Yesterday was the last day of kayaking. I nearly missed out on it after looking out the window and being discouraged by the clouds, wanting to go back to sleep... but then I looked up the weather on the ocean, and it was actually a very nice day, 2-5 foot swells at a 12-second period, not much wind at all... very nice day. And it wasn't very cold out, either. So I changed my mind and went. I was glad I went, but I got a headache from the swells and the nauseating stench of the seal rock. This headache went away, and I went to work fairly happy and energetic, smiling, joking, and talking to my coworkers in a most pleasant mood. But then, halfway through my shift, I crashed - my headache returned and I felt crappy. I could feel myself slowly wearing down. I wanted to lay down and sleep. And indeed, after work, I went home and took a nap for an hour. But it wasn't enough, and I reluctantly woke up for class 10 minutes late, which meant I had to run to class. It was raining outside, but I charged through it, glasses obsured with droplets, pants soaked halfway to the knee from puddles, breath visible on the air - it was... refreshing. It made me happy, running through the rain. I wanted to run forever. But eventually I reached my destination and watched a weird movie for my class.

When I got out of the film showing, I had already decided to go on a walk through the rain. I returned home first and dropped off my stuff, then set out. I did what I usually do on such walks - I texted my best friends. Ricardo was the first to reply. And what he said pleased me so: "Just walking around." I called him up, and, a few minutes later, joined him and his friend Kevin on their walk. We talked and walked and decided to go banana slug hunting, since neither had seen one yet. We searched for an hour before giving up and then journeying, on my suggestion, to the top of the parking structure. There we looked around, then sat and talked for a good long time. After a while, Ricardo suggested East Field, so we went there, walked out across the field to the lookout bench and admired the night-time view of Santa Cruz, lit up and beautiful. It was clear under the clouds - the rain had wiped out any haze. We could see all the way across the bay to the lights that twinkled in Monterey. We sat there in silence for a while, listening to the fog horn dully directing ships to the harbor as the waves made it sound. It was peaceful, and afterwards Ricardo said that the silence was perfect and just what he needed. I think it was what we all needed.

We went home, Kevin off to his own home in Crown (no relation to the other Kevin), me and Ricardo to his apartment, where I retrieved from him my bra lent out at Halloween. We then sat in his living room and talked some more. After a short while, one of his apartment-mates and his friend opened the door. They looked around the corner, caught sight of us sitting close together, and quickly exited again, holding back giggles. We heard them speaking to each other outside, talking about us like gossipping middle schoolers. Then Ricardo rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, I know what they're thinking... they think we're going to start making out or something." He then looked to me and asked: "What do you think of that?" I simply smiled and said, "I think it's amusing." Ricardo, himself, thought it was annoying - he wasn't in the mood to deal with them. Then the apartment-mate and friend opened the door again - this time, they snuck by quickly, not looking at us, but shuddering in silent laughter as they shut the bedroom door on us. We both rolled our eyes. I laughed. Then Ricardo said he was tired and showed me out the door. As usual, we started talking again and got caught up in another conversation in the doorway. This always happens with Ricardo - it takes a long time for me to actually leave. Last time, he got caught up talking about Roman history. And another time, he got caught on a rant about social constructions. This time, however, I quite liked the direction in which he went in his goodbye conversation. I liked it very much.

He told me about this mural that there was in Merrill which consisted of a dark, stormy background with all these insults on it... and then, in the middle, in bright letters, one phrase stood out: "Appreciate something." And he told me that it was true: people get so caught up in criticizing people that they forget to see the good in them. And then he told me that when he'd gotten my text message, he'd immediately remembered that I would probably be up for a walk, if I wasn't already out walking. He said that he'd noticed that I was usually up to do something and made time to spend time with him, and he previously hadn't found a friend who would do that. And then he told me about seeing that mural and he told me: "I appreciate you. I find myself calling you before anyone else when I want to do something. You're a good friend. And I realized that I hadn't told you that, and I just wanted to make sure you knew. So now you know." The whole time I was listening to that, I was melting inside, and all I could think was awwww.... and then I said it aloud: "Awww..." And I told him, I felt the same way about him - it was mutual. It was on that note that we finally hugged goodbye, and I left for home.

I was SO happy. I AM so happy. Yesterday, I was floating, and today, I'm still glowing from what Ricardo said. How many people say something like that to you? I think that's the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. And I'm so glad. So glad. There aren't words for it. THIS is happiness.

And on the way home, just as I'd predicted, I found a banana slug. Earlier that night, I'd joked to Ricardo that banana slugs don't like him and that what would probably happen was that I leave him to go to bed, and that I'd find one on the way home. And sure enough...! I took a picture of it and called him up and he laughed. He thought it was funny that what I'd predicted had happened. And then he told me to keep him posted on events this weekend - there are several shows I'm planning on going to that he wants to join me for - and said goodnight.

It was a perfect night. It could not have been better. I'm so happy to have found Ricardo, and I'm happy that Ricardo's happy to have found me. This is life like it's meant to be, friendship at it's best. I'm having a great time. Nothing is bad and everything is good.

And today, I told my friends Patrick and Toro that I was asexual. I said it matter-of-factly, and they took it matter-of-factly, and it felt right. And I'm happy about that, too. Toro gave me a haircut and the whole topic came out as we were talking about our experiences with the sex-talk - or, in our cases, a lack of the sex talk. It came up that my mom was worried that I'd be a lesbian and then Patrick asked me: "Are you a lesbian?" I shook my head no. "... or bi? Or straight? Just curious. Are you queer?" I said no, I'm not straight... "I would actually consider myself to be asexual," I said. And Patrick just looked at me curiously and said, "Okay - that's cool." And Toro said, "I was wondering the same thing, myself... you know, with the short hair and everything." And then I laughed and told him, "No, the hair is just annoying."

So yes... everything is good. And everything is getting better all the time.

I appreciate everything.