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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello Sunshine, If I ever needed to attend church it would be today. I am a sinner. I never thought my life would get so out of whack being me. I have no idea what I am thinking or doing. I live so much in the minute. Seriously, I think I need an intervention. I need to get my ass kicked. I need to have someone hold me accountable for my actions. My moral compass is broken. It's not working anymore. I have lost a sense of respect for what is right with my heart. I am so easily influenced by a good time. I am the perfect party girl. I act as if I don't have a care in the world only to find out in the morning that I do. Why can't I say no? Why can't I say leave me alone and go away forever? He whispers in my ears and I melt like a two year old. Our life together would be impossible. He is not someone I can rely on or build a future with. Yet, he acts as if it's already written in stone. He shows up owning my heart. God please forgive me for letting my heart and body travel to unsafe places. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Is it time for me to finally move on emotionally? I always wonder why it takes my dreams to confirm the truth to me. It's like if I don't dream it then it must not be true. I am slowly, slowly, slowly, realizing Brian has moved on and I need to start a new life. Mourning is a process of acceptance. It's a realization that life does go on and the heart is able to repair. I have always been a slow learner in the life department. I started everything later in life. I had my first job at 19, and really didn't feel like an adult until I hit my 40s. Now I am an adult wanting to be a kid again. I found that I am still able to think and play like a child and I love that. I will never grow old if I can keep my child-like wonder active. It is a beautiful day to play! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am learning to notice my emotions. I am paying close attention to uncomfortable expressions. I want to live my life in peace and have done a pretty good job of it. So, now when something comes up I examine it and really look at my reaction at a gut level. I am pretty smart but admit even I am not the expert I claim to be. I have been fooled a lot over the years thinking I knew myself only to discover I am still in transition and I am far from an expert. I will be someday. As long as I remain open to discomfort and allow myself growing pains. It is a beautiful day to grow! Love, Michelle |
| Good Morning Sunshine, I am constantly reminded by how beautiful life is. I live in this amazing home surrounded by my favorite things and a view hand picked by God. Green seems to be a magical color today. I am at peace but want to go to church today and thank God. I haven't got in touch with my spirituality in a while. I always put it on the back burner and that is not a healthy place to keep it. I want to turn the heat up and rejoice in my blessings. I feel a small disconnect from my kids right now. It must be growing pains. I am getting used to them being teenagers. Savanna is always on the go and Jackson won't leave his electronics long enough to talk to me. I feel slightly left out. I try to reach them through food but even that isn't working. I am at a loss on how to get their attention. Perhaps this is a sign that everything is working and life goes on. I can't live their lives. I have to let them be and keep working on myself. If momma is happy, then they will be happy too. Momma is Happy! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Yesterday's art fair was amazing! I walked over 6 miles and all over downtown. I have to admit I was overwhelmed by the people and the creativity on display. From the jewelry to the paintings, photography, ceramics, wood crafts and my all time favorite blown glass. I love Glass art. I think of all the things I seen I am drawn to the glass the most. The way color is captured and shaped. I have no idea what it is about glass that fascinates me but I love it. IF I had a million dollars I would have purchased a piece of glass from every vendor. I hope someday I will be lucky enough to purchase some glass art. I can always add it to my wish list. Love, Michelle |
| Good Morning Sunshine, Looks like a wonderful day for the Ann Arbor Art fair. I haven't gone in years. It's a day for me and creativity!! love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, To start the day with a smile. I need to embrace the positive vibes coming in my window. It seems colder this morning for some reason. It's been the strangest of summers. I will find a way to get some heat sooner or later. Embracing the positive mindset that all is well in my world. I look for the best outcomes and enjoy the journey. I keep praying that all my hard work is going to pay off. My landlord is upset with me. It gives me some guilt but I am doing the best I can. If I could pay my bills with good intentions I would. If I could make a million dollars I would share it. I will keep doing my best. I believe in myself. I know that it takes time to make changes. I get that I am still on the road and I have not settled yet. It can explain my wondering eyes and heart. I am not ready for one. I am still undone. Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, Yesterday on Facebook I took a little quiz on who was my secret lover. It turns out I have four but the number one was John M. He was a boy from my neighborhood and he recently told me he had a crush on me when we were kids. I never knew. I never knew that others liked me. As a young teenager I felt very alone and isolated. I had a few girl friends in the neighborhood but I do recall spending a lot of time walking alone and swinging at the park by myself. Maybe because I grew up with lots of siblings I needed to be alone. I needed to remove myself from the crazy noise and sit in peace. I don't recall anyone coming to find me, or make small talk or even try to get to know me. I felt like I was just an empty shell. I do know I wrote a ton of poetry, I escaped in my own thoughts and I tried to be nice. I also felt like I was a very big bitch. I had to be as the youngest girl. I protected my stuff. My twin did not make my childhood easy. We fought and he was mean to me. I can understand my feelings now. I look back and see it all so clearly. I would not trade a single minute of my childhood for something different. It allowed me to grow into who I needed to become. It gave me strength to be myself and to be alone. All the world can have a crush on me and I wouldn't care. I love me. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I can see the fog is settled softly in the back yard, it looks like it is hugging the trees and is giving off a very spooky vibe for July. Kind of a cool way to start my Monday. I have to run like the wind today. Meeting in Ann Arbor to talk to Jackson's doctor. It is always amazing how we can provide so much support for our child. I love that we find doctors that get it. I am impressed with Jackson's current state of mind. He has matured so much this year. I am in awe of his own recovery. I am still working on my own. I need to forgive myself. I have to get back to being honest with myself and total acceptance. It's time. I know that. Just like the fog that is settled in the yard I have to have peace settle over me. Love, Me |
| Hello Beautiful, I see you peeking over the clouds, I know you wanna come visit...Please don't be shy. I have always been a fair weather friend. I have looked for the bright side of every story and run from the storms. Funny, now I can sit in wallow in the pit of ugly. I get it. I can find beauty in the ugliness of the human spirit. I never realized that all my dreaming about sunshine and sweetness would pay off. Wednesday is another payday, and I am praying that the income God's will continue to bless me. Just in case I am going to church today and put in another good word for working. lol Last nights adventure downtown was fun but expensive! It's not cheap being my own date. I did share several laughs with my friends. In fact I realized how freaking happy I am. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I need to celebrate that more. It is a big deal. Life is about enjoying in all the beauty. I am surrounded by goodness. Even during the storms I know what's coming afterwords. Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, It's finally looking like a real summer day. It has been far too rainy in Michigan. I am loving the sunshine and looking forward to walking downtown for our street fair. Nothing beats walking but I haven't been doing it. I have been sitting on my ass. Lazy or whatever you want to call it. I haven't been motivated to move. I haven't even had a personal dance party in like forever. Maybe I really am depressed? Jax thinks I am. I might be. I might be slightly selfish at the moment and not motivated to care. I can live with that. I am in preservation stage. I work with such emotional people and am so overwhelmed by it that at times my body/mind shuts down. I think it's some-what healthy, but maybe I only say that to fool myself. I still need to find my balance and inner peace. I am lonely and I need to face that. I can't keep looking in all the wrong places to find someone. I have to be enough for me. I am enough for me. Heck, I even like me. I love hanging out with me. It's just that I know deep in my heart I am meant to be shared. Perhaps, for now sharing my words will be enough. I have to start somewhere and a very long time ago, I connected with souls on this site that feed my ego and allowed me to grow. I am going to have to put myself back out there for that to happen again. Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, Oh wow does it feel good to say Hello! I have seriously missed my blog. I have missed my spot in the sun. I have missed my mental words written in Shellyville. I need this place! I took a little break to get my life in order; then I realized I might never get it in order!! I need to write. I need to communicate my feelings. I need to vent. I need to express the inner workings of my soul and I have so much news to share. I am a fully licensed Professional Counselor. I have all my requirements done and now work full time as a DBT therapist. I love it. It's beyond challenging and constantly reminds me to be mindful in my own life and to take care of myself. One of the ways I can do that is by getting back in touch with my writer's soul. I missed me. Life has been a remarkable journey. I am still single. I know I will have lot's of time to explore that statement. It still shocks me at times. I look back at my old writings here and realize how I had my feet in two different worlds. I am not living that life anymore. I have my space defined. I have my balance of work and home. I have me all to myself. I haven't learned to share my heart yet. I got a little burned out on dating and trying to fit into everyone expectations. Now, I am living for me. Well of course for Savanna and Jackson too. Still the best things in my life. My kids remind me all the time that I am crazy. I love being crazy. I freaking love my life. I love all the insanity of making a living and building a life worth living. I am surrounding my heart in joy. Now I can share that joy over and over again. Thank you Michelle for working your ass off and having the funds to re-open your writing.com account. I look forward to this next year as a year of growth and professional development. I want to explore my poetry and create words of love. It's all so wonderful! Love, Me |
