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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Good Morning Sunshine, It's only me here alone in my mind. Drifting off to sea in a bed of misery. I toss and turn and fight till dawn to fall asleep. I wake in the morning a mess. This is not my normal feeling. My world is out of balance and change is upon me. Whenever this happens my sleeps gets tossed out the window. I forget to grant myself some peace and accept that I am doing my best. Rest will come when I settle this mess. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I wonder if tossing and turning all night can be considered exercise? I sure feel like I got a work out. I had bumpy dreams. I had too much adventure and a very cool connection with my mom and dad again. I like how they keep popping up when I need them. My dreams take me to so many places and I meet such interesting people. I love that about dreams. I love how I can see out the window of my mind and experience life. My dreams are the mini vacations I wish I could take. Like last night I was near water. I kept seeing boats and sand. I was in the arms of a lover. I was with my sisters. It was all good. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, My babies are sleeping in! I love a peaceful house in the morning. I slept in too and slowly made myself get out of bed. I am still a little sore. I have been thinking a lot about my goals and what I need to work on. Besides the normal stuff I want to be grateful for what I do have and what I have already changed. I am a work in progress and happy with every new direction I travel. Yesterday we drove over to my sisters new house. We helped her do a few things but we were more in the way than helpful. I would have been able to do more if I didn't have my kids fighting for my attention. I loved watching Jackson help and I see how much he needs direction and male attention. I wish I had someone to mentor him in life. Me too! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am sitting here in my living room with a small hangover. I am not a drinker. I don't like to be drunk. SO, when I had one too many glasses of wine last night I switched over to water. I am wondering why it is taking such a toll on me today? I normally do not have the kids this weekend but, because I am nice I volunteered to take them so Brian could go out. Yep, I am that kind of wonderful. Now they are looking at me to entertain them. Oh boy. Now that wine would come in handy! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Okay so today I am feeling my age. I am not as young as I used to be and not really as old as I am. I am not used to standing, bending, and lifting for five hours at a time. I am used to sitting on a comfy chair for five hours at a time. I worked my retail job early this morning and I am sore. I am going out tonight and am so grateful for Tylenol. I love that stuff. I am happy that my life is making sense but being behind the eight ball is scary. I see it coming for me and I want to avoid it. I want to avoid the disaster of no safety net. To watch my savings dwindle has been a huge defeat. Of course, I am living off of it. I am doing the best I can and am grateful I even had it to spend. Once the money is gone I have to go to plan B. Only...I don't have a plan B. I guess I know what I need to start working on. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, The honeymoon is over and the reality is setting in. No more Miss Nice Mom! I have to keep pushing for change. I am cool with that. If I don't expect better who will? Whenever Jackson starts a new medication his behavior improves. Then the reality sets in and he gets comfortable and tries to revert back to old behavior patterns. This year it's a major change at school and home. I am done feeling like I have to baby him. I am done feeling like his behavior can trump mine. I am not sure that I always handle it in the best way. I know that I don't always say the right thing and my own words need to be confined. So what! I am the MOM! I love being the MOM! I can say what needs to be said. I can say NO. I can expect you to be the bigger parent and go along and support me. I am tired of being thrown under the bus every time you get a chance. Guess what, we created this problem together and we have to solve it together. You don't get away with parenting differently just because your divorced and make more money. I needed to say that. It's not like my ex reads my blog or even listens too me anymore. SO I express this for me. I need the reminder. I need to say it. I need to remind myself that I am ok. I am doing the best I can and will continue to do my part for as long as I can. Today is my last session with my therapist. I can no longer afford to see him. I will use my journal to express my deep thoughts and continue to find positive outlets for all my energy. One beautiful day at a time! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, All it takes is a little scare and a big bite. I got the money. I will pay all my medical bills and put that summer nonsense behind me. When my birthday month starts to approach, I do a little "life" reflection. I look back at all my challenges and success of the past year. I start to make new goals and rearrange my thinking so I can accomplish everything I wanted to do for that year. I am almost on track and am very proud of myself. I managed to keep myself floating. I managed to face my fears and demand some kind of respect. I am still working on that one. I might be for a long time. Getting things settled makes me feel successful. I am working on that personal piece now. I am working on what I need for me emotionally. I know this new year will bring me even more changes. I am also ready to move forward in my life. I am going to be letting go of some poor decisions and negative influences. It's all good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I so love Writing.com and for always pointing me into a new direction. I signed on today and I got a little Horror Fix. Plus, I love the little comment section now and that it's that spooky time of year. I am seriously spooked about my income but keep praying for a miracle. I know I will find the means to continue to live the lifestyle I want. Dear GOD, Please provide! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my horror friends, I love Hannah and her gang of goblins. I am not as active as I used to be and the fact that anyone still even cares about me is amazing. I love it. I must have left some kind of good vibes in the past. I want good vibes. I want to settle the unfinished business in my life, only I don't think I ever will. Maybe that is what life is all about? Opening up and making changes. I am not a vindictive person. So suing this guy over the dog bite is hard for me to swallow. Only I don't feel he has given me a chance. If he didn't want trouble he should have paid his bill. I will move on and find my positive happy place. It's here inside my own madness. Love, Michelle |
| Hello again, I need a good lawyer. I am still upset and I need to resolve an issue. On July 4, 2013 I was bitten on the face by a large Rottweiler dog. I had to have nine stitches on my forehead. I still have the scar. I was told that the owner of the dog, Sol Jaffee that he would pay all my expenses. I had to go to the hospital in Lansing. My first bill was over $1400 and my second bill is $795. He paid the first bill and has not paid me for the second bill that is now at $802. I have asked him several times and he keeps telling me he is going to pay me but never does. Now I am getting upset. It has been several months and I look delinquent on paying my bills. How do I get my money? He still has the dog. He still has a house, cars and a business. I find it hard to believe he doesn't have the money. I need some helpful suggestions before I lose my mind!! Thanks, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am wondering where the sunshine has gone? It's behind all the heavy gray clouds. Lost in another world. I feel that way too. Lost in old thought patterns. Wondering what will make me wake up and say enough is enough! I am going to go to church today and ask for strength. I am going to ask for forgiveness. I am going to ask for a miracle and to put an end to some of my lose ends. I need the money that is owed to me. I need to get what I deserve and expect in life. One beautiful step at a time. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am a real working girl today. My first shift at my new job. I am excited. I seem to have the perfect balance right now. I am hoping it stays that way. If I can continue on this positive path my future is going to be darn pretty! I love how I am managing the stress and even allowing Jackson back into my home. He is here for the weekend and again I am nervous but excited. I want normal but I know we are a long way from that. It will happen. We are on the right road. One step at a time. This is the "honeymoon" period with his new medications. I have to be sure that we are doing everything to help combat his problems as well as encourage positive changes. I can do it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well sometimes there are advantages to being poor. I can now get my student loan deferred again. Which is freaking nice and maybe after 25 years if I am still alive the government will forget about it. I am low income and will also qualify for the "giving tree" assistant program with community health. My only problem is that they want to give the kids presents and for the life of me I can't think of anything to tell them. It's nice that their dad has money. He can get them whatever they need. Back to that old conflict of what is a want or a need? What do you get kids that have two homes? They pretty much have everything at their disposal. Ugh! Time to put my creative thinking cap on! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Almost every day I get a phone call from Scranton. It is my son. He usually complains that he is "not feeling well" "I am tired" or "come and get me". He is 12. I am not going to go get him. I know he is tired. I know he is not feeling well. I know that he is adjusting to some serious new medications. I know that he is changing and overwhelmed by the difference in teachers this year. I know that everything that worked for him last year, is not working this year! I must say I love the beauty of change. I love it. I love that I don't have to baby him. I love that I am not scared of him. I love that I don't feel guilty or manipulated by his behavior. I am not even scared of Brian. For once I am the boss. For once I can say no and I Don't care what happens. It's been a long time sense I have felt like the boss of my own life. I am in charge of my day. I am in charge of my emotions. I am in charge of what happens and I know that everything is working out the way it is suppose too. I am on top of my game. I couldn't be happier! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am super tired. You would think I would welcome the change of season like the changes of my body. I am not sure I am ready for menopause and all the fun that comes with it. It's not that I want to stay young, I just I don't like the crazy that is taking over my body! Lord help me cope! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Today my little boy turns 12. I am so excited he is finally the age he has always wanted to be! It's a great day to celebrate! I am one lucky momma. I have been challenged and rewarded a million times with having Jackson in my life. Thank you God! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Well, I have something that most people don't. I have a male friend. A male friend that likes me and enjoys my company. Not really a big deal because I love hanging out with Tom and enjoy his company. We are not a couple but because we are comfortable being around each other. We "look" like a couple. I love our relationship and have no plans on changing it. So, it took me by surprise on Saturday night when someone commented on it. They told me I was "leading him on" he wants more than friendship from me and that I don't have very good boundaries. I was also scolded for being too touchy and loving. It was completely true, to a point. Tom is NOT in love with me. We are not a couple and if I can't touch a friend who can I touch?? I shared everything with Tom and he laughed. He told me that most people just don't understand our friendship and that he is perfectly happy with how we act and behave in public as well as private. I spent the entire day with him, while he text his girlfriend who couldn't join us. I would never stand in the way of his happiness or him dating. If his girlfriend has a problem with me she has never said anything. What caught me so off guard was to be judged by our behavior without knowing who we really are. It wasn't his girlfriend that attacked me last night it was another women. It was someone I hardly know. It was someone that didn't need to come down on me about my behavior. It was a bummer that someone felt like they had to enlighten me on how to behave. Wow, I think I was in such shock last night that I didn't realize how upset I really am. I am upset. I am an adult. I wasn't hurting anyone. Not now, not then, not ever. I am content to know that I am a loving person. I am content with who I am. I might be a flirt. I might be single and I am sure as hell not dead. I won't let another woman judge me by "her" standards. It's good to know who I am. I am not so sure I had the right words last night, I felt attacked and defensive. I just know that if the conversation ever comes up again. I will have some questions to ask...Like why the hell do you care? Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, If you surround yourself with positive people good energy will flow. My day was packed with good vibes and sweet moments. I will love working for Ulta! What a cool company. I was able to overcome a little fear and do my best. I will only grow into a better person. I worked with Lindsay and she was so kind! The other sweet thing that came up, was after working there, I had to go the church for a wedding rehearsal and had a few minutes to talk to Pastor Sharon and she told me that I should apply for the secretary position. It's only 20 hours a week and she told me I would be great at it. I can't wait to apply for the position! Next awesome thing that happened is I went out with Dana! We went to a tavern to have a drink and just catch up. I love that woman! She is so sweet and funny and while we were sitting there another couple at a table asked us to join them. We thought they were on a date and didn't want to bother them but we joined them anyway. I think I just met two new friends. Matt and Tracy were an absolute riot. Tracy was so outgoing and funny. I haven't met anyone with that much energy in along time. It was so refreshing to see her work the room and get everyone in a good mood. They asked me out tonight and I am going to join them later. I am really excited about going out with new friends. I need the positive change in my life. I need to mix it up. I am worthy of great times and funny moments. I worth expanding my soul and filling it up with laughter. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I keep asking for a change. I keep asking for help with my life. I keep asking to get this under control and make sense. I asked and the universe provided. I have help for Jackson. I have help with my career. I have a new part time job that I start today. I love how things show up just when I need them most. I do believe I have someone looking out for me. I have never been in this place before and I am making it work. I still don't understand all my choices but I know that I am on the right path. As my therapist said it's not important that I pop all my bubbles at once. So, I am going to enjoy the bubble of love today. My very own love. I do love myself. I do like who I really am. I like that I can expand my world. I can let new people in. I didn't get scared and I made change happen. It's a wonderful day being me! Love, Michelle |
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