As a romance writer you really want to believe in that effortless love; the kind that just walks in and takes over your life. In the beginning it’s very easy to believe that your entire life will be devoted to that person and the only thing you will have to worry about is who sleeps on what side of the bed. After 3-4 months you start to realize that the person you so easily fell for has their flaws, and along with those flaws come bags, heaping bags of history. My man came with a tanker truck of baggage, an ex that drained every account they had and maxed every credit card, a 5 year old son, and a broken heart with a gap between the pieces a mile wide.

We really clicked, I mean really did. We liked the same things, muscle cars, big trucks and drag racing. We went to dinner and talked for hours, the way those great first dates are. He told me his story, I told him mine and exchanged phone numbers. We talked almost every day and hung out a lot. In all honesty, and he was very honest from the beginning with me, he didn’t want a serious relationship. Never wanted to get married again and never wanted to give his heart away to be broken to bits. That’s what he believed; that all women were evil self absorbed succubuses. And in his defense his ex was, and most women that I know are. There are only a few out there that really get past the princess stage of their lives. You all know it, Daddy says you’re a princess so you believe that for the rest of your life, or you take a cue from the real world and realize that you don’t matter as much as Daddy said you do.

I took that cue long ago. I was never my father’s princess to be truthful, and he wasn’t around to pound that lie into my head. I grew up in a down to earth family, in a middle class home and never had any aspirations of being rich, living in a large house or driving luxury vehicles. In my eyes this is the down fall to many relationships and we’ll come back to that soon enough.

I spent the better part of that year in tears, constant doubt and receiving the brush off at every turn. I was fighting against something I couldn’t see, let alone know. His ex had picked up and moved to North Carolina leaving him with his son, when he was only 18 months and, only resurfaced when it was mandatory for her visitation. Still to this day we battle her stupidity and self indulgence, and I have to say I’m still not dealing with it very well. The first year was the worst, I was constantly compared to her and I was always defending myself and trying to show that I wasn’t that soul sucking chit. I’m not sure when it all changed, I wish I knew and could remember what I did. Chances are it wasn’t me, it was him. I was myself. I played with his kid, took care of his house, fixed dinners when he was busy working on his car, hung in the garage and lent a helping hand when needed. I didn’t wear miniskirts every day, and though I had the acrylic nails (I couldn’t stand them) I also still helped in the garage, and even had them painted to match his car. My ideals and devotion to the man I loved set me apart from all the other women he’d dated, and especially his ex. The years that followed haven’t all been perfect, they never will be, but we’ve resolved to never let the big three bother us. I’ll write more about those tomorrow.

At some point we all just have to let things go. Women are notorious for holding grudges and bringing forgotten or resolved issues up every time there is a disagreement. It’s just our nature. I fight it; I try very hard not to drag old issues out of the closet just to get a leg up in a fight. Sometimes I do if it’s relevant, I think it needs revisited and I can use it to prove my point. Other times I just let it go. I could bitch and moan about the money he spends on car parts, or trucks, even snow plow pumps (he’s obsessed with the Meyer E-60, we have 5 of them), but I let those go. That’s what he loves and makes him tick. I do get bent about the fact he has to buy new jeans and tennis shoes every 3 months because he won’t take care of them and will trash a new pair of either at the shop because he forgets to change or decides to help out the guys while he’s got his sales clothes on.

I know I do annoying things. I write too much according to him, I don’t keep the cleanest house (something he did) and there are days I just don’t feel like putting on makeup or, hell, even getting dressed; all cardinal sins to him. He understands my bouts of laziness just like I understand his need to spend money we don’t have on car and truck parts. I hear women all the time saying they aren’t going to compromise who they are for a man. I got news for them, you will always compromise who you are for a man. It’s just the way it is, and if you don’t believe that, you will never have a full and happy relationship. Men are the same way. “I ain’t gonna let some bitch change me.” But you know what? The men that hold to that mantra end up lonely and unloved because of their stubbornness. It’s all about compromise when it comes to our past and our imperfections. You can’t go full bore the way you were when you were single. You’re not single anymore, you are a couple; a partnership moving forward together, hopefully, toward the same goals and dreams leaving the past where it belongs. In the past.

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ID: 1261045   (Rated: ASR) The Talent Pond  The Talent Pond is working with you to achieve your writing goals. by Brooke - thanks her friends

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