Today, my body aches and hair is stiff and laced with salt. But despite being in a steady state of pain, this has probably been the best Thursday of the quarter. 1) I got sufficient sleep. 2) I'm caught up with my work. 3) It's almost Friday, and therefore, almost time to relax, and almost time to have fun... and Halloween, of course! And 4) Today, in kayaking, we went SURFING! It was SO MUCH FUN! The weather and the waves were perfect - not too hot, not too cold, no fog, no huge swells, no wind... it was a fine day. We beached ourselves, following the waves in, backpaddling when a wave came up behind us... and then our instructor released us and we were free to play in the surf and do whatever we wished. Naturally, I wanted to try catching a wave. At first, I didn't succeed, only getting small ones that were kinda fun, but not sufficient to really ride in. Then I got stuck on a sand bar, and it took a while to wiggle myself out. I went back out backwards, backpaddling through all the waves until it was calm. A wave went over the end of the boat and soaked me shoulders down, and I emerged laughing and hooting. I watched as Chelsea caught a wave, rode it, and then got rolled - she jumped out of the boat and went after her kayak. Then Tatiana wiped out, and everyone heard her scream as a larger wave tipped her over into the surf and the boat went over her head. She got back up and then chased after her boat in the shallow water. Then it was my turn, and I paddled out, looking behind me for the bigger waves... I saw one. I stopped paddling, turned the right direction, and then, as the wave came up behind me, paddled a bit for speed, and then leaned over and braced my paddle against the wave... my kayak caught on the wave, and I was pulled along, the wave trying to roll me sideways, my paddle counter-acting it's pull and keeping me upright so that I slid across the top of the water like a surfboard... no - a surfboat. But as the wave came upon me, my heart surged with adrenaline and excitement and my muscles seized up in preparation... and then, just as the wave hit, I was hit with my own wave of pain as my leg began to violently cramp up. I cried out, simultaneously trying to ride the wave and pain out. I was successful, and I ended up at the river mouth, my leg sore, but still in the kayak. I swore under my breath, both in pain and in ecstacy, in hurt and exhileration. Then I picked up my paddle to do it again.

... and alas, I DID do it again. I was paddling in, and behind me I saw a large wave- the kind of wave I'd been waiting for, the one I could really ride. I prepared myself and gripped my paddle in anticipation, thinking, at the last moment, that I was a little in over my head as the wave proceeded to break on top of me. It slammed into my kayak, and I jerked, thrusting my paddle onto the top of the wave, determined to stay on it as long as I could. And then, just as its full force hit me, and I started moving, my OTHER leg started cramping! This time, the pain won, along with the wave, and, clutching my leg in one hand and my paddle in the other, I went over, diving into the shallow water. My kayak continued surfing without me, and rolled its way all the way back to shore. I swore again, hopping on one foot in the water, comically wielding my paddle and chasing after my renegade boat with a limp, like a crotchety old man chasing after a mischievious child. After getting hit by several waves, I finally caught it and dragged it back to shore, where I nursed my crippled calf muscles and thought to myself: I've got to do that again.

Not to self: do not go to the gym the day before kayaking.

And now, I shall go on a walk - I'd run, but as it is, I can hardly make it up the stairs. I think it's funny though - it wasn't enough for me to get ONE leg cramp, no, it had to be TWO. Ah, the things life throws at you. Who would've thought by the end of the day that I'd end up limping? Not I. But it didn't matter - at work, I was actually ENERGIZED, still exhilerated from the morning's excitement, and I did the dishes with extra energy and speed and greeted people with a huge smile as I swayed to the music (being unable to fully dance from my full-body soreness). It was great. And more greatness tomorrow - and the day after. And for the rest of my life, I thought, as I walked from my last class today, face turned up towards the moon, half-concealed in fog, framed in stars... brilliance, beauty in every stab of pain. I rather like the soreness.

...

