Saturday's Word Count: 2,895
Total Word Count: 22,878

Well, I failed on Saturday to finish, but it's because, as I stated earlier, I think I'm basically finished with the section. I'll start with the next section today; that should be interesting. I have a few details to work out that will make 4k words during nap time a challenge, but I'm going to rock my way through and if I don't get it during rest time, I'll get it after dinner. But dinner tonight is leftovers - Monday is leftover night by default - so I can stretch the writing, as well. The problem is going to be the overview of the section, but I'll spend some time in the next hour or so pondering that.

I've done some thinking about my "plan." On the one hand, on a personal level, I feel keenly the importance of being a stay at home mom. On the other hand, I also feel the importance of, you know, money and food. I think I could manage to hack it as a writer, but sometimes I question the reality of that dream. Especially when I crunch the numbers.

So this is my plan to achieve both. I am going to take one year to try to get things set up with writing. It's going to be a write-as-a-job year, I'm going to hit 4k words a day or pretty darn close. I'm going to finish this novel before Christmas and do some massive research on where to send it, and then I'm going to send it. But the next one is going to be more realistic, honestly. I was laying in bed today and thinking, crap, I have no idea about what the next novel is going to be about. And I was okay with that, because I don't want to get distracted. I want to stay focused on this one. And I am ignoring the ideas of discouragement - or reality, depending on my mood - and pushing on. Because, frankly, when I add up monthly expenditures, it can be easy to be discouraged.

This morning, however, I remembered a book idea that I posted here earlier, one that has a far better likelihood of success in terms of getting published. I was thinking some random thing about formula books - you know, like those Star Trek books or romance novels (I would never write romance novels, but you get the idea). And it occurred to me that I have a good chance of cracking a much smaller market - that of LDS fiction. There are some great LDS fiction writers, but there are also a lot of duds. I've read some novels and scratched my head thinking, this is publish-worthy? I know I can write better fiction than that. If you remember, last year I posted the idea of writing a collection of short stories that was based on my seminary classes - not directly based, as in, on my real students, but based around the idea. Because of the nature of it, it actually comes out to four books - four collections of short stories. Granted, it is not the same as a novel, per se, but I think I'm going to put an overarching theme that connects the stories as well. But, the point is, I think it has a reasonable chance of success, and it will certainly be an easier market to crack. So...that is my plan for my January novel. February at the latest, depending on how long the revision process takes me but...I am not going to drag it out. The only reason it would is because the intent is for me and the kids to move out after Christmas, so there's going to be some life resettling issues.

I'm going to give it one year; I'm going to try to finish a book approximately every month and a half - a month to write, two weeks to revise. I'm going to mail them out like crazy. I'm going to find a source for publication. If, by the end of December, I haven't even gotten a prospect of publication, then I'm going to come up with an alternate plan. It may involve me going to work full time and putting the kids back in school, or it may involve me finding something from home. Actually, I'm thinking that I'm going to do a re-examination of the plan in August. If I'm going to put the kids in school, that would be the ideal time to do it. But...I may hold out, if I think I'm getting some positive reception somewhere. Frankly, my hope is to write the first LDS novel in January and have it published by then, but I don't know how long the process will take. You see, there's a question of timing with the marketing, and so in that sense, publication before August - not acceptance but publication - would be ideal. However, I'm not certain that is realistic. Of course...thinking...if I have five short stories after the first week of January, I could stop and polish them, and send them out for publication. I could take a break - no more than a week, but really it should take me, what, two days to polish the stories (plus Sat), and a day to print and mail them, right? - and get them sent out, and then finish the collection by the end of the month. Granted, it is rather silly to write the second novel in the series before the first is accepted, but I think I'm going to sell it in the letters I send out: "I am also in the process of writing a similar collection for the OT, which should be completed in the near future." This will let them know if they are more interested in the second novel than the first, because of the time it takes to publish something, that they have that option.

And here's the important point: if I can get published in the LDS authors, that is a good jumping off point for a wider market. I don't per se want to write LDS fiction forever, but it's a good starting point. It gets the foot in the door, and that is the hardest part, or so I hear. Granted, a compilation of short stories is different from a novel, but once I have the short stories, then I can write a solid LDS fiction novel or two, which bridges the gap. And who knows? Maybe my current novel will get picked up quickly; I doubt it, but hope does exist. Or maybe it would work in the LDS fiction novel, although it's not strictly speaking LDS fiction. In fact, assuming the short stories get picked up first, that would be the next logical step; offering up my time travel novel.

If all of this fails, then I will have to decide whether or not to go the self-publishing route and seriously beat down the doors. That's a lot of work and up front cost, and I have to decide whether or not it's worth it. We'll see. I'm not sure I have that in me, LOL, but I might. That would be part of the recoup in January plan, though.

So that's my plan. It's very calculating, but also realistic. You can either have writing as an art or as a business; it's pretty tough, I think, to do both. I want to continue to love it, but the fact is, I need money, and the best kind of job is one that you excel at. I tend to doubt myself in a lot of things, but on writing, I'm actually confident. I'm a good writer. It's the publication process that worries me. Getting through the innumerable slag of submissions to actually land on the publisher's desk.

You know what else I should do? I still have that children book I wrote last January. I haven't heard back from the publisher I sent it to. I would say, it is time to resubmit it. I'm going to pull it off my desktop and send it out, as well. After all, I did all of the hard work, right? I even have a list of people to send it to already compiled. So I'm going to get that taken care of this evening and send out the next submission of it tomorrow...no more stalling. I'm going to make it so.

There's an idea, as well, to continue writing children books in between full out novels. A quick and easy write, some chapter books. It gives me a small breather, a little fun, and it also increases my chances of publication. It's the research that is going to get to me, though, the publication research. Hmm. We'll see. I don't know if I want to stray quite that much. But it's an idea. Eh, I probably won't, not tell I have at least the two seminary novels finished.

