blank mind, empty thoughts, hollow ramblings

"Some nights when it rains
I dig out your old pictures
and dance with memories sour now with age
I wish I could let go
and just walk out of this prison
this shrine that I have build around my pain" - The Dreaming

"I've always been good at helping everyone but myself." - me

"God you were so beautiful, 'til I looked in your eyes" - The Dreaming

So hey in case I have never explained this I think it is time for me to explain the rules of my livejournal or any journal I have ever had:

Rule #1 - I post in here for ME not for YOU it is my livejournal that I write in to keep track of what I have been doing and what I think about things etc. It may be in a public forum but it is a PRIVATE journal. I don't care if you read it but don't think I am going to post or not post something because of who I may or may not think is reading it.

Rule #2 - This is an equal oppurtunity bitch livejournal. In case you haven't noticed I kinda bitch about everyone in this so don't take it personal.

Rule #3 - If I write something about you in here, it is because that is how I felt at the time of writing not necessarilly how I feel period. Going back to Rule #2 I bitch about everyone in this journal because if I am pissed at you when I am writing in here chances are I will write about what is pissing me off. I have found that people can rarly handle it when you say, with no malicious intent, "Hey you are pissing me off and here is why" and can't handle it when you say it to their face. Just because you happen to piss me off once doesn't mean I don't ever want to speak to you again. If you have met me even once you should know, give me an hour, I will get over it seeing as how I am not the type to hold a grudge.

Rule #4 - This doesn't apply to everyone but about 90-95% of my friends are named Sara/h so if I am talking about a Sarah it doesn't always mean I am talking about you. I could be talking about someone else.

Rule #5 - This is more just a rule for me personally not really concerning this livejournal but I feel I should put it in here anyway. I HATE charity and I HATE pity therefore give me nither. Yes I don't always have enough money to eat healthy or at all. But when you take me out to eat for no other reason then that I get pissed. Why? Because I FUCKING HATE PITY AND CHARITY! Some people don't know this but for a large portion of my life I was on food stamps and got those "care" packages on my doorstep once a month. Once I actually cleaned out our cupboard of all canned goods and marked a big black X on the bottom of each one and put them in the donation bin at school. Sure enough the next month some of the canned goods in our box and a big black X on the bottom. Receveing pity or charity makes me feel weak and powerless. I don't mind if we go to eat somewhere and you decide to pay. I do that all the time. Not because I feel sorry for the people I am eating with or that I expect them to pay me back, merely because I have the money and I feel like doing it. But when I get a call saying "I am going to take you to Perkins because you need to eat and can't afford to" it fucking pisses me off. I can make my own way just fine, I have been doing it for over a year now.

I sure hope you gave him this link! Better yet, just move on, some people aren't worth the effort you put forth. Some, but not all people
You sound like you have finally figured out the situation.

"Hey, Beavis, this chick listens to Korn."

"What!!?? What did you say, Butthead?"

"And she listens to Pearl Jam and Nine Inch Nails."

"Uhhhoooo,Uhhooo, YEAH! this chick rocks!!! Who is she, Butthead?"

"uuuhhhhh, I think her name is Sarah."

"Do you have her picture too?"

"Not this one, Beavis"

"That sucks!!"