| Hello Sunshine, Yes Mother Nature is reminding us who is boss. She is not about to let Winter go softly away. I don't mind the sunshine and the new snow. It makes the sunshine reflect more light! Light is the source of energy. It's not bringing any warmth at the moment but it is giving me more energy to move around. I have things to do today and I am happy to be busy. One fine minute at a time. I will get my work done. For now I will enjoy the morning sunshine and be grateful for all my blessings. I do feel loved. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I guess I am just not made for work this week! No sense getting upset. Someday I will be busy and wish and pray for my lonely time. I am wondering how I am going to do it but I know God will show me the way. He sure does tempt me with his foolish ways. I don't mind taking a walk on the wild side. It gets my blood to boil and reminds me that I am a human being with needs, wants, and desires. I love it. To be human. To express the basic of needs. Yep, it's all good. I am one lucky woman and I know it. I can feel it in my bones. I have all that I need here inside my heart. My soul will protect me. Teach me and let me fly. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, The dreams keep on coming. Long after the story is told. I have no idea why I hang on so tight to the past. It's over!! I can't believe how life keeps moving. No stopping. No time to worry about clocks moving ahead. It's all the same. One big blur of life. I need to get Jackson back in school. He is falling apart and he is taking me with him!! My nerves are shot. I am a bowl of jello and a hot mess! I am good for now. I am happy with the way life is playing out. I still have some magic left in this old girl! To think how my mind and soul has grown in the last few years. I am in awe of my own words at time. Wish I could spend a little more time on action. I need to get moving!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Not much can beat a good nights rest. However, my dreams are still overly bizarre. I have to work on that! This novel that I am writing is getting intense. All the images smash together in my dreams and I wake up exhausted. Only I haven't put the words to paper yet. This creative writing is still a challenge. I have to challenge myself to write! So far I have a great outline but who is my main character and what is her name going to be? Time will tell... Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I have found some sanity. Of course it's at the price of being a lunatic. It comes with imagination and dragons. It comes in the middle of the night when I am running away with a stranger. Lost on an island with people I used to know. If I could bottle my dreams I would have a best selling novel. I would have an Oscar worthy movie. I would be a millionaire. I don't mind that I have that kind of imagination. I don't mind that half the time I can't sleep. I like the entertainment of my dreams. I like to think...Wow...I really am awesome! If my everyday life was as exciting as my dreams I would be exhausted! I am grateful for my slow and boring life. It makes my dreams that more fun!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well my attempt at self-care hasn't been noticed. It seems as if my attention to myself is at an all time low. I think I do a good job of taking care of myself but when my stress is up, my tears come down. I guess I am not suppose to be overwhelmed. Stressed out. Worried? I am not suppose to be mad at the school for not educating my son? I am not suppose to be mad that I have no control over this problem? I am not suppose to be upset that my son is losing his edge. Well guess what? I am pissed! I am tired of being a strong willed crazy person. I am tired of seeing this self-destruction take over my life. If I can't vent the reality why would I hide my feelings? I used to live in a fantasy world. I would hide behind the walls of Shellyville and pretend that everything was perfect. I never let on that I was upset or disappointed. I was the perfect wife. I am not her anymore! I don't live in Shellyville. I am not perfect and I am sure as hell not Married!! I can handle this but at what cost? I am slowly and without a doubt losing my edge. I see it passing me by. I see the mistakes I make clear as day. No amount of fantasy and good looking is going to deter me from reality. I am living it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I suppose I should be flattered. I suppose my heart will mend and I will get over the flush of excitement. I will recover some kind of dignity. When I have no idea! His breath across my soul. His spark inside my walls. He lights hallways that have been empty for years. He is like a ghost that resides in my attic. Haunting me with what-ifs and old love. I am blessed. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, An early morning here with the sun peaking through the whisper thin clouds. Light comes earlier now but still the biter cold. Up early to take Savanna to school on an empty tank of gas! One of these days I will be proactive and get gas when it's the middle of the day and not below freezing! I am already overwhelmed with my work day and it hasn't even started. Trying to be and do three things at once is not fun! No going back to put my head under the covers! I am up and will accomplish all I set out to do. I am good with that! Love, Michelle |
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