Alright, it's almost lunch time, and then I have to write. Um. So much for pondering my novel in the interim. But that's okay, I'll make it happen.

edited to add: (I need a macro for that, LOL) 1,620 words, and my head hurts, and the kids are driving me crazy. How is it already 2:45? Argh. It's so strange how quickly I can write sometimes and how slowly other times. I guess it depends how driven I am. Anyway, gonna take a ten minute break and let my brain work. The kids are supposed to get up at 3 but they're making me nuts and it's raining, so they can't go outside. Argh. So I'll take a little quiet time now and figure out how to make it work. I can't believe I'm only about a third of the way through, though. I have to stop watching and just write, but that word count option really makes it too easy. The plus side: almost to 25k words (24,499). Wow. That always seemed like such an out-there goal for someone who thinks 5k stories are a challenge. I'm not posting it but if I did, I bet I wouldn't get many reviews. LOL I struggle with R&Rs on those 5ks.

You know, although I'd be really ticked if I quit right now, I also have to admit I'm rather proud of myself for how far I've gotten. 43 pages. Even my fake novel from way back when, the one I rewrote seven times in high school or whatever, wasn't this long. I think it was, like, 30 pages (talk about rushing the action!). That's kind of funny, actually. As I remember it - and the memory is fuzzy, mind you - I was all about jumping from action to action with little extrapolation, whereas now I'm going, where's the action?

Kåre Enga en Costa Rica pointed out in one of the comments that good stories succeed when they're character-driven. (Extrapolating out) If we don't care about the characters, we really don't keep reading, right? I"m gonna go with that, and take a break. I only stress in points. Mostly I'm too busy trying to figure out what's next to let myself worry. Although sometimes I *do* want to smack Caroline. She irritates me sometimes.
 

Well, I didn't go on to write on Wednesday, and I failed to follow up Thursday. I would like to say that this is because it was Thanksgiving and I was hanging out with my family, but I'm afraid not. No one came up, we didn't go anywhere, it was just Michael & the kids & I. We decided this would be our last Thanksgiving and Christmas together, and we didn't need the added pressure of extended family, not to mention travel. I don't think I can hack 14 hours in the car each way with Michael. So anyway, I slept late yesterday, and then I took a nap. But what the heck, it was Thanksgiving, I'm cutting myself a very little bit of slack.

So, I am going to try to hit 8k words today. We'll see how that goes. I don't feel overly optimistic, but maybe. I don't know why I'm not optimistic. Well, it's just, that's a lot of time to sit in front of the computer. Then again, it's not really. I dunno, it depends on how long it actually takes me to write.

Theoretically I could argue that I'm waiting for my EMS friends to write back, but...I actually think I know how this is going to go down. For some reason, I was going to send Caroline & Jonathan to the hospital, but I'm thinking they're going to wind up with a cursory check and then they'll go from there. Wet clothes, they'll need to change. Sorry, plotting.

I've been drawn further back into my Warcraft addiction. Randomly, I started playing my mage yesterday, trying to level her, and she was a lot more fun when I know what I'm doing. Of course, I had someone to talk to the whole time, always makes leveling more fun. That's random, but it explains where I was yesterday. <whistles>

Eight thousand words for today and tomorrow, ugh. That actually sounds scary. It's not undoable, I know it's totally possible, but I'm psyching myself out. I think instead I'm just going to write and stop paying attention. And then I'll count. Except I'm such a math-nerd, I keep taking breaks to see how far along I am. Sheesh. Anyway, there's not really anything to report, so I'm going to go plot a little bit, and then I'm going to write. At the very least, I'm going to hit 4k today, but I'd really like to try for 8 so that my week's tallies are all good. Ultimately, though, I think even if I miss a day, it is probably better for me to just keep going with the same daily goal so as not to get overwhelmed. Yeah, I should probably just stick with my 4k goal and not worry about what I missed. Of course, Michael is home with the kids, so he can deal with them, too. That gives me a little more wiggle room.

edited to add: Oh look, I'm stalling already. I had a sectional rework that occurred to me; that is, I was going to put a key action in one section but I realized today that it makes more sense to add it into the next section. So all I need now is to get though the last of the trust issues. Caroline is trudging around outside, stomping through the woods and muttering over whether or not she's fallen in love with a married man, and she's irritating me because I just want to smack some sense into her and have her talk to Jonathan. But I'm also not sure yet of exactly how he's going to respond, although I do have some good ideas. But then comes the next question...exactly where do I go from here? I mean, in this section, Caroline and Jonathan are going to college - still don't know where, though - do they really need a four year degree or what? WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO?!?! - but I haven't even begun to discuss that idea. I wonder if perhaps I should have sent them away before the whole lake scene. In fact, if they're going to do community college, then why wouldn't Caroline have already started? You don't need Ivy League to get a job, and she's staying out of her field, they both are. I have no idea about her job. Dangit. But I need to work that in. But anyway, I may have to sneak that in later, in the revision, just drop a little bit here and there.

The nice thing about action (she says) is that something is happening. Not this wandering around, am I in love, crap. It's getting on my nerves. It needs to be done, it sets up the rest of the novel, but I'm not sure how to do it. Incidentally, I'm also not sure how to handle the fact that she's in love with him but they're going to stay apart the rest of the time they are together. That's another problem.

You know what Caroline needs to do? Own her own business. They both do. They should do that. They don't even need to go to college for that, they can keep themselves afloat, it won't matter that Jonathan disappears for years at a time...that's what they are going to do. Um. What kind of business is the next question. I'm going to have to work that in, too. I'm only at 1,554 words, by the way. WHAT A SLACKER.

edited to add: Okay, I am up to 2,895 words, almost three thousand. Wow, it took me an hour to write less than 1500 words? <sigh> This is not working so well. It's because I hate this emotional crap. I'm trying to figure out how to end the section. But. I haven't had lunch yet, and it's 2 o'clock, and I really need to eat. (Almost 23k words total!)

I am almost finished the first section. What I really need to do is to wrap up the section. I have basically everything accomplished, but I have to figure out how to close it. I can make it abrupt and just jump to the next section, or I can try to taper off, to "summarize". I don't like the idea of summarizing at the end; I would rather summarize at the beginning, fit it into the action. I can start the next section - PLAN - with Caroline in the clearing, waiting for Jonathan. I also need her to get the stuff from him, although again, that can be fit into the section. ARGH. This is such a pain. I hate these huge fifty year gaps. It's not going to be that huge, but it's going to be something, at least. And I need to work it in, somehow.

