Roads go ever ever on…

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.

By J. R. R. Tolkien

 

"Where are you Now" by Britney Spears

Calling out your name
Your face is everywhere
I'm reaching out to you
To find that you're not there
I wake up every night
To see the state I'm in
It's like an endless fight
I never seem to win

I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering

[CHORUS:]
Where are you now, what have you found
Where is your heart, when I'm not around
Where are you now, you gotta let me know
Oh baby, so I can let you go

I can hear your voice
The ring of yesterday
It seems so close to me
But yet so far away
I should let it out
To save what's left of me
And close the doors of doubt
Revive my dignity

But, I can't go on as long as I believe
Can't let go when I keep wondering

[Repeat CHORUS]

I should let it out, it's time to let you go
Oh baby, I just want to know

[Repeat CHORUS]
 

Hello,

I have missed this and I am going to work to keep it. I have sooooo much to say that I have know idea where to start, so I started here.
Count Loveliness is got three more chapters that are not here and I have so many song lyrics to put here. I have had bad bad days and some good days. I am so happy.

Eliesa, Writing AGAIN!!! :)
 

Hello All,

I noticed going through this blog that I have only rock songs. I do listen to everything and more than just women singers. I am blogging two songs from a male country singer that gives me great memories and I hope his songs do that for you too.


If Tomorrow Never Comes

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

         By Garth Brooks




Here is the other one.



Shameless

Well I'm shameless when it comes to loving you
I'll do anything you want me to
I'll do anything at all

And I'm standing here for all the world to see
Oh baby, that's what's left of me
Don't have very far to fall

You know now I'm not a man who's ever been
Insecure about the world I've been living in
I don't break easy, I have my pride
But if you need to be satisfied

I'm shameless, oh honey, I don't have a prayer
Every time I see you standin' there
I go down upon my knees

And I'm changing, swore I'd never compromise
Oh, but you convinced me otherwise
I'll do anything you please

You see in all my life I've never found
What I couldn't resist, what I couldn't turn down
I could walk away from anyone I ever knew
But I can't walk away from you

I have never let anything have this much control over me
I work too hard to call my life my own
I have never let anything have this much control over me
I work too hard to call my life my own
And I've made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly
But it's your world now, I can't refuse
I've never had so much to lose
Oh, I'm shameless

You know it should be easy for a man who's strong
To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong
I've never lost anything I've ever missed
But I've never been in love like this

It's out of my hands

I'm shameless, I don't have the power now
I don't want it anyhow
So I got to let it go

Oh, I'm shameless, shameless as a man can be
You make a total fool of me
I just wanted to you to know

Oh, I'm shameless, I just wanted you to know
Oh, I'm shameless, Oh, I'm down on my knees... shameless

         By Garth Brooks

I am having a special day happen next week and I will post a song by Savage Garden that is for that day only. It is special to me and I would like all to know the day. I have not posted this day before, because I have not really had a day like next week will be. My husband and I have been having some trouble having a great day on this Wedding Anniversary day, but I plan on changing that. I hope.

That day I will post the song from Savage Garden here on the time that we got married in the year 2000. I hope you will enjoy. I was thinking of having a game with it, by having the first person to tell me the time it was posted would win GPs, but I am not so sure that anyone would e-mail me the time to win the GPs.

Well, its that time to go and this is long enough for me. Back to writing.

Eliesa


 

Hello All,

The song that I am listening to as I write today.

SAY IT AGAIN

No need to translate,
'cause my eyes give me away,
Even though my lips don't say..

This should be so easy,
But my head gets in the way,
All the things that I want to tell you.

You're the most perfect yet,
Most definitely that i've met,
And I wonder if you know that's how I feel about you.
I hope you know..

'cause I have so much love for you.
Do with it what you will..
And I have nothing more to prove,
Say to me what you will..
Say, say it again.

Not enough lovers in life to go around
But there's you and me,
If we don't start it out.. mmmm..
It's not hard to let go
Enough to let me in.
If it's meant to be,
It can only be good.

