Today's word count: 3,240
Total word count: 9,326

Don't ask me why I'm writing over here. It's strange, because I have everything plotted out but I get to this stopping point and then...I stop. I don't know what it is.

So today was productive. Okay, it was only about five pages (3,240 words) productive, BUT:

I recreated my original index cards with each time period and put them in order the way that I wanted them to be for Caroline, and them labeled them chronologically A-E. Then I put them in order for Jonathan and labeled them 1-5. THEN I photocopied them and put the copies in order for Jonathan and the originals in order for Caroline. Then I taped them to my mirror.

THEN, I pulled out a notebook and labeled five pages with each time period, to keep track of the details.

Okay, I know that doesn't actually seem very productive, but it was more than that. Also, as I said, I had lawyer things going today, and I worked on my resume this morning, so I didn't get much done then. But in terms of writing, I ironed out some wrinkles.

Primarily, I plotted out the answers to several logistical problems. Answers like, why didn't Jonathan stay with Caroline and protect her? He knew what was going to happen. There had to have been something. I don't think he would just walk away when he knew what was going down. So he had to have a darned good reason. I gave him one. Now, writing it out when I get to part V is going to be a pain, I think, but by then I might have a better idea for what is happening.

Okay, suddenly, I just had another idea...it has to do with "proving" what Alex did.

Alex is another problem I'm having. I like him too darn much to kill him or send him to jail. Note to self: never fall for the villain. Of course, I'm not falling for him. But I made the mistake of writing that stupid Crystal Ball story, and then mentally writing the stupid initials carved into a tree story - that was freaking awful, it was just too sad to write - and now my poor widdle heart breaks for him. I should have gone with a Dean Koontz-style bad guy, pure evil. Then I could throw him to the wolves. So anyway. I'm trying to decide how to end things with him, jail, etc. I um, so I want to let the bad guy get away with it. Is that wrong? I'm thinking that's wrong. On the flip side, if Jonathan and Caroline could, you know, fix the problems...I'm lapsing into my muse self, sorry. Anyway, although the writing was minimal - did you see I put a daily word count and a total word count up top? - the plotting was massive. And the redecorating rocked. I really like the idea of pins because I can take the cards off when I need them, but something about trying to sell the house with holes in the wall...I dunno. But I have a corkboard around here somewhere...

My friend Adam - the one who was all, quit hanging out with me and go write - told me that I should work on my novel instead of getting a job. So here's the thing. I'm pulled in two ways. I kind of touched on this earlier with the whole homeschooling thing. Reasonably and responsibly, I should go get a job now. If nothing else, even if it's crap pay, McDonalds/Walmart, I can put some money away for myself and my kids. For a buffer. I have to love Adam, he told me that if I can get the novel cranked out, well, surely I can get it published and get paid. It's nice to have someone who believes in me. I don't think he realizes how long the publication process takes if everything goes well - you know, if you don't get dumped in the slush pile, if someone actually reads past your cover letter, if someone gets through all of the people who tell the editor "my mom and my girlfriend and my english tchr all sayed I was a good righter." You know, them. So I'm writing, and I'm loving it, and I have this whole thing in my head, and I'm trying not to think about publication and money and stuff.

So here's the thing. After Christmas, I am moving out of my house, with four kids. I originally gave myself 60 days but I don't really think I even have that. The good side is, I can get a job at Walmart, or McDonalds, or (preferably) a bank or something and make a little money. I think adding that to the child support will make things survivable. Sucky, hurting my pride, wow this bites, but the kids can eat. And jobs like that are a dime a dozen. Heck, I bet I could even apply for MANAGER at McDonalds! Go me. I'm not knocking Mickey D managers by the way, I'm just saying that is not my idea of a full time plan.

But. But I really want to be a SAHM, and I really want to homeschool. If short stories were easier to get published and paid for, I'd blanket the market. I'd do a short story a day and get them out there. And that's probably what I should do, honestly, it would get me closer to getting a novel published. But. I think my plan is to get this novel finished by the end of the year. I would really like to finish it by the middle of December and have it edited and reworked by the end of the year. You know what? That plan sucks. I will finish the novel by the middle of December, polish one section that I think highlights it, and then start mailing it out for publication. And while I'm mailing and piling up rejections, I'll continue polishing. But I would like to have a finished piece by the end of the year.

At that point, I don't know. At that point, I'll be on my own, trying to raise four kids on 25% of what I've been raising them on (hopefully with a house payment closer to 20% of what we've been paying). And I really will be doing it on my own, not just feeling like I am. I'm going to have to make tough, what's-the-best-thing-for-my-kids decisions. And I just don't know if $18,000 is going to cut it, even if I get help from the church or the government or both. I'm not even sure a "hey the economy is turned around" support payment of $24,000 is gonna cut it.

So anyway. Tomorrow and Saturday I'm attending an employment seminar. I cannot describe the joy. I'm sure it's gonna be a lot of what I already know. Of course, it's been a decade so <shrug>. Maybe I should email Kent back - from when I was working at the gym - and ask if he is hiring, in whatever he is doing. I'm sure they're running something, and I'd get to go to Florida...