Alright, so I'm going to merge the "in between" stuff. I still have to figure out the best place to end this section, and I am not sure of it. If I could figure it out, then I could probably manage it with this last thousand words. But I have to really think about it. I'm going to go get lunch and ponder. Ugh ugh ugh.
 

Yesterday's Word Count: 3,975
Total Word Count: 19,977

Well, I came in 25 words shy yesterday; I thought about writing a little more but I finished the section and I figured I was okay. But today has been a scheduling nightmare. Usually the kids are down by 1:30 at the latest, and closer to 1, but here it is 2:39 and they are just going down. I'm extending nap time, but there's no way I'm going to make my goal this afternoon. However, if I am truly disciplined <gag>, I should be able to do the rest this evening, before logging on to WoW. Which is going to be tough, because the truth is that I am massively undisciplined. And also, before I get started, really need to figure out what we're doing for dinner tonight...umm. I don't really want to, though. Maybe we'll do hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill again. Nice and easy and quick.

So, yesterday I finished the action sequence. A whole 1,023 words. Okay, that looks like a fake number, but it's not. Wow, lol. That's kinda pathetic for an action sequence. It's obvious that I should put down whatever I'm reading and pick up some Koontz books, and really analyze what I'm reading. A thousand words? The problem with this novel is that, by necessity, there is no interaction with the villain. I remember trying to figure out a way to make that happen, but frankly, there's no way to work it without changing Alex's personality...unless...what if Alex were sent back? Gak. That's such a massive rework. Even then, it's not like he's going to attack Jonathan and Caroline, he just wants to complete his project, and they aren't going to attack him. I have too many nice people.

Dark Rivers of the Heart, that's what I should read. Total reworking of trust involved there. But the bad guy, <shudder>, he's got to be about the most evil of all of Koontz's bad guys. In so many of his books, we don't meet the bad guy until the very end, but we hear about him as we go. Now, theoretically, that could work. But that would mean making the novel so out of sequence, it would give everyone a headache. I can handle the point of view swap, I suppose, but the timing. Plus, it's not actually like Alex is doing anything between scenes, other than standard scientist stuff. The only point of nefariousness is when he sends Jonathan back, and we hear about that, so it's not like we need to experience it first hand.

You know, this is one of the biggest reasons I have put this novel off for so long. This is a serious problem. There is no element of rush, nothing to push you through it quickly. It's very laid back in the time stream, especially once Caroline is injected. There's no impetus to make it a page turner. No psycho FBI guys, no Volturi...of course, there was no Volturi or James for the first 2/3rds of the Twilight novels, and they did fine. Gone With the Wind - that was a series of snapshots and crisisies (how the flip to you pluralize crisis?!). Trying to think of science fiction, but sadly, I'm not a huge sci-fi fan, believe it or not. Ender's Game - crisis was the end of the world. The Rowan - no crisis til the middle. David Eddings series - there was always a quest, but that was more fantasy. I just read another fantasy book - new author, awesome book - where the purpose was basically a gathering of info, interspaced with some action, so small bits here and there. But fantasy and sci-fi are different genres. Um. Sassinak - a general "get the space pirates" but mostly expositive until a plan was in place, what, 2/3rds of the way through? Crystal Singer - okay, just weird. But yeah, Anne McCaffrey seems to do fine mostly working biographically, with a plan about 2/3rds of the way. What is 2/3rds of my novel? That would be around COMPUTE, when the plan really gains momentum.

Okay, so the more I think about the sci-fi I've read, the more I think it has merits. That gives me a little relief. I mean, I still want to get the story out, but if I'm going to have to massively modify it, I'd rather do it now. I think it's still doable, provided I give enough action going through. So, with that in mind, I guess I better go get all post-action emo. Still nervous, but whateva.

edited to add: I can't seem to get in the groove, and I realized that I have absolutely no clue what to expect from the EMS. Theoretically, I could write now and then hash the other in later, but I hate to do it that way. SO, I sent emails (well, facebook messages) to two of my friends who work or worked for EMS asking what the SOP would be, and I'm waiting for answers. What with the kids and Michael, there's not a huge reason to keep trying to press on, I don't think, so maybe I'll go think about the actions forthcoming - well, the conversations - so that when I get info on the action, I can merge the two accordingly. Of course, I really have a good idea...ugh. I hate to rehash that much. I could do it. I should do it. I am feeling lazy. LAZY. If I could convince Michael to eat early tonight, like 4:30, then I could work on my novel after that...how sad. If I start writing at 4:30, I should finish by around 7:30; that should give me ample time to <blush> do my Warcraft stuff. Wow. A deadline. If I go plot out exactly what is said, then the writing should be unbelievably smooth, because I'll already know how it's going down. So, yeah, I'll do that, I'll run through it in my mind, and then put it on paper. OR, I could go play with my kids for an hour...that would probably be a better use of my time...
 

Yesterday's word count: 4,624
Total Word Count: 15,999

I should have written one more word yesterday, LOL. So, I really like using my blog for warmups. I get Cross Country images in my head, of stretching, etc, before going the distance. Yesterday, I was coming up short and, as you'll remember (if you read the entry), was considering leaving it as such, but decided instead to come back in the evening and finish up. I think that's what I really need to do, hold myself to it, because as you see, I got rolling and wrote an extra 600+ words. I think if I really stay focused, I can continue in that manner, thus hitting my self-inflicted, er, I mean self-imposed, goal of 20,000 words/week. It's all very numerical. Did I mention that I'm up to 28 full pages, actually on page 29? Single spaced? Okay, I know, it's the little things.

Anyway, my kids are finishing up their lunch. I'm using that time to do some loose stretching, just kinda jogging in place. As soon as I cart them all upstairs, I'll switch to Calling My Muse and do a little plot pondering. Here is something to consider, though; if I am shooting for approximately 10k/section <grimace> then I'm going to need to start switching to the action, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet. Perhaps I can start talking about the time capsule-stuff in the background. See a sign about a town-day, um, festival? I can't think of the word (for shame!) but that kind of thing. Some sort of celebration. Although who buries a time capsule for three hundred years? Perhaps it is the town's 300th anniversary...that would be pretty close to impossible. Hmmm. I'll think about it. Oh look, I skipped to plot summary.