You're the most perfect fit,
Most definitely that i've met,
And I hope that you feel the same way too
About me.. just let me know..

'cause I have so much love for you,
Do with it what you will..
And I have nothing more to prove.
Say to me what you will..
Say, say it again..

Can you take it from me?
If I give, can you receive?
I'm reaching out,
Giving everything.
I give you my heart, I give you my soul,
I give you it all..

'cause I have so much love for you,
Do with it what you will..
And I have nothing more to prove.
Say to me what you will..
Say, say it again..

by Natasha Bedingfield


Eliesa

 

Hello All,

I have not written here, at my Blog, for about two weeks. I have not had Internet since May 30th. I go it back June 9th. I do this sometimes during the summer, because work is slow and I really don’t need to be on the Internet as much, because I do not take Internet classes during the summer.

It is hard to have “my time” with four kids at home, all the time. Some summers, some leave to go to grandma’s house for two weeks or more. Not this year, thanks to gas prices.

As I had some free time, I wrote and wrote. I wrote every day and exercised. Some days were a little and other days were a lot. I am adding up the word count to get to 55,000 words before the end of August. I want to have a book to send out in my birthday month, which is October. I know there will be lots of editing before I send it out, but I would like to have a full book to edit by my birthday. That is my goal. That is what I am working on.

This goal is what will keep me from here. I have Internet for a while, but it is not a requirement until August for me. I do not know if I will be bogging anymore until August or I might stop by to get ideas to get out of the writing mess I made. I do not know and that is why I am writing this now.

If I come back and Blog, great. If not, I am writing up to 55,000 words to have my first book done before my birthday. Say a prayer; wish me luck, or anything else. I am writing.


ELIESA



 

Hello All,

I have been e-mailing with a friend. She got me busy with a game called, "Vision Takes Two". It is a new game that two people share their views on ome picture, idea, or anything else. You both try to talk, via e-mail, to share your ideas with the other until you both see the same idea with the others eyes.

We have been doing this for a week and everyday we e-mail each other. I have learned so much this week and my hand is tired of writing. I copy her e-mail and reread it twice as I jot ideas down on a piece of paper. I take those ideas and make a letter that I then e-mail to her.

I have been reeling with ideasand researching things that I have ideas about. I am having soo much fun. I am even thinking of taking up painting!

She was having problems seeing my idea about a painting and I had to reseach for the art I was trying to put into this painting. I found paintings close to what I was looking for, but not what I wnated. It was either the wrong shape or too colorful. There was no block alphabet that I was looking for to explain a hologram design I had in mind. It took three paintings and tow websites later to get what I wanted to show her my idea in the raw.

I love that I can read information and take it in like a sponge. I went through twenty-five websites looking for what I was looking for and I did not stay at any one for very long.

I wish I knew how this idea of "Vision Takes Two" came about. I did some reasearch on it and it came up nothing I can use. All I know, it came from using it as artists using it to know their viewers, getting different points-of-view of ideas.

As I e-mail my friend everyday, I feel I am learning to explore my world more and that gets me to learn about me more. I am a person that likes to know how people work.


Off the subject a little, I am getting hurt that some people think English is a second language to me. I am White, I was born in TEXAS, and I have always had a problem with writing english to the correct standards. I have taken all the grammer classes anyone can think of and that is not my problem, because I passed everyone. I understand how to use the written word and spell most words. My husband calls it, "SPEAKING BLONDE". I have a problem with moving the words in a sentence in the wrong order. I do this when I have an idea and very happy about it. I think I am happy everytime I write and that is when the words in my brain do not make it to the object that I am writing on at the time, in the right order. I believe, but I have not been tested for dislexia. I believe, but not tested I have a writing problem. It does slow me down, but I do not know what to call this problem that I have. Dislexia is where the person has to see pictures and turns the letters over in the brain. I write the letters correctly and all words do not have pictures that I need to see. I just have problems putting the words in my brain, on the object that I am writing on at the time, in the correct order or do not leave some words out in the movement from brain to object I am writing on at the time. I do rewrite a lot and I do mean a lot, I have to, it would sound so strange, more than what I am doing now if I do not.

