us: explore. Find all the sneaky little canals, try and use some of the catamarans as tunnels, look at the birds... And indeed, we did all those things. Although, we weren't expecting the bird we found to be so aggressive - instead of flying away or diving under the water, it swam towards Alisha and snapped at her from the water!

Then I had work - it turned out to be slow, so I had less work. And after Jasmine arrived, I had a good time, especially when we turned up the music and started dancing in the back room. This is when the first wave of hyper happiness hit. Maybe it had to do with the mocha I made myself... maybe not. I have a feeling, though, that it was just the combination of everything - the sheer relief or having slept, and knowing where I stand, and having a lot of work, but not worrying about it, and just dancing to the music. So I was really happy when I got off work. I went to my last class, a film showing of The Godfather. It was good. I danced my way home, only to find Kim going to the dining hall - I went with her, chatting a little too much because of my hyperness, saying whatever came to mind, and just being ridiculous. On the way home, my happiness was contagious, and me and Kim ended up singing "Penny Lane" (The Beatles) and skipping/dancing musical-style all the way home. We met with Imani at the bus stop, and he joined in. We got home, and I immediately left again, having decided to continue dancing around campus. I did so, happy and carefree and still really hyper. I had the urge to text people whatever popped into my head: "I smell purple!" or "It's a nice night!" or "I hear the owl!"

By the time I got home, I not only was still very happy, but I had decided what to write about for my short story for creative writing. I was listening to "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers (I think?), and thinking about it, and how Imani had told me "You could write about love" and I had said, "You mean, how it sucks?" But then the idea stuck a bit, and since that's whats current in my life, it would be easy to write. On my dance, I solidified the idea, and, upon reaching my decision, ran the rest of the way home so as to write it down immediately so as not to forget. My story will be (tentatively) the story of me (disguised as "a girl") and Kevin and Ricardo. Only, since it's a story, I will exaggerate some things, and simplify others, and keep the names ambiguous, and shorten the time frame. The first change: not only will the girl actually have a relationship with the "Kevin" figure, but "Kevin" will go crazy in a different, more aggressive way, and harm the girl in some way. She will try to stay away from him and become kind of lost and hurt and struggle to heal. This is when the "Ricardo" figure will step in - he'll be the unexpected friend who helps her to overcome the pain and begin to trust people again, as well as help her to open up, herself. Just when she is starting to open up and trust again, she realizes that she has come to love him, and, when the time is right, she makes a move that shows her emotions for him... which he then kindly rejects, for he is "just a friend". She'll be hurt again a bit... but then she'll come to the realization on her own that she's better than that, and she'll realize that she's fine just being single. "Ricardo" will call, and she'll tell him that she's okay, but just needs a little time on her own... then she'll go out dancing, much like I did this very night, and be very happy with herself and think that everything will be okay now. And just as she's dancing, three figures come up behind her - she doesn't see them coming, she goes down, and the story ends with her recognizing some detail - perhaps a certain smell or a piece of fabric? - that identifies the "Kevin" figure right before she blacks out (I'm leaving the ending ambiguous, as well).

I just like the idea of innocence, and being oneself... but still getting screwed over by the world, anyway. It makes a good story. It makes good food for thought. It'll be a good story. If you hadn't noticed, I like to include a little bit of a dark theme in my stories... I don't know why. Seems more real than saying: "And she walked off into the sunset with Ricardo and lived happily ever after..." And, after all, that's what really happened in the end - I didn't get the guy. I also didn't get attacked, but... *shrug*... I just added that to give closure to the story and to make a point.

... what do you think?

,,,

"One Headlight" - The Wallflowers

So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees

I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn
The long broken arm of human law
Now it always seemed such a waste
She always had a pretty face
So I wondered how she hung around this place

[Chorus:]
Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

She said it's cold
It feels like Independence Day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got to be an opening
Somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed
And I seen the sun up ahead
At the county line bridge
Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead
We'll run until she's out of breath
She ran until there's nothin' left
She hit the end-it's just her window ledge

[chorus]

Well this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn
Well it smells of cheap wine & cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think her death it must be killin' me

[chorus]