So, here is my writing problem of the day. My goal is to finish 80k in a month, so basically before Christmas (I know, I have January written down, but I decided to shift midway through; writer's perogative. (What is with my spelling lately?!) The plan right now is that the kids and I are moving out after Christmas. I am still indecisive on what to do regarding work. I really want to stay home with my kids during the week and continue homeschooling. If I do manage that, I'm going to need to earn more than I would receive from child support, even if my husband goes beyond the state minimum. I think I can make it on that - probably with a little help from either the govt or the church or a mix if needed - but that isn't a long term plan. I would like to try to find something I can do from home. I have found various things throughout the years, and I'm sure I can continue. I've also considered, if Michael takes the kids every weekend, getting a Saturday-only, fast-food type job. So if I'm going to stick with that (tight tight) plan, then I'm okay with writing.

However, if I'm going to go for a "real," full-time job, and enroll my kids in school, then I need to start searching now. Writing is a fail plan. It would be nice to imagine publication and supporting myself as such, but in reality it isn't realistic. So I have to decide how much realism I am going to inject in my life. That is, do I start looking for a 40 hour a week job now, or do I keep writing and agree to exist on the necessities-only, with the hope of one day actually getting published?

Because that is another point. If I can honestly write a novel in a month, well, that makes things interesting. Of course, this one has been brewing for, what, five years? So I've had a lot of time to consider various points. On the other hand, if I actually complete it, my confidence in my ability to do it will be significantly higher. Actually, if I finish the novel, I'll know I can do it. If nothing else, it will encourage me to do it again, and my second one can only be better, right?

But for now, I'm off to work with my muse about the next few steps, and then I'm going to write like a mad, er, madwoman. I'm determined to hit my 4k goal every day. I'm posting to be accountable. And I'm hoping to get it done.

edited to add: 2,416 words so far, and it's 2:30. I'm working slower today. Of course, I spent while trying to figure out one of the action scenes. Still, it took me about an hour and a half to do that. But, it took me about 45 minutes to hit 500 words. It's kind of funny; sometimes I go slow, then sometimes a rapid burst of speed. Anyway, I'm on page 33, so about 3 more pages to go, but I will probably get distracted because we're almost to one of the big action scenes.

Let me say this. I was trying to figure out how to make this whole thing work, how to get Caroline to trust Jonathan. I was playing with it in my brainstorming blog, right? I had this kind of nebulous, foggy idea of what I wanted to do but I wasn't sure how to make it work out. Then, all of a sudden, it all came together, and it did so in a way that solved another problem I was having. Those are the moments I just love writing. When everything comes out smooth, and you're going, ah, that's how it's going to work. Everything fits like a puzzle, like it was meant to go together. It's indescribable. It left me on such a writer's high, it was amazing. That's when I really went to town, I think.

So anyway, I have 20 minutes before my kids get up from their nap. I'm in the middle of my action scene. The kids will be going outside after naptime, so I'll have some quiet time (ugh, it's rainy, I don't know how long it will last), so I'm going to take a little bit of down time and read a little bit. Like 20 minutes. I just need to detach myself. I'm not actually in my action scene, just close, but I should be able to pick it up fast. If I fail to get it written, well, I will have to stay off of WoW tonight until it gets done. I'm doing pretty good at hitting my goals, and I'm going to continue to do it, especially now that it looks like the novel is going to take more than 80k words. That means it will take longer to write. Maybe not, though. Just because I have a 4k goal doesn't mean I have to stop when I hit it, right? Like yesterday, when I hit 4.6k. And I have a real feeling that I'm going to hit the 4k today in the middle of the action scene, and I already know I'm not going to stop until I get done. "Oh look, Jonathan and Caroline are rescuing someone, I guess I'll just stop for the day." Nope. I'm going to finish, and then I will probably wrap up the emotional post-crap, as well. But for now, breaktime.
 

Yesterday's Word Count: 0
Saturday's Word Count: 2,020
Total Word Count: 11,345

Hmm. So yesterday was Sunday, so I didn't write. Between that and Friday, things are looking a little sloppy. Saturday's word count was minimal, but as I think I said in my last post, I got a *lot* of replotting done; I did 1,200 words over in my plotting journal trying to hammer out details, which I am going to have to reread to get me on track. My blog entry today is something of a writing warm-up; in fact, that's basically what these all are. Anyway, it's naptime, everyone is down until 3, and then they'll be outside until 4. I'm transferring some of the things I came up with into my notebook, where it's more organized (I have one page for each section), but it is giving me a headache. Things like, well Jonathan sees something that gives him an idea on what to do in his future, but it's Caroline's past so why when they discuss it doesn't she say, yes, we've discussed that already? I guess they are both very conscious of the paradox issue, but they have to get confused on occasion. I can't be the only one confused here.

Anyway, that is strictly plotting stuff. I did a word count google and found the "go for it" suggestion for a novel is around 80,000 words, if you want to be published. That is kind of daunting. I mean, 40k is an "official" novel but the regular publishing numbers seem to be higher. That's fine. I was counting sections, and I've already got 10k for the introduction. I figure if I write about 10k for each of the next five sections, and another 10k for the last one, that's 70,000 words, which should come in close. And I have also noticed that I am dialogue heavy and action light; I need to fix that and flesh it out but I'm not going to worry so much about it right now. But fleshing out all of the sections should increase the word count; if it ups it by a thousand words a section, well, that's 77k, so that's totally doable.

In terms of writing: I'd really like to see myself hitting 20,000 words a week. That is a-crazy-lot. I figure a five day week, since I don't write on Sunday and there will be odd-times where I, like, spend time with my family (Thanksgiving this Thursday, for instance), but that's about 4,000 words/day. That is doable, I think, if I don't spend a ton of time plotting. That's my only concern. But I am okay with that. I think I am going to hold myself to 4k words/day, and not let myself do "random" things (I will not mention the fact that I am a Warcraft fanatic in this blog) until I hit that goal. And if I miss WoW, I miss it. If I can honestly get this novel finished in a month, I will be happy. Finished being written, that is. Then I can take another month - or two weeks - to revise and edit. Actually, as I said before, I think I'll find the best section to send out, and start sending, and then polish afterward. So I'm only going to give myself maybe a week on that section, and then I'm hitting the mailbox. I'll make crucial decisions after that point - like, editor or agent? But I refuse to think about that right now. <sticks fingers in ears>

So, for today, I am aiming for 4,000 words. That would put my total writing at 15,000 words for the novel. I can do that. I think I can knock out half of this section, probably the whole "getting adjusted to and trusting Jonathan" thing. I need to determine how to drag it out some more, though. I mean, basically...eh plotting. I'll switch in a second. But I can do 4k words in three hours, I believe in it. Of course, I have to go do a little bit of prep work, so I'll head over to "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor and take care of it now. No more than 30 mts, and I can probably make it on 15. Maybe less, actually, I have to re-read what I did Saturday.

edited to add: I am now officially stalling. Okay, it is strange. At some points, I check my word count and it is slooooow. But then sometimes it is fast. After half an hour, I had written (no joke) about 500 words. After an hour and twenty minutes, I had written 1,989 words. So in less than an hour, I wrote three times as much. ?? How does that even happen?