I am off my soap box...

ELIESA
 

I want a lover to take me down to my core and love me for whom I really am.

I want a lover that will love me when I am as sweaty as a stuffed pig.

I want my wife to love me when I get home dirty and sweaty from a long day at work and greet me at the door.

She will not mind that I give her a kiss and sweep her off her feet to take a shower with me.

She will not complain about the dirt on her floor and I will try hard not to dirty it because I have manners, not because she has yelled at me about it.

LOVE,

Count Loveliness

 

Hello All,


I have found a website that is cool.

http://sixsentences.ning.com/

This website is about all kinds of people writing what they want in six sentences.

What can you write in six sentences?


Dreaming of You
( Selena )

Late at night when all the world's sleepimg
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
Thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far all I have is dreams of you
I wait for the day, the courage to say
How much I love you

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Late at night when all the world's sleepimg
I stay up and think of you
I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said I love you
I love you too

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room dreaming with you endlessly




Eliesa





 

Hello All,

I am right now listening to music and was writing, but I stopped to check my e-mail on the six e-mails that I have. I know, too many, but they all have different ways that they help me. I use one for junk that I like having for ideas. This one e-mail is eliesamartin@yahoo.com.

I was going through it and found an e-mail from a friend that I have not talked to since I moved. He was going through some stuff. I think he still is, because he sent me an e-mail to be his friend at a website, so here is the url to my profile that I fixed at this weird site. What next?

http://tagged.com/eliesamartin

I am listening to Miracle by Cascada and writing again.

Miracle lyrics

Boy meets girl
You were my dream,my world
But i was blind
You cheated on me from behind
So on my own
I feel so all alone
Though I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

Day and night
I'm always by your side
Cause I know for sure
My love is real my feelings pure
So take a try
No need to ask me why
Cause I know it's true
I'm still in love with you

I need a miracle...
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
I need a miracle
I wanna be your girl
Give me a chance to see
That you are made for me
I need a miracle
Please let me be your girl
One day you'll see it can happen to me
It can happen to me

Miracle... Miracle [echo]

Miracle... Miracle [echo]


Eliesa
 

Hello All,

I have been thinking a lot. I even been cleaning everything. I been cleaning my writing, my mind and my house. I feel it is needed. I have not been in a mood to write here. I got my feelings up about someone and they have not written me for some reason. I still have dreams about Count Loveliness, but they are all fighting. I can not write anymore about Count Loveliness, because it is all sad. I do not feel like crying now. I am a big girl and I have learned not to write here when I am sad. I am writing now to let all know that I am going to do my class and group, but that is it. There will be no more on Count Loveliness or here until I get my mind straight. I found out a lot about a friend in his silence than I ever wanted to know. I feel I can not call him friend any more. I guess some people just do not get me anymore.

Eliesa
 

VISION OF YOU

Time moves a summer wind
I can see your face again
Was it such a tragedy
Being you...Being me?

Smoke clears, the picture fades
But I stay back in yesterday
All the strangers come and go
All of them will never know...

Chorus:
Nobody's touch feels like your touch
Nobody gets to me that much
Nobody's kiss moves me inside
And I have no place left to hide
Tell me what can I do?
I have a VISION OF YOU
Tell me what can I do
With this VISION OF YOU

Did I walk? Did you run?
What's the way to love someone?
Oh my Darling, did we know
What it meant when we let go.

Chorus:
Nobody's touch feels like your touch
Nobody gets to me that much
Nobody's kiss moves me inside
And I have no place left to hide
Tell me what can I do?
I have a VISION OF YOU
Tell me what can I do
With this VISION OF YOU

How can a candle ever burn so bright?
Casting a shadow on my life
I am blinded by your light
Even without you.

Hello All,

I can not believe that my best friend is graduated from PAC college and I am not going to see her as much as I have in the past. This friend is the one that I carpooled to college with every time I went. I will miss her and I wish her the best, but I am having crying fits, because she is in her 60's and doing this. I think of her as more than a best friend, she is my other mother. My mother is not really a mother to me, but this lady took me under her wing and helped me be who I am today. I could do this with out her, but I am happy that she was apart of my life. I will miss the talks on the way to college and back, but they made cell phones, so we can talk still.