Yeah, this is so gonna be a divorce blog. Because you know me, I process best through talking or writing things out. And there is a limit on the people to talk to at present, and it's about to get cut. (LAWL at me on Mumble with no Warcraft...) Because we're having about seven different kinds of issues. Or I am. Things like, omgosh, my husband is insane. He wants me to agree to move wherever he moves when he gets transferred and basically keep my life tied to his. He wants joint custody. He wants a lot of things.

Alright, well, I am going back to gaming. I literally have a writer's cramp from these last few days, because even though I haven't massively written my novel, I have done a lot over in "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . And offline, of course. In the meantime, I think I'm going to post my daily totals in my entries instead of at the top. I may or may not keep it at the top. We'll see.
 

Does it count as Day Three, if Day One was only, like, an hour long? Well, whatever. So I finally finished the first section of my novel, the set-up to everything else. Now I have to take a break from writing and really plan out the intricacies of time travel. This book is a headache to plot, much less to write. And I know I'm going to have to go back and massively revise everything Jonathan says and does, based on what he ends up doing later in the book, so that Jonathan-in-the-future is consistently changed from Jonathan-in-the-past. <sigh> I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. As always, if you want to know what's happening - and what brick walls I'm hitting - you can check out "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor , where I unscramble things. But only do that if you want to know how the novel ends. Actually, make sure you TELL me how the novel ends. I still haven't figured out what to do with my bad guy. I like him too much.

So, today, I went out to look for a J-O-B. Then I met with my lawyer (man, the joy I feel in typing those words cannot be expressed /sarcasm). We were talking about homeschooling. See, I have always strongly felt that I should be a stay-at-home mom. Even before I decided to homeschool, I wanted to stay home while my kids were in school so that when they got home, I would be there. So while I can handle most of the things going on with this divorce - oh crap, is this gonna be a divorce blog? blech, I'll try to keep it light, but this relates to writing sorta - I really hate my kids losing that. So my lawyer said that, given my husband's income (er, when it was good, it's slower now), and given the fact that it actually was *his* idea to homeschool, and also given the fact that we are absolutely NOT in Atlanta and the cost of living here is insanely low, it might be possible to make it on just child support. Now apparently my lawyer is not an astrophysics major because he put $1500/month at $30k/year, which would be true if, you know, there were 20 mos/year. I was actually excited at first because I've pulled us through, with three kids, on under $30k/year but about ten seconds with a calculator reveals that it is, in fact, a whopping $18,000/year. Yay, poverty level. He actually said 1500-1800/month, so that gives me an upper level of - wait for it! - $21,600. Wow. I don't even like typing that number.

Talked to Michael. He said when things picked up at work and he's actually back making the income he was making pre-economic slowdown, he could probably swing $2000/month, which would put us up to $24,000/yr, or $26,000 if, you know, you take in that invisible 13th month. That's actually about the minimum I've made pulled our family through on, BUT that was in Atlanta, with a higher cost of living. If you were here at the beginning of my blog, when I had us on the super-couponing grocery budget of $100/month, then you'll remember it. I could do that again, although the time is just <blech> and makes me want to puke with the monotony of it all. On the flip side, my kids are getting bigger.

So here's what I did. If I massively break it down, I can find housing for $500/month, cover food for $500/month - actually, that's where we are right now, and I'm sure that feeding Michael is a part of that, as are diapers which we are FINALLY almost finished with, plus I've gotten into a lot more convenience food and a lot less cheap, and I can *do* cheap - , and $500 for utilities. And somewhere in there I have to pay for gas for the car. And...that's it. Homeschooling has always been on the cheap, through the library, but I would be massively asking for museum memberships for Christmas for the kids. Side activities would be tough but we would figure something out. I'm sure I can find something that I can do at home - I actually saw a craigslist ad for PT work for a transcriptionist. I type 80 wpm, so that's doable. And when Dawn is 11, in three years, I could feasibly leave her at home with the kids and do a little bit of work elsewhere. And of course I'll become a big famous novelist...LMAO.

It's doable, but it would be massively tight. There would be no room for basically any luxuries - no Warcraft, no Tivo, no Netflix. On the one hand, the idea of living at the poverty level is crazy-scary. On the other hand, it's doable. I hate not having wiggle room, and it's going to be great when the kids do all the fun things and get all the fun stuff from their dad. But as long as they are being fed and clothed and sheltered, I honestly feel like being home with them is the most important thing.

Um yeah it all ties into writing because, see, if I'm working 40 hours and then coming home and homeschooling, um, yeah I won't be doing much writing. That's it.

Boy, this plan basically sucks all the way around. The whole damn thing sucks. I think I'm going to go curl up under my covers again. The good thing is that, lately, when I've been curling up and hiding from the world, I've at least managed to focus on what needs to happen next in my novel. LOL