The sad thing is, I am stalling. But you know what? If this was a full-time job, I would have a break. Although I didn't start writing until 1:30, I sat down at the laptop at 1 to put myself in the mood. So that's almost two hours. I think I'm going to get up, walk around, and stretch. It looks like I should be able to hit my goal in close to another hour and a half, that would be 4:30. I think that is managable, especially since it's left over night. So I'm going to take a seven minute break, do nothing, maybe read a little? I think I'll read a chapter of the Three Musketeers and then come back and write some more. I'm rather impressed with myself (I know, sad), that I've gotten so much done today. I just have to do it again. And, did I mention that I am loving this? I forgot how much I love writing. This is the longest I have written in a long time, even back when I was writing consistently, it was all short stories. I'm on 24 single-spaced pages. It's freaking mind-boggling to me. And I am loving it. Even if all the computer time is monotonous.

edited to add: First, I'm stalling. Second, this would have worked significantly better if Caroline had also skipped around in time. Of course, that would have negated the need for her project, and thus I would've had to come up with another motive. But they could've gotten older. But also, I would be dead now from the brain hemorrhage that would have occurred. Alright, I'm good. I am really stalling right now. This whole no-trust thing is a real pain. I just want to yell at Caroline, get over it! LOL But also, I have to string it out, because this is a big thing, and Caroline overanalyzes. Anyway, at the moment, I'm up to 2,757 words, cruising, if I would stop getting distracted. ARGH.

edited to add: Alright, it is 7 o'clock, the kids are heading to bed. I'm trying to decide if I am going to write the last three hundred words - really 250, which is only, like, half a page. I mean, really, why shouldn't I? So I'm doing some warmups - enter blog - trying to limber up. I don't actually think I like where I left them, but I think I'm going to mess with that on the edit. It does show a nice little slice of Caroline's life, although I could, as usual, do more with the setting. I could go back now and change it just a bit. I might do that, set the stage. I'm not sure how I feel about Jonathan sitting there for half an hour. Then again, it's only 150 words. Maybe I'll just delete it and have him catch her as she is leaving. That seems like a better plan, actually. I have plenty of time to set the stage for her life. They could take a walk - just what Caroline needs after being on her feet all day. But then again, Jonathan probably doesn't think about that initially. But...maybe he would. The good news is, I am not getting the crossover I worried about, in part because Jonathan was written so long ago in my head, so said crossover is minimal. Did I mention crossover here or in the novel rambling? Probably the novel rambling. Anyway, Jonathan is so old in my head - I wrote him either before or just after Jimmy was born (I think I was pregnant, so probably before), and Jimmy is four now, almost five. Wow, talk about delay fish.

So, challenges to me hitting my goal. First is my tendency to delay, but second is kid distraction. Although, actually, I came so close today it is unreal. If I had gotten naptime moving sooner, or had written faster, I would have hit 4,000 words during naptime. When I was setting the goal, I was doing it emperically - that is, I wasn't certain I would make it, I wasn't certain how realistic it is. Now, I'm going to have days where I am seriously asking myself about plot points, and try to remember what Jonathan knows that I haven't written yet, but it's hard.

Incidentally, if you haven't figured it out from my ramblings, here is a basic summary of the book, in one paragraph of dialogue. This is Jonathan speaking to Caroline:

“But between your trip and mine, we had adjusted the machine, trying to determine how to aim it precisely. Something went wrong – I’m still not sure what – and so my trip through time is different from yours. You were sent back one time, and you’re going to continue on a regular path, as if you had been born in this time. But me, well, I skip around. About every fifty years, I disappear from whatever time I’m in and get sent to a different point. I always appear in this forest, in this clearing.” He gave a quick smile. “And you’re always here.”

So basically, Caroline has been sent back in time and is traveling in a linear path towards the future, but Jonathan skips around. So her A-B-C is his B-A-C, or something. Actually, technically, her A-B-C-D-E is his um C-B-E-A-D. They are totally out of synch. That means that I am writing scenes where Jonathan has a past that I haven't written yet, because I'm following Caroline's (less confusing) perspective. And *that* is why I have a headache.

Anyway, I am going to go back and write more about this distrust. I've gotten, what, 5k out of this section? I may have misinterpreted and may wind up with more than 10k words/section, which is awesome. I just have to watch that I don't go too far over that 80k, especially once I get back to the editing and adding. Of course, I'll do a lot of cutting with the editing, too; I'm vicious with the red pen. Not thinking about editing. Going to write. Although I'm changing out the last scene I wrote, deleting that 150 words, and changing it around. So if I wind up backtracking, well, don't fault me, but I am actually swearing not to get up from this computer - and not to let myself be distracted on the computer. I am so easily distracted, how sad is that?
 

Yesterday's Word Count: 0
Total Word Count: 9,326

Well, I am just going to add my excuse for yesterday. The short version is that I had a huge personal crisis - ugh, so not gonna be a divorce blog, I know I keep saying that - and basically did nothing. Not just no-writing nothing, but nothing at all. Well, I almost did something; I packed my bag and arranged for childcare for my kids and planned a road trip, but then I failed on the follow through.