I have nothing much to say on my grades at this time, because they have not posted them. I have an idea that they are all passing, but I hope they are high enough for my GPA to go up in the range for Scholarships that I have been to low to get. I like not having to pay for books. So, I wait.

I have wrote Chapter one for Count Loveliness and working on Chapter two. I have posted my picture here at the website and I need to add the kids. I also have a purple flower to post too. If all does not know, I love PURPLE!! I have purple bags, purple pens and anything else that is purple. I really love violet and some times purple, but I do not like the bright purple.

I am in pink for my best friend, she loves pink as much as I love violet. I got to work on an English paper and get ready for my best friend's party tonight at our church. She has her family working on the stuff for her, she just need to breath now.



I will be back soon and I will work on Chapter two and other things until then. I will not know what to do with my time driving to the college when I need to after this day. She will not be there to drive or talk to when I need an ear or I can not listen when she is having problems.

I am going to take the advice I give her everytime she is stressing about something.

JUST BREATH ! IT WILL WORK OUT IN THE LONG RUN !




Breath...


Breath...


Breath...


Breath...


Breath...


Breath...


Breath...


I will miss having my best friend there on the way to college, Ms. Mickie!!





 

Hello All,

I am having one of those days that I can not get ahead. You know those days, the ones that you get something good and right behind it there is something bad, That is the day that I am having.

Good: Past my Intro To Teaching class with a 'B'.

Bad: I want to throw my printer out the window, because it will not work. It printed one page and now it says no way for the rest. I guess it is saying it is time for a new one. Just my luck. Just when I use it the most, it dies.

Good: I got to sleep in.

Bad: kids are home, because of the school using this day as a weather day and since they did not go to school, because of the weather being bad, they have this day off.

They are every where and I had a hard time taking my test. I am havign one of those "Calgon Take Me Away" moments.

I have not added more to Count Loveliness, because this weekend my husband decided to do the boys bathroom so they will take showers in their own bathroom and not ours.

For the people outside of my life at this time, I will inform all that I moved into a three bedroom trailer for rent that is not done. It needs one bedroom and bathroom that needs work. It has no cabinets anywhere and the ones in the kitchen are ten only and with my family that is big with lots of stuff, this so little room to store anything.

Don't get me wrong, I like this place. It is quiet compared to the last place that was loud and the owner always came over to complain about their child getting bad manners from mine and that stuff like that. She said anything that happened to her child was all my children's fault and that is not right. I have children that have manners and do not cause trouble unless someone does it first. They have a problem with life should be fair. (So do I.)

I will take the not finished trailer over that hole any day. We call it a hole, because you go there and you can not use your cell phone, can not use dish T.V., it will always fill up with water when it rains, and the land slopes down when you drive to it. THE HOLE!

I am going to go to write some. I still have to study for my test tomorrow in Geology. I even still have my paper to do in British Lit. I am so behind in my life. Maybe I will catch up this summer.

Oh, I want to laugh about something a friend said. "how to end the story well its neverending just let readers think that it ended and start the next book...duaaa that is how writters make money right?????"

I wish it was that easy to just put down a book in a short amount of time. If it was so easy then I say, 'why have you not done it?' I have twenty- six stories started and only one done. I have a problem getting to the middle and dieing. I wonder if this friend could get one done. I would love to see that.