Older events of note:

10/25

The disco dance was a flop, but I'm glad because instead I spent the night talking with Ricardo. We had a really personal conversation about our pasts, and Ricardo got so worked up over some of it, that after a while, he said "I need to stop talking about this" and insisted that we play DDR (since that was what we had decided to do). The converstaion was about high school friends, and this crazy situation with his friend wherein the mom was so overprotective that she prevented them from being friends, and the high school ended up calling social services. And then on and on about family members and various situations and relationships we'd had, and how we coped with them... apparently, Ricardo has a bit of a temper, but that's okay. He remarked about how reluctant I was to talk about emotional things, and I was surprised because I actually think I'm pretty open about my life. I simply don't feel as emotional about it as he does. It's not a big deal to me. I'm a calm person, I never get angry, and I like to listen. He said, that's a good trait to have, listening. He said he sometimes felt like he was burdening his friends with all his ranting, and the fact that I can listen and I like to listen is a good quality for a friend.

Also, I suspect that he suspects that I like(d) him, for he has asked me several times "Am I the only one you called to invite to the dance?", things like that. He also came out and asked me: "So... do you like anyone right now?" in this kind of expectant way. I said "No, not really." "Have you ever had a boyfriend or anything like that? Do you date?" "No. Never." "Are you looking?" "Eh... not really. Just kind of living my life, and if something happens... then it happens. You know?" "Ah." I asked him: "Can I ask you the same questions?" And he said that he was looking for a relationship more actively. He told me about an attempt he made this year to tell someone he liked them, which ended up with a make-out session, and then the next day, that person told him that they weren't interested in a relationship with him. I told him a little about how I'd liked someone, and how I was kind of glad that I never got the guts to say anything because he ended up having a mental disorder. And from there, we got into this big discussion about meds and whether or not they help or cause more problems. I'm amazed at the similarities between our lives: he, too, has a younger brother and a younger sister, both of about the same ages as mine, and his brother also had ADHD, and his sister also is spoiled, and he too is distant from his dad and closer to his mother, but doesn't tell her everything... It's amazing, the number of parallels in our lives.

Then we played DDR, and he kept going on these tangents where he would recognize a song and then would have to show me the music video for it so I could listen, and he would tell me the history of the music and how a certain artist had developed, and so on. Some of the music videos were really bizarre, but the music was excellent. Later I told him that I don't usually listen to straight-up dance music, and he said that he should come listen to my music one day.

Today, I woke up and did some homework, wasting away the time until 5, when I'd agreed the night before to meet Ricardo downtown to go Halloween costume shopping (since Silvia cancelled our shopping trip yet again). It was hilarious helping Ricardo find what he needed, for as his costume, he had decided to dress as the opposite gender... which means that I got to help him pick out a pink turtle neck, a tight pair of jeans with sparkles on the butt, and a pair of girly shoes big enough to fit his feet. He tried it all on in the changing room, and when he came out, I couldn't stop laughing, it was great. I found a black shirt for my own costume (I'm going to be one of the black figures from the iPod commercials - I dress in all black, wear the white headphones, and strap a florescent-colored poster board to my back, and then dance in front of it), and then we walked around, Ricardo looking for a bra and tights, and I found my poster board. Eventually, he gave up on his search, so I'm just going to lend him a bra, and he's going to wear his own socks. He'll have to find someone else to do his makeup too, because I don't even have any, much less know how to put it on. It's going to be great fun next weekend, though, to see him walking around in his full ensemble, wig, bra, and all.

We got dinner downtown, he ate my soup when I got full, and then we headed back. We decided to have a game night (he was the one who thought of it - I myself had been intending on going home and doing homework). It was supposed to be at my apartment, but then he called his Porter friends, and they wanted it to be at their apartment. I was a little put off by this because of the awkwardness of my last visit to their apartment. But I went anyway, carrying my games in hand. I had Scrabble, Monopoly, and a card game called Fluxx, which I'd found as I was cleaning my room. When we arrived, I was immediately relieved - the awkwardness was gone. There was easy conversation between us all, me, Ricardo, Edith, and Nicole. Then we decided to play Fluxx because they'd never heard of it before, and it's a pretty fun game. The rules and objective are always changing in the game, so it's unpredictable as to who will win. It was also the starting point for many a pun and joke. Things got pretty silly at times. Eventually, we all got tired of playing, and went downstairs to the kitchen, where we made toast with this chocolate-hazelnut spread on it, which I then put whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top of. My creation was accepted immediately, and soon everyone was making one. Then Ricardo mixed chocolate with milk and whipped cream, and then sprayed whipped cream directly into his mouth. The whole time, we were all giggling and cracking jokes like little children.