My friend, Mary Ann, is doing NaNoWriMo, and per her Facebook, she is close to 40,000 words. I was feeling like a slow slow slacker, but I'm actually almost a quarter of the way there. It's kind of interesting to think about. I'm not trying to be comparing or anything, but I was feeling like I really hadn't done much, because after all, my almost-10k words is all of 17 pages. Calling it 20 pages would put 40k at about 80 pages, or 160 double spaced...that doesn't seem novel-length but I suppose I am forgetting things like chapters and such. Anyway, that gives me a goal, I suppose, about 10k a week; by next Saturday, I'd like to have 20k but realistically I should have more, if I write the way I've been writing last week. We'll see how well that goes, of course, because the twisting of the time lines is going to give me a headache, I know it.

Anyway, I just plotted out the next iteration of the story. I have a good beginning, and I know where I'm going to go with it. I'm not sure of exactly how to bring the hesitatency across (yes, I know I misspelled, but I'm too lazy to fix it), and how to work in the slow-building trust. And here we come to a head with the key problem with this story - too much dialogue and not enough action. I have to find some action for this section, other than simply the building of trust and the burying of the time capsule. And I still have to figure out why Caroline is in the newspaper. LOL Maybe she's a hero. Ideally, she and Jonathan would both be in the paper. I mean, it's a small town paper, how hard is it to wind up there? Not hard, I should know. In fact, maybe they just do some sort of service and then...

Wait. The putting together of proof implies that Alex is going to be prosecuted and punished. But I'm still not sure that's where I want to take him. On the other hand, the idea of fixing the problem seems to come later in the novel, and so perhaps it comes later to Jonathan and Caroline. Let me go check my storyline, because if Jonathan just came from FUTURE, then he would have just seen Alex's wife...but he would only have known that if he had done the research.

Something else to consider. I wanted to fit Jonathan and Caroline both with some very futuristic atomic watches, so they can keep track of the arrival to the nanosecond. But. I have to decide how "Back to the Future" I'm going to get, because Jonathan would literally be bringing back the watch that he is already wearing. And the paradox issue is giving me a headache. I was all ready to write but now I have to stop and think about that. Of course, I wanted to put two Jonathans together, so that would seem to answer the question. Perhaps they don't realize that until later, however. Okay. So I can make it work now and discuss it later. When would they discuss it? When they work out their plan. Noted.

Alright, then, I think I am ready to go. I feel bad about dropping yesterday; what kind of lousy writer fails to write anything because she's having a real life breakdown? Sheesh. Priorities.

edited to add: I lied. I have to hit "Invalid Item"  to get some of this paradox stuff out of my system. It figures that I jinxed myself. Watch me miss 20k by next week. Boo.
 

Today's word count: 3,240
Total word count: 9,326

Don't ask me why I'm writing over here. It's strange, because I have everything plotted out but I get to this stopping point and then...I stop. I don't know what it is.

So today was productive. Okay, it was only about five pages (3,240 words) productive, BUT:

I recreated my original index cards with each time period and put them in order the way that I wanted them to be for Caroline, and them labeled them chronologically A-E. Then I put them in order for Jonathan and labeled them 1-5. THEN I photocopied them and put the copies in order for Jonathan and the originals in order for Caroline. Then I taped them to my mirror.

THEN, I pulled out a notebook and labeled five pages with each time period, to keep track of the details.

Okay, I know that doesn't actually seem very productive, but it was more than that. Also, as I said, I had lawyer things going today, and I worked on my resume this morning, so I didn't get much done then. But in terms of writing, I ironed out some wrinkles.

Primarily, I plotted out the answers to several logistical problems. Answers like, why didn't Jonathan stay with Caroline and protect her? He knew what was going to happen. There had to have been something. I don't think he would just walk away when he knew what was going down. So he had to have a darned good reason. I gave him one. Now, writing it out when I get to part V is going to be a pain, I think, but by then I might have a better idea for what is happening.

Okay, suddenly, I just had another idea...it has to do with "proving" what Alex did.

Alex is another problem I'm having. I like him too darn much to kill him or send him to jail. Note to self: never fall for the villain. Of course, I'm not falling for him. But I made the mistake of writing that stupid Crystal Ball story, and then mentally writing the stupid initials carved into a tree story - that was freaking awful, it was just too sad to write - and now my poor widdle heart breaks for him. I should have gone with a Dean Koontz-style bad guy, pure evil. Then I could throw him to the wolves. So anyway. I'm trying to decide how to end things with him, jail, etc. I um, so I want to let the bad guy get away with it. Is that wrong? I'm thinking that's wrong. On the flip side, if Jonathan and Caroline could, you know, fix the problems...I'm lapsing into my muse self, sorry. Anyway, although the writing was minimal - did you see I put a daily word count and a total word count up top? - the plotting was massive. And the redecorating rocked. I really like the idea of pins because I can take the cards off when I need them, but something about trying to sell the house with holes in the wall...I dunno. But I have a corkboard around here somewhere...

My friend Adam - the one who was all, quit hanging out with me and go write - told me that I should work on my novel instead of getting a job. So here's the thing. I'm pulled in two ways. I kind of touched on this earlier with the whole homeschooling thing. Reasonably and responsibly, I should go get a job now. If nothing else, even if it's crap pay, McDonalds/Walmart, I can put some money away for myself and my kids. For a buffer. I have to love Adam, he told me that if I can get the novel cranked out, well, surely I can get it published and get paid. It's nice to have someone who believes in me. I don't think he realizes how long the publication process takes if everything goes well - you know, if you don't get dumped in the slush pile, if someone actually reads past your cover letter, if someone gets through all of the people who tell the editor "my mom and my girlfriend and my english tchr all sayed I was a good righter." You know, them. So I'm writing, and I'm loving it, and I have this whole thing in my head, and I'm trying not to think about publication and money and stuff.

So here's the thing. After Christmas, I am moving out of my house, with four kids. I originally gave myself 60 days but I don't really think I even have that. The good side is, I can get a job at Walmart, or McDonalds, or (preferably) a bank or something and make a little money. I think adding that to the child support will make things survivable. Sucky, hurting my pride, wow this bites, but the kids can eat. And jobs like that are a dime a dozen. Heck, I bet I could even apply for MANAGER at McDonalds! Go me. I'm not knocking Mickey D managers by the way, I'm just saying that is not my idea of a full time plan.