Well gotta go to get writing and see if I can get that printer to hold on just a little longer, so I can get what I need printed or I will throw it out the window. HAHAHAHA!!




~~~ ~~~

 

I oke up from another dream of him. I can not gather my thoughts quick enough to figure out my three year old is crying. I try to get out of bed at three in the morning and not sure what my brain is thinking as I stumble to the door of my bedroom. I walk or I think that I am walking to the bedroom that holds the little girl crying. I find her at the door with tears running down her face and screaming, "TEE, TEE!"

In the middle of potty training this is the way she lets the whole world know that she needs to go, and she is trying to wake up the whole house. I get her to the bathroom and get her fixed as I noticed she has soaked her clothes. As she is happy again, I am changing her bed or I think I changed her bed. I remember getting all the stuff that I needed to change the bed, but at three in the morning and not sure I am awake or not, is the question that I am having.

I get her back to sleep and get on the computer to go here. I can not stay away lately. I know I am feeling different than I have before. I am having things that I need to think out and I only can do that on paper. I do not like talking to friends, because I feel that I am being a burden on them and that is what my mother did all the time. She tells complete strangers her life story and I just can not do things like that. Happily, she is on meds now and she does not do that and she just wants a boyfriend because I have a husband. I think she thinks she has to be better than me know. No lie, she wants to go to college at 57 years of age. I know a friend that is going to college in her 60's, but my mother can not deal with everyday stress and that is quoted by her doctors and she wants to go to college. My mother has a long road to go and I can not help her, because she thinks that I am trying to get her to not do it and she thinks I do not know anything better than her.

This is what I lived with all my life and I had to convince her that the electric bill was more important to pay than going to the store and buying Princess Snow White night- outfits, that she had three already, and matching curtains. I wanted to run away and scream. I did not, because I had my mind yelling at me that it was wrong until I got her the meds she needed, but everyone thought that I was just a teenager wasteing everyone's time, because I hated my mother for a number of reasons that a teenager would hate their mother for. I just wnated to quit being the mother and just be the child for once.

I did not and will not get my wish. I am a parent and a wife now. I will never be the child again. I wish for it everyday and it makes me write to get these feelings out on something and try not to cry...

I am getting to deep and I am tired. I need to go back to bed and sleep, but I feel that I can not. I want to be a normal person, but that is not in the stars for me. I am hoping fo just time alone and this is my time alone. I guess that is why I do not want to leave and go to sleep, because when I wake up, the children and husband will be awake and my time alone will be no more. I like having no one looking over my shoulder as I type words, I like not hearing yelling about something or yelling at all. With children, there is always yelling about something, even when they know mom hates yelling.

My time is almost up and I have to get some sleep before they all wake up, because I still have not written that paper or taken the test that I need to and I need to get some sleep so that I can do a great job on it.

I am saying good-night and have a great weekend. I will be studying and working on my writing. OOOhhhh, I almost forgot, there will be Chapter One added on Sunday night or Monday some time to Count Loveliness. It is about 500 words at this time and counting. I have gone and started it again, I hope to get it bigger. I am also working on Rainy Day, but I am not sure which one will be bigger after I am done this weekend.

I need to go, but I feel good typing away, but bye.




~~~(~{ @
 

Hello All,

I almost got finals to do, which are next week. I hope I pass, bcause my family has been getting in the way like a wild family would do. I had trouble getting them to understand what I am doing last year and this year I spent my time trying to get time alone.




I have some great news! I found and talked to my long lost friend. He is married, I think. But so am I. I don't want to change my marriage, but have my friend in my life too, as a friend. We need to catch up and answer some questions we both have. I missed him, but I like my life, even when it is messed up.

My friend is a guy, and my husband knows all of this. He says he does not mind that I talk and see my guy friend, but nothing more. He is a great guy that trust me. I love him for that fact.



Well, writing again on Count Loveliness is what I am doing. Stuck about how to write the guy is my problem. Jack has lived in my dreams so long that I do not know what is true about him anymore. I just do not know to make him act anc look to be correct for the story.

WELL, WELL...


I have a 8 page paper due Monday and a final test on-line by Monday, so I will not be on-line here until Monday sometime. My weekend will be be working on paper or Word. I am about to be very busy until the end of next week.

See ALL Next Week !!! ~*~


~~~~ ~~~~

~~~~ ~~~~


 

Hello all,

I am getting ready to go to college today and I checked my e-mail in another site and found someone whom I was looking for. I feel mixed feelings, because I am married, but I still have feelings for this guy. I need to give some back ground to understand what I am feeling.