Funny thing: when you give Ricardo too much sugar, he starts to laugh at EVERYTHING. It doesn't even have to be funny, and he'll be there, tossing his head back in uncontrollable laughter. He was sugar high and trying to tell us about this episode of a comedy he saw online, and we couldn't understand what he was saying because he would laugh between every word. Once, he left the room, and me and Edith were sitting there laughing and commenting on how crazy Ricardo was sugar high, and then waltzes back into the room and boldly says: "Let me guess what you guys were talking about: you were asking how me and her met, right?" (me and Ricardo). I said, "No, we were just laughing at how hilarious you are when you've had too much sugar." He then proceeded to laugh some more - laughing at the fact that he laughs too much. And, sitting there on the couch, laughing like he was with this hilarious expression on his face, I swear, he looked like he was high on more than sugar. Once he said a single word to himself, and started laughing at that, and me and Edith could not figure out what was so funny. Certainly, HE was funny. And then, when it came time to leave, Edith was stumbling up the stairs while laughing at Ricardo, and I commented: "He's high and you're drunk." A new bought of laughter ensued. We were all hissing with laughter, trying not to laugh too loudly because people were sleeping.

... Who needs drugs when you've got sugar?? I was laughing so hard and long that my cheeks started aching.

Good, good night. I haven't laughed like that in forever. In the future, if I ever want entertainment, I'll just give Ricardo some sugar.

Anyways, I'm very happy to have such a good friend this year, and to have met Edith and Nicole, this time in a less weird instance. They seem like really nice people who know how to have fun. We exchanged phone numbers as well, so perhaps they'll want to hang out sometime.

And, wow, it's 4 am already! How did that happen? One moment, it's two, the next it's four! Damn. Time flies. No wonder I'm yawning...

10/26

Today, I spent my morning inside, trying to finish up my short story. I ended up just modifying an old one and submitting that because I honestly don't have the time to think up a new story, and I'm really, really not very inspired right now. It's hard to be creative when you're stuck doing so much other reading. But I did my story, and I think it'll get some good reviews. Funny, I used to think that was a bad story, but when I read it now, I think it's pretty damn good. It'll be easy to expand with later, too.

The rest of the day I spent with Kim and Imani. We went to the dining hall, then I went to Safeway with Kim, then watched Men in Black II with them both, and went to the dining hall again. Kim was being crazy today and had started narrating everything that was happening, musical-style. She would make up a verse and sing it, off-tune, for every little thing that happened. "We are waiting for Patrick Perez! That's what I says!" she would sing in a sing-song voice, and then "Now we are going down the stairs, the stairs, the stairs! For a dinner late at College 8!" This was complete with dancing. I couldn't decide if it was funny or annoying.

And then as I was putting together my costume, Ricardo came over to get the bra, and he commented on the dress I was wearing: "Why are you wearing that?" I shrugged and joked: "I didn't feel like putting on pants." "Oh... it just looks so formal. Any reason for wearing it..?" "No, I just felt like it. It's comfortable." "Ah... okay." He didn't stay long because he needed to study, but he did examine my collection of books. He hugged me goodbye, and left. The whole time, Imani was in the living room, and I thought for sure that he would comment or ask me about how things are going with Ricardo, and then I would have to explain to him that I'm pretty sure he's gay... which is kind of awkward because I know Imani's response would be either disbelief or pity, neither of which I really need. But he didn't say anything, so I just finished my costume in peace.

10/28

Last night, I only got 2 hours of sleep, as I was writing my essay. I woke up, when to class, turned my paper in, slept through class, then decided not to go to kayaking, went home and slept for a good 5 hours. It was worth skipping kayaking. I probably would've fallen asleep on the kayak, been rolled by a wave, and drowned, I was that tired.

Now I am refreshed enough to go on a jog. And tomorrow, I'll probably go to the gym. I haven't been doing any physical exercise at all lately, no thanks to my sleep deprivation and massive amounts of homework. So I feel rather gross. I've been dying to find a little extra time to get out and hit the gym, but it hasn't happened so far.

Fortunately, I am now done with my major assignments, so I can go tomorrow. And I'm ready for the weekend as well - it's going to be a crazy one!