But. But I really want to be a SAHM, and I really want to homeschool. If short stories were easier to get published and paid for, I'd blanket the market. I'd do a short story a day and get them out there. And that's probably what I should do, honestly, it would get me closer to getting a novel published. But. I think my plan is to get this novel finished by the end of the year. I would really like to finish it by the middle of December and have it edited and reworked by the end of the year. You know what? That plan sucks. I will finish the novel by the middle of December, polish one section that I think highlights it, and then start mailing it out for publication. And while I'm mailing and piling up rejections, I'll continue polishing. But I would like to have a finished piece by the end of the year.

At that point, I don't know. At that point, I'll be on my own, trying to raise four kids on 25% of what I've been raising them on (hopefully with a house payment closer to 20% of what we've been paying). And I really will be doing it on my own, not just feeling like I am. I'm going to have to make tough, what's-the-best-thing-for-my-kids decisions. And I just don't know if $18,000 is going to cut it, even if I get help from the church or the government or both. I'm not even sure a "hey the economy is turned around" support payment of $24,000 is gonna cut it.

So anyway. Tomorrow and Saturday I'm attending an employment seminar. I cannot describe the joy. I'm sure it's gonna be a lot of what I already know. Of course, it's been a decade so <shrug>. Maybe I should email Kent back - from when I was working at the gym - and ask if he is hiring, in whatever he is doing. I'm sure they're running something, and I'd get to go to Florida...

Yeah, this is so gonna be a divorce blog. Because you know me, I process best through talking or writing things out. And there is a limit on the people to talk to at present, and it's about to get cut. (LAWL at me on Mumble with no Warcraft...) Because we're having about seven different kinds of issues. Or I am. Things like, omgosh, my husband is insane. He wants me to agree to move wherever he moves when he gets transferred and basically keep my life tied to his. He wants joint custody. He wants a lot of things.

Alright, well, I am going back to gaming. I literally have a writer's cramp from these last few days, because even though I haven't massively written my novel, I have done a lot over in "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor . And offline, of course. In the meantime, I think I'm going to post my daily totals in my entries instead of at the top. I may or may not keep it at the top. We'll see.
 

Does it count as Day Three, if Day One was only, like, an hour long? Well, whatever. So I finally finished the first section of my novel, the set-up to everything else. Now I have to take a break from writing and really plan out the intricacies of time travel. This book is a headache to plot, much less to write. And I know I'm going to have to go back and massively revise everything Jonathan says and does, based on what he ends up doing later in the book, so that Jonathan-in-the-future is consistently changed from Jonathan-in-the-past. <sigh> I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. As always, if you want to know what's happening - and what brick walls I'm hitting - you can check out "Invalid Item"   by A Guest Visitor , where I unscramble things. But only do that if you want to know how the novel ends. Actually, make sure you TELL me how the novel ends. I still haven't figured out what to do with my bad guy. I like him too much.

So, today, I went out to look for a J-O-B. Then I met with my lawyer (man, the joy I feel in typing those words cannot be expressed /sarcasm). We were talking about homeschooling. See, I have always strongly felt that I should be a stay-at-home mom. Even before I decided to homeschool, I wanted to stay home while my kids were in school so that when they got home, I would be there. So while I can handle most of the things going on with this divorce - oh crap, is this gonna be a divorce blog? blech, I'll try to keep it light, but this relates to writing sorta - I really hate my kids losing that. So my lawyer said that, given my husband's income (er, when it was good, it's slower now), and given the fact that it actually was *his* idea to homeschool, and also given the fact that we are absolutely NOT in Atlanta and the cost of living here is insanely low, it might be possible to make it on just child support. Now apparently my lawyer is not an astrophysics major because he put $1500/month at $30k/year, which would be true if, you know, there were 20 mos/year. I was actually excited at first because I've pulled us through, with three kids, on under $30k/year but about ten seconds with a calculator reveals that it is, in fact, a whopping $18,000/year. Yay, poverty level. He actually said 1500-1800/month, so that gives me an upper level of - wait for it! - $21,600. Wow. I don't even like typing that number.

Talked to Michael. He said when things picked up at work and he's actually back making the income he was making pre-economic slowdown, he could probably swing $2000/month, which would put us up to $24,000/yr, or $26,000 if, you know, you take in that invisible 13th month. That's actually about the minimum I've made pulled our family through on, BUT that was in Atlanta, with a higher cost of living. If you were here at the beginning of my blog, when I had us on the super-couponing grocery budget of $100/month, then you'll remember it. I could do that again, although the time is just <blech> and makes me want to puke with the monotony of it all. On the flip side, my kids are getting bigger.

So here's what I did. If I massively break it down, I can find housing for $500/month, cover food for $500/month - actually, that's where we are right now, and I'm sure that feeding Michael is a part of that, as are diapers which we are FINALLY almost finished with, plus I've gotten into a lot more convenience food and a lot less cheap, and I can *do* cheap - , and $500 for utilities. And somewhere in there I have to pay for gas for the car. And...that's it. Homeschooling has always been on the cheap, through the library, but I would be massively asking for museum memberships for Christmas for the kids. Side activities would be tough but we would figure something out. I'm sure I can find something that I can do at home - I actually saw a craigslist ad for PT work for a transcriptionist. I type 80 wpm, so that's doable. And when Dawn is 11, in three years, I could feasibly leave her at home with the kids and do a little bit of work elsewhere. And of course I'll become a big famous novelist...LMAO.

It's doable, but it would be massively tight. There would be no room for basically any luxuries - no Warcraft, no Tivo, no Netflix. On the one hand, the idea of living at the poverty level is crazy-scary. On the other hand, it's doable. I hate not having wiggle room, and it's going to be great when the kids do all the fun things and get all the fun stuff from their dad. But as long as they are being fed and clothed and sheltered, I honestly feel like being home with them is the most important thing.

Um yeah it all ties into writing because, see, if I'm working 40 hours and then coming home and homeschooling, um, yeah I won't be doing much writing. That's it.

Boy, this plan basically sucks all the way around. The whole damn thing sucks. I think I'm going to go curl up under my covers again. The good thing is that, lately, when I've been curling up and hiding from the world, I've at least managed to focus on what needs to happen next in my novel. LOL
 

Wow. So last night was painful. Actually, it wasn't. I can't believe how quickly and easily it is coming together. After I wrote two pages last night, I forced myself to put down the laptop and go to bed. I didn't have a chance until about 1:30 or 2 to start writing today, but I'm writing now. I'm on page 7. Okay, so five pages in an hour...okay wait. That's pretty good. Although I'm only on page seven, so it's closer to four pages. Still. The point is, however, that I have it precisely scripted, and I can see it. Part of that is because instead of sleeping last night, I was trying to figure out what was going to happen. For instance, I can't believe I never thought about Jonathan trying to change things. I don't think that idea ever occurred to me. He can't, of course - paradox! - but of course he would make the effort.