I liked this guy when he came over to fix my mom's a.c. with his boss. I enjoyed the talking and jokes. I guess I am a sucker for the joking guys, because I married one. I even have two kids from another joker. I think the past that I had makes me want to laugh now, because in my past, I did not laugh a lot.

I get to know this guy and want to date him, but so does my best friend, at the time, like him too. We fight over him, I just did not know what I was doing. I just knew I wanted this guy. I guess that is why I can not get over him now.

This guy came up with an idea to try to make it fair. He said that we would go see him one on one and then he would choose the one he wants. That sounded okay at the time, but I lost. I felt bad that he choosed her over me. I was hurt. I turned out to be the better one, because I picked up the pieces of him after she got through with him.

I think I should have left him alone, but my good nature would not let it happen. I had to get to touch and smell this guy that I just had to have. I could not get him out of my mind. I thought, if I could just be him girlfriend, then this feeling would go away, but it did not.

I became his girlfriend and the feeling got stronger. I could not understand why I was feeling something this strong with a guy when a guy hurt me so bad. I wanted to jump in his arms and also run away as fast as I could. I did not know if I could give this guy my heart and he would not smash it in to tiny pieces in front of me. I was scared of myself and of him. I never felt true love and he was getting me to think this was true love.

I had to move, because of my mother's ex-husband was coming over and talking bad to her, so bad that she spent her time losing weight and not eating. I could not handle the pressure of her in this state and me feelings for this guy. I was the parent and the child at the same time in that time in my life. I was a parent to my mother and I was a child that needed a parent to talk to. I was my own parent and I was lost in side of me.

I moved and the letters that we were writing back and forth stopped. I got nuts, I drank too much, I went out with boys too much, I skipped school too much, and I even had parties at my hoouse that had everything in it too much. I let myself go and I was a wild child. I could not control myself. My mother was in her own little world to know what was happening to me.

I moved ten times to get my first child. I moved three more times to get my second and then I stopped. I had to grow up. STOP!!!

I forgot, I got to see this guy that I forgot about for so long at a little town celibration. (I guess I spelled that wrong.) This town was the town I lived in when I met him. I missed that town, life was much easier than it was at that time I visited that town. I got to see and hugg him, but my heart wanted more. I wanted to marry him at that time, but that was not in the plans. I could not let him go to the woman that he said was his girlfriend. It broke my heart, I spent my time writing about him.

That is how Count Loveliness came about. I remember a saying that he always said, "I want to suck your love." He was funny.

I had to get those feelings out and I thought that would get him out of my heart and mind, but he was always there. I guess that is why I feel him in my heart today, even when I am married.

Do not get me wrong, I love my husband with all my heart and he know about this feeling that I am having about this other guy. He feels that I did not get to go as far as I wanted with this guy and that is why he is still in my heart. Is that it?

OR

Is it possible to love two guys at the same time and it still be called and felt as true love for both? I wonder, because I do not want to leave my husband for this guy, but I do not want to lose sight of this other guy too. I want to say, that I have been looking for this guy for most of my life and have not stopped and problily will not stop looking for him if he leaves my life again. I feel selfish at this time in my life, but it feels right in a strange way.

I am having problems with this problem, I hope someone can help.

Helpless....................................................................................................................
 

HELLO ALL !! ,

         I have been busy doing home life. I have not been writing anything at this time. I have not written for my classes and this site or any other. I have been on writer's strike and I am trying to get over it and just write. I have many thing to write and turn in, but I am having trouble putting the stuff down and sending it. I believe it is from not writing for so long that I have convinced myself that I will not write what I have correctly. I can not get my self to just do it.

I am working on doing it this weekend and I hope that I can or I will be in lots of trouble, because I will fail two classes. I will have to retake a Writing Academy class for the third time.

I have my mother going through a hard time. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she is diegnosed as "on the way to a nervess break down". I am going to add a job to my list of things to do. I am now going to be a provider for my mother. A provider gets paid for doing motherly work. Things like: cleaning, cooking meals, providing transportain to go places.

I am trying to come up with goals for the new Contest called, "Dear Me".
"Dear Me: Official Contest" 

Wish me luck to get writing again.

Eliesa