And here is the best part. Sometimes, when I write, I have to have the entire story in my head, line by line, before I can get things moving. This story has been in my head for the last five years or so. I know where it's going. I know who my chars are. So last night, I just started the scene, figured out how I was going to begin. Things got moving from there, and I haven't had to take a break yet. I am, now, I'm at a stopping point so I'm going to go and stretch. And I also wanted to retally things, see how much I've actually written. I'm pleasantly surprised. 2163 words. About 1,440 words/hour. LOL I dunno how that translates, but I think four pages in an hour and a quarter is pretty darn good, especially considering how long it has been since I've actually written anything. Also, I have a song stuck in my head and it won't go away...

So. It is 3 o'clock, time for my kids to get up from naptime. I should probably do something serious but...I don't want to. Once again. I want to write. I want to delve into this world and see what happens. Of course, the first two chapters are easy. I really need to sit down and rechart what is going to happen once things get mixed up. And here is the other problem with my writing, my weakness. I know that I am lousy at the "b" plot, at what is underlying. Of course, there doesn't always have to be something underlying, not in your basic pop fiction. I've been spoiled by Koontz, I think. But generally there isn't a huge problem, I suppose. Either way, I'm just going to write and make it happen. If nothing else, it will be good to get the whole thing out on paper.

And here is the other thing I have to give Adam grief about. The little voices are already starting. The ones that remind me that writing the novel is only part of the work. Getting something published is a totally different ballgame. It takes sales and marketing, things I'm not so hot at. It would be nice if I could just mail it off somewhere and get an answer in a month or two.

But I'm not going to think about that right now. The important thing to do is to write the stupid thing. The next important thing is to polish it til it's shiny. Then I'll worry about the publication process. Assuming of course that real life doesn't have me tearing my hair out.
 

Well, I have been offline for close to forever. I promise, I sent in the children's book, but I didn't even get a rejection letter...then I got distracted. Life is very chaotic right now, so I don't know why I'm here, except that I have been reinfected with a desire to work on my novel again. I put together several ideas and characters, if you remember my "Help Me Write My Novel" piece (I'm not going to link it because I'm lazy), but I procrastinated because of the sheer amount of historical research necessary. Today, I was talking to a friend, Adam, who was reading several of these stories and telling me to get my butt in gear and write the novel, and I realized, hello, it doesn't have to be totally historic. I mean, I know I thought this once before but frankly the historic aspects of the time travel were interesting to me. Well, I'm tired of having this novel percolating, it's been, what, four or five years? It's insane. It's time to write it and be done with it.

So I'm going to do it. I'm trashing the historical data and bringing it modern. I'm reorganizing and replotting. I am picking the most awful time ever to do this. I am sad to say that my husband and I decided last week that it was time to end our marriage. (I just don't like the phrase "get a divorce".) I'm polishing my resume so I can actually earn money as a single mom, because that is coming soon. I'm an emotional wreck. So why the hell am I working on a novel?

First, because it is stuck in my head again. I started the "what if" game, and anyone who writes knows how that is.

Second, because I need an escape. I've been gaming a lot lately - WoW for the win! - and it's a great escape, but there's nothing like delving into a world of your own creation, where you have the power. The first novel I ever wrote, back in middle school, I created this totally "omgosh she's awesome" character and I beat the crap out of her every way possible. I almost feel sorry for her, but since I still resent her, not so much. So the same is true here. I need some sort of control over some aspect of my life, and something is telling me this is gonna be it. Plus I need a happily ever after.

Third, I am writing because Adam told me I have to. And I do everything Adam tells me to do. Oh I am so kidding...but not. I have always loved this site in part because it is a massive confidence booster for me. Sometimes I just need to hear someone tell me they think I have talent, or that I should write. It's so easy to dismiss it as "nonessential" because I have to clean the house or bring in a paycheck. So my friend Adam reads a few stories and comes back and tells me I'm wasting my talent. Very flattering. And encouraging. Then I started thinking about Jonathan, Caroline, and Alex, and now they are starting to consume me again. Maybe I'll just be totally irresponsible over the next two months and see if I can pull it all the way through. And then I'll go back to being a responsible, job applying adult. Actually, I have my resume polished and a couple of very specific cover letters. And I can't be that selfish. I have to do the things that I need to do. But maybe I can skip on sleep. Like right now, I'm seriously trying to decide if I need it...

The whole novel is in my head. I need to do a little refreshing on the intricacies of the time travel stops, but the people have always been there. I know what Jonathan works with Alex, I know what pushes Caroline, and I know why Alex goes darkside. I can see the scenes. I can remember the dream that sparked it all. I just need to expand, elaborate, and totally make it happen. If I make myself put WoW away and seriously focus, I know I can make it happen. But...I dunno if I can give up gaming, which takes no thought. You have to understand that it's the social aspect that really cement it for me (the gaming, not the writing). On the flip side, to get this finished...

I'm also not altogether certain now is the best time to surround myself with a fantasy. Dang it. I don't know if I can go to bed tonight. I'm trying to convince myself to shut down the comp, but another part of me really wants to start. But if I start tonight, I'll be up forever.

edited to add: I shut down the computer. I turned off the lights. I scripted the first scene. Wow. Do you know how long I usually struggle on the first scene - much less the first sentence or paragraph? - when I start a story or novel? But I lay there in bed, and the whole thing just sort of came to me, line by line, detail by detail. So here I am, 1300 words later, shutting off my computer for the second time tonight. But. But, I have managed to intro Caroline and her project, and to bring Jonathan (yet unnamed) into the picture. Now I just have to move forward. It's only one a.m. What was I thinking? I'm going to sleep now and hopefully tomorrow I can wrap up the first few chapters. Unless, of course, I turn out the lights and get Jonathan's description of what is going to happen. How, exactly, is he going to convince Caroline